updateWednesday, December 31 

i went to view the apartment on my way home today.

it's a standard-issue crappy one bedroom apartment in a standard-issue crappy rental building. the kitchen is clausterphobic, but the closets are huge and the bathtub is beautiful. if i lean over the balcony railing, i can the very tops of the buildings downtown, but it's on the north-west of the building so should be much cooler come summer. the rent is cheap and includes everything my current place doesn't, which means that i'll actually be paying only a couple of john a. mcdonalds more each month and it comes with secure underground parking.

i can spruce it up and make it a little nicer, i think. a couple lamps, some stuff on the walls, shower curtain... it could be nice and homey. what do you want to bet they'll turn my application down because, get this, i make too much money?

marshmallow dreamsWednesday, December 31 

this is where i mention that it's STILL FUCKING SNOWING out there.

despite the waking up at all hours during the night, once to start reaming out my cousins for doing something stupid in my dream (need i mention my cousins weren't there, so i was talking to an empty room), or the getting up at five a.m., or the leaving for the bus stop at six and only getting to work at quarter to eight, or even the fact that the only shoes i have with snow tread make my feet scream and blisters to appear from thin air, it's kind of pretty out there right now.

it was actually nice walking in the snow to the bus this morning. so quiet, only the crunching of my feet, the gentle swish of my bag swinging against my hip and my gasping for more air to disturb the blanket of calm the snow covered the city in. that's not to say i'm glad i had to take transit to work this morning, but hey, you've got to find your silver linings where you can.

considering that the weather may ruin any chance of getting up to m&m's tonight and my hopes of hitting the blockbuster on the way home, silver linings are in short supply for a festive new year's eve this year. good thing i had low expectations!

the apartment people phoned me back yesterday! i now need to phone some guy named mike to arrange to view the suite and start the application process. i've left him a message and, hopefully, he'll phone me back today so that i might stop by on the way home since i most likely won't be going anywhere once i hit my house. unfortunately, this is all happening a little too late to give a month's notice to my currently landlords if i should get this other place. i hope one or two or three days aren't enough to make them all bitchy about it. anyway, i shouldn't think too far ahead. i haven't even seen this place yet. it could be really scary on the inside or worse, smell like cabbage.

the weather outside is frightfulTuesday, December 30 

there was this great plan to write all about my super-spoiled holiday week(end) and then there was this great plan to write all about the paul-from-the-past i've been thinking of a lot recently then there was this great plan to write all about the apartment i reallyreallyreally want because i'm so ready to move and then there was this great plan to write about my need to do kamakaze cleaning before the end of the year and then i looked out my window and all my great plans went to shit.

it's fucking snowing out there!

okay, i'm better now. i'm glad i wore my snow tire shoes and thought to bring a scarf along, just in case i leave the car here and take das autobus home tonight. i'm still holding out hope for it to change to rain by four, though.

so, about that xmas. i got spoiled rotten. all the people who weren't supposed to give me gifts, gave me gifts. pretty substantial gifts i totally love, too. meghan bought me a new vacuum, hazel bought me a sexxy chef's knife, carolyn & sue gave me a gift certificate, dad gave me cash, aunt & uncle gave me a phone card, and mom gave me a sexxy oil mister and an über-towel in bloo. not to mention all the laughing, eating, laughing, eating, laughing, eating and laughing & eating i did.

it was great. and i'm so glad it's another year until it happens all over again.

as for the impending december thirty-first hooplah, i'm not all that excited. unless m&m&d want to play cards (or dice or dominos!), i think i'll probably rent a bunch of videos and clean my shower or something. there's no threat of a proper new year's eve kiss, so why bother getting dressed, i say.

what are you doing for new year's?

once a year is plenty, thanksMonday, December 29 

back from the xmas food-fest. hella busy at work today. more later... if i don't explode.

