Author Archives: Heather

i’ve been spending a lot of time lately thinking about vacations. i have three weeks off work at the end of june and there’s a part of me which would really like to take some of that time and go somewhere i’ve never been. i went to ontario for the family gathering last summer, but other than that, i haven’t gone anywhere in what feels like a really long time (my last trip was to minnesota in 2004). i’ve toyed with the idea of paris, but the costs associated with that are prohibitive at this time. then i thought about vegas, but christopher wouldn’t go there with me and i can’t really think of anyone i’d rather go with my first time; nor would i want to go alone. all this trip-thinking, and the constant reminding myself that i have to get up at 3am saturday morning to drive my dad to the airport for his carribean cruise, must be what caused my dream last night…
suddenly, i was on an alaskan cruise with my friend karen. we were on the ship, in our room and on our way. then, of course, it got weird. i started to see gross bugs and creatures in our room, but not before i read the note left for me describing where to find the cheapest beer on-board. as i was preparing to disembark at the first port of call, i realized that in my haste to get on this trip i’d forgotten to pack a lot of essentials. mostly toiletries, camera and film. i’d only taken christopher’s pearl river and one roll of 120 film. i panicked! i ran all over that little town looking for a shop which could sell me film. finally, i found myself in a curious little shop. run by a little old woman up front selling normal corner store wares and a tall, distinguished older british man in the back, running what looked to be a camera shop. my luck! he had a small supply of strange 120 film (ever hear of kodak asa 310?), which i spent a good deal of time trying to suss out my purchase of.
while i was leaning on the counter, trying to decide how many rolls of which kind i wanted (and could afford), the store suddenly became swarmed with customers up front. the british fellow came up behind me, put his hand on my left hip and pressed his lips to my ear and breathed: “you’re not the kind of girl who travels from west to east”.
stupid dreams.

yay, april!
yay, sunshine!
yay, one work-day away from six days off!
yay, hot boyfriend!
yay, four new rolls of film to scan!
yay, not having to brave ferries on the long weekend!
yay, driving dad’s car for a week while he’s on a cruise!
yay, payday!
yay, pea crackers!
yay, audio books on my mp3 player!
yay, money in the bank!
yay, kevin smith!
yay, sushi!
yay, no-longer-squealing alternator belt in the car!
yay, cherry blossoms!
yay!

i can’t decide if this day is going fast or slow. it’s almost surprising it’s thursday already, but there’s still a whole day left until the weekend. i’m fairly sure it’s exacerbated by the upcoming vacation and good-plans. i marked up my calendar with all the vacation i’ve booked and there’s a splotch of vacation-y orange in every month! it’s costing me for some of those days, but mental health trumps financial gain every time.
i’m starting to be wary of the continuing sunshine. like nature is going to pull the rug out from under us just as soon as we start taking the lack of rain and gloom for granted. I’M NOT TAKING IT FOR GRANTED, GAIA! i’ve finished four rolls of film and there are three more cameras with shots left to take. i’m hoping some of the good weather sticks around for the weekend so i can shoot them, but it’d be expected if the rain came back just as i have time out of the office.
christopher came over the other night, took one look at the jigsaw puzzle on the table and commented that i hadn’t made any more progress on it. that got me to thinking about the amount of time and energy i have outside of work and how i have to carefully ration them to accomplish both the things which i want to do and those i have to do. usually, the wants (Wii, puzzles, socializing) suffer for the needs (chores, errands, sleep) and i don’t know if everyone understands those compromises i make. it’s entirely my fault for having such ridiculous domestic standards, though; but, to paraphrase myself: mental health trumps Wii-playing every time. it sometimes sucks, but it’s still true.
addendum: hot dogs + the incredibles = good night.

i woke up from long dreams of kevin smith with a nagging pre-migraine headache caused by muscle tension in my back & neck. i’m pretty sure the pain is worth the awesome dreams, though. mm, kevin smith. luckily for christopher, there’s little chance we’ll run into each other, ’cause if we did, i’d have to run away with him. it’s just one of those things.
because i couldn’t bring myself to call in sick, i dragged myself into work to suffer publically. i’ve instructed my co-workers to be quiet, but even the noise of my officemate crumpling paper is making me cringe.
it’s possible i might die.
i may have to switch to wordpress to enable the post-by-email feature within it. we’ll see. that seems like a lot of work. might be easier to just quit blogging altogether. what do you think?
i washed the car on my lunch break yesterday. there was too much dirt and grunge on it to get it clean-clean, but it’s pretty damn shiny now. it was nice to drive home last night in a shiny car with all the windows open, the music blaring and not wearing a jacket. yay spring!
zoom airlines is having some sort of “fly to europe for $199” deal right now. i looked up flights during my june vacation and i can get to-from 10 days in paris for just under $900. i don’t know if that’s a good deal or not. i could swing airfare if i really wanted to, but i’d be hard-pressed to afford to stay/sight-see/get around once i got there. i guess i’ll just keep saving up and hope to be able to afford a big trip next year. that’s definitely a goal now: europe in 2008.

