{"id":2043,"date":"2004-10-28T08:26:57","date_gmt":"2004-10-28T08:26:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog2\/?p=2043"},"modified":"2004-10-28T08:26:57","modified_gmt":"2004-10-28T08:26:57","slug":"deep_calming_br","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/deep_calming_br\/","title":{"rendered":"deep, calming breaths"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"cat_and_chair.jpg\"<\/div>\n

first, before i forget, thank you for your supportive and inquisitive comments on my anxious, wanna throw up, ohmygodican’tbelievei’mdoingthis, yes, Virginia, change is good post below.
\ni think i’m over the wanting to hurl, but i still cry every time i think about leaving my boss. how sad is that? i didn’t have time last night to have a sob-fest to get it out of my system because i was playing WoW with Jeremy. i will have a really good cry tonight and maybe then i’ll be able to look at Sam again without turning red, blotchy and have my face start leaking.
\nthe thing is, i was so<\/i> upset when i thought my chance to just apply for this new job was gone. then i was upset when i thought i wouldn’t get an interview. then i got upset when i got<\/i> the job. what kind of freak am i? i don’t know what it is about getting what i think i want that turns me into some sort of unstable mess (see: Morgan*). i need<\/i> this change.
\ni could plug along in this safe, secure position i know like the back of my hand and, every once in a while, have something new come along to make me happy with my work, but be mostly unfulfilled and slowly let my soul be sucked away to be recycled through the HVAC. i could do that, but i know the apathy which comes with being in that situation would only grow bigger and spread outwards into my non-work life (which i think it’s already done, to be honest), making my entire life about keeping safe and being boring and slowly dying inside.
\nthis is going to be a very big change. i’m going to be so much more busy than i’ve been used to. i’m going to learn and do so much. i’m finally starting to get a little bit excited. i’m not looking forward to training my replacement, but that’s just something i have to deal with.
\ni just keep telling myself that it’s not like i’m moving out of my mother’s house to the big city to a temporary job i might not have in six months. that’s what i did seven years ago when i moved back to north van. this is going to be a piece of cake!
\n* this is the third time this week i’ve mentioned him. i don’t know if i’m not afraid he’s going to read it anymore or what, but it feels pretty good to be able to reference him again without dread.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

first, before i forget, thank you for your supportive and inquisitive comments on my anxious, wanna throw up, ohmygodican’tbelievei’mdoingthis, yes, Virginia, change is good post below. i think i’m over the wanting to hurl, but i still cry every time i think about leaving my boss. how sad is that? i didn’t have time last …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2043","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-photos"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2043","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2043"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2043\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2043"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2043"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2043"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}