on my way home on a thursday which felt like a friday

let the procrastination begin! i really meant to start the homework last night, but i came home to all the dishes i didn’t do tuesday or wednesday and, well, you know how freaky i get if i let my apartment gets too out of control. so, i did the dishes, ate some soup (and i didn’t enjoy it one little bit), made burrito filling for lunch today, did those dishes, knitted while watching angel (can you believe my scarf is taller than i am now and i’m *still* not finished?), re-made a cd for hugo to replace the one i messed up, tried to make a cd for marie only to discover that nero can totally suck ass sometimes, started to feel really sleepy so i went to bed only to be kept awake for another forty-five minutes or so by the evil upstairs neighbour bitch’s goddamn awful music. so, i laid there, menstrual cramps keeping me in a fetal position, muttering under my breath: “fucking whore. fucking whore. fucking whore.” i can’t wait until i move. you really have no idea.
today is all about the cramps and the wanting to be somewhere else.
while driving to work, i was overwhelmed with morgan memories and a sinking feeling in my chest that i’d never find anyone who was so enamoured with me ever agan. then i realized that i don’t give myself much of a chance to meet anyone who might be that enamoured of me. they’re not going to just show up at my door and they’re not going to happily go along with my blowing off dates because of my apathy and fear.
it sounds like i’m obsessing, but i’m not. i’ve just been trying to work my way through the last couple of male-female encounters i’ve had in hopes of seeing where things didn’t work out how they might have. they did stuff which bugged me and i did stuff which bugged them. maybe if i can figure out what went wrong, i can hope to avoid repeating my mistakes in future, if i ever go outside and find someone to be enamoured of me ever again, that is.

5 Thoughts on “everything is too much

  1. You will meet someone wonderful one day. And he’ll have blue eyes and pretty hair and have nice teeth! He’ll treat you better than you thought you’d ever deserve. (Man, I sound like a psychic trying to scam a few bucks off ya :P) Anyway, you’re gonna meet the perfect guy. You’re a sweetheart and really pretty, and smart! And very interesting. Hell, I bet if you were to check your stats, I’d look like I was a fucking stalker. ;-) And… for some reason, I’m suddenly reminded of a supervisor and I’s conversation today. We were talking about how she’s constantly having to have these nerve blocks for a past injury, and she looks at me and says, “Honey, I’ve been poked so many times I could be a porn star.” *giggle*
    Hmm. My mind works in weird ways. =P

  2. Hey there, girly, I’m a new(ish) visitor and I think you rock, baby cakes. It seems (to me anyways) that it’s always when you least expect it, there’s some wonderful person suddenly there who has amour all over his face and he’s lookin’ at you.

  3. Yeah! What she said! :-)

  4. I could easily become enamoured with you, you are absolutely charming..don’t think thats quite what you’re looking for tho!

  5. Once a month, the uterus makes us think funny things. Try not to listen all that much. :-)
    In those situations with your upstairs neighbor, you need to retaliate with the following:
    http://www.mercyskye.com/FuckYa.mp3
    Keep your spirits up! You’re a great person, even if I only know you online!

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