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so, i did that socializing thing last night. colene and i met up at subeez and then wandered over to the morrissey to sit in a dark room with relative strangers drinking drinks and talking about movies, music, name-dropping and bill.
it would have been a perfect night if i hadn’t gotten blisters on my heels from walking in my newish shoes and the waitress at the morrissey hadn’t been so crabby. hey, lady! i tipped you 25% on my two measely drinks. lighten up!
then again, who knows what was going on with her. maybe she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with one of the drag performers from the two parrots across the street or something.
before i forget, here’s my homework from last night, as assigned by richard2:
schoolhouse rock (ooh, look what i found!)
the adventures of superman & seinfeld
did you know that the ENTIRE school house rock collection is available on dvd? i didn’t, either. i may just have to order that for posterity’s sake. i know i said i wasn’t buying anything else (especially dvds since i now own the first seasons of buffy the vampire slayer, angel and firefly (yes, i have a thing for joss whedon)), but this… this is special.
tonight i’m out for colene’s birthday bash in the west end with all the beautiful people. there’s dinner with theatre sports to follow. yay! i love theatre sports. i keep saying i should go more often, but then it wouldn’t be such a treat when i do go, i guess.
saturday, if i wake up before noon, i have tentatively planned to go to the art gallery to see the baja to vancouver exhibit before it leaves and i might wander over to tinseltown to see garden state and code 46. then, if schedules permit, i expect to be playing cards with m&m&d, but i’m just guessing about that.
see, i can be all social and stuff now that the shelves are painted and the boxes are unpacked! of course, i really need to start putting stuff up on the walls because now that’s starting to bug me. it never ends!

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after leaving work early yesterday because i just couldn’t stand to be there any longer, i went home to put the newly painted shelves back together and unpack eight boxes onto them. there’s still a couple boxes i have yet to deal with, but for the most part, i’m unpacked. i’d feel better about it if, in the process, i hadn’t managed to bump one of my framed stair prints off the swanky new birthday shelves. glass everywhere. print scratched. frame scarred. blah.

i’ve got late-summer fever or something. i’m completely boy-crazy and it’s not helping that my pickings are very slim, so i find myself lusting after all the most very wrong boys i know. gah. i really hope it passes quickly.
in other news, there’s little other news. i need to finish putting shelves back together tonight. i got halfway through sanding spindles while watching dr. t & the women last night. (note: don’t watch dr. t & the women. well, i mean, you can if you want to. it started out really promising, but petered out at the end. no, that’s wrong. it got plain fucked up at the end.) then i can finally unpack the last of the boxes. i can’t wait until there are no more boxes.
oh, i bought myself a dvd burner last night. whee! now i can archive all my photos onto one disk instead of seven and make kickass dvds of tv shows you can only see in the states. mm, i heart bittorrent.
this also marks the official end of my summer of spending. it’s back to pauperism now. no more lavish spending on clothes, shoes, travel, hardware or home furnishings. i’m to make do with what i’ve got. maybe, if i’m lucky, someone will buy me a craptastic little stereo system that plays mp3s at xmas or something. that’s pretty much the only other thing i really covet right now, i think.
oh, one more thing. go vote for my photo to be on a jones soda label, please. i’ll love you forever if you give me a “10”!

shelves got painted. laundry got washed. groceries got bought. pizza got ate. cards got played. nap got slept. gold got won. movie got watched. sky got cloudy. temperature got bearable. ground got wet. software got installed. space got reclaimed. time got lost.

