i was online last night typing to my friend rick for a couple hours before i went to sleep. it was significant for a couple reasons. one being that rick doesn’t get online very much anymore so it’s a treat when we’re able to talk like that; two, i rarely spend that much time on the computer at night anymore. there were times when that’s all i did, but of late there really hasn’t been much reason to.
\nwhen i finally logged off, i picked up my phone just to see if anyone had left a message while it was in use, not really expecting to hear the staggered beep telling me i had a message. but hear it i did, so i checked them, wondering who it was who had phoned me, somewhat hoping it was tyler. it was a hang-up. well, dammit, that sucks. so i dialed *69. if you’re going to hang up on me, i’m going to star-sixty-nine your ass.
\nthis is what went through my brain:
\nit was dean. dean called me. but he didn’t leave a message. dean called me the day after our outing. oh god. he really does like me. i feel very nervous. but is it good nervous or bad nervous? what am i going to do? i don’t think i like him like that. he’s so nice, i’d hate to hurt him. it’s just… he’s not anything like any of the guys i usually fall for. yeah. they’re always the guys who won’t fall for me. maybe i do that to myself on purpose. when darrin liked me, i freaked. when paul liked me, i freaked. now when dean likes me, i’m freaking. ahhh! i can’t help it if i’m attracted to someone else! it’s not my fault! i just can’t think of dean in a physical sense. but he’s so nice… he didn’t know what masticate meant. i’ve never fallen for a guy who wasn’t smarter than me. i do this to keep myself from getting too attached. if i fall for a guy who won’t return my feelings then i don’t have to get too close. i don’t know what to do. i’m going to smoke.
\ni’m an awful, horrible person. i flirted falsely. i got him interested and now i’m pulling back. i suck. just kill me now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
i was online last night typing to my friend rick for a couple hours before i went to sleep. it was significant for a couple reasons. one being that rick doesn’t get online very much anymore so it’s a treat when we’re able to talk like that; two, i rarely spend that much time on …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-73","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}