resolutions & resolve

last year, my only official new year’s resolution was to stop reading my horoscope. i did fairly well with that. i can probably count on one hand the number of times i peeked at what the stars had in store for me. i’m hoping i can do as well this year.
you see, this year i have resolutions. lots of resolutions. normally, i don’t go for the whole resolution thang, but this year is different. this year i’m going to be thirty years old and if i don’t have my shit together by the time i’m thirty… i’ll have to pretend i’m still twenty-nine. so, my resolutions are as follows:
eat properly
this blanket resolution encompasses portion sizes, intake frequency and quality of food choices; consisting of not allowing anything which does not require some sort of preparation into my house & allowing myself one day of the week to eat outside of this guideline (most probably fridays as it is card night and the night i’ll most often eat restaurant & snack food). i’m not saying i will not eat meat or i will not drink coffee or i will not eat junk food. i’m saying that i will balance everything out, but most of all treat food as fuel. i will attempt to learn to eat to live, not live to eat, as my father once told admonished me.
exercise
because it’s been over a year since i last did anything more cardiovascular than carry groceries in from the car, i’m starting this one off slow. i’m not a fan of endurance activities, so i’ll gradually work up to getting out for hour-long walks or thirty minutes of EFX in the fitness room at work. i’m resovling to start with not taking the elevator at work anymore & using my dumbells at home every day for the next three weeks. from there, we’ll work up to using the hoist at work for more extensive weight-training (which i really enjoy).
simplify & unclutter
this actually began last year with an overwhelming urge to throw things out. i’m a packrat. not one of those scary people who keep every issue of a magazine or wine corks from forty-five years ago. i’m an emotional packrat. i keep memories and souveniers and items of nostalgia. yesterday, while in a cleaning and organizing frenzy, i *finally* sorted through my closet and tossed out all the c64 paraphernalia i’d inherited from julie & mark & scott. i was never going to use it and it was just pissing me off that i couldn’t get at my wrapping paper this xmas. this is going to be a theme for 2002. i’m going to rid myself of the stuff which is holding me down. the stuff i keep just in case i might need it one day. i’m not going to need it. i’m never going to use it. by the way, if i don’t pick up my guitar in the next six months i’m going to get rid of that, too. i don’t know what i was thinking, i’m just not a a guitar kind of girl (i didn’t like the callouses, dammit).
live in the now
i live in the past. i horde my memories and relive them almost constantly. i’ve effectively managed to ruin any chance of a happy now because i’m continually comparing it to my memories of then. this is going to be my hardest resolution. i’m going to attempt to stop thinking “i wish i could have it like it was” and think “i’m going to make it the way i want it now”. it’s all about taking control of my life and not just riding along waiting for the next bump to displace me from my comfy spot.
appreciation
i want to appreciate all the things i have in my life and be grateful for them without always wanting more. this includes my work, my home, my family, my friends, my possessions, & myself. i will tell the people who are important to me that i care about them. i will treat myself and others with the respect they deserve.
the flip side of this resolution is not wasting precious energy on the people who don’t treat me with respect. i will not waste my time trying to play nice with inherently miserable people who can’t ever seem to say a nice word or see anything but the doom and gloom.
health
my biggest and scariest resolution for the new year is to suck it up, find some courage, and go to the doctor. i have some nagging health concerns which i have been trying to ignore for far too long because of the fear of seeing a physician and what they will tell me. i’ve managed to halfway convince myself i’m worried for no reason, but i’ve done my research and i don’t like what i’ve learned. i don’t want to describe my symptoms. i don’t want a lube & oil exam. i don’t want the doctor to look at me with disdain because i didn’t come in sooner. if i only keep one resolution this year, i hope it is this one.
there are a few other, small things i’d like to accomplish this year as well. like taking some sort of class, getting a new hobby, wrangling my debt into a manageable form, working harder at the tasks i don’t particularily like, getting my hair trimmed every three months, flossing, becoming a better email replier, cutting down on the cigarettes, etc.
like i said, i have resolutions! there’s a lot i want to amend and accomplish in the next three-hundred and some-odd days, but the last resolution i’m making for 2002 is to not beat myself up if i’m not 100% successful. when i stumble, i’m going to stop, pick myself back up and start over. no chastising, no self-recriminations, just dogged determination. if i can accomplish that, i’ll be more than pleased.