point form ’cause i’m sleepy:
– work = stressful
– jen makes better-than-some-sex-nachos
– bought a new astrosatchel at their open house on saturday
– took christopher to lynn canyon sunday afternoon and while he was taking a photo, some guy named stevie tried to chat me up. on the trail. completely random.
– jigsaw puzzles are fun… when your boyfriend doesn’t take them over and become obsessed with completing them with or without your help
– i’m on the countdown until my six days off around easter — i think i can make it!

a recurring theme in my current dissatisfaction with life is the perception that i get nothing done. that nothing is ever truly finished. that, no matter how much i do, there is never any sense of completion. in that vein, i feel the need to itemize the things i accomplished this weekend:
– topped up the oil & washer fluid in the car
– cleaned out trash and shook out car floor mats
– de-squeaked the bed (i need to find a more permanent solution for that)
– opened all the windows and let the apartment air out
– washed three loads of laundry
– prepared a killer steak & prawn salad friday night
– dust-mopped the floors
– cleaned out the fridge of inedible & unpalatable food
– saw 300 with karen
– watched the holiday and half of eragon
– cooked enough food for the entire week’s lunches (and possibly next week’s, too)
– washed three sinks-full of dishes
– took out the garbage
– organized bottles for return (but they’re still sitting on my table)
– resisted the lure of ebay
– spent three great evenings with my boyfriend
– slept until i didn’t want to sleep any more sunday morning
i need to find a job which pays me 15-25% more than i make now (just to cover pension & benefit losses) in which i either have projects with finite beginnings & endings or absolutely no responsibility other than using the internet to find out what’s going on in the world and keep up on ‘net trends. how do i go about finding something like that?

it’s official: i’m old and i don’t adapt well to change (i understand they’re not mutually inclusive, but in this example, i’m fairly confident it’s a cause-and-effect relationship).
my entire week has been plagued with DST-related sleep problems. the morning comes far too early, but even though the clock says it’s bedtime, my body knows better and just won’t let me to go bed yet, which just makes the morning come all that earlier.
today’s the capper, though. i didn’t get to bed until midnight when, thanks to cramps and too much pizza for our late dinner, there wasn’t much sleeping at all. what sleep i got was very, very light. so light my sleep-talking actually woke me up. twice. as you can probably imagine, the five-thirty alarm was not a welcome visitor. i feel like complete and utter ass right now. i’m barely conscious and i have no idea how i managed to drop christopher off and get to work this morning. i do have a vague recollection of enjoying how well my new windshield wipers work, though.
yes, DST, you should go to Enumclaw and get your intestines ruptured by some hard equine anal intercourse.
on top of the exhaustion, the lunch out i was looking forward to has been rescheduled until next week. of course, that’s not such a bad thing seeing as i spent way too much money yesterday.
i left work at two (yay for having a couple hours of vacation to burn), picked up christopher, then we drove across town so he could drop off film and search for the toe-sock store he’d heard about. while wandering around granville & broadway, we passed a clothing store i just had to go in. i’m very glad i did, because i left with a beautiful vietnamese poodle skirt made by a local designer. it cost a lot more than i’d normally pay for such a piece of clothing, but i just could not say no. while i was trying things on, the owner/designer was talking to chris about the pinhole camera he was carrying and showing off the fabulous photos he has loaded on his ipod. actually, if i were worried about such things, i’d think that she was hitting on him — hard — but, i’m sure she was just interested because she had studied photography and was intrigued by his unusual apparatus.
after that effusive experience, we drove a little bit further down granville to hunt for a parking spot so we could go get christopher his sexy new shoes. truly, they are beautiful. i may be biased since they’re on his feet and they match the colour of my sofa perfectly, but i really do think they suit him to a T. at first, i was concerned they’d be too red for casual wear, but since seeing them on, i’m sure he’ll be getting a lot of excellent wear out of them.
while in the neighbourhood, we stopped into the new Urban Outfitters store all the trendy hipsters are excited about. together, we decided that it’s like Old Navy for people who listen to the Fiery Furnaces. still, they got my attention with the home decor section and, of course, the Lomos. i was this close to buying myself a fisheye2, but i reigned myself in just in the nick of time. actually, it’s probably a good thing there’s nothing in that store, except scarves, which would fit me or i’d totally have outfitted myself from head to toe before leaving. their stuff is very cute — almost too cute. cute is a very fine line to balance upon.
since the new H-Mart was on the way back to the car, we popped in to see what the fuss was all about. it’s like a mini T&T supermarket, with a much better food court. i bought a couple bags of edamame, but nothing else really stood out. i would like to go eat there one day, though. maybe before the next show at richard’s we go to…
tomorrow, i’m planning on going to lunch & a movie with my friend karen. the plan is to eat at Burgoo and then see 300. it should be a good afternoon. i’m hoping she’ll have time to come by the apartment since she hasn’t seen all the changes which have taken place. speaking of, i have two new photos framed and hung: jamie’s breathtaking photo of the electra and amanda olbrys’ luminescent self-portrait i purchased via deviantart. colene facilitated the framing by letting me abuse her work discount — thank you again, colene!
posting will be in flux for the next while as i settle on a new routine. i hope you’ve enjoyed the recent regularness, since there won’t be much of that for a while.

