Author Archives: Heather

today is my last day in my old job. i’m trying to copy files, uninstall programs and not forget anything from the drawers. it’s not like i’m leaving the company, i’m just going downstairs, but still… it’s a little traumatic. all my photos and cards are gone from the walls. soon, my collection of toys will be boxed up and my little corner in MIS will be bare and impersonal. considering they’re not going to replace me, it’s going to stay that way for the forseeable future, too. it’ll be kind of sad to walk past my old desk and see it empty and blank.
on the up-side, it’s my friday and we’re having a birthday lunch (and cake!), so it’s helping to take the edge off.
by the way, i’ll probably be a night-time blogger for the next couple of weeks. with being in the new job (and not knowing if i get internet access, even), i won’t have time during the day. not that anyone will really notice the difference, other than not having to wait until i’ve gotten my morning shit together to find a new post to not comment on. teehee.
as they say: onwards and upwards!

i’m not sure what the universe is trying to do to me, but first Jason comes over and i spend time with him for the first time in almost, if not, a year. then last night, i stop at the grocery store on my way home from the photography seminar deal and there’s Tall Shane staring at the popcorn selection and we talked for near an hour (for the first time in well over six months) while wandering up and down the aisles. then, when i get home, Ohio Dan has sent me an email out of the complete and utter blue, having not had contact with him for at least two years.
seriously, if Morgan, Paul or Jason1 start crawling out of my woodwork, i may just have to do something violent and potentially messy.
i’m not sure if this is some sort of reminder from the universe that these are all men who were not good for me (for many and varied reasons), and it’s trying to remind me of the things which didn’t work in the past so i don’t repeat my mistakes or what, but it’s really kind of creepy.
why are all these boys from my past coming back into my life just as i decide it’s all about the boy who probably doesn’t want me? oh, wait. i guess i already answered my question in that previous paragraph. then again, i don’t know if the boy doesn’t want me. we’ve never had that conversation… specifically. of course, part of me doesn’t care if he does or not. it’s just really nice to have this great fantasy life with him as the star and the fluttery tummy when i think about him.
now i just sound stalker-freaky. i’m sorry. i’m not stalker-freaky, i promise. really.

unfortunately, i totally forgot that i’d registered for a two-hour digital photography seminar tonight which means that’s two and a half hours i don’t have to do my homework. ugh. if i’d remembered, i could have spent less time yesterday doing nothing after Jason left and gotten it done.
it was so nice to have someone around this weekend. watching Nova, geeking out with our computers, ordering chinese food, sleeping late, catching up, drinking greasy ginger ale. my apartment didn’t seem oppressively small and uncomfortable like the last one. the only problem was it seemed extra big and lonely after he left. i need more company! just make sure you time it so i’ve just happened to have scrubbed down the bathroom, okay?
i move to my new job next monday, the 15th. i was supposed to have done some half-day training this week and next, starting full-time on the 22nd, but i was informed on friday that monday’s the big day. they still haven’t posted my current position or told anyone they’re filling in for me. i think, but i can’t be sure, that they might be doing something to the job, either changing or removing it. if they take this opportunity to change it into something i’ve wanted it to become, i’ll be so upset since i can’t apply for another position for at least six months according to our contract.
so, i’m a little nervous and tense about that. i’ll get over it, of course, but being nervous about change is what i do. i only have three days in my old department to get things sorted and ready for me to leave, since thursday is a holiday and i have friday off as vacation. i can’t think about it too much or i start to cry. i’m such a wreck. i need a hug, a stiff drink and my boy. not necessarily in that order.

not that guy, but he still smells good. it was really good for my ego to say “come over” and he did. on a ferry, no less! yeah, i guess i’ll keep him.
don’t worry, he slept on the futon. really.