happy ho ho!Wednesday, December 24 

i really wish i could feel more festive, but i've got a wicked headache and i took my last ibuprofin last week (or was it yesterday). regardless, i've got my xmas hat on and i'm all set for an evening of food, fun and friends.

shopping last night turned out surprisingly well. seems i timed it to coincide with everyone going home for dinner, because i found easy parking and i never stood in line for any longer than five minutes (excepting the waiting for my grande decaf gingerbread latte, with whip, at starbucks). the best thing was that everyone i encountered was in such a good mood. although, i have to admit, i got a little upset with the rugrats without supervision, but i thought to myself "at least they're not mine" and my serenity returned.

i'm quite disappointed that m&m's über-gift has not arrived for me to present it to them. i was so excited about it. it was so perfect for them. i couldn't wait to see their faces when they opened it. alas, it's been sucked into the gaping void known as international mail delivery. i'm not even upset that it didn't arrive, exactly. i expect things like that to happen. i just wish it would have happened to something not for my friends. that being said, i will give it a couple more weeks and hope it turns up. if not, i'll just order replacements because it was just too good not to give to them.

i'll be heading off to the island tomorrow morning to spend the weekend with my mom and the rest of my local rellies, so i'll be scarce until monday. i want to wish everyone who visits an especially wonderful season, no matter what you're celebrating. i hope santa (or jack) brings you everything you wish for, including a safe, happy, holiday with everyone you love close to you, or at least in your hearts.

my megTuesday, December 23 

i don't know where to begin. i think yesterday was probably one of the best days of 2003, even taking into consideration the getting up early and going to work portion of it.

really, how wrong can you go with a potluck at which you and thirty of your co-workers gather and stuff your faces for an hour (and you get paid many compliments on the quailty of your chili *preen*)? then, you come home to two xmas cards and a cheque for $285 in your mailbox after getting the primo parking spot in front of your building. next thing you know, you're on your way to the neighbourhood pub with your two favourite people where you drink more beer than you normally do, eat good food, watch football (ick) and hockey (yay), gamble, enter draws, meet new people (and fall in love with a married man with a scottish accent), flirt with strange men with weird facial hair, take pictures of your favourite meghan in the whole world and win vancouver canucks hockey tickets!

it can't possibly get better than that, can it? wait, there's more!

then you come home and you find a fun and rambly phone message from your heather-friend (that's a friend named heather not a friend of heather although, she is a a friend of heather named heather... oh, dear, my head)! when you wake up the next morning, you're not suffering ill-beer-effects and you find a new message on your cell phone from another new gary with a voice that makes your ear hum, your mouth to gape and a quiet "oh, wow" to usher unbidden from your lips.

i can't tell you how much i needed that.

obligatoryMonday, December 22 

today's going be a write off. then again, what do you expect when you wake up at 5:28 a.m. and you can't even recall that there was a weekend. i know i did stuff, but i guess it wasn't the right kind of stuff because it feels like i didn't even get any time away from work. thank goodness it's only a two and three-quarter day week.

so, i made chili for the office potluck today. i have a feeling i should have made more because, if i do say so myself, this is fucking awesome chili. i'll be sure to report back on the response. i hope they like it.

there's a bunch of "i'm gross and horrible and no one's ever going to love me" feelings going around in my head lately. i know it's because i'm frustrated with things (crappy apartment, lack of funds, holiday stress, work worries), but it really started to wear me down last night. i could feel myself crawling inwards. i spent most of the night on the futon, horizontal and lethargic. ugh, just thinking about it makes me feel antsy and twitchy, like jumping up and down will shake off the sensation. i'm in a pretty okay place today, just a little overwhelmed by the amount of things i need/want to get done. i don't know where to start so i'm not starting at all. sound familiar?

all right, the coffee beckons. happy monday, everyone. come by for lunch, there's going to be a freakish amount of food here.

