every time i think about it i get upset.
\ni’ve been craving a blueberry muffin for weeks. first, i was crippled, so i couldn’t go get one. second, i was broke, so i couldn’t afford one. third, i forgot i was craving it, so i didn’t think to get one. i finally found myself remembering i was craving one while i was at the grocery store the other night. so i wheeled my squeaky cart to the bakery department and happily bagged the last blueberry muffin to take home with me.
\nfast forward to my checking the receipt after arriving home and unloading the groceries. i saw the charge for the muffin and suddenly realized i hadn’t taken that white bakery bag out of any of the plastic bags. i went to the kitchen to double-check. no muffin. i went out the to car to see if it had fallen from a bag en route. no muffin. it was too late to go back to the store and demand my muffin. i was sad.
\ni keep thinking that the sneaky bagger boy stole my muffin, the little shit. if i could remember which pimply-faced thief it was, i’d go back there and kick his scrawny ass into the pavement.
\nlet this be a lesson to you: don’t ever come between a woman and her muffin.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
every time i think about it i get upset. i’ve been craving a blueberry muffin for weeks. first, i was crippled, so i couldn’t go get one. second, i was broke, so i couldn’t afford one. third, i forgot i was craving it, so i didn’t think to get one. i finally found myself remembering …<\/span> Read More →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-989","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-words"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=989"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/989\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=989"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=989"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/fubsy.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=989"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}