Author Archives: Heather

i just recently realized, after seven months of living in my apartment, that, if i so chose, i could read in bed at night. i don’t know why, but it just never occurred to me. in the bachelor, reading in bed meant having to get up out of the warm blanket entaglement to turn the light off and that’s just unacceptable. once you’re warm and comfy and your eyes are so very heavy from reading you can’t get up. it goes against all that is right in the world. the ritual of bedtime reading is: read, get sleepy, stretch, close book, turn off light, curl up, sleep. i don’t see “get out of bed” anywhere, do you?
of course, i haven’t yet gotten a lamp for my bedroom. i hadn’t figured out the bed-reading and just thought the overhead light would be sufficient for all my bedroom lighting needs. well, nope. wrong again. i need a bedroom lamp!
last night, i took my one lamp (an el cheapo clip lamp) from the “office” (i love calling it that) and attached it to my headboard to read a while last night while waiting for a dvd to burn. it was amazing! it made my sparse room of sleeping and dressing all pretty and less harsh. i curled up under the überblankie and on top of the sexxy sheets and read for over an hour (i’d only planned for half of that).
i guess i have a mission for this week: get a clippy lamp for the bedroom. i can’t wait! i’m going to be a bed-reading fiend!

i think there’s a conspiracy to keep me off the internet. first the webhost problems, then the dns problems, now it’s my cable inexplicably dying yesterday which means there’s no internet (or tv) at my house. OY!
anyway, it was a completely uneventful and restful three days off. if i hadn’t promised dean i’d work on his computer (and i didn’t need food) i probably wouldn’t have left the building at all. it was great! shane came over saturday night to visit and i realized that i’m completely unsmoochable, which isn’t surprising, but nevertheless sad.
now i’m back at work and, well, yeah. that’s about it.

hey, did you hear about the one where the girl was having a really hard time with her website? yeah, it was stupid, but it’s on the mend now. over the next couple of days everything should be visible again. i’m sorry for the troubles, but it was totally not my fault. honest!
in other news, i have the day off and i just slept until nine. mm, sleeping in is so very good. i’m having trouble getting coffee as the percolator is being a bitch, but it’s all good. in fact, it may force me out the door earlier than i planned to go to one of the million coffee shops in my neighbourhood.
okay, the perk worked. mm, coffee.

this is a test.
if you pass, this will post soon.

you know, i can’t think of anything worse than waking up with a headache. what do you think happened to me this morning? it’s awful because it’s making me forget all the good things which happened to me this weekend.

there were movies, there was a surprise birthday party, there was sleeping in, there was shopping, there was cleaning & laundry, there was a visit from dad, there was conversation with a favourite boy, there was lots of feeling very cute, there were naked shoulders out in public.

it’s a short week for me this week. i booked friday off just in case. just in case what? well, there was a tentative being bounced around, so i though i’d both treat myself and open up some more time for said tentative. even if there’s no hook-up, it’ll still be very nice and decadent to be able to sleep in on friday.
oh, i found the cellophane bags for my cards! colene hooked me up and the very arty guy at the store showed me the glassy bag location. next time, i’m totally making col get them for me so i can abuse her employee discount, though. i gave one of the happy b-day cards to the surprise birthday girl and she was so impressed. it was almost embarrassing.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i really need to date a massage therapy student. i’ve had the worst crick in my neck all week. ahh… some handsome, sensuous, good-smelling devil with hands which mould me like clay. wouldn’t that be just dreamy?
tonight is a me-night. there will be laundry, housework, homework and, maybe, a little bit of crappy television catching-up. i was invited out, but if i don’t catch up on my down-time before the rest of this weekend occurs, i won’t be in very good shape come monday.
last night, i dreamt i drove to prior lake. i didn’t even realize i’d driven there until i was standing outside jodi’s apartment. i looked in the window and saw her cat, madison, on the moldy carpet and her and sister #2 on the fabulous red couch having a serious discussion about a douglas coupland book. i didn’t want to disturb them, so i got back in my car (which is when i realized i’d driven there (and why hadn’t i driven there before if it was a driveable distance?)) and then realized i could just go to jeremy’s house! i woke up as i was trying to decide if i knew where i was going or had to call and get directions. bummer. could have used a good visit, even if it was only in a dream.
i haven’t mentioned it in a while: i love my bed. and my camera. and i really need some intimate contact with another human being before i start turning psychotic.
sorry i dropped the ball on the valentines this year, guys. i thought about putting the word out a couple weeks back, but that was in the middle of my funk and stamps had just gone up in price and, really, how does one top hello kitty valentines anyway? maybe i’ll put the word out for st. patrick’s day cards. are there such things? hm. or, maybe i’ll just send random cards made from some of my photos (not unlike the ones you see above).
yeah, about that. i finally set up my card store on cafepress. it’s called nuttymuffin photography. there will, eventually be a website at nuttymuffin.com, a more branded design and much more to choose from in the way of products. if you have any favourite photos i’ve posted and would like to see them on any of the neat things cafepress makes, please let me know and i’ll happily put them in the store. as an adjunct to the online store, i’ll be making “hand-made” versions of cards as well. as soon as i find a supplier for cellophane envelopes, i might try to sell them at flea markets and such.
have a good friday, peeps!

