freakishly prompt

thirty-seven years ago, at 9:03 am, i was born. just two blocks from where i now sit. by all accounts it was an ordinary, albeit sweltering, Monday morning, except for what was happening on the third floor of Lions Gate Hospital to that poor couple whose lives would be irrevocably altered by my tiny, squirming emergence.

my thirty-sixth year was mostly unexciting. i didn't go any further than vancouver island. i didn't become rich or famous. i didn't get fit or skinny. i didn't appear on any Most Wanted lists (for good or ill).

i did, finally, wrassle my financial life into submission and have been pummeling it monthly to keep it in line. it's hard to be a single person, living alone, owing the bank money. but, with persistence and a little luck, by my birthday after next, i should be able to declare myself debt-free! now THAT will be a natal anniversary to celebrate!

thirty-six was the year i withdrew. partly because of the aforementioned debt-slaying, partly because i'm starting to feel my decades a bit more keenly and there aren't many places left i'm more comfortable with than my own abode. plus, i've discovered that the more people you know, the more difficult it is to see them all on a consistent basis. i hope to change that this year, but... we all know what the road to hell is paved with. after thirty-seven years, i don't think i'm going to suddenly turn into a social butterfly. i need far too much sleep for that.

i've been to see medical professionals more in the last twelve months than i have in the twelve years previously. my GP, a trip to St. Paul's Hospital for an MRI, a few trips out to Richmond to see my surgeon. in two short months' time, i'll be recovering from my left knee arthroscopy. i'm both excited and terrified about that. i like the idea of being able to walk without fear, but i'm terrified i won't wake up from anesthesia. good thing i have two months to yet worry about it get over that, huh?

this year i made things and *gasp* people bought them. it's still a little boggling to me, but if i want to keep it up, i really need to develop my self-marketing skills. blushing and digging my toe into the carpet when someone expresses interest in my product isn't the most successful selling solution, i'd imagine.

today, i'm going to make baked beans because tomorrow, there will be celebrating.

happy birthday to me!

this is the story of how i went shopping for a salad spinner yet ended up with a whole new bed.

eight days ago, Christopher and i walked into Metrotown in search of a salad spinner so i could wash leafy greens without wanting to tear out my hair. after eliminating the $40 and $50 versions available at the specialty kitchen store, Chris suggested we look in The Bay. i immediately reasoned that there would be no lower-priced spinners there, but hey, he's the boy, so i let him have his way. especially as i was quickly proven correct.

while in the bay, nature called and i had to hurry off to use the ladies' room. by the way, if you're experiencing a bathroom emergency at the Maul, use the Bay's loo -- they're definitely above-average public washrooms. as the bed section is directly adjacent to the washrooms, and i've been talking about getting a new mattress for at least two years, i dragged the boy over to lay down on floor models.

that's when it happened. i found the perfect mattress. it was firm, yet giving. it didn't poke me with springs or jiggle when i moved. hell, even the fabric -- you know, the stuff you cover up and never see again -- was luxurious. and the price? only $750 on sale until Sunday. suddenly, i was seriously considering emptying my bank account to rid myself of sagging springs and waking with numb arms. after getting the information from the very sweet sales lady, i walked out of the store crunching numbers in my head and loathing the thought of going to bed that night on my wholly inferior second-hand mattress.

the next day, i whipped out the financial recovery spreadsheets and sussed out what was what. i tried to figure out a tactful way of letting people know i didn't want gifts for my upcoming natal anniversary, just cash for the mattress, but quickly doused that idea as i didn't want to seem greedy or uncouth. by the end of the day, i'd decided that, yes, i needed a new mattress and i could afford just a little less than what the final cost would be at The Bay. therefore, i reasoned i should go to Sleep Country to see if they had something comparable for a reasonable price (they won't be beat!).

off to the bed store i went. Rod, my sales guy, walked me around the store a couple times with me sitting on mattresses declaring "too soft" or "too hard" or "almost, but not quite" at least fourteen times until we got down to the final two contenders. in this corner, the Sealy. in that corner, the Kingsdown. the Sealy was almost $100 less than the awesome Bay mattress; the Kingsdown was a mere $0.50 cheaper. the Kingsdown felt better than the Sealy; not by much, but definitely by some. that's when i decided my plan of action.