you know those big bins the Salvation Army or Goodwill have in grocery store parking lots? the ones you’re supposed to put “good, used clothing” in? i never thought that people actually used them. i figured kids would think it was funny to put their neighbour’s cat in or maybe a purse snatcher might dump the Dolce in it after swiping the cash. i didn’t honestly believe that people would put their charitable items in a container in the middle of public where anyone and their cousin Guido could come and take stuff. then again, i didn’t honestly think anyone would try to break into one of them because, well, there couldn’t be anything in it and it’s for CHARITY, dammit.
well, i was wrong on all counts. people actually do put their old clothes in those bins and other people actually do break into them and steal things meant for charity.
this morning on the way to work, i witnessed a woman in an orange touque (which should have been a sign of good taste and common sense) rifling though the spoils of an opened and emptied Goodwill bin. right there, on the street. she obviously knew she was doing wrong; it was like watching those game shows where they put the people in a booth with flying money and they’re madly scrambling to get as much stuffed down their pants as they can before the fan cuts off.
the thing is, she wasn’t extraordinarily grubby. she was actually quite slacker-chic (not that i’m someone anyone (but Mel) should listen to about fashion). i know you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but i can’t help but think this woman just thought “FREE CLOTHES” and started sifting before a cop drove by (it’s near a Tim Horton’s, the odds were good).
if my light hadn’t turned green, i’d totally have taken a picture for you.

not much to report, really. it’s been three months since i moved into my apartment and i just hung my pretty Ikea art last night. i think my measurements were off a titch, but i think they’re close enough that the casual observer won’t notice that they don’t line up.
tonight, i think i’ll clean the bathroom after i walk up to London Drugs to look at camera bags (although, i’m pretty sure i’m going to order a Crumpler). yeah, i’m a party animal. woot.

this is the part where i talk about the U.S. election. there’s way too much red on that map at CNN. i think that’s all i have to say about that. well, and that i think i need to buy this t-shirt. oh, and the electoral college is weird.
this is the part where i gush about how great it is to have married Shane as my class buddy. we have so much fun! i don’t know how i’d survive these classes i don’t really care that much about without him. we laugh and have in-jokes. when the teacher says something we look at each other at the same time and start to giggle. yay for class buddies!
this is the part where i imply that i’m stressed about something, but i don’t give you any details and you start to get annoyed with me.
this is the part where i talk about all the stuff i need to do this week. my house is becoming a sty. the bathroom needs a thorough going over. you know, for all that it was really weird to have every room in my last apartment carpeted, it hid a multitude of floor-related sins. i also have a crafty project i need to do so i can return the borrowed implements. my aunt & uncle from Ontario are in town until next Monday and i thought about going to the island just for a day to visit with them, but i’m already planning to go over for the long weekend next week, so i think i’ll have to pass.
this is the part where i talk about homework. oy! i don’t know what it is, but i just can’t seem to get my act together this semester. i understand everything in the lectures and i did really well on my mid-term, but i just can’t seem to get my act in gear with the assignments. please, someone come and kick my ass!
this is the part where i go get more coffee and get some work done.

firstly, go vote america. if you don’t participate, you can’t complain for four more years.
secondly, they put up the little notice about my new job on the bulletin boards and people keep coming up to me and saying things like “congratulations” or “you’re leaving us?” or “no! you can’t go! i’ll miss you!”. way to make me feel weird and slightly guilty.
thirdly, i don’t know if it’s happening for anyone else, but i’m having intermittent connection issues with anything fubsy.net related. if you are, i’m sorry. i hope it won’t last long.
lastly, i’m a horrible person who can’t seem to get anything done right and this headache which is threatening to pop my left eye out of my head and into my coffee cup is just the mildest form of divine retribution for all the wrong which is contained within me.

blame jen:
A is for age: 32.
B is for booze: broken down golf cart.
C is for career: i’m the new materials clerk, yo.
D is for dad’s name: james william.
E is for essential item to bring to a party: pants.
F is for favorite song at the moment: ‘she will be loved’ by maroon 5.
G is for girlfriend: don’t have one. i’m not one.
H is for hometown: north vancouver, bc.
I is for instruments you play: previously: recorder, clarinet, piano, guitar. if i ever break the tv habit, i’d totally buy a digital piano and relearn how to play.
J is for jam or jelly you like: strawberry, blackberry.
K is for kids: hell no.
L is for living arrangements: one bedroom apartment. yay!
M is for mom’s name: donna mae.
N is for name of your best friend: i refuse to answer this because people will whine.
O is for overnight hospital stays: not since i was born.
P is for phobia: coming out of the mall and having my car missing.
Q is for quote you like: “boys are yucky. throw rocks at them.”
R is for relationship that lasted the longest: um. well. hm. that’s a post unto itself.
S is for sexual position: come over and find out.
T is for time you wake up: 6-ish.
U is for unique trait: come over and find out. ;)
V is for vegetable you love: brussel sprouts!
W is for worst trait: procrastination.
X is for x-rays you’ve had: teeth, nose, chest, knee.
Y is for yummy food you make: stew, chicken fried rice, turkey chili, turkey meatloaf, tortilla pizza, tomato-basil sauce. i’m a damn fine cook.
Z is for zodiac sign: i am the cancer.

