May 2005 Archives

have you ever watched tv with someone who wasn't in the room with you?

have you ever drunk beer on a monday night?

have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else?

have you ever gone to bed at 9:30pm?

have you ever realized it wasn't what it seemed?

have you ever said you're done and meant it?

have you ever felt hope for your future?

have you ever had to wear earplugs to drown out the sounds of your noisy russian neighbours bellowing until late at night?

have you ever wanted to make a connection?

can i just say right now that i had the best weekend i've had in a long while? okay. i'm glad i got that out of my system. now i can go back to being angsty and complaining, right? no? damn. i'm too happy for that? shit. i hate it when when that happens.

i spent saturday out with my friend karen to celebrate her 50th birthday. i can hear some of you gasping. "50! that's... OLD!" trust me, if you knew karen you'd have no idea that was her age. especially when we're together. god, we really do act like a couple of teenagers. it's great!

anyway, we met downtown, had a starbucks. walked around. had some lunch at the shogun noodle house on homer (at least i think it's on homer. i should check because i really have to go back and try many more things from their menu). went to see madagascar at the big shiny new paramount theatre. walked around. went to london drugs (because no outing with keb would be complete without a trip to london drugs) to show her my future ibook. walked around. got a jubabooba juice thing and took the seabus back to north van. walked along the new promenade. fetched my car. drove up cypress mountain (where i almost broke a toe). went to the keg for dinner. and, twelve hours later, i dropped her back at home.

you know i was having a good time because i didn't once complain about the heat.

weeks ago, my friend jim gave an assignment to those of us so digitally inclined. i'm very late handing it in, but this is my panorama homework above. it's the view of north vancouver from the end of the new people space at the revamped burrard dry dock pier. it's pretty freaking huge, in all senses of the word. please to be clicking for the verilarge version.

before i forget, i really want this for my birthday (37 days!). imagine all that atari goodness in one little package! ohmygawd. i'd be totally glued to my futon for a month, maybe two! centipedes! *thud*

nature flipped the switch on the furnace yesterday. it got crazy hot really quickly. it's supposed to stay this way until early next week which has totally made my decision for birthday fun with karen tomorrow for me: movie. i don't cope well when it gets hotter than 23, so we're going somewhere air-conditioned, dammit.

i finally finished writing my new about page this week. it's freakishly long-winded and babbly, but i think it's all right. it's half bio, half colophon. i think i like it better than the listy one i had before.

is it bad to eat ice cream for dinner?

last night was the flickr going away party which i thought about attending, if only to say i rubbed shoulders with famousish internet people. instead i ate the aforementioned ice cream for dinner and played poker online with wade and a bunch of stupid-betting people. this explains so much.

not super talky. saving it for other things, i think.

long weekend. got a new desk. need a haircut. saw movies. not dead yet.

i was going to write about how to be freakishly prompt today, but then i got myself a pre-migraine to go on the way to work. i did my morning paperwork while trying to keep my eyes closed and my stomach from revolting. i'm home now, soon to be in bed.

my kingdom for strong drugs and a theraputic massage.

i thought i'd do myself a favour and go to bed really early last night. i was thoroughly exhausted by the time i got home, so i forced myself to stay awake until 8:30 (yeah, i know, pathetic) and then i went to bed. that's when the trouble started. i woke up around 10:30 when the phone fell off the bed in a loud clatter. i woke at 12:12 because i was too hot. i woke up at 2:22 for no discernable reason. then i woke up at 3:34, 4:40, 5:31... i might actually be more tired now than before i went to sleep.

at least i managed to do some tidying up around the joint. not a lot, because i was pretty gimped up, but enough so that i don't get that antsy feeling i want to run away or have a hissy fit just from looking at my kitchen.

there should be salad for lunch today. the biggest salad in the world. with chicken. and parmesan cheese. yes. someone make it so. thank you, you will be rewarded in heaven.

i'm out of control.

just barely made it through the day. forced myself to stay awake just long enough to do emergency laundry so i didn't have to come to work wearing either a velvet chemise or nothing at all. was in bed and dead to the world before nine o'clock. when the alarm went off this morning i had a moment of confusion. i was truly confused as to why the alarm was bleeping on a saturday. can you imagine my disappointment when i realized i had to come to work instead of throwing the bleeping box out the window, rolling over and going back to sleep?

p.s. are you a strapping lad who has a chivalrous streak? i'm in need of assistance hauling a desktop up a flight and a half of Very Steep Stairs. i'll give you beer or a hearty pat on the back for your effort. please apply within. thank you.

