feeling better

maybe i’m an emotional bulemic. once i purge it all, i always seem to feel much better. i’m so thankful for all your kind responses and support. it truly is an amazing thing to have virtual strangers reaching out to you.
i realize that what you know of me is dictated by what i choose to put on this page and when. you couldn’t have known that shortly after getting out all those negative feelings, i felt so much lighter and less put upon. part of me wants to now reassure you that i’m not on the verge of suicide or in need of medical treatment. i don’t walk around all day with a cloud of misery hovering over me. i’m human. i have negative thoughts. sometimes, you just have to vent. you have to express the darkness inside before it consumes you. how very dire i make it sound, but it’s the truth.

i know, very well, that there are great feelings, too. feelings which don’t suck at all. in the interest of balance…
i feel infinitely lucky to have such an amazing group of friends who love me despite my moods and sometimes off-putting quirks. i feel invigorated when i have an interesting and open-minded conversation about potentially controversial topics. i feel proud of finally taking steps to improve my health by learning to eat in a way that is helping my body find a healthy weight. i feel strong when i push myself just that little bit further when i work out. i feel creative when i look through the collection of photographs i’ve taken and think of the photographs i have yet to take. i feel giddy when i discover something new that delights me. i feel sensual when a boy wants to get into my pants. i feel loved when i think of my family. i feel driven and determined when faced with a new challenge. i feel competent and confident with regards to my work. i feel overwhelming curiousity when i’m obsessed with learning something new.