even after a crappy day at work and then a crappy afterwork (wherein i stopped at metrotown to pick up my jeans only to find i’d left my wallet at work), i managed to get myself together and get across the harbour to meet up with jen, tanya, vern, ritchie, colene, gill and nelson for dinner at aqua riva. unfortunately, gill was sick and left before the appetizers arrived, which was a total bummer (dude) because i was very much looking forward to talking about cats. all. night. long.
the meal was beautiful and delicious. i don’t often get out for fine dining in any sense of the phrase, so it was a real treat for me to go out to a restaurant that actually has a coat check and gives you TWO kinds of bread and spreads before your meal. the place was packed, but i scored the seat right by the window (sweet) so when they all started to bore me, i just watched the lights twinkle on the water.
of course, i’m kidding about that. the lights were glittering on the water. teehee.
i don’t know, i’d love to relate to you all the fun and funny conversations we had, but i don’t have that uncanny photographic memory for quoting people. the best i could do is paraphrase and, well, that never turns out well. besides, why try to reproduce such a great, lively, interesting evening out when we all have it in our memories? if you really wanted to share in it, you should have been there!
ritchie put up all the photos he we took with his adorable little camera. i think i like it, if only because it somehow made me look halfway decent (go canon go). although, i’m still not sure why colene wanted to lick my face.
p.s. my horoscope says:
Intimacy is the name of game now — and you, of course, being the emotional, sensitive creature that you are — won’t mind a bit. Since you’re so good at spoiling the ones you love, there’s an excellent chance that you won’t hear any arguments when you suggest to a certain someone that you two start the fun early. Especially since they’ve probably been waiting for you to make your move for some time now.
so, who’s been waiting and why haven’t you said anything?
p.p.s. i’ve decided on my designated crush for 2005. yay! new crush!

while driving home from class last night, i seriously considered getting rid of my car.
it’s going to be thirteen this coming april and it’s really starting to show its age. i haven’t been that kind to it, really. i babied it quite obscenely when it was new and there was a hose and outlet so close to its parking spot, but when i moved back to the cruel city… well, you know, nothing gold can stay, as mr. frost wrote.
there are so many strange noises, smells and vibrations that i don’t trust the car’s safety any longer. i quite honestly expect the thing to burst into flames or an axle to fall off. it’s come down to deciding whether it is worth the, probably close to, $3000 in repairs to ensure another five years of trouble-free driving. while that amount is certainly less than the cost of a new car, or even a new, used car, it is just too much for me to spend on a car whose black book value hovers around $1000.
so, on this drive home, i did some quick mental math and discovered that right off the bat, not driving my car will save me $2300 per year. that’s just taking insurance and fuel into consideration. if i totalled up the amount of money i’ve spent on repairs in the last five years… no, that wouldn’t be a good idea. i’d rather live in ignorant bliss, thanks.
i don’t need a car. i get transportation through work. i also now live in a neighbourhood where i can satisfy almost all my retail needs simply by walking a couple of blocks. if i had to buy large, heavy items, i know that my dad, or even meghan, would be willing to help me transport things. even then, there are such things as taxies and rental cars. there are thousands of people who don’t have vehicles of their own and they don’t seem to be suffering all that much.
so why does the thought of no longer having a car freak me out so much?
the other alternative is to keep the car, but change the insurance to pleasure only. that way i still have it for personal use and it wouldn’t be subjected the the daily commute and that would, hopefully, prolong its life by a few more years. but, there’s still the matter of repairs. will having it sit idle for days at a time cause more trouble or will it benefit from the rest? it’s not like the car is a self-repairing entity like the human body. a week off won’t heal its strained struts or creaky cylinders.
then there’s the time issue. my work day is 7:30-4:00. right now, if i leave home by seven, i’m almost guaranteed an on-time start and it’s rare that i get home any later than 4:30. if i were to rely on public transportation to get to and from work those hours are magically transformed to 6:00-5:30. that’s an extra two hours every day i’ll be spending travelling. up until now i’ve justified driving to work by saying my time was worth more than those two hours. now? i’m not so sure anymore.
there are benefits to taking transit. i could catch up on my reading. i’d see more interesting things to take photos of. i’d get exercise. who knows, i might even meet new people! but, i’d have to get up at five a.m. five days a week. oy.
what’s a girl to do?

