today is all about what hurts.
\nmy knee sometimes hurts (i think my surgery has turned it into a barometer — the rest of this winter will tell if i’m now carrying around my own weather station in my pants). i have a sore spot in the middle of my chest which, the last time i felt it, was diagnosed and an inflammation in the cartilage near my sternum. my arms are chock-full of pains of various sorts and intensities due to the over-zealous Wii boxing i participated in yesterday afternoon (oh lord, i’m so out of shape). my neck has been seized up for over a week now and two hard-core massages have barely managed to put a dent in the strain. returning to work has brought back a headache from thinking about all the shitty shit i have to do every day. oh, and my work chair gives me a backache and sometimes an ache in my hips.
\nfuck, i sound like my mom’s 80-year-old friend.
\nfriday was a bad day. i shouldn’t have gone to work, but i did, and i paid for it. unfortunately, our sick plan doesn’t really accommodate the ability to work as much as you can then go home. even when you’re newly returned from seven weeks off for whatever reason. if you go home, you don’t get paid and, well, i need to get paid.
\nmy kingdom for a sugar daddy (you hear that, Christopher?)! ;)
\nthe other side of this coin is the anxiety. because i hurt in weird and scary places, i start to get anxious and the panic attacks return. you know, the ones where my heart starts to race, i think i’m going to pass out (or die) and, well, then i start to cry. they’re fun, especially at the workplace. you know, the one where i can’t just go crawl into bed and go to sleep until the fear goes away.
\ni need to call the work-sponsored counseling service to find someone to talk to about all this. to help me deal with everything i’ve gone through in the last few months. i have the card with the number. i know it will help. i just can’t seem to make myself make the call…
\npart of me is afraid. part of me is ashamed. part of me is resentful. yet another part of me is skeptical. the one part of me which wants it isn’t yet strong enough to pick up the phone and i worry it never will and i’ll just continue to sputter and suffer.
\nanyway, there’s a big juicy work scandal afoot today, so i’ve got to go find a water cooler to go gossip around. i hope that’ll distract me enough to make it through the day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
today is all about what hurts. my knee sometimes hurts (i think my surgery has turned it into a barometer — the rest of this winter will tell if i’m now carrying around my own weather station in my pants). i have a sore spot in the middle of my chest which, the last time …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-self-indulgence","category-words"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2733","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2733"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2733\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}