three hours sleep. timo thoroughly manipulated me like no one has ever done before (except maybe an ex or two). i'm hooked. i still have the baseline in my head and coming out my feet. i also keep smelling the damn fog machine.

there will be serious crashing this afternoon, i wager.

it's finally friday. i can hardly believe it. i had tentative plans for another blind date, but i don't know if that's going to happen or not (and i'm not sure if i want it to at this point). other than that, my only plan for the weekend is going to see timo maas sunday night at richard's. whee. i heart timo, even tho going to a show which won't be over until 2am on a work night just might kill me.

everyone seems so amazed by the cleanli/neat-ness of my apartment. i think it's kind of deceptive just because it's such a large space with very little stuff in it. you have to realize that i spent six years in an apartment HALF the size of my current living room. i'm all about the big, open, uncluttered spaces now. besides, more stuff just means more dusting and i really hate dusting.

but, i definitely do need something on that wall behind my desk.

like every campaign, i took myself out to an all-candidates' meeting last night. while i have very clear ideas about who i want to win the upcoming provincial election, i still make it a point to attend at least one meeting so i can say i have actually heard what the candidate i'm voting for has to say for themselves.

what i got from last night is that the incumbent in my riding is a very angry woman who started blatantly blowing off answering any of the later questions put forth. the marijuana party candidate, while being very poised and well-spoken, answered only two questions without using the word "prohibition". the democratic reform party candidate distracted me by being a veritble clone of my friend ritchie, bored me with being a one-trick pony, yet impressed me with the chutzpah it takes to run for office at the tender age of twenty-two. while i agreed with a lot of what the green party candidate had to say, i still can't help but think a vote for him is both reckless and wasteful. the ndp candidate was very smooth, engaging and witty, but he has an air of elitism just below the surface which just niggles at me; he's almost too smooth.

despite the obvious importance of making an informed choice as to who will be running our province for the next four to five years, i think the more important issue we'll be deciding next tuesday is the referrendum on the BC-STV. a YES vote means changing our voting process from first past the post (where in 50% + 1 wins and any vote after that +1 is basically thrown out) to a proportional voting system (where your vote actually is applied to a candidate of your choice).

after the federal election of a minority government last summer, i did some research on various proportional representation systems. it would completely alter the way we elect representatives and the way those elected representatives would serve their constituents. it would mean that each vote you cast actually had value. instead of feeling as if your vote for a fringe party was a waste, you could actually vote your heart and conscience with confidence your voice would be heard which is something sorely lacking in our current system. here is a great flash animation explaining the proposed system.

i don't really care who or what you vote for next tuesday, just so long as you vote with an informed and rational mind. and, just remember, if you don't vote, you can't complain (or praise) for four years!

back to work today.

when i was a kid, my mom would occassionally (usually once every couple of months) let me take a day off school. i wasn't sick. we didn't have anywhere to go. she just recognized that i worked hard and that sometimes i just needed a break from the routine. she called them mental health days. they usually included some sort of special outing or shopping trip. mom sure knew just the thing to make me feel better.

i'm having one of those today. i really didn't feel well at all for most of yesterday, though. i was woozy and nauseated and exhausted. i was in bed by 8:30 last night, so you know i wasn't okay. when my alarm went off at six this morning i made the decision to stay home. i called my boss, left him a voicemail and went back to sleep. i expect to be spending a lot of time sleeping today. i think i'll take up residence on the futon with some movies and the über-blankie and just recuperate from life.

so, yeah. this whole monitor thing has thrown a bit of a wrench in my ibook purchase plan. well, that and having to lend out $500 for emergency moving expenses. anyway, yeah, i guess i won't be pouncing on the updated ibooks whenever they're announced (tuesday tuesday tuesday). i'm now fiscally forced to wait until at least the first of july. man, money sucks.

luckily i didn't need much money to have a fun afternoon out with mel on saturday. we went to the elbow room for lunch (and didn't get sassed nearly enough in our combined opinion) then out to ikea to investigate my new desk options. i do love ikea. although, i think i need to go to the other store once in a while. i've practically memorized the layout of the coquitlam location, which makes strategic shopping strikes really quick and easy, so i guess it's not so bad.

i dunno, there's not a lot else going on. i'm spending a lot of time on skype lately. chatchatchat. i've noticed that i laugh a lot. like, a lot. i've almost cramped up from getting the giggles so bad during some of those conversations when i've laughed for almost fifteen minutes straight. it's awesome. i love laughing. you should skype. skype is good.