i called Rod the sales guy over and asked him my deal-breaking question: "so, if i buy the awesome mattress at the Bay, they'll give me 10% off if i apply for their credit card. will you do the same?" he definitely didn't see that coming. it was cheeky as hell. the Kingsdown sale price was already almost $400 off, but i was going for broke. he choked a little, then said he'd have to go ask his boss. he came back rather quickly, asking if i'd like the $80 protection package in lieu of the discount -- i said no. he left again, probably calculating the hit to his commission, only to return even more quickly with the discount code from his boss. WIN!

not only was i getting a better mattress for the same price as the Bay, i wouldn't have to pay delivery, they'd take my old mattress away for free (hopefully to ritually burn it) AND i was getting my precious 10% off! i had won the retail battle of the bargaining!

then, i promptly spent all my "savings" on a fancy new latex pillow, new duvet and all new sheets. oops.

i spent the rest of the week waiting for Saturday, and, of course, mine was the very last mattress they delivered that day. but, by 6pm i had a brand new shiny supercomfy tall firm soft luxury Kingsdown Hush mattress of my very own. and i was WAY too excited to sleep on it. irony!

oh, and i even found a salad spinner from Zellers which totally spins salad right round, baby.

yeah, stuff. actually, lots of word-worthy stuff has happened; but, by the time i get somewhere i can write about it, i... just don't want to anymore. sorry.

the really sad part is that, according to statcounter.com, i get pretty much exactly the same number of visitors whether i post or not. seriously. how sad is that? it really doesn't inspire me to write all that much, if i'm honest.

btw, is it weird that my most annoying neighbours don't even live in the same building as me? hell, i don't even know which building bongo-neighbour lives in. that's probably a good thing because if i did, i might be tempted to do something... un-neighbourly.

i'm obsessed with getting a cat. but, first, i need to get screens for the sliding glass door and windows. the last thing i want is my shiny new cat to fall out of my apartment. hell, i want one so bad, i'm even starting to think i'm willing to risk the red leather couch by adopting one which hasn't been de-clawed! i know! who am i and what has happened to the real heather?

oh, there's a SuperAwesomeProject in the works, but i'm not talking about it until it's borne some fruit. don't worry, i'm documenting everything so that when i unveil it, you'll get the whole story. yes, i'm awesome. you're welcome.

anyway, i'm really just procrastinating going to bed. i have to start work earlier than usual tomorrow, which means, of course, i'm totally not tired when i should be. at least the weekend is imminent and there's a massage booked for saturday morning. ahh, massage.

and i thought the morning alien babies were bad!

other than a quick trip to the Spa to ensure Liselotte's wheel won't fall off and procuring food & drugs, i haven't been out of my apartment since Friday afternoon. the plague i thought i had fought with the help of Cold-FX gave me the ultimate smack-down and i've been writhing on the mat ever since. ugh. it only reason i went to work Friday was for a Very Important Meeting which i'd been hoping for for over two years. as soon as that was finished, my boss sent me home.

on the way, groggy and zombie-eyed, a blue mini-van tried to change lanes into me. there was much squealing, smoke and my hubcap got sheared off the front wheel of the car when i bumped into the curb while trying to avoid automotive squishiness.

poor Christopher came over that night to make me ginger tea and watch me suffer. i wasn't really in the best shape for company, especially since speaking more than a sentence would send me into a coughing fit. i guess he's just hot for chicks with blood-shot eyes and the voice of a 80-year-old whiskey-drinking chain-smoking barfly.

my entire "weekend" was spent sleeping, trying to sleep, coughing or whining about how horrible my life is and please god kill me now why don't you just end my suffering already? the best part? every time i turned on the TV it was all swine flu this, swine flu that. i can't even have the cool swine flu, it's just some garden variety flu. i'm so unlucky. especially since i had to cancel my massage appointment on Saturday and we all know how much i love me my massage time. on Sunday, i didn't want to risk going to the camera show, so Chris and Jamie had all the fun there for me instead. jealous.

i'm staying home today, too, because when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, i was so very tired it felt like the entire universe had its hands on my shoulders to keep me in bed. so i called my boss, rolled over and slept for four more hours. i must be feeling better, though, because all i really want to do today is go for a walk and maybe sit in a park in the sunshine for a while. oh, and i can actually taste my breakfast. yay!

the last few mornings, i've woken up at 4 am and been summoned to the lavatory where i was compelled to expel the grey-green amoeba-like alien creatures which have taken up residency in my lungs. i'm fairly convinced that this is an alien parasite using me as its host and their overwhelming biological urge is to enter the sewer system by way of my bathroom sink.

let me just say one thing: just because i've seen Men in Black about a million times does NOT mean i want squishy-chunky aliens living in my chest, dammit!

