freakishly prompt

so, after a bet with my friend Nelson, i finally jumped on the formspring bandwagon.  i didn't think i'd get many questions, but there have been more than a few and all of them quite thought-provoking and interesting to answer.  below is my most recent, and quite possibly, most favourite asked so far:

so... is there anything you want to ask me?

one month ago, on December 29, 2009, my world changed forever...  well, okay. maybe it didn't change forever, but it certainly took a lurching step forward whence it was.

you see, that is the day i (finally) received my iPhone.   *sounds of bells chiming and a chorus of angelic voices fill the air*

after blogging and tweeting and pricing and debating and whining and sulking and planning and dismissing, i finally bit the bullet after i received an offer i just could not refuse.

from the first day the iPhone was announced, i wanted one.  i knew, in my heart of heart, right down to my tippy-toes that it was device i would love and use.  i may have poo-pooed it publically and declared that they were silly and superfluous, but it was all bravado.  i wanted one and was upset you had one and i did not.  but, you see, i'm still trying to pay back the bank for the reckless financial foolishness of my twenties and a $100+ bill every month just to have a fancy cell phone (even if it will rub your feet, make you chicken soup when you're sick and make unicorns shit rainbows) was just too much to even contemplate then, just as it is now.

the price of the phone itself was always daunting, but not necessarily prohibitive.  it was the monthly cost, multiplied by 36 because of the contract you were forced to sign before you could even get your hands on the thing, which slammed the brakes on the practicality of my ever procuring an iPhone.

then, for my thirty-seventh (ohgodohgodohgod) birthday, my lovely boyfriend, Christopher Evans, bought me an iPod Touch.  that was the beginning of the end to my iPhone protestations.  the iPod Touch cemented in my head, and heart, my desire for The Real Thing: an iPhone.  it was both glorious and a horrible tease.  it could do so many things the iPhone could, for free; but it wasn't quite there.  i wanted the camera, so i could tweet photos.  i wanted the GPS, so i would never get lost.  i wanted access to the internet EVERYWHERE i went, not just where i could scam free-fi.

after the iPod cracked the wall around my iPhone-loving heart, the announcement that the iPhone would now be carried by Bell & Telus (in addition to Rogers & Fido), planted the seeds of an insidiously ivy-like idea which would worm its way through that crack into my fortress of self-denial.  if there were more carriers carrying it, then the prices for the monthly plans would drop. right?  that's just good business sense!  more competiton means better prices for consumers!  well, they were pretty good, but still, after data and caller ID and text messages, plans were still over $75/month, which was still way too much for me to seriously consider committing to paying every month for the next three years.

that's about the time that i found out about a way to buy a two-hundred dollar iPhone for ninety-five dollars; but the plan was still too far above my mental barrier for my to take advantage.  next came an email from Colene which boasted an incredible plan.  loads of minutes, caller ID, voicemail, texts, data all for a price i could justify just by not going out for dinner once a month.   i waffled and whined some more, i crunched so many numbers my spreadsheet was begging for mercy.  then, once the last cheque from the November craft fair cleared... i made the call.

just like that, i was an iPhone owner.

of course, it took over two weeks for me to get my phone because it went "out for delivery" via Purolator (now and forever after to be known as "Fuckyouhater") SEVEN DAYS IN A ROW without an actual attempt at delivery at my apartment.  my poor, long-suffering boyfriend camped out at my place for three days in their entirety just to make sure i wouldn't miss delivery before Christmas came and i was away to miss it for even longer.  gah.  even thinking about that ridiculousness makes me cranky.  

finally, after some festiveness on the island with my family, i came home to wait some more because the offices weren't open until Tuesday.  you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as my lunch break came that Tuesday, i was in my car, rushing towards the depot to finally rescue my phone from the evil courier's hands.

all that trauma aside, this last month with my iPhone, Spud, has been as advertised.  it's everything i hoped it would be.  i'm even astounded that the Bell 3G network gives me five full bars of service almost everywhere i go (and even in my office, which is just astounding because with my old phone i had to stand on a chair by the window to be able to have a conversation in here).  it's with me everywhere i go and has made me totally anti-social at social occasions because i'm always taking it out to tweet something or check my email (but, thankfully, most of my friends have them, so they're all doing the same thing -- phew).  it's my precious.  i loves it and kind of wonder why i waited so long.

i think the dark is getting to me.
 
the last week or so, my tolerance has plummeted.  stupid, dirt, people, news, drama, Haiti, money, cooking, cleaning, commercials all make me angry these days.  then, i feel bad for being angry, so i shut down. then i feel bad for shutting down, especially when i know there are people who want to help me feel better, but i just can't bring myself to deal with them, so i feel bad about that all over again.  
 
it's a vicious cycle.  filled with alligators.  hungry, toothy alligators.
 
additionally, don't even try to complain to me about anything trivial, because, you know back in September?  i almost died.  i was one lucky motherfucker to not drop dead when that humongous blood clot broke off, raced up my leg and lodged itself in my lung.   if that doesn't put it all into perspective, i don't know what will.  your iPod won't work?  piss off.   you didn't get asked out to an event?  shut up. 
 