it does a body goodFriday, December 19 

three days i've had to cook and wash dishes by candlelight. oh, the joys of being a five-foot woman living in an apartment with nine-foot ceilings. even while tippy-toe on a chair, my fingertips are six inches from the fixture. there used to be a step-ladder in the basement for such occassions, but it seems the germans took it with them when they sold the place.

the last time a lightbulb burnt out, jason was still around, so i made him change it for me. i could call mark, or shane, and ask them to come fix it, as they're the only tall boys i know, but it's kind of a nice, gentle martyrdom to suffer a little bit every time i flip the switch and nothing happens.

have i mentioned the knitting? or that i'm *this* close to saying "fuck it" and finding a new place to live even though i can't afford it, but who can ever afford it, and i'd just spend the money on other stuff anyway. eh.

my step-uncle and i are taking my daddy out for a birthday dinner tomorrow night. nothing fancy, just a meal, cards and conversation. then i'll have to start getting ready for next week. i still have a batch of cookies to bake and a pot to chili to make and i'd really like to get eileen's (aka dad's old) computer done this weekend so i can get it the fuck out of my house. i'm sick of looking at it.

i'm so tired i want to cry.

update: meghan is my hero (even if she calls me a turd)! i now have light in my kitchen again.

*brrptt*Thursday, December 18 

this topic is almost enough to make me want to actually pay attention to mefi. thank you, karl.

it's gonna be a long dayThursday, December 18 

i've been up since four a.m.!

remember my telling you how great of a person i am because i was taking karen to the airport this morning? well, i'm so good because every ten minutes after three a.m. i woke up in a panic that i'd overslept and karen had missed her plane. finally, at four, i decided to get up and avoid all that stress. i had a long shower, drank a cup of coffee, watched the episode of miss match i'd taped on monday night, downloaded that stupid new song milkshake and made my breakfast.

you know, i wish i had more excuses to be out in the world at five-thirty in the morning. it's so peaceful and so very quiet. everything i did sounded so loud! i felt like i was going to wake the entire city up when i started my car.

did you know you can't use your starbucks card at the starbucks in the airport? neither did i. that's okay, i had enough cash for my gingerbread latte and pumpkin scone. yum.

all right, i think it's exactly time for a nap, don't you?

lovely rita metre maidWednesday, December 17 

guess who picked up her new glasses yesterday! they're so über-swanky it's almost hard to imagine they're on my face. really, i mean, who said it was okay for me to look so damn hip AND smart all at the same time time? i feel like i need to start buying prada or something.

thankfully, i got to bed by nine-thirtyish and slept most of the night through. weird dreams with mail, spiders, underwear and a big party kept me flipping from side to side after four a.m., though. i'd feel a lot better if it weren't for the headache i woke with (which is being aggravated by having to adjust to my new prescription). yay ibuprofin!

today is our department's xmas lunch. i wish we could have gone to see return of the king or off to mess about at pladium or something. i think we're the most boring, uninspired, non-geeky IT department in the history of the world. i mean, really, there's not a single nerf ball rocket in the whole joint.

yuhTuesday, December 16 

i'm bored and sleepy and i really want to, um, you know.

smart as you used to beTuesday, December 16 

hurrah! my grades are in and i'm not quite as stupid as i worried i might have become. somehow, i managed to wrangle 81% out of the programming course from hell. yippee! the best part is that it only brings my average down to 92%. phew. i can't even tell you how much of a relief that is. i was harbouring some serious dread at the coming of the grades. now i can just submit my receipts and wait for the cheque.

otherwise, i'm just as, if not more, tired today as i was yesterday. there's something about the last week which has been keeping me from going to bed at any time earlier than midnight. i'm sure sitting and gabbing with karen at red robin for three hours and then coming home and filling out my shiny new addressbook she got me were culprits, but even once i turned off all the lights i laid in bed for a good thirty minutes before i fell asleep. it's not good. i'm starting to have that overtired tunnel vision thing happen. i absolutely must get some sleep tonight, or at least tomorrow, because i'm taking karen to the airport at 6am thursday. yes, i know, i'm an extraordinary human being. you may send gifts as often as you like.