it was really hard for me to muster a lot of emotion about all the website stuff after hearing about my ex-coworker’s death. there was just too much sadness in my heart.
his name was Tony Bennett. no, really. of course, not that Tony Bennett, but he sure did handle the jokes about sharing his name with that italian crooner well. he was the most distinguished, learned man i’d ever met at the tender age of twenty. he was born in Bristol, England, tall, father of two, with a full head of white hair and accompanying goatee, meticulously landscaped.
he seemed to me to know something about everything. his father had sold antiques to the Queen. he went to school with Acker Bilk. he spent time serving in Saudi Arabia. he taught me everything i know about how anything automotive works (and how to change a flat tire all by myself — something he made a point of doing before i took off on my very first road trip in my very first car). he absolutely glowed with love and pride whenever he talked about his wife or sons. i loved to hear his stories of family life: what the dog got up to while they were out at a craft fair, what new girlfriend his son had, what new creation his very talented wife had made, what new home renovation he’d completed, a synopsis of what he learned in his boating course that week. he taught me how golf cars work and, through observation, how customer service worked. we had a mighty collection of kinder toys at work. we’d bring each other our favourites or the one we needed to complete a series. for such a gentleman, he wasn’t afraid to be silly. i loved that about him.
i think he was a surrogate father to me at a time when i felt very forgotten by my own dad. no one should be surprised that less than four hours after i heard of his passing, i was on a boat back to that little city to pay my respects at his memorial.
i don’t know how i kept it together as much as i did. i’m not good at condolences. as soon as i saw his wife i started to well up. it was less than twenty-four hours since i’d found out this wonderful, wonderful man had died, so it was all very close to the surface for me. i wish i could have expressed to his wife and sons just how much i cared for him, but it was all i could muster to give her a hug and tell her how sorry i was before i felt myself starting to cry again. thank goodness my mother was there to have a conversation with her while i composed myself.
i feel so much remorse for not keeping in touch with him. i was JUST thinking about him this past week. i can’t remember if it was in a dream or just a random memory, but he was very much present in my thoughts. did i know? during one of my recent trips to visit mom we drove through his neighbourhood, past his house. was he inside, medicated with morphine to take away his pain?
i may not have worked with him for the last seven years but i have never forgotten, nor will i ever forget, him.
i’m so glad my mom told me about the memorial. i’m so glad my dad was there to take me to the ferry. i’m so glad i got to know Tony for as long, and as well, as i did. he was a truly wonderful man. the world was lucky to have had him.

the best part of friday was waking up. everything after that whiplashed me into quite a state.
following my usual morning routine, my towel and slipper-clad self went to the computer to do that which one addicted to the internet does. i checked my gmail account, i made sure my paycheque had been deposited, i checked my overnight downloads. you know, the usual.
just as i was about to get dressed and leave for work, i thought to check my fubsy.net mail. i wondered why it asked me for my login info. again. and again. then i saw something which set off my panic response. buried in the traditionally cryptic outlook express error messages was “account suspended”.
oh shit.
i checked the blog and found what you all have been seeing for the past few days. oy. my mind ran through the reasons why this would have happened. it wasn’t non-payment. while i was doing my banking moments earlier, i noticed the charge for the next three months had been processed just days before. maybe my install was being used to spend spam. i’d just heard of that vulnerability the day before (and had downloaded mt 3.15 to finally upgrade, and prevent such a thing from happening). by then, i was risking tardiness, so i sent a short and harsh email to my host’s support account and headed off for my day.
my car windows took forever to defrost. i hit every red light on the way to work. i was behind every slow driver. someone had parked in my usual spot. the web work my boss-boss had for me was over-complicated by technical issues (and exposed me to the UGLY html my web replacement is putting on the internet, shaming my beautiful baby site). my boss was cranky. the thai restaurant i REALLY wanted to have lunch at was closed for lunch. mom emailed me to ask my why her fubsy email account was acting up. then she emailed to tell me an old co-worker from the golf car place had died on sunday. oh, and my site was down because something happened to spike the server load TWO MONTHS AGO and the emails they had been sending to an address i haven’t had in HALF A YEAR telling me to contact them or they’d delete my count had not been replied to. obviously.
i jumped through a lot of hoops with my host, after waiting almost two days to hear back from them about the situation. then, at one point, they wanted me to make changes to the site to fix the TWO MONTH OLD problem, but failed to realize with the account suspended, i couldn’t get to my site to make any changes. oy. i’ve spent the last few hours installing, tweaking and rebuilding. i need to do a couple more small things and then i get to ask them to move my account back to the server i pay for and out of harm’s way.
i’m really glad this weekend is over.