the irony is that the withdrawing and being angry has actually fuelled actions i've been trying to get a start on for months (and months and months).  i've been consistently tracking my calories and even -- *gasp* -- exercising.  so, physically, i'm feeling Tony the Tiger grrreat!  except that i'm grumpy all the damn time. 
 
last night, i stopped by the vampires for my weekly blood-letting, then came home to a healthy, well-balanced meal, watched a little Tivo, Wii Fitted & stretched out, had a bath & shaved my yeti legs, then realized it was only 8pm and it was pitch black and i couldn't really do anything else because i had to go to bed in an hour.  WTF?  seriously?  fuck.
 
see?  grumpy.
 
i'm blaming the dark.  yeah, so it's vaguely light for a whole 15 minutes when i get home at night. it's still dark as midnight when i go to work in the morning and by the time i've finished dinner it feels like i've stayed up way past my bedtime.  i was looking at the calendar yesterday, wishing i could take the whole of December and January off next year, just to avoid all this darkness shit.  it's nice out there right now, but i can't be out there right now because, hey, i have to go to work every day.  fucking work.  stupid money!  where the hell is my sugar daddy, anyway?  i'd make an excellent haus frau, you know.  just hook me up!
 
if anyone has the power to bend space and time, i'd love to jump straight to March first.  it may not be all that light out yet, but at least i'll be on vacation. 

hey!  it's a new year!  how crazy is that?
 
so, 2009... seems like it's been gone a while, but i think we're all feeling its effects still.  some of us more than others, i s'poze. 
 
my 2009 was chock-full of excitement and intrigue! 
 
i made new friends.  i ate new foods.  i gave away my blood, twice.  i spent a lot of time limping.  i reduced my stinky debt and increased my awesome savings.  i gave up sugar for Lent and survived.  i almost got run off the road.  i fought the germs and won.  i went to my step-mother's funeral.  i got a new mattress.  i had a birthday party.  i developed an anxiety disorder and started taking drugs.  i grew tomatoes and herbs on my balcony.  i bought a tivo.  i went swimming.  i had surgery.  i developed a life-threatening complication.  i rode in an ambulance.  i ate hospital food.  i started taking rat poison.  i thought about selling my car.  i bought bras which actually fit.  i blogged for a whole month straight.  i sold stuff at two craft fairs.  i got my hair cut shorter than ever.  i went to parties.  i bought an iphone.  i had countless needles stuck in me for both the taking and removing of liquids.  
 
i actually had to go back to reference material to remember anything which happened before august.  the whole pulmonary embolism thing has somehow managed to erase my memory of the first half of the year.  maybe i did have some oxygen deprivation?   thank god for my blog, i say.  thank god!
 
for 2010, i've decided that instead of resolutions, i have a short list of things i want to accomplish.  they are listed here thusly:
 
- go to a long table dinner at the irish heather
- go back to the symphony because it is awesome and i get to wear a dress
- fully experience the 2010 winter olympics since they're right in my back yard
- have a regularly-scheduled dinner date with my dad every month
- see my mom at least every other month
- not let a month go by without spending time with my friends
- give blood as soon as i'm able, and every 56 days thereafter
- cook something new each week
- work harder
- continue the accelerated progress at debt-elimination and savings-expansion
- treat my body like it's the only one i've got
- sleep 8-9 hours every night
- have more fun
- go outside
- continue to reduce the amount of "stuff" in my life
- call the counsellor
- make things more often
- blog at least once a week
 
okay, maybe it's not so short, but a lot of them are "set up once, keep it going" type things.   that last one will probably be my hardest to keep, but who knows.  maybe if i think of posting as making something/creative outlet you'll get more to read.  we'll see.  time slips by so quickly... 
 
i certainly don't want myself or anyone i love to spend any more time in hospitals, get into car accidents, lose their jobs, lose their pets, bury a family member or move away.   2009 had way too much of all of those yucky things for far too many people i know and care much for.  
 
i'd like to say i'm feeling optimistic about 2010, but i said that about 2009 and look how that turned out.  instead, i'll say i'm going to attempt to take each day and each event as it comes and do my best to handle them all with grace.

so, i got my hair cut.

i'm not sure why, but ever since chopping off 14 inches of hair to donate to Locks of Love, every time i go in for a cut, i leave the salon with shorter and shorter hair. at this rate, i'll be sporting a Demi Moore circa GI Jane buzz cut in less than 18 months.

what's neat about this cut (and probably the last, but i was clueless) is that i now have a flippy-do option (as pictured) in addition to the regular, everyday scrunchy-do i normally sport. now, if there's a big occasion or i'm just feeling a little sassy, i can break out the big-barreled curling iron and make my hair defy gravity! it's very exciting. i'm a fairly low-maintenance kind of female, so anything involving implements of beauty torture both intimidate and thill me.