speaking of gifts, meghan is concerned about whatever it is she's gotten me for xmas. she keeps telling me that it's okay if i take it back and go buy my dream desk instead. i asked her on saturday "if you don't think i'll like it, why did you buy it for me?" anyway, this has all gotten me thinking about the things i'd probably never buy myself or things i desperately need which i'd be happy to receive as a gift. (this is not a directive for you to go out and get me something different, meghan. are you listening?)

- a new vacuum with hose attachment
- my carpets professionally cleaned
- my window blinds professionally cleaned
- my car detailed
- a serious 10" chef's knife
- new tea towels
- a haircut at some swanky salon where they really know what they're doing
- alton brown's plunger measuring cup
- a new cell phone with a damn clock
- a one-bedroom apartment for no more than $650/month (har-har)

that list is more for myself than anyone else (yes, that means you, meghan). i find it really interesting that i'll go to the craft store and drop a wad on stuff i'll use once or twice and then leave to rot in the closet, but i won't spend the money to buy myself more useful items and services that will improve the quality of my life.

priorities, you're all messed up.

plop, plop. fizz, fizz.Monday, December 15 

so, i'm reading this book and it's smutty. i mean, really smutty. not with "throbbing hardness"es and "womanly centre"s either. i'm talking all the four-letter words to describe people's naughty bits. and the main characters are spending a lot of time getting to know each other's bits and pieces in great detail.

i have no problem with all of that. in fact, i'm quite enjoying it. but, what i realized is that these two characters have been spending all this time doing things that naked people do and no one's had to go to the bathroom. why doesn't fiction include the less-than-polite side of human bodily functions? they write about other sensations and functions of the human excretory system, but they never talk about what it's like to have a poop in your significant other's bathroom for the first time.

why is that? i mean, it's a natural function of the human body, just like all that sex they're having. they're eating and drinking to replenish their strength, why aren't they excreting, too?

i really hope i'm not the only person to wonder about that. ahem.

hear me roarMonday, December 15 

there's nothing better than to spend an evening with two of your most favourite people on the planet, eating, talking, playing and laughing so hard your chest hurts and you're gasping for air. thank god for m&m.

the rest of my weekend was spent in an apathetic stupor. i barely managed to get anything accomplished, or at least it felt that way at the time. maybe i should make a list of the things i got done so i don't feel like such a useless tit.

- got up early saturday morning and went to ikea to fetch karen's xmas present and drool over the desk i'm lusting after.
- did four loads of laundry.
- made a huge pot of turkey chili and a batch of rice so i shouldn't have to cook much at all this week. yay.
- washed about a zillion plastic containers and utensils.
- made my art swap crafty items (i daren't talk about in detail of in case they come peeking).
- started knitting a scarf with this lovely, soft grey wool i couldn't say no to when i saw it at the craft store (don't ever let me go to the craft store).
- burned a bunch of cds/installed a bunch of software/cleaned out my ftp directory.
- read a bunch.

okay, that's a little better. not much, but at least i know i did something. tonight, i hope to have dinner with karen and tomorrow i need to either clean my bathroom or bake some cookies for our departmental xmas lunch wednesday. i also need to phone my papa and find out what night is good for my step-uncle and i to take him out for a birthday dinner.

this is going to be a very long day. i was utterly unsleepy last night and had to force myself to turn everything off and lie down at midnight else i would have been up all night long. of course, i'm now completely cranky and overtired because of it. be glad you don't work with me today. it's gonna be hessmonster madness hereabouts.

girl with a pearl earringFriday, December 12 

it is without doubt or question that i will go to see this movie when it comes out in theatres. i will most likely go alone, to an evening showing, where it will be quiet and mostly empty and i will be able to lose myself in the story.

