{"id":239,"date":"2001-04-25T11:59:00","date_gmt":"2001-04-25T11:59:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog2\/?p=239"},"modified":"2001-04-25T11:59:00","modified_gmt":"2001-04-25T11:59:00","slug":"dont_tell_my_la","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/dont_tell_my_la\/","title":{"rendered":"don’t tell my landlady…"},"content":{"rendered":"

but i nearly burned down my apartment building<\/a> last night.
\ni was out on my balcony last night having a smoke while i waited for win98 to install. when the phone rang, i put the lit cigarette on a stair while i went inside to answer the phone. it fell off the stair, onto the balcony, and down into a crack between the slats.
\n“shit!”
\nthis is when i started to panic. the major contributing factor to my ensuing hysteria was the presence of a lot of dry, tinder-like, pine needles and other tree debris which i was sure was immediately going to catch and cause my entire building to burn down while i stood there gawking.
\nrunning inside, dodging my ill-placed futon, i filled the nearest available container with water. i ran outside, again dodging furniture, and poured it in the general area the cigarette would have landed, that being a total guess as i couldn’t see between to anything underneath.
\n“shit — there’s smoke!” i thought.
\ni went back for more water. i poured it. i went get yet more water. then, as i’m pouring the water, i would have sworn i could see even more smoke. ugh. until i realized i was pouring hot water and the air temperature was just cool enough to make it steam. it was about this time i started to relax a little. i made two more trips (this time with cold water) just to make absolutely sure everything was thoroughly doused.
\nof course, whenever i looked at that section of the porch<\/a>, i could have sworn i saw smoke.
\nthe real kicker was that the phone call that started it all was from a fucking telemarketer!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

but i nearly burned down my apartment building last night. i was out on my balcony last night having a smoke while i waited for win98 to install. when the phone rang, i put the lit cigarette on a stair while i went inside to answer the phone. it fell off the stair, onto the …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-239","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=239"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/239\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}