“What? Why are you staring at me?” She looked at him and looked away. The heat of his gaze drew her to him again. Windblown curls gently framed sapphire eyes as his full red lips worked their way to a hesitant reply.
“I’m sorry. Um,” he wrung his hands around his theater program, “I couldn’t help wondering if you were Lee Richardsen.” His eyes darted from her eyes to her mouth to her feet as he spoke.
He looked familiar to Lee, but as is often the case with such meetings she just could not place his face nor that resonant voice.
“I am sorry to bother you, but I couldn’t just pretend you weren’t there. I’m Michael. Michael Christopher. I was a clerk in the same accounting office as you. I guess it was close to four years ago now. I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I just had to say hello.” He gave Lee a little grin and moved to leave. A taxi was just pulling up to the curb as Lee stopped his departure.
“Michael!” He turned around, startled, at the sound of her voice. “Don’t go yet. Um, it’s still quite early and I thought maybe we could go get a cup of tea or cappuccino and catch up on the last few years.” What was she saying? The words sprang from her lips totally bypassing her brain and landing Lee in a situation she wasn’t sure she wanted to be in. But Michael Christopher seemed
to be a decent sort of a guy and he was attractive. Why not?
“Wow. Sure, I’d really like that. Do you have a car or should we grab this cab?” The driver looked like a trapped cat, whiskers twitching, eyes narrowed, waiting for them to make up their minds.
“Actually, The Coffee Shoppe is just a couple of blocks away, why don’t we walk? I could use the exercise after sitting in there for the last three hours,” she gestured over her shoulder with her program towards the concert hall. The taxi driver sped away from the curb like an Indi 500 driver as Michael nodded his assent to Lee’s suggestion. As they went on towards the cafe she asked him,
“What did you think of ‘Les Miserables’?”
“I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but I was near tears. The story is tragic yet uplifting. And the music! My God! Andrew Lloyd Webber is a genius if ever there was one.” Oh, that’s great, Michael! Sound like an idiot in front of this incredible woman, just the way to start off the evening.
“That’s exactly the way I feel too. At one point I nearly fell over the balcony ledge for being so drawn into the … experience. This is the third time I’ve been to see it and every time it gets me.” Lee smiled, “It’s nice to finally meet someone else who feels the same way.”
They each sunk briefly into their respective thoughts for the moment, Michael sneaking glances at Lee’s bright golden hair as it blew behind her, much like the trail of Haley’s Comet. At the same time Lee could hardly keep her eyes from Michael’s full lips. There was something in the way he took his bottom lip between his teeth and worried it as he concentrated. It reminded her of a school-boy anticipating punishment for something he had done wrong. It was very endearing and it made Lee wonder how she could not have noticed this handsome man when they worked together. She remembered him, of course, but he had no special place in her memories. He was just another nameless drone who was working his way through college in that accounting office.
But then you had to know how Lee herself had been back then. Driven, goal-oriented, single-minded, cold. Those were the adjectives that sprung from people’s mouths when they spoke of Lee Richardsen. She didn’t think of herself that way, she was just striving towards success in a very competitive world that doesn’t take woman professionals as seriously as they do men. But that was then, now Lee was walking down a cool city street towards a hot cup of Earl Grey tea with a man she knew she was going to get to know better.
“So, Michael,” Lee started, “what are you doing now? I mean, are you still in accounting or have you moved on to something different?”
“For the last year I’ve been writing the Great Canadian Novel. My parents died almost two years ago in a plane crash and they left me a sizable estate so that I didn’t have to worry about money. I then came to the decision that I was going to try to make something good come out of their death and finally started writing seriously after just tinkering with the idea through high-school and university. English and Creative Writing were usually the only courses I ever got ‘A’s’ in.”
“A writer? I didn’t think you creative types had any kind of skill at mathematics or paperwork,” she chuckled. “How did you cut it as a bookkeeper?”
“I was terrible!” Michael responded, laughing. “I basically sluffed my way through that year. I was determined to make it through university on my own, but my uncle was a partner in the firm and he kept me on long enough for me to get my debts to a manageable level. I’m sure he went to bat for me against his
partners quite a few times because of my mistakes. But if you were to ask him he’d say I was one of the best employees they’d ever had.” Grinning, “You see, I’m his only nephew and he and my aunt never had children, so I was the beneficiary for all that pent up fatherly pride and devotion. Actually, I don’t know what I would have done without him after my parents died.”