being an art history student (albeit a lackluster and of a highly classical temperment one), vermeer was, of course, one of my favourite artists. although i spent a lot of time in the renaissance with the italians, i could easily have gotten lost in the dutch masters. it's said vermeer captured light like no other, and it's true. his paintings are a spectacular example of perfectionism gone right. you truly can feel the light as if it were illuminating your own profile.

i wish i could compose words with enough emotion and detail to explain to you the feelings his work evokes in me and the utter, giddy excitement i'm experiencing by just knowing this movie has been made.

the biscotti experimentThursday, December 11 

so, there's this thing called biscotti. it's rather tasty and usually crunchy and you can buy them in all those coffeeshops that are everywhere except when you really want a gingerbread latte on your way to work but there isn't a Single Freaking Starbucks on your Entire Route To Work, but i digress. biscotti are usually almond and oranged flavoured and often dipped in chocolate. i enjoy a good biscotti every now and again. they're like amaretto for the masticating set.

however, i did not enjoy making biscotti.

maybe it's my inferior work space. maybe it's my improper utensils. maybe i took them out too soon or my knife was wrongly suited. regardless, the making of the biscotti was a stressful endeavour i'm not sure i care to repeat.

just so you all know, i put away my recipe binder last night. the baking has been completed. although, i reserve the right to make just one more batch of mint chocolate chip cookies to use up the applesauce i won't otherwise eat. now comes the sharing of the goodies. this is really my favourite part.

speaking of sharing goodies, i haven't forgotten about my promise of the nanaimo bar recipe. here it is, unfortunately sans photographs:

nanaimo bars (my auntie bev's recipe)

1/2 c butter
5 tbsp sugar
5 tbsp cocoa
1 tsp vanilla
1 egg

2 c graham cracker crumbs
1 c unsweetened coconut
1/2 c chopped walnuts

1/4 c butter, softened but not melted
3 tbsp milk
2 1/2 tbsp bird's custard powder
2 c icing sugar

1 tbsp butter
175g package milk chocolate chips (approx. 1 1/2 c)

combine first five ingredients in saucepan and blend over low heat until smooth. add the graham crumbs, coconut and walnuts. mix until well incorporated. spread in an ungreased 9"x9" square pan and press to form level, firm base. refridgerate.

combine the 1/4 c butter, milk, custard powder and icing sugar. beat until smooth. spread evenly over first layer. chill for one hour, until custard layer is firm.

melt chocolate chips and butter and spread evenly over custard layer. chill half an hour. cut into squares (i cut 25 per pan because they're very rich and very sweet) and chill entire pan until serving time. hold at room temperature for fifteen minutes before serving. i find that inverting the pan onto a board or platter is a much easier way of extracting the squares from the pan than trying to pick them out, but your mileage may vary.

enjoy!

up, up and away!Wednesday, December 10 

hoping that our mail server at work would be fixed by this morning (actually, i totally forgot it was broken, but it was six a.m.), i dutifully emailed my nanaimo bar recipe to myself in order that i could post it today. unfortunately, the technical difficulties have their own agenda. if i remember after the dentist and before the biscotti making experiment, i will try to post it tonight, complete with a photo of what the finished product should look like.

someone i've been emailing for a short while told me that my writing style is like that of jack kerouac's. having never read anything of his, despite being told that on the road is required reading for twenty-something hipsters (i'm neither twenty-something nor a hipster, so it stands to reason), i can't tell if it was a lovely compliment or a subtle dig. was he calling me pretentious? probably not, but there is a small possibility of which i'm choosing to ignore utterly in my most pollyanna of manners.

today, i'm going to try to make pretty web things for work. i don't often get a chance to make pretty web things due to the daily drudgery of being a human scanner. i think this is a good time for me to be making pretty web things. i'm oddly inspired to create at the present. i'm liking the making of the prose and the making of the cookies and even the making of the photographs. i'll even be completing the making of the secret art exchange items this weekend, which i'm really rather excited about.

