waving my white flag

last night i officially gave up.
right in the middle of my code-fidding, just at the moment when i went in search of the key supplementary code which would enable me to finish my work, my adsl connnection disconnected. i sat at my desk staring at the connection error in disbelief for i can’t remember how long. it was quite a while. my hockey team won their game while i sat there, slowly deflating, any sense of purpose or determination leaking from my person.
yes, maybe i could have done it myself. i probably could have figured it out and gotten it all done. i might even have done a better job at it. anything is possible, afterall. but, i didn’t. i gave up. i reached that point where i didn’t care anymore. couldn’t give a shit, really.
what do single girls with anti-social tendencies do when they’ve reached the end of their tether? they go to bed. they crawl into their comfy caves of consolation and go to the place where their dreams come true, where they rule the world and they get the guy.
that’s what single girls without the upstairs neighbour bitch from hell do, anyway.
an hour and a half i laid in bed, praying for sleep, for the day to end, for eight hours of blissful unconsciousness, trying to hear the rain fall above neighbour bitch’s music pounding through my ceiling.
just a note, neighbour bitch from hell: if i can hear the lyrics to your music, through your FLOOR, then it’s TOO FUCKING LOUD.
even before i gave up, when her noise was complicating my homework thinking, i tried to retaliate so she might get the hint. i played nickleback at almost-full volume. thrice. when that didn’t work, i broke out the one and only rap song i have: holidae in. at least when that came on loud and proud, i got a little cardio out of it by shaking my money-maker all over the apartment.
at about ten-thirty, i finally heard the floor squeaking as she walked across the room to the stereo and the noise stopped. actually, it didn’t really stop. if listened hard enough, i could still hear the stupid twanging of her johnny cash wannabe album playing, but at least it wasn’t threatening to turn me into a homicidal maniac. within moments, i was asleep. thank god.
today, i’m still not really much for the caring. i’m going to explain to my teacher that my internet connection was down and i wasn’t able to get the supplemental code to finish the assignment. thankfully, he had earlier decreed that there would be no deductions for late assignments for the rest of the course, so i’ll tell the useless TA that i’ll email it to him when i get it done, which will hopefully be this weekend. i don’t have to hand it in to pass the course, but it would mean an even bigger hit on my grade, depending on how i do on the exam next week.
in closing, a little personal information i probably shouldn’t share because it will get back to who i’m talking about. then again, isn’t that what cryptoblogging is all about? to passive-aggressively share your true feelings with people without the actual hassle of being up front about it?
i’m obsessed with a boy situation i think i might have done all wrong. it was good and wonderful at the time, but it is starting to become clear to me that i probably should have done things differently. there’s just too much at stake for me to treat it so casually. we’ll see. who knows, with luck i might have it all backwards.