did i mention i brought four new-to-me cameras home from the island?
how about finishing ‘oryx & crake’ in record time?
well, i must have told you about my three-week vacation in june, right?
what about the craft show in april i’m seriously considering getting a table at to try to hawk some photowares?
but, you had to know that jelly beans are evil and if i never see another it’ll be too soon, yes?
wow, i must be slipping.
p.s. i’m pretty sure it’s going to be sunny for the rest of the week because i put new windshield wipers on my car last night. you can thank me with cash gifts.

ever have one of those nights where you never really fall asleep? where you’re either too hot or too cold, never just right? where the pillows are lumpy and uncomfortable? where your usually cozy blanket just feels wrong and twisted around your body? where every noise you usually snooze through wrings you out of whatever shallow slumber you’ve acquired? where each time you look at the clock your heart sinks just a little lower than the time before until the alarm starts bleeping at you and your responsibilities require you to get out of bed regardless of not coming to close to accomplishing what it was you’re supposed to have while in it all night?
yeah, it sucks.

let’s see, i was away for the weekend, so my sleep schedule got derailed. then there’s daylight savings time, three weeks early, so i was up until midnight last night (11pm real time) and up at five-thirty this morning (four-thirty real time). no wonder i’m fucking bagged today. PLUS, it’s dark again in the morning on my way to work. how much does that fucking suck? i was just beginning to get used to, and enjoy, the daylight commute.
fuck you, george w. bush. FUCK YOU! grr.
sorry, i’m sleepy. the small favour for the day is that it seems to be sunny outside. i don’t know about you, but i could use some sunny.
i locked myself out of my apartment last night. i’d gotten home from the island, unpacked, put on my scuzzy housework clothes and gone down to start my laundry so i didn’t have to come to work naked. i got back upstairs and went to open my door and… i couldn’t. you see, my door has two locks: one deadbolt and one locking doorknob. as a rule, i only lock the deadbolt, except when i go away. then i lock them both. well, i forgot to unlock the knob lock when i got home, so when i closed my door to go downstairs… it locked.
i stood in the hall for a good five minutes wondering what the hell i could do. eventually, i knocked on the door across the hall. those neighbours never hesitate to knock on my door, so i returned the favour. first, they tried their key, which obviously didn’t work. then their little girl suggested using a card to break in. so there they were, mom and dad and daughter trying all sorts of different cardboard pamplets and phone cards to break me into my apartment. just about the time i was ready to convince them just to phone the super, the neighbour down the hall came out to retrieve their stroller left in the hall.
he looked at our motley crew and i said “i locked myself out” with what i’m sure was a pathetic voice and even more pathetic expression. next thing i know, he fished his keys out of his pocket, said “i used to be the building manager” and opened my door.
i promise i will never complain about him & wife leaving laundry half-done in the laundry room for days and days and days. well, until i have to move their damp underwear around so i can wash my clothes.
otherwise… i met a really nice couple and their daughter on the ferry friday. then, i ran into the man while grocery shopping the next day. i’m still kicking myself that i didn’t ask to take his photo. he had an amazing face i would have loved to capture. oh well. one day i’ll get over that, i hope.
tonight, i HAVE to go shopping. i didn’t have any bread for breakfast this morning, no sweetener for my coffee and nothing for lunch. it’s dire straights in chez hessie. it’s very, very sad indeed.