all right, that's enough talking. time to start the doing. happy hump day!

my perfect guyTuesday, December 09 

my perfect guy would be tall, dark-haired (whether long, short or shaved) and have deep eyes (dark brown is nice, but so are dark blue). i wouldn't even mind if his lashes were longer than mine. he'd have clean, well-organized teeth (no tartar build-up or gums showing when he smiles, please) and a five o'clock shadow at noon. he would take off his shirt the hot way, wear only boxers or boxer briefs and never, ever wear his socks to bed. he'd smell like leather, calvin klein's obsession for men and a little, tiny bit of tobacco.

my perfect guy would put his hand on the small of my back when he ushered me though a door before him. he would watch hockey and csi and help me through the hard bits in video games. he would laugh at my jokes and i would laugh at his. he'd be content to kiss me for three hours, with all our clothes still on. he'd be outwardly aloof, but would surprise me with tokens and gestures of affection so poignant i'd want to melt completely away. he wouldn't mock me for being a scaredy cat in new situations, but praise me when i finally went through with what had me worried.

my perfect guy would kill the spiders and never, ever pretend to chase me around with one in his hand. he'd know that while flowers are nice, i'd be more excited by something techy or a new pen. he'd let me hold the popcorn. he'd pretend he didn't hear me snoring. he'd come up behind me and kiss my neck or the top of my head just because he could. he'd answer all my stupid car questions. he'd reach the tall things. he'd know how i take my coffee. he'd spoon me until i fell asleep.

my perfect guy would think i'm beautiful, smart, witty and interesting. he would love my touch, my taste and my smell. he would find me challenging and liberating. he would miss me when i'm gone and treasure me while i'm with him. he would love me yet not need to smother me. he would be mine and i would be his.

watching, waitingMonday, December 08 

i'm in far too good a mood to be at work. i had such an overall great, fun, productive weekend! the only thing wrong with it was not playing cards with m&m&d again. it totally throws my life out of whack without that part of my routine. that's okay, cards is on the calendar for this coming saturday. literally. and i'm showing up regardless of any other schedule changes. at the very least, i could search around for my xmas present!

speaking of xmas presents, they're seriously pissing me off this year. i finally figured out what to get my dad and dean, i had m&m's presents figured out months ago, and mom just wants cash for her vegas trip in march. that's the bulk of it, but karen and brenda have me completely stymied. i think i'll just ask karen what she wants for her new apartment or get her an ikea gift certificate or something similar. as for brenda, i don't want to spend too much, but karen already got her movie gift certificates, so that option's closed. ugh. i suppose two gifts left with two weeks to go isn't that bad. i wish everyone had an amazon wish list.

all right, i have a rant. why don't people signal when they're driving? don't they realize that your indicators are they only way other drivers have clue as to what's going on in your addled mind? the same goes for brake lights. dear god, how many times have i seen cars with completely non-functioning brake lights?! what kind of moron thinks it's acceptable to drive without working brake lights? yeah, yeah. "but i can't see my brake lights to know if they've gone out!" uh, i don't know about you, but i actually check mine. while i'm warming up my car in the mornings i usually flick on and check all my turn indicators and ensure my brake lights are all working. it's really not that hard and, honestly, i'd rather do that than find someone's bumper up my ass because they didn't know what my vehicular intentions were. it's only a flick of your finger, people. do it.

the two days which preceeded thisSunday, December 07 

nothing exciting. ordered swanky new glasses. had dinner with daddy. went to a party. got lots of nice compliments. danced. got a kiss on the cheek from a very cute boy. baked, baked, baked. talked on the phone a lot (for me). took out the trash. washed clothes. threw out another of my favourite bras because the underwire decided to make a break for freedom (this trauma is compounded by the fact it was my ralph lauren bra). listened to old cds. flossed.