*cough*

i really thought the Cold-FX had kicked this thing out of me before it took hold. i'd never tried the stuff before, but Christopher swears by it, so i went for it. stupid money-grabbing witch-doctor hocus-pocus. next time, i'll just go to bed and suffer -- it's cheaper.

oh, right. vacation review. let's see, went a bunch of places, did a bunch of things, then ate sugar and felt like crap. applied for a new passport. got a new awesome coat. slept in. stayed up late. chilled. went for a walk or three. saw friends. got sick.

all in all, it was exactly what i needed: a week with little to no responsibilities and it was glorious. only two more months until i get to do it again!

fifty days ago, on a whim inspired by the book i was reading at the time, i gave up most forms of sugar and all forms of artificial sweeteners. it was an interesting experiment. these are my observations:

• i didn't miss sugar at all. with the more healthful alternatives i was allowed (raw honey, organic maple syrup & agave nectar), i got by just fine day to day.
• what i did miss was the flexibility to eat whatever i wanted whenever i wanted. i said "i can't eat that" a lot and that kind of restriction started to chafe after a month.
• my breath got a lot better. i've always known that my mouth would get a gross coated feeling after i ate something really sugary, but i guess i didn't think about what would happen once i got all the sugar out of my system. this was good because i couldn't chew gum or eat mints to cover up any bad breath.
• sugar hides in almost every processed food item you can imagine. seriously, here's just a few names it can use: maltose, barley malt, maltodextrin, dextrose, fruit juice concentrate, succinate.
• i lost about four pounds without even trying. it was a wholly unintended consequence, but it makes sense, since the sugar-added things i was avoiding were mostly high-calorie things.
• okay, i cheated a little. i ate some processed foods which probably contained sugar. also, when my knee borked out i had some pity chocolate and after giving blood i ate cookies. and, boy, did i pay for it! the day after giving blood, i had THE WORST headache ever. ohmygod.
• if it hadn't been for this experiment, i might never have discovered i actually LIKE steel-cut oatmeal. i'd say that's totally worth it right there.

four days ago, i ate sugar again. boy, did i eat sugar again. and, you know what? i've felt like ass the entire four days.

in conclusion (boy, i haven't used that to start a final paragraph since about 1992), removing sugar & sweeteners from my diet for 46 days was a Very Good Thing. i'm glad i did it and i think, overall, there will be a lot less sugar in my diet in the future. it's just empty calories which react badly in my body and i'm all about making my body happy these days.

my tummy hurts.

i expected something like this.

yesterday, after getting home from my semi-annual dental cleaning and inspection, i received an unexpected phone call from my knee surgeon. this was good because in my nervous anxiousness in anticipation of my consultation i totally forgot to ask all the questions i'd written down for the occasion.

he tried so very hard to be tactful, for which i told him i was appreciative, but the gist of call was to tell me that i'm too fat for the ACL reconstruction surgery.

it seems that he's been thinking about me and my knee and talking to some colleagues who have more experience operating on obese (there, i said it) patients. there are logistical concerns which come into play when the knee to be operated on is two or three times the size of an average joint. you see, they don't yet make super-sized surgical tools for this particular operation, therefore, it would be more difficult and dangerous for him to attempt to rebuild my ligament because of my size.

needless to say, that is exactly what i was afraid of going into his office last week.

but, because i am tenacious and determined, i peppered him with questions and determined that he could still go in there and clean up the mess in my meniscus which would eliminate half of my current knee troubles. then, once that's all healed up, i could start a weight loss program -- complete with exercise i can't currently do -- to drop enough weight to allow him to go in to fix my ACL. he even said he'd give me a prescription for a very spendy space-aged knee brace to help support my knee until it's operation-ready.

overall, it's not an entirely dire situation. i knew surgery and recovery would all go smoother if i could drop some weight first. honestly, i was surprised he didn't seem at all phased by the idea of operating on someone my size. i expected him to say something like "come back when you've lost fifty pounds" (which, ironically, he basically said last night) and shoo me off to find some way to do it with a broken knee.

so, instead of one surgery, there will be two. instead of being fixed by this time next year, it may take an additional year to be all repaired. but, there is a plan and my doctor is willing to work with me to get me fixed, even though it's harder for him, for which i'm thankful.

now comes the hard work. but not until i've had my cake. ;)

1. What color is your toothbrush?
white and... pink? it'll be different tomorrow. the hygienist will give me a new one when i see her this afternoon.

2. Name one person who made you smile today.
i don't think anyone made me smile. i probably smiled just because.

3. What were you doing at 8:00am today?
working. well, at work.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
eating lunch & reading a book.

5. What is your favorite candy bar?
kit kat.

6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
nay, but i keep trying to get people to go with me.

7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
"I'm leaving early."

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
i like ice cream with stuff in it: mint chip, rocky road, heavenly hash, etc. as long as there's no peanut butter, any ice cream is good.

9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
water from my sheep bottle.

10. Do you like your wallet?
i love my wallet. it's purty.

11. What was the last thing you ate?
a not-quite-ripe royal gala apple. it's making my tummy feel weird.

12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
no, but i did this month, which is pretty momentous for me.

13. The last sporting event you watched?
a bit of the hockey game on the weekend. on tv, not in person.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
popcorn with butter and salt. anything else on popcorn is blasphemy.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
twitter, but it ate it.

16. Ever go camping?
uh, no.

17. Do you take vitamins daily?
i only ever remember when i'm at work, so 5 out of 7 days.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
no.

19. Do you have a tan?
by the end of september i usually have a fairly respectable trucker tan -- that's the top of my left forearm and the left side of my face.

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
that's tough. they're both infinitely variable and delectible, but i think i crave pizza more than chinese food.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
only if a restaurant puts a straw in it.

22. What did your last text message say?
i don't remember and i'm too lazy to get up and check my phone. sorry.

23. What are you doing tomorrow?
going to work FOR THE LAST DAY BEFORE MY VACATION!!!

24. What sounds are you listening to now?
my boss talking on the phone, someone walking down the hall upstairs and the whirr of the HVAC system.

25. Look to your left, what do you see?
my bulletin board, some miscellaneous filing and my sheep bottle.

26. What color is your watch?
i don't wear a watch.

27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Adrian.

28. What is your birthstone?
Ruby.

29 Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
drive through.

31. Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
a co-worker.

32. Any plans today?
work for another hour or so then go to get my teeth cleaned, maybe go to the clinic and then, hopefully, finally do the dishes before i land on the couch watching tv and trying, again, to knit something.

33. How many states have you lived in?
none; but, i've lived in one province.

34. Biggest annoyance right now?
being cash poor right before vacation.

35. Last song listened to?
oh god... no idea. whatever is on the cd which is in the car stereo right now.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards?
yes, but you can't make me.

37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! you're funny.

38. Favorite pair of shoes you like to wear all the time?
Nike Air Zoom Vomero+ 3. they're like walking on little trampolines. i wish i could wear cuter shoes, but every time i try, i suffer for a week with foot pain.

39. Are you jealous of anyone?
no one specific, but in general i'm somewhat jealous of people who have less debt and more income than i do just because of the freedom they have which i don't. yet.

40. Is anyone jealous of you?
i seriously doubt it.

41. Do you love anyone?
yes.

42. Do any of your friends have children?
not many of them. i seem to know a lot of DINKs. =)

43. What do you usually do during the day?
go to work. wtf kind of question is that?

44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
hate? no. i'm usually unimpressed with a few at any given time.

45. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
hello!

46. What color is your car?
white.

47. Do you like cats?
PURR!

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
i'm thinking of Heather because she's the reason i'm answering this thing.

49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
nope. i think i had the chance in Chicago, but i ate deep dish pizza instead.

50. How did you get your worst scar?
hm. i don't think any of my scars could be considered "worst". i expect the upcoming surgery scars will win that honour.

everything seems to be about the food with me lately.

there is, of course, the sugar obsession (which ends next week! bring on the cake!). the fancy (for me) appies i made for the ladies last Saturday. then all that yummy sushi at the end of last week. the overwhelming craving for steak (which was answered magnificently by the buttery-textured filet mignon i treated myself to at The Keg Friday night). the wheat-free Saturday i subjected Christopher to. the new rice cooker i never would have bought myself, followed by my first-ever foray into Indian cooking: dal palak.

i'm right now staring at a recipe for stuffed tomatoes and dreaming of the farmer's market next week (not to mention that aforementioned cake - cake party, anyone?).

i had to clean out the fridge this morning, which sucks. they should really let you buy a few sprigs of an herb instead of a huge bunch. it's such a waste.

anyway, enough wasting the day inside. there's film in the camera and sun in the sky. yay spring!