when the phone rang at eight o’clock last night, the very last person i expected to be on the other end was tyler. i hadn’t talked to him in… at least three years, possibly closer to four. so, after a few questioning “hello”s, i finally recognized his voice and exclaimed, rather loudly actually, “oh my GOD!!” he immediately declared his intention to strive for that reaction to every phone call he makes.
we spent about forty minutes catching up on each other’s lives and circumstances. he’s had a lot of big change in the last few years, most of which sounds really positive. i’m very happy to hear that. i know that when we last talked life wasn’t nearly as good to him as he deserved. i cut the call short, not because i didn’t think we could keep talking for hours and hours as we used to, but because i’d left christopher sitting in the living room all alone.
i felt especially bad because i’m going to the island tonight to visit the maternal unit and it was the last evening we were to have to ourselves. i’d cooked us what i thought was a very, very yummy dinner: baked chicken breasts (which turned out juicier than any chicken i’ve ever cooked), roasted new potatoes and garlic fried green beans. i expected we’d then just curl up on the couch and watch a movie. oh well, you know what they say about the best laid plans.
i’m very glad it’s friday. i got paid today, which is always nice; and, my boss is away, which is even nicer. yesterday felt like friday, so it is good to actually be on the right day for a change. i think i’m going to try the new noodle place for lunch and christopher might join me (i hope).
have a great weekend, lovelies!

bleh, monday.
– swimming was good. i didn’t drown and only pulled one muscle.
– my magic gathering turned into a “watch christopher finish zelda” party.
– the apartment, she be clean again.
– there’s not much better than sleeping in freshly-laundered bedding.
– when did blue become the cool colour for the lit-up parts of electronics?
– i converted an old piece of clothing into something i’ll actually wear.
– have you seen the 1994 version of “the fantastic four”? don’t. just trust me on this one.
– shane is a veritable fount of information regarding all things joss whedon.
– my favourite zombie movie gets released on dvd tomorrow. buy it for me?
– leftovers == good

bored now.
i’ve got a batch of newbies to deal with this morning, so i’m biding time until that happens. since i determined that if you get them to love you on the first day, you’ll have them on your side forevermore, i got dressed up so as to make a good first impression on them. of course, they’ll be so scared and overwhelmed with all the information being thrown at them today it won’t matter much. at least i can say i tried.
ever have a thursday which felt like a friday? yeah, that was me yesterday. all day i found myself making plans for “tomorrow” only to realize with a curse that no, that’s the day AFTER tomorrow. bleh. so cruel.
had dinner at christopher’s last night. beforehand, we went to futureshop, where i bought cute pink & blue wiimote condoms. they feel weird, but at least now we know whose wiimote is whose. afterwards, we went to t&t where i bought more nori and miso soup. mm, miso soup. then i went home, laid on the sofa, watched “are you smarter than a 5th grader?” and then went to bed.
really, don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
tomorrow’s looking busy: swimming, appointment and then i think there will magic being played at chez hessie. should be fun. fun! meh, i guess that means i need to clean tonight. ohwell.
have a great weekend, youse.

i’ve been excessively moody and down on myself the last few days (and probably few weeks, if i’m honest). i don’t exactly know what’s going on, but i do know that i’m entirely fucking sick of it. in response, i’m doing something drastic.
1. i have an appointment on saturday to take care of some stuff you don’t need to know about and i’m not going to tell you about, so don’t even ask, but it’s not health-related, so none of you need worry.
2. i’m going to take up swimming.
the closest public pool opens at 5 a.m. during the week for lap swimming. i’m trying to figure out what time i have to get up and out to get to the pool, swim for 30 minutes, get dry & dressed and to work on time in the morning.
i would prefer to go after work or in the evening, but the last thing i want is to subject my mostly unclothed body to the scrutiny of vile children and cruel teenagers. i figure between five and seven a.m. there are mostly fitness freaks who’ll be too busy trying to lap me to notice my jiggles and seniors who have ‘been there, done that’ so long ago they couldn’t care less.
what’s really daunting is i don’t know the pool routine any more. it’s been well over 20 years since i set foot in a public pool (and probably not less long since i was swimming as all). do you still get a safety pin with your locker key to attach it to your suit? can i take my towel out to the pool with me to cover my gigantic thighs? what’s the lap-swimming etiquette if i need to stop to catch my breath? hell… do i even remember how to swim? i don’t want to look like a stupid newbie.
the plan was to dive right in (hah!) tomorrow morning, but i think i’m going to put it off until saturday. that way, i don’t have to get up at 5 a.m. and i can time out the whole experience and still have lots of room in my schedule to dry my hair before my appointment.
i hope i don’t chicken out. especially now that i’ve told the whole internet about it. say… want to come with me?

