i’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. mostly my own. honestly, i’ve been fairly convinced i’m about to keel over any moment. not for any particular reason, though. just like “hey, i think i’m the kind of person who would drop dead prematurely and no one would miss me for at least a week (unless it was a payroll monday, then they’d have the police at my place by 8:30am).”
\nall the energy i’ve been putting into considering my mortality is exhausting. worrying about who’ll find what kind of contraband in my possessions. will anyone miss me? which of my foreign friends will fly out for the funeral? will it hurt?
\nthen there’s the tangent which takes me down the road of a long, degenerative disease. that’s the path i start to palpitate when i consider. blood tests, surgeries, radiation, chemotherapy, medications, amputations, oxygen tanks, iv tubes, white counts. the reaction of co-workers, friends and family. the slow but steady withdrawl of everyone i consider close to me. their natural refusal to consciously acknowledge their own mortality by ignoring my obvious journey to the final resting place…
\nthen i start thinking about how i’d like to have a male visitor to mess about with for an evening, just to re-acquaint myself with the pleasures of dangly bits, and it just seems so unimportant.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i’ve been thinking about death a lot lately. mostly my own. honestly, i’ve been fairly convinced i’m about to keel over any moment. not for any particular reason, though. just like “hey, i think i’m the kind of person who would drop dead prematurely and no one would miss me for at least a week …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-638","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/638","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=638"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/638\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=638"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=638"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=638"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}