why is it that just because someone works with computers, they’re considered someone to ask for all sorts of computer-related questions? why do i feel the need to say “yes” when people ask me to fix their dirty, rotten, spyware-infected computers? oh, right. i’m a sucker. anyway, i spent seven hours cleaning, installing, re-installling, re-cleaning and installing my father’s girlfriend’s computer in payment for my lovely new bed. still, that doesn’t mean i didn’t hate every second of it. especially when she’s there yapping on about trying to uninstall the popups she was getting. oy. OY, i say!
so, i dreamt that i died last night. at my birthday party, no less. i don’t know how i died, but i there i was, some ghostly version of me while there were still people arriving for the party. for some reason, heather could see and talk to me, so with her help, we went through all my possessions (which seemed to consist mostly of office supplies and condiments) and i told her what to keep for herself, keep for other people and what to get rid of so i didn’t embarrass my parents. very strange. i think it was the motrin i took before bed to take the edge off my body aches.
body aches? yes, i’m a uniform wrangler these days. that means lifting, shifting, packing, taping and moving 50-plus-pound boxes of clothing in a reasonably confined space. needless to say, i’ve been a bit achy when i get home. friday, i took a very hot bath (and then went to work on the aforementioned computer). monday, i took a motrin before leaving work (and then went to work on the aforementioned computer, again). last night, i ate baked doritos and laid on the futon for nearly three full hours before i got up to make soup. unfortunately, i think i tweaked something in my right shoulder yesterday. it’s not so bad this morning, but i’ll have to be careful with it today.
i’m still really tired today. it was pure willpower which got me out of bed this morning. i guess i can’t say i don’t have any of that from now on. anyway, i have something to look forward to tonight: a phone date with my friend jeremy! yay! he’s been one of the casualties of my recent hermitage, and we hardly ever talk without typing, so it’ll be fun to catch up using our voices. double-yay!

so tired, you have no idea. i’m really looking forward to going to bed early tonight. i think i’m going to like programming in java. i’ve discovered lattes with shots of vanilla or hazelnut. mm, shots. *yawn* i told you i was tired.

january has been a month of introspection and hibernation for me. i don’t know if that’s just because it’s january, or other reasons, but i’m finding myself really hiding from people lately. i don’t want to talk to anyone. i really don’t want to go anywhere. interacting with people seems like such a bother. it’s a struggle just to get my point accross and i really don’t have the energy to fight that battle right now. at this point, with five days left in the month, i don’t really see the point in even trying. i’m letting this month end as introverted and hermitly as i like, for february is starting with a BANG.
in the first seven days of february alone, i have four engagements to attend. it’s almost enough to scare me back into bed, under the über-blankie, but really, i’m quite looking forward to it all. there will be lots of different people doing lots of different things, going lots of different places… i think it’s just what i need to yank me out of myself after this month of me.

if it hadn’t been for two phone calls i really wasn’t that keen on participating in, i very nearly went the entire weekend only talking to the checkout girl at the grocery store and i would have been totally fine with that.
i watched three dvds (wag the dog (which i’d seen before, but forgotten), harold and kumar go to white castle (which was okay, but nowhere near as funny as i’d hoped), and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (which was absolutely strange and wonderful and so, so, so good!)), cleaned the floors and bathroom, rearranged some furniture, installed some software, wrote some java programs, tried to do my assigned reading, discovered sigur ros, made chicken fried rice, ate soup, drank raspberry vodka in raspberry iced tea, tried to seduce a boy, did lots and lots of laundry, organized my shoes, had a hot bath, shaved my legs, gave myself a mini-pedicure, discovered baked doritos (ohmygod!), took out the trash, listened to the rain and slept in my lovely bed with my lovely sheets and my lovely überblankie.
it was a good weekend.

why does my jar of jam have its contents in millilitres while my jar of peanut butter have its contents in kilograms? i’m just curious.
today is going to be an extra-ordinarily challenging and stressful day. i asked my boss if i could go back home to bed and start all over; he just told me to drink more coffee. did i mention i brought work home last night? debbie nearly threw something at me when i told her that. oh, right. i haven’t mentioned all the fun work stuff going on lately. that was a sarcastic italics, by the way. i still love the job. i just don’t love all the politics which are going on right now. ugh.
i’m going to make a list of things i will accomplish this weekend. i am in dire need of a real sense of accomplishment right now. i’m feeling completely useless, unworthy and unmotivated these days. everything seems so daunting and i feel unequiped to manage any of it. my hope is that setting some goals and achieving them, even if it is just a laundry list of minor tasks and chores, will help restore some motivation in me to set and succeed at bigger goals.