i overcame my oppressive funk and got myself out of the apartment sunday and over to mel’s place for a delightful (if late: i’m still sorry!) brunch with her, her chris and her kitty, boots. on the way home, i kind of wished i’d taken the bus so i could have enjoyed more of the glorious weather we’re having here of late. the city is so beautiful at this time of year. brilliant sunshine, clear, crisp skies, people out and about. *bliss*
on thursday last week, i got a very exciting email. Adrian, my aussie friend, let me know that he’s in los angeles with his girl and they’re hoping to make it up this way and did i want to meet up with them while they’re in the neighbourhood? silly boy. i told him, absolutely, yes! and they must stay with me so they can get more than half a day of vancouver on their itinerary. i’m so thrilled. i love Adrian to pieces and, come august, it will have been ten years since i saw him last. we’re definitely due for a visit. *glee* i’m so glad i now have all this room for guests! i could never had fit them in the old place.
it’s been no secret i’ve been really… down lately. i don’t know what’s going on especially considering it comes at a time when i’m taking some serious control of aspects of my life which were utterly chaotic. maybe it’s a backlash from that? maybe it’s fear of the consequences of my recent actions causing me to regress and hermit and push people away?
i feel like it’s time for lots and lots of change, but there’s so much internal resistance, i procrastinate or i do self-destructive things even at the same time as i’m making positive steps towards a healthy future. god, why are we, as people, so fucking complicated? what’s with our brains that they actually fight us when we’re doing the right thing?
maybe your brain and the rest of you disagree as to just what exactly the right thing is?
> i feel like it’s time for lots and lots of change, but there’s so
> much internal resistance, i procrastinate or i do self-destructive
> things even at the same time as i’m making positive steps
> towards a healthy future.
I do *exactly* the same thing, Heather. It’s so frustrating, and I have no idea how to NOT be like that.
I don’t like it when you are feeling down! Chin up babygirl, spring is on its way and better days are coming your way.
I can’t tell you how ready for spring I am. Heather, why don’t you try cooking more? I don’t know how often you cook, but cooking makes me feel a lot better – today I’m fixing a tomato basil and smoked mozzarella pasta salad for lunch – and, if you’re still doing weight watchers, you can have an entire cup of it for four wee points! Mmm. Spring in my tummy.
it’s a brain wiring thing. seriously! when we try to change patterns or habits, be they thought or physical or otherwise our brains ‘fight’ against it because we’re asking it to create new neural patterns rather than just using the (easier) ones that are already there. try brushing your teeth with the other hand tonight… it’s the same weird feeling for your brain when you try to change things. which is why I always say that change is evil… evil I tell you! hang in there : )
i think it might help to meet for a sushi dinner.
(Note: What I’m about to suggest worked for me, but do your own research… I am but one chick, and I don’t know everything.)
I quietly went through a similar funk at the end of November and all of December. Then, I read someone’s blog who had found a solution to a very similar sounding emotional time. She talked about how 5-HTP had helped her on many levels, including, but not limited to an increased in positive outlook, reduced irritation levels, better sleep, reduction in carb-craving.
At first I thought that maybe it was a psychosomatic reaction to something new, but after doing some research, I decided to give it a try… Within a few weeks, I was feeling a ton better. My insomnia completely dissapeared, my emotional rollercoaster had completely levelled out (even during some pretty serious changes and stress in my life lately), and my normally quick irritation rarely sparked at all.
I have no idea why there’s so much talk about St. John’s Wort (which I’ve tried in the past and felt that it was a waste of time) yet, 5-HTP gets a very rare mention. There was, quite some time ago now, some problems with the initial way they produced this supplement, but they’ve long been corrected…
Anyhow… Enough of my diatribe. I thought I’d just throw a thought your way, and perhaps it might help you or someone else that reads your blog.
*hugs*
Tan.