i’m not big on confrontation. nor am i big on jumping down someone’s throat in response to some transgression. this means i don’t stand up for myself a lot of the time, which sucks, but i rarely get into situations where i need to. luckily.
yesterday at work, i was a hair’s breadth away from both confronting and jumping down someone’s throat.
i’d gone downstairs to fetch some stuff, and while doing something else while waiting for said stuff, i heard the guy who’d gone stuff-fetching mutter and curse and come stomping down the stairs near me saying “bitch”. i felt my blood pressure rise and my limbs start to tingle.
when he returned, stuff in hand, i said to him, very quietly and with a lot of control, “i hope you didn’t just call me a bitch”. somehow i noticed the guy’s boss overheard this and looked up at us from his office with a glint of concern in his eye.
“no,” he replied, “i said ‘son of a bitch’. there are no descriptions on half those boxes. i didn’t know where to look for your stuff.”
a short time later, the guy’s boss walked passed me and muttered “son of a bitch“.
to which i replied with a chuckle and “oh… there would have been holy hell…”
boss-guy laughed, “yeah, i saw the look on your face.”
i was in a foul temper, yes. i didn’t realize i looked it, though. see? this is why i can only play poker on the computer. i can’t hide a damn thing.
in other news, i made my first bento box last night. filled with home-made sushi, miso soup and some edamame. turns out rice with furikake is an acquired taste i’m not sure i want to acquire. otherwise, it was good and almost cute enough to trigger my pancreas. i don’t think i’ll be a daily bento builder, but for a once-in-a-while thing it will be fun to try to make cute food.

i want a hat.
i also want a new coat.
i could really use a new mattress.
my bathtub & surround are now so clean i want to lick them.
i should try to take photos of my new dress.
maybe.
a co-worker wants to buy my car to convert it to electric.
too bad i still need it.
i’m going cash-only for a month.
i might starve if i don’t stop impulse spending.
i used my dollar store cable release last night.
twice.
i think my scanner hates fuji film.
either that or fuji film hates me.
i can’t tell.
i’m pretty sleepy.
my lunch is awesome.
i can’t wait for eleven.
i’m almost finished my book.
maybe today.
don’t know what i’ll read next.
i want to go swimming.
but i don’t want anyone to see me doing so.
that’s a problem.
i might go get a grande non-fat black tea latte no classic today.
maybe.
i should go for a walk.
but that will make my foot hurt.
it might be worth it.
we’ll see.
my jaw hurts.
still.
i wish it would stop.
i want to be noticed.
but i don’t think i’m noticeable.
does not compute.
i got an email from randy on friday night.
he lives in new york.
i met him once (well, twice).
he googled me!
that was cool.
he’s all successful now.
i felt like a loser in a dead-end life.
kind of.
at least dull and uninteresting.
i really like ginger.
have you tried those thai spice chips?
they’re really gingery.
and good.
i need to make sushi.
before the cucumber goes bad.
it’s in the crisper.
can i eat salmon from safeway as sashimi?
or will it kill me?
i always think i’m taller than i actually am.
i wonder why that is.
i miss my cats.
they’ve all been dead for years.
i want a new one.
but i’m afraid it won’t have a good personality.
and it might ruin my leather couch.
what if it hates me?
i should get a haircut.
by a real stylist.
maybe even get highlights!
my hygienist wears too much makeup.
but she’s really nice.
did you know using a toothpick is as good as flossing?
i should stop now.
you’re probably bored.
but it’s kind of fun.
ish.
have i mentioned i’m a little sleepy?
let’s go have a nap.
okay?
okay.