yeah, i think that about covers it. what about you?

once upon a timeFriday, December 05 

listening to my boss play guitar for us this morning has brought my craving for piano lessons to the top of my brain again. i have a guitar i could learn how to play, but i don't think it's for me (and not just because my hands are too little and the neck is too big and i really hate having to cut my nails so short and it just plain hurts until you get your calluses). how often do you see a guitarist reading music? i like reading music. i was awfully good at it at one point. pianists read music and i was awfully fond of playing piano. if i hadn't had performance anxiety and judyjudyjudy the scary tennant hadn't moved out and taken her piano with her, i might have kept on playing. then again, i might also have kept up with gymnastics and gone to the olympics, too. (i tried a lot of stuff, but i didn't keep up with much at all.)

i've actually thought, occasionally, of getting a digital piano so that i could play and practice in the comfort of my own hovel and flex the creative side of my brain. luckily for me, the price has been prohibitive. that's not to say i wouldn't dump a thousand bucks on something i thought i'd use a lot (see: new computer and digital camera), but i know myself far too well. i'd play piano like a crazy person for a couple of months until i either became bored or overwhelmed with other committments (read: homework) and then the keyboard would sit in the corner my guitar now occupies getting dusty and making me feel guilty every time i looked at it.

there are so many things i'd love to do but i always seem to run out of time. i've been pretty good this past week, what with the moving and errands and baking and cleaning, but i can feel that starting to slip away already. i'm always running out of time. especially on weeknights. i like sleeping, so i tend to go to bed early by most standards. it's not unusual for me to be in bed by 9pm on a monday-friday. unfortunately, that means i have only about four and a half hours to come home, cook/eat dinner, watch anything on the tv i want to watch and do anything else i want to do. it's just not a lot of time. maybe i should start snorting coke or taking methamphetamines to relinquish my sleep requirement (or, like lorne on angel, get my sleep removed!). just think of all the stuff i could accomplish (if i threw my tv out)! i could become a world renowned something-or-other of this-or-that. i'd be famous for stuff or really good at other stuff what with all that extra time to hone. you'd think someone would have figured this out years ago and got something on the market. maybe that will be my claim to fame!

naw, i think i'll go have a nap instead.

braindump > /dev/nullThursday, December 04 

not only did i make jeremy's nanaimo bars last night, i also baked three dozen mint chocolate chip cookies and made a huge batch of peppermint bark. i was a holiday goody making machine! just think, that's only a third, or maybe only a quarter, of the stuff i have to do. doh.

i have a date on friday night with an older gentleman. he's making me dinner at his place. i'm quite excited about it as i haven't had a chance to have a meal with my dad in a long while. (hah! got you, didn't i!)

mbna is evil. that is all.

my "talk nerdy to me" shirt arrived yesterday. if you're at all curious, there's a new cam shot of me in it (link to the left, under "things). the shirt looks good. i, on the other hand, look like shite. i'm really kind of pissed off that i've gotten this hugeoid zit on my face right before the company xmas party this saturday. i'm supposed to be beautiful and polished, not blotchy and spotted.

i can't write for shit anymore. i have nothing to say that's at all interesting to anyone. blah blah blah. i don't take any photographs because i haven't gone anywhere interesting to look at and my friends hate it when i either try to take pictures of them or stop to take pictures of something else. my site is boring and a waste of disk space, although, i still think my little squirrels are adorable.

i might get my hair chopped off this weekend, before the party. that was what i was thinking about before i fell asleep last night. i was only keeping it long through apathy and because the boy who doesn't like me back likes longlong hair very much. sad, but true. he was probably the last reason why i didn't get it hacked months ago. now, well, it doesn't matter at all what the fuck he thinks of my hair since the longlong hair didn't make him love me, the shortshort hair probably won't make him hate me. then again, i'm broke and i don't think i want to trust a serious head-top renovation to the $13 haircut place.