thank goodness for the time change. when my eyes popped open at 4 a.m. it was really nice to say “HA! screw you!” and go back to sleep for two more hours, luxuriating in the knowledge that it time was on my side and i was actually getting to sleep until seven. mm, seven!
today would have been my gran’s 96th birthday. happy birthday, gran. i still love and miss you very much.

if i didn’t think i might break it, i’d have slept with my camera last night. as it was, all i did was dream of it and taking pictures all night long, but i blame jim for planting that subliminal suggestion.
i’m ridiculously giddy about it all. i spent most of yesterday around town taking pictures. i was sitting on a bench on the seawall waiting for the sun to set (i’m finally getting around to making the pictures on this list) and this older gentleman took a look at the big, black, huge, sexxy camera around my neck.
“you waiting for the sun to set?” he asked.
“yeah,” i smiled, “it should happen any minute now.”
“well, time’s on your side, then!”

it’s hard to be inconspicuous with such a big camera. i’m going to have to get used to that. i’m also going to have to get a camera bag. i like the look of this one, but it’s like a hundred bucks. part of me thinks “hey, what’s another hundred bucks?”, but the other says “whoa, cowgirl. you’re DONE with money.”
i have so much to learn now. i think i like that. this camera is going to challenge me like the fuji never did. i can’t wait to see what happens. i think i might need a bigger hard drive, though.

it’s Friday! my schedule, and i use the phrase very loosely, for this weekend allows me to sleep in just as much as my body wishes both Saturday and Sunday mornings. this is something i’m looking forward to almost more than what i have planned for Saturday afternoon. </cryptoblog>
tonight, i’m cooking fajitas for M&M&D at their place. i’ll probably also have to rid Dean’s computer of all the spyware they’ve infected it with in the last couple months. oh, and i get to present to them their anniversary gift which FINALLY ARRIVED this week. yay!
i’m totally over my anxious-fear about the new job. i signed the letter of offer and it’s all officially official. i start training part days on the eighth of November and i should be in the job full-time by the seventeenth or twenty-second. i started cleaning out my desk drawers yesterday. holy crap, indeed! and that was just the file folders of stuff. i can’t wait to go through the other side. seven years == lots of crap.

first, before i forget, thank you for your supportive and inquisitive comments on my anxious, wanna throw up, ohmygodican’tbelievei’mdoingthis, yes, Virginia, change is good post below.
i think i’m over the wanting to hurl, but i still cry every time i think about leaving my boss. how sad is that? i didn’t have time last night to have a sob-fest to get it out of my system because i was playing WoW with Jeremy. i will have a really good cry tonight and maybe then i’ll be able to look at Sam again without turning red, blotchy and have my face start leaking.
the thing is, i was so upset when i thought my chance to just apply for this new job was gone. then i was upset when i thought i wouldn’t get an interview. then i got upset when i got the job. what kind of freak am i? i don’t know what it is about getting what i think i want that turns me into some sort of unstable mess (see: Morgan*). i need this change.
i could plug along in this safe, secure position i know like the back of my hand and, every once in a while, have something new come along to make me happy with my work, but be mostly unfulfilled and slowly let my soul be sucked away to be recycled through the HVAC. i could do that, but i know the apathy which comes with being in that situation would only grow bigger and spread outwards into my non-work life (which i think it’s already done, to be honest), making my entire life about keeping safe and being boring and slowly dying inside.
this is going to be a very big change. i’m going to be so much more busy than i’ve been used to. i’m going to learn and do so much. i’m finally starting to get a little bit excited. i’m not looking forward to training my replacement, but that’s just something i have to deal with.
i just keep telling myself that it’s not like i’m moving out of my mother’s house to the big city to a temporary job i might not have in six months. that’s what i did seven years ago when i moved back to north van. this is going to be a piece of cake!
* this is the third time this week i’ve mentioned him. i don’t know if i’m not afraid he’s going to read it anymore or what, but it feels pretty good to be able to reference him again without dread.

