i’ve been concerned about my parents’ mortality.
being an only child of two single (for all intents and purposes) parents, all of the aging-related issues and concerns fall upon my shoulders. i’ve started to think that i should schedule weekly phone calls with both my mom and dad. conversations we will not miss. for any reason. if one is missed, i will immediately assume the worst and rush to their home and hope not to find a partially-decomposed body being eaten by the cat. (you know, they both have a cat now, but never while we were all together did we have one. just the dog who was frightened of me. interesting.)
i really worry about that. that they will die suddenly, without provocation. die in a manner which is unpredicted and tragic. they will expire and i will never have the chance to tell them all the things you’re supposed to say to someone when you know they’re about to die.
the other thing i fear is a lingering, degenerative disease which will eat away at them slowly, painfully until there is nothing left of them but a deflated balloon draped over a deformed skeleton, with tubes and monitors weaving themselves around — inside, outside — the body i used to think was impervious to everything. every thing.
i don’t want to be alone.
regardless of how long i go without seeing or talking to them, knowing they are there, living their lives, i know i will never be alone. i will always have a place to go. someone will always love me. if i need them, they will be there. unconditionally. forever.
i try not to think about these things. they make me cry. they make me uncomfortable. they make me very, very frightened. to know that at some point, near or far, i will be the only one like me left. alone. an orphan.
I know how you feel. I think of friends of mine who have lost a parent, and I wonder how they get through it.
After reading The Corrections, I now also fear the day I have to put my dad or mum in a nursing home. What they’ll be like when they get alzheimers (runs on both side of the family) and what it will be like when they arent “themselves”.
Which is why I talk to them almost every day – and every conversation ends with “I love you”.
S
one thing about the death of a parent that is somewhat comforting is that to bury your parents is the natural way. what i mean by this is that if all things go well, we outlive those who brought us here. though losing a parent is very hard, it’s not quite the same as losing a child, or a sibling.
i’ve had one parent die, of natural causes at age 67. it was a difficult thing. but like i said, i have had one parent die, but i have lost no parents, because of the bond, lots of what they were (both good and bad) is part of me.
You know, this is the only argument against having an only child that ever made me think even slightly twice.
Fortunately, both my parents have significant others now, but neither of them hooked up with a teenager or anything, so at some point, it most likely will fall on my shoulders.
Of course, my 80-something grandmother just had to assume that position for her sister who died last year, yet she’s still going strong. That somehow reassures me. ;)
I think about this, too. My father-in-law may have a degenerative bone disease which will force him to early retirement, and scuttle their plans for the future.
My grandfather is 94 and looks after my grandmother, who is only 83, and he has suggested to my father (65 this year) that he’d like to go into a rest home, he thinks. My grandmother, of course, will have nothing to do with it.
I worry that my parents will be equally willful. I myself have promised myself that I will go out on an ice floe rather than subject my kids to that.
I dread being the head of the family. It’s going to happen someday, of course, unless I end up Prince Charles to my dad’s Queen Elizabeth (and gramps is the Queen Mum). Hopefully by that time I will have gained the wisdom I need to be in that role.
Though I suppose that if I’m not, I’ll just have to deal with it then.
This is an interesting thing to think about, thank you.
a very touching entry… thanks.