October 2007 Archives

the last week or so has been a bucketful of suck for me.

thanks to the chemical manipulation of hormones, my uterus decided to exact revenge on me and cause untold horrors of pain and bleeding of previously unimagined proportions. i've whined and complained during my monthly shedding before, but this... this was indescribable. i spent an entire day at work doubled over and audible whimpering -- yes, whimpering -- because no amount of ibuprofen would cease the unrelenting cramps.

the doctor said that i'd have to "grin and bear it" because it's just my body getting used to being on birth control pills and it could take a couple months to settle down. seriously? if next month is anything like the last nine days -- yes, nine days -- i might honestly contemplate the possibility of homicide. i don't know who would be my victim(s), but i think i'll start drafting a list. just in case.

to add insult to injury, i got sick on friday. i woke with both cramps and a dry, scratchy throat. christopher came over and took very good care of me, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. that was reserved for friday night's sleeping disaster. every breath seemed to attack my nose and throat with sandpaper. by dawn i was so raw, sore and un-rested i gave up the idea of sleeping altogether. i watched some tv shows, somehow managed to have a bath and get laundry done and then the headache started. by five-thirty, after ordering the fastest delivery of chinese food ever, my head began to feel like it was filled with satan's own bile. the pounding and buzzing and bloating was excruciating. again, no amount of tylenol would make even so much as a dent in the agony, so i went to bed. at six o'clock. on a saturday night.

luckily, sleep came much easier and was actually restful this time. even though i have been up since six-thirty, it hasn't been so bad (and i seem to have ditched the headache during the night - thank god). i've spent the morning eating chinese left-overs and reading the entire archives of here is the house, dana bushman's blog chronicling the purchase and year-long renovation of a four-storey townhouse in brooklyn, new york. for a self-confessed reno-show junkie like me, it was a fantastic way to spend a dark and rainy sunday morning.

the worst part of all this body grossness was missing the buffy sing-along at the pacific cinematheque yesterday! i might have dragged my crampy self there, if that had been the extent of my disabilities, but since i had lost my voice during the night (oh, how very "hush") and was hacking up a lung every 37.2 seconds, i didn't think a sing-along was where i should have been. luckily, even though i was incommunicado, shane managed to re-purpose my ticket for his friend, which made me happy to find out today. i think i might even get my $12 back for it! joy!

i feel the need to get something accomplished (other than getting better, obviously), so i think i'll tackle my filing today. there's nothing like sitting on the living room floor surrounded with a year's worth of paper trail to make a girl's sunday into something magical. hey, it's either that or dust, and everyone knows just how futile that is, right?

here's to next week being a lot lower on the craptastic scale...

i'm feeling pretty disaffected these days. nothing really excites me. i don't really want to go out just for the sake of going out. i like my apartment and i enjoy spending my time there, doing what i want -- sans pants. i like hanging out with friends, but i want plans before i commit to a gathering. not just "we'll figure it out later". even if those plans change mid-stream, that's all right, at least there was a firm intention to begin with. that's what i want: firm intentions.

i wish i could afford to work only six hours a day. i could get just as much done, but be on my way home by two o'clock. that would be lovely. i don't understand just being at the office all day long, especially when you've completed and are just putting in the hours until quitting time. although, if i'm totally honest, working is for the birds and last time i checked, i could neither stomach worms nor fly.

i started a new scarf. that's how you know it's fall. i start knitting scarves. i've torn it apart three times now, only to begin again with a slightly revised pattern of my own devising. maybe one day i'll learn how to knit something other than scarves.

my hair is ridiculously long and i need to get it cut. problem is, i feel the need for something drastic, but i don't really trust the random girls at magicuts to really understand what my particular brand of difficult hair can handle. i also don't have $200 to have it done by someone with more skill and experience. therefore, i just keep complaining about it and let it continue to grow.

people are frustrating me. maybe it's the new birth control pill i'm on lowering my tolerance, but i'm finding self-deprecation, self-loathing and general lack of self-confidence really bloody annoying. it makes me wish for that magic mirror in which people could see how they're perceived by others to shove in their faces to countermand their negative self-images. alas, i know first-hand how futile it is to try to tell people they're good, worthwhile, talented, etc. they never see it until they're ready. i guess i just have to hope for more patience.

homemade belgian waffles and caesar salad (separately, not as a meal) are my current food obsessions. i could maybe go egg-crazy in the near future, too. stay tuned for details.

i'm gearing up for a fitness kick. i can feel it building. i'm working through the scheduling issues in my mind of taking advantage of the gym at work. it's tough getting over that initial starting process, though. that's a whole hour of my evening gone. i won't be getting home until after five-thirty and i'll be all sweaty and red and without desire to go or hang out. not that i've had much desire to do week-day socializing lately anyway, but what if i did? i couldn't if i were all post-workout gross! i know it's the right thing to do, i just need a kick start. i wonder what that will be.

i have two firm goals i wish to accomplish before end of day saturday:

1. take the DVD recorder back to futureshop.
2. get a 2008 calendar up for sale on cafepress.

make that three:

3. have Liselotte's reverse lights fixed so i don't die backing out of a parking spot.

just walked in the door and now i have to walk right back out. but, it's for a good reason. one full hour of massage. god, i love getting a massage. the feeling of hands on my back is one of life's greatest sensory pleasures.

i'm quite enjoying a slightly lazy tuesday off work.

when i first planned this extra-long weekend, it was to be spent on the island at my mom's for thanksgiving; but, she abandoned me to go to north-west ontario to party it up with friends and help my aunt pack up her house. gee, thanks mom! leave me alone for my favourite holiday!

(oh, side note, my mom has found my website. maybe more on that some other time.)

instead of sulking -- okay, in addition to sulking -- i decided to make a scaled-down version of turkey day here at chez hessie. i even invited karen over to partake of the pie with me, since she's usually on the island with us for turkey day.

it all turned out pretty good, actually. other than the requisite turkey-timing issues (which seems to be the norm for all first turkey roasters - even though i only cooked a two-pound breast and not a whole bird), the roasted garlic mashed potatoes were absolutely perfect in every way, the brussel sprouts were done to a tee, karen's yams were yummy, but i don't think i'll glaze carrots with brandy again. we both had seconds and then some pie while watching the CSI marathon on spike channel. yeah... it was a pretty typical thanksgiving dinner.

christopher had invited me to his family's big do, but i'm really possessive of thanksgiving. i want it to be the way it's always been and if i can't have it, i'd rather not do it at all -- or, as i proved this year, i'll do it myself. i know it's bad to be so set in my ways, but hell... i should be allowed to put my foot down once in a while.

i'm not so much looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. it's so nice to have all day to go run errands, do housework, lie on the couch to read a book... i think being a housewife is really what i should have aspired to. too bad it's probably too late to marry rich -- unless christopher wins the lottery, of course. ;)

a couple weeks ago, i was entirely obsessed with the idea of buying an apartment. i was feeling like i needed to start my climb up the property ladder in order to secure some equity for my dotage. then i realized that the chances of my being able to afford anything in this market were slim to none and it made me sad. stupid beautiful british columbia with its lifestyle and climate everyone covets! last night, i was watching a real estate show where a single guy in cincinnati, ohio was looking at beautiful character homes i'd die to own for a little more than $100,000. ONE HUNDRED GRAND! even the smallest, oldest, grottiest apartments in the GVRD are starting at $150,000! *sigh* i'm never going to own my own home.

anyhoo, i hope everyone had a fabulous thanksgiving weekend! if you need some leftover yams, c'mon over.