i've got stacie orrico's 'more to life' stuck in my head. i first heard it on the god channel a while back and now it's being played on the mainstream pop station. it's catchy and not too preachy and it's not as sexually charged as that stupid nickelback song i had in my head which made the boy issues even worse. i haven't cried in two days (unless i'm blocking something out). that's got to mean progress, right?

obviousWednesday, December 03 

i'm way too young to be this old.

no one sends me flowersWednesday, December 03 

well, the nanaimo bars didn't get made. first, i got overwhelmed with the dishes and lunch-cooking i had to do and then the power kept going off and on thanks to the weather we were having (which was actually very fun. i love weather.). so, i chatted to meghan when she phoned to check the scope of the outage (which blew my plan to go hang out at her house until the lights came back on) and then i futzed about getting the kitchen ready for my bake-a-thon tonight. then, just as i was getting into bed, tyler phoned and kept me up until almost midnight in the best possible way. he makes me feel all warm inside. i've missed talking to him.

today i'm wearing my new steve madden shoes i bought but didn't wear because i needed heel-liners. well, i got the liners on the weekend and today i'm three inches taller than normal. they're really cute. i just hope i don't fall off them.

oh, jenn, i'll post my nanaimo bar recipe sometime this week. i mean, really, it's almost shameful the entire world doesn't know the goodness that is the nanaimo bar.

and you thought you were pettyTuesday, December 02 

i'm mostly recovered from the Great Move of '03 which is what i'm calling the pathetically unorganized and under-equipped move we made on sunday. next time, we need to borrow a truck. any truck. and invite more people to join in the lifting and carrying. it was a lot of fun! who wouldn't be up for joining in? *cough*

seeing as i got more than my weekly allotment of walking back and forth, i decreed that there would be no need to exercise this week (not that there was much threat of it in the forecast, mind you). i happened to forget, as i made this declaration, that i am no longer in possession of the coveted personalized parking spot mere steps from the front door and elevator at my place of employment. a co-worker and department-brethren outbid me by four measley dollars. four dollars! it's seeming a very small price to pay to not have to walk so very far and up so many stairs every morning. already this week (and it's only tuesday, mind) i've walked up more stairs than i've climbed in a month.

oh, the humanity!

just in case you can't tell, i am playing it up for dramatic effect. yes, i kind of miss my vanity spot. yes, it is a lot longer from my car to the inside now. but, no, i don't think walking further and climbing stairs is a fate worth than death. god knows i could use it.

i had vivid dreams involving gas stations, car chases, houseboats and a very intimate encounter with a boy i know but haven't met yet. i like dreaming very much.

tonight, i will make nanaimo bars.

my weekendMonday, December 01 

i've spent more time in starbucks in the last week then i have in the last year. i could get quite addicted to coffeeshop culture. by the way, gingerbread lattes are not disgusting, no matter what jim might say.

everybody, this is karen. karen, this is everybody. i've known her for a very long time and, no matter how many times i think i know, i can never, ever seem to figure out how old she is.

neat houses seen while walking to/from 'bucks.

i was bored while waiting for karen. my car is kind of dusty inside. i should do something about that.

this is karen's new apartment (before we moved all her stuff into it). i'm insanely jealous at how big, bright and one-bedroomy it is, but i'm so very happy that she's now free from her roommate hell. she deserves it.

soon, all of these ingredients will be magically transformed in to tasty holiday goodies by the mystical baking powers handed down to me through generations of domestic goddesses.

it's been a very long and very productive weekend. i feel like i need another day off just to sloth about. my car now has new tires, my friend is all moved in, a whole whack of household stuff has been accomplished. the only thing i wanted to do but didn't was to play cards with m&m&d. i suppose i shouldn't complain. although, i won't get to play next weekend either as that's the company xmas party. then again, i get to wear my dress to that, so it almost makes up for it. i'm going to look so damn cute!