tonight, i'd like to: go to ikea to get the rest of my desk, go to the market to get a basketful of veggies, do an hour of yoga, clean my bathroom, make bruce's cards (sorry, bruce!), go to the used book store and find the narnia books for cheap so i can re-read them before the movie comes out in december, and get a start on selecting photos for calendars. what i'll probably get accomplished is: getting home, taking off my shoes and pants, watch starting over, do the dishes, then waste the rest of the night online and then go to bed far too late.

hey, at least i'm fully aware i'm a lazy slacker.

this is what happens when your seven year old monitor decides to blow up on a saturday afternoon, complete with sizzling, crackling and puffs of stinky smoke.

hello, 19" lcd goodness. your name is benny.

i am cranky today.

two mornings in a row with wild dreams and a very reluctant to wake up body have made me a seriously nasty person today. then i stuck a sharp object in my eye, causing me great pain and eye-watering. then traffic was nasty. then i dropped my lunch which spilled cole slaw and beefaroni juice all over everything in my bag. then there was a mess of crap left on my desk on top of the mess of stuff i left on my desk. i'm pretty sure that the big clouds are going to dump rain just because i left my car windows open.

i just fucking want to stay in bed. is that too much to fucking ask? gah.

and to top it off, i had hopeful dreams that i'd woken up to the ibook being updated so i could order mine and have a fun weekend playing with my new white wonder. how disappointed was i to check mac rumors to discover it really was only a dream?

oh, i figured out why my photos aren't showing up in bloglines anymore. i'm not going to change it so they are, either, because it's better for me if i don't. you'll just have to click to see them.

"well, you know that bigger girls are popular these days."

at least that wasn't his opening line. that was:

"i'm not very good at hiding how i feel, so i'm not even going to try."

i'm being pretty ungenerous. he was a nice enough guy who was at least interesting and had more hobbies than sitting on wreck beach oggling boobies (although, he did express an interest in running around naked in nature). he brought his dog. we walked through the gardens. we took at drive out to a secluded little park where there was a bench memorializing his friend who had committed suicide two years ago. he told me about how he thought a lot about doing the same during his very lonely and heartbroken winter.

"would you like to make out?"

it wasn't at all awful. i guess i'll try it again. just not with him.

it is my very favourite jeremy's birthday today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEREMY! i love you more than i could ever say.

so, i've come to the conclusion that a coffee date is actually an interview for a first date. at coffee you're in a safe, public location and you're only committed to spending as much time with the person as it takes you to drink your extra hot double tall extra foam mocha-frappu-cino-latte (with sprinkles) if you're not hitting it off.

at the end of the interview, you both walk away checking things off your mental lists: kinda short, nice smile, no jewellry, good laugh, weird hair. if there are enough commonalities or chemistry, then one or the other of you will make contact regarding a more formal first date which might include being picked up, dinner, spirits and at least some level of cleavage-exposure.

dating is weird and uncomfortable. i think there are a whole bunch of rules i haven't ever learned because i've never done it in a normal way. when do you first kiss? does he still take you home and walk you to the door? are five dates in one week too many? when do you introduce them to friends and family? how do you determine exclusivity?

someone should really write a book.

i could tell you about the more-than-slightly uncomfortable coffee date i had last night with a man who actually took two and a half minutes to think of something to tell me about himself all the while looking at the boobs of some woman sitting across the room, but you don't want to hear about that.

i think there's music bingo on the docket tonight. i really hope there is. i could use some time with people who can actually hold up their end of a conversation.

maybe i've just been spoiled by knowing so many smart and articulate people? damn all you smart and articulate people! you've ruined me for mediocrity!

the weekend was... interesting. the main outcome was my being very proud of myself for expressing myself when i'd normally just shut down and run away from the situation. i still might not be happy with the situation, but at least i was honest about how i felt and where i am so there's no confusion.

yes, i'm crypto-blogging. some things don't need to be shared with the internet. just be happy for me, okay?

i've dreamt about ibooks the last two nights. jeremy's sick of me talking about them, but wade is right with me with impending ibook purchase obsession, so we're feeding of each other in some sick co-dependant researching frenzy. thank goodness for wade.

my apartment is almost entirely cleaned and tidied (just need to scrub down the bathroom tonight). i don't think i'll get over how much better i feel when my home is in order. i should have people over. i need a coffee table. i should go to ikea and get that desk i saw.

i'm listening to damien rice today. have you seen closer? it's a real downer, but still a very interesting film. i recommend it. just don't expect to be entertained. it's a thinking-man's film. prepare to be haunted.

*love*