i was online last night typing to my friend rick for a couple hours before i went to sleep. it was significant for a couple reasons. one being that rick doesn’t get online very much anymore so it’s a treat when we’re able to talk like that; two, i rarely spend that much time on the computer at night anymore. there were times when that’s all i did, but of late there really hasn’t been much reason to.
when i finally logged off, i picked up my phone just to see if anyone had left a message while it was in use, not really expecting to hear the staggered beep telling me i had a message. but hear it i did, so i checked them, wondering who it was who had phoned me, somewhat hoping it was tyler. it was a hang-up. well, dammit, that sucks. so i dialed *69. if you’re going to hang up on me, i’m going to star-sixty-nine your ass.
this is what went through my brain:
it was dean. dean called me. but he didn’t leave a message. dean called me the day after our outing. oh god. he really does like me. i feel very nervous. but is it good nervous or bad nervous? what am i going to do? i don’t think i like him like that. he’s so nice, i’d hate to hurt him. it’s just… he’s not anything like any of the guys i usually fall for. yeah. they’re always the guys who won’t fall for me. maybe i do that to myself on purpose. when darrin liked me, i freaked. when paul liked me, i freaked. now when dean likes me, i’m freaking. ahhh! i can’t help it if i’m attracted to someone else! it’s not my fault! i just can’t think of dean in a physical sense. but he’s so nice… he didn’t know what masticate meant. i’ve never fallen for a guy who wasn’t smarter than me. i do this to keep myself from getting too attached. if i fall for a guy who won’t return my feelings then i don’t have to get too close. i don’t know what to do. i’m going to smoke.
i’m an awful, horrible person. i flirted falsely. i got him interested and now i’m pulling back. i suck. just kill me now.
you women and your god damn swervy tactics really just screw with guys heads you know that? if i had a dime for every time i heard a girl say, “i can’t get too close” because “i don’t want to hurt him” i’d be a rich fucking deadman.
okay sorry. that was out of character.
the problem lies in the fact i don’t know if i will ever really get into him. i don’t want to lead him on. that would be unfair. i never thought he’d get interested in the first place, so flirting was harmless. or so i thought.
okay, so it really WAS Dean that called…right? because this sounds like something i would have thought, before ever hitting the buttons on the phone.
Heather, if it helps at all, I go through the same thing at times. it’s either all or nothing.
Welcome back, bitterman. :)
oh, yeah. it really was dean.
yeah, see… there is no such thing as harmless flirting.. it’s does not exist.
do you guys think you’re the only ones who don’t want to get close? do ya?
it seems that way… everybody these days thinks its the “newest” and “most original” thing to be is reserved and withdrawn… and somewhat unobtainable and untouchable… i’ve got news for you: i’ve been this way for most of my life and i’m trying to find a way OUT!
graaaaarerwwlll
okay. sorry. once again, i’m spamming your comments.
don’t make me ban you. ;)
i get your point, BM, but I think that at least where I’m coming from is, the initial flirt is mutual, but then, what do you do when you realize that you don’t want to take it further, but they do? should we just not flirt at ALL, and let things develop in other ways? perhaps. i have no interest in being withdrawn or reserved, because, as you say, you’re trying to get OUT. i’d help you if i could.
and yeah, don’t make heather ban you. or me, for that matter.
exactly, paige! see, i knew someone would understand.
I happen to like withdrawn and reserved :p
There’s nothing wrong with flirting. Flirting with someone doesn’t mean you want to bump uglies with them or marry them, it’s just means you’re flirting.
i know that dammit! i was just being a bitterman yesterday… :)
Aren’t you bitterman everyday?
hmmm good point.