it comes for all

yesterday marked one year since the last time i hugged my mom.

last night, i dreamt that she held me as i peacefully died.

i don’t think those two things are unrelated.

i didn’t realize that particular anniversary was yesterday. i’ve been a little more focused on the looming anniversary of her death, if i’m honest. i remember being over to visit in early june last year, but i thought it has either passed or was still coming up. when i woke from my dream (see, you don’t die in real life if you die in your dream!) i could still feel her soft skin and squishy arms holding me as i told her i wished that people had thought i was funny with my last laboured breath.

so many people i know are losing their parents & close family members lately. i understand we’re in that age bracket now, but fuck. we’re all hip deep in death and grief and it’s just so much.

but, that’s not what i’m here to talk about. i’m here to remember my mom and her love for me and mine for her. that even though she’s gone, she’s still with me when i need her.

i miss her so much. i wish we’d had more time.