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all right. since i have no social engagements planned for the weekend, guess what i’m doing tomorrow. yup, painting shelves! if i don’t do it then, it’ll never get it done. hopefully, i’ll get the bathroom vanity painted on sunday. then all the painting will be done and i can stop whining about it all the fucking time. wouldn’t that be nice? hey, if i’m tired of hearing me moan about it, everyone else must be, too.
i’ve been thinking about it and mel mentioned it in the comments for yesterday, so i better do some leg work for the amazing race party i want to host. so, if you’re a fan, you know the show is on tuesday nights. i’m not so sure i want to have a shindig on a tuesday night. i’m old and i like to go to bed early, and i’d hate to piss off the new neighbours on a weeknight so early in our relationship, so, i think it’ll have to be on a friday night. which will mean that for the die-hard amazing race watchers (of which i think mel and i are the only ones) that there’d be four days between the show airing and our watching it.
of course, since not everyone’s going to care to sit and watch the show, i figure playing a couple of older episodes just as background might be good enough. at the very least, then i could still call it an amazing race party when it’s probably not going to be very amazingly race-y at all. here, i’ll admit it. it’s really just an excuse to have people over to my place now that i can actually fit more than two people, including myself. i hope that doesn’t make me a bad person.
so, as for a date: tonight is too soon. next week is colene’s birthday bash. the next friday is the long weekend and i’m probably going to the island. so that leaves friday, september 10th. it’s not too far away and it’s before school starts for me again, so i won’t be fretting about homework (or at least i shouldn’t).
i suppose this is a request for interest. if you’d like to attend a haphazardly planned party by someone who isn’t really good at planning parties but will try her best to keep you entertained while you’re there, leave me a comment. otherwise, i’ll just invite the usual, reliable suspects because i’m convinced it’ll go just like my 12th birthday party where only one person showed up.

first of all, this is a shout-out to all the people who are participating in this weekend’s weekend to end breast cancer. breast cancer has touched the lives of many people i know and i’m so glad there are people like jen out there who are willing and able to go out there and make a difference. i’ll soak my feet in sympathy and support!
i’m officially ready to start shelf-painting. i finished the sanding last night, finally, so the only thing standing in my way is sloth. boy, do i have a lot of that. honestly, and don’t laugh, i’m paranoid of the oil paint i bought. i’ve never used it and i don’t want to fuck anything up. yeah, yeah. i know i felt the same way when i polyurethaned my kitchen table and that turned out okay. i know, i shouldn’t worry. i’m a smart, capable girl with a lot of common sense, if not patience. that doesn’t mean i can’t be scared i’ll screw up, is it? *sigh* it’s so exhausting being me, some days.
<royal we>
have we mentioned how much we love how our floors look post mop & glo? well, we do. they’re absolutely lovely.
</royal we>
yesterday, after dropping off my old adsl modem at the phone company store at the mall, i left with a (very cool) new phone number. i mentioned looking into getting caller id or smart ring for the intercom, and smart ring was totally the best way to go. not only was it cheaper, when the phone rings i know by the kind of ring it is if it’s the door or not, i don’t have to go running for the caller id box to check the number.
the only problem is that in the eight hours since getting it activated, i’ve already had six wrong number calls. one was even from revenue canada looking for some woman. heh. i knew i forgot something. always ask how long it has been since your new number has been in service! heck, i’ve had my other number for almost eight years and i still get a couple calls a year for paul dean, the previous owner.
it’s been a black couple of days in hessieland. i’m feeling really fat, stupid, lazy and unloveable. this mood has not done anything much other than encourage me to eat an entire bag of tostitos, but it’s rather annoying. i realize that i shouldn’t feel that way because, while i am fat and lazy (don’t argue, it’s totally true), i’m not stupid and there are at least half a dozen people out in the world who love me very much. i need to seriously recommit to weight watchers, finding time for exercise and getting off my ass and finishing getting the apartment in order. i really want to invite people over, but i won’t until the boxes are gone, gone, gone. i guess this paragraph is a kick-myself-in-the-ass kind of deal. if it doesn’t work, feel free to kick me, too.

is it better to tell you about how i watched the majestic, ate half a bag of chips with salsa and then proceeded to sweat myself to near death while washing the rest of my floors last night or just not post anything at all when it’s plainly obvious that i have nothing at all to contribute?

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let’s just say that this weekend was both incredibly, amazingly wonderful and hell on earth.
first with the wonderful. my handy daddy came over saturday morning to install bamboo blinds out on the