boys are everywhere!
it must be the full moon and tonight’s lunar eclipse, but there were boys talking, looking and smiling at me all bloody night at school. the good smoke-smelling, skinny white kid with the baggy pants must have smoked a fattie after dinner because he was über chatty. then pseudo-Tourettes guy kept looking and grinning at me from across the room. even the potentially gay instructor spent a lot of time looking at, and sushing (i was trying to help School Shane, really), me during the lecture.
either i had a serious cowlick going on or i’m just too hot for school. *sizzle*

so, i’ve been thinking. it’s about time i fell madly in love. you know, the can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t stop thinking, dreaming, lusting about love. the kind of love which makes everything you do seem effortless because there’s nothing which can’t be accomplished when you have made a safe, cozy, warm and sheltered spot in your heart for someone else. completely unrealisitic, unrequited, unabashed, unrelenting, unafraid love.
i want to fall and i want to fall hard. at this point, i don’t think i even care if the boy knows i exist. i need to feel it. i need to know that i can let someone be that overwhelmingly important to me again. it’s been a long time since i wanted and loved and cared so much about someone. i haven’t let myself because i was afraid of the outcome. now? yeah, i think i know the outcome, so i’m willing to just enjoy all the rest.
now, who to choose. my designated crush for 2004, Jim, might be the obvious choice. or maybe the new boy on the block, Davin? what about tried and true favourites like Jason, Tall Shane or Morgan (who said you can’t go home again)? i could find a nice, single night-shift worker to fabricate a great little fantasy life around and just sigh happily when i cross his path in the parking lot after his shift. or i could go for one of the marrieds like School Shane, Jeremy or Darren. what about that barrista boy who looked just like Joey Jeremiah? or the tall, dark guy who works at my local London Drugs? oh, the choices!
i suppose, if i’m really honest, i’d really like whichever boy it is i fall for to fall right back. it’s been a while since there was a boy completely besotted with me (she says like it’s happened more than once). physicists say that objects all free-fall at a constant rate (9.8 metres per second per second, by the way). too bad that’s not true for people’s hearts. why can’t two hearts fall for each other at the same rate, arriving at the same place at the same time? Newton really should have spent some time studying that.

when i woke up yesterday, the absolute last thing i would have willingly chosen to do would have been to spend two hours in the car and five hours in a mall with other human beings. i had the cramps and headache from HELL. my ideal day would have been spent curled up on the futon, under a blankie watching my firefly dvds. but, because i’d already committed and i still kind of wanted to go, i headed out to pick up Mel and Chris for our Bellis Fair adventure. but Chris, being a stinky boy-like creature, decided to not come, so it was just us girls.
Mel had a very successful shopping day! i, on the other hand, practiced amazing restraint. of course, most of everything i looked at was crap and, really, i felt like poopiepants so i wasn’t about to be finding anything clothing-wise to be at all attractive on me. but, i did find a cute holiday-themed shirt at Old Navy which i couldn’t pass up for $10 (i think i love Old Navy. it’s probably a very good thing i don’t fit into most of their stock.). i may have to go back when i don’t have an ouchie heel to look at those half price New Balance runners, though.
otherwise, my weekend was dull and lonely. M&M went to the in-laws for dinner Saturday night, so i didn’t see them this week. Dean could have asked if i would come over to do the work on his computer i was going to do on card night, but he didn’t ask so i didn’t offer (hey, it’s a favour to him, not me). i missed Col’s call about going to the VPL book sale. but, i did watch a couple of movies, go for a nice little walk around the neighbourhood to run errands and finally make friends with the pretty tortoise shell cat which lives in the building next door.
if only i’d done some homework and more chores instead of playing WoW. at least my human warlock is finally at level 12 to show for it. </geek>