in other news, i just can't wait for 2009 to be over. there's been so much yucky all over the place, 2010 has GOT to be an improvement. right? besides all the health drama and money drama, there have been deaths and heartbreak and work issues and just a general sense of "fuck, this sucks" pervading most of the lives of people i know and love this last year. too many hospitals, too many bills, too many angsty conversations which go nowhere and only end in tears. in addition, all the awesome Christmas things i look forward to every year at the office just aren't happening because of tensions i cannot speak of. it's made me want to just skip this month entirely!

alas, there is no skipping. so, i'm hunkering down and trying to make the best of it. there have been parties and brunch (my two new favourite things) and home improvements and iphone debating to keep my mind off all the badness. i seem to have inherited an ice cream maker to replace the inherited waffle iron, so maybe i'll just drown my winter sorrows in homemade creamy goodness. or, maybe i should finish Christopher's scarf already.

p.s. remind me to tell you about how awesome it is to have finally found a bra which fits. my boobs look awesome now.

1. Where is your cell phone? bag
2. Your significant other? christopher
3. Your hair? product-ed
4. Your mother? awesome
5. Your father? reliable
6. Your favorite thing? comfort
7. Your dream last night? engrossing
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? retirement
10. The room you're in? office
11. Your hobby? cleaning
12. Your fear? embolism
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? retired
14. What you're not? content
15. Muffins? blueberry
16. One of your wish list items? car
17. Where you grew up? hometown
18. The last thing you did? lunch
19. What are you wearing? jeans
20. Favorite gadget? touch
21. Your pets? dead
22. Your computer? old
23. Your mood? optimistic
24. Missing someone? lots
25. Your car? broken
26. Something you're not wearing? earrings
27. Favorite store? online
28. Like someone? intensely
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? morning
31. Last time you cried? saturday

[lovingly stolen from brigette - thanks!]

that was pretty darn good weekend. lots of peoples, lots of fun, lots of work done and fun had and food ate. i even finished reading the new Wheel of Time book!

my iPhone lust is fading, thank god. but, i still think i'd be a fool to pass up the crazy deal i was made aware of. i know i'd love it and use it all the freaking time but... a three-year contract? that's a lot of commitment. i just don't know if i could handle that. and it's Telus and everyone knows Telus is the devil, right? mrrf. too much thinking!

ugh, i really shouldn't post when i'm this sleepy. zzz.

after spending all day obsessing over how i could manage to afford an iPhone, or not, all day, back and forth, Christopher put it into perspective for me on the car ride home:

me: oh, fuck it. i should just go buy a cat.
him: there's probably an app for that.

so, yeah. $44.80 each month is standing between me and some iPhone-y goodness. it wouldn't compromise any of my current financial goals (accelerated debt repayment, emergency fund padding, car repair/replacement saving), but it would cut into that nice little "extra" i have after paying the bills and putting money away each month. you know, the buffer which gets used for gifts, clothes, emergency pizza delivery.

it's not a hardship, but i still find myself balking. i have a perfectly working cell phone (if you don't count it's complete and utter crapness at texting) and a super magnificent iPod Touch which isn't even six months old yet. but... constant access to the internets. oh, data, you seductive temptress. that's why i'd get the iPhone. data.

the cheapest Telus plan, with the unlimited texting and caller ID add-on would cost me just $44.80 more than i currently budget for my pay-as-you-go Virgin phone. it would give me twice as many minutes as i would ever think of using and 500mb of sweet, sweet data (which, by all reports would be entirely suitable for my level of usage).

i think it's just the concept of paying over SEVENTY DOLLARS a month for a portable phone device. it seems so... excessive.

anyway, i just can't seem to decide, so i'm not. i know, you guys choose for me! i know you'll come up with the right decision! go forth and comment your choice!

update:

my friend Colene showed me a way to get the iPhone for less than half the regular price AND save on my plan to get it under that onerous $70 monthly total (not by much, but it's all psychological anyway). now my choice is just that much harder! ARGH!

my new curtains (in ivory) are up. i think they're too much like the colour of my walls. when the other new curtains arrive (in raindrop), they'll probably be much more to my liking.

i get my bonus tomorrow. unfortunately, i've already used some of it to buy american underpants and the aforementioned curtains. fortunately, there's still enough left for new nikes. and maybe even a nike+ to put in them.

my new hematologist is awesome. she's letting me continue taking rat poison for the whole six months just to keep me from freaking out. and she's ordered fancy scans of my lungs. i think i love her, even though she's way too skinny. bag of hangers skinny.

chez hessie has been officially reclaimed. i scrubbed down the bathroom last night. the bathtub hadn't been cleaned since before my surgery. that was one icky tub. what's almost as exciting as the clean abode: i can kneel! it's been a long time since i could do that.

it's a party weekend. birthdays and brunch and many people all over the place. and i'm not even dreading any of it! how novel.

my co-worker bought an iphone last weekend. i want an iphone so much. if i never wanted to have enough money to buy new clothes or birthday gifts or pizza, i could totally go get one. but, i kind of like to not be naked, appreciate my friends and melted cheese. therefore, i will continue to lust from afar.

when my INR drops below 2.5 i get anxious and stressed out. last night, it was 1.6.

i'm going to bed so i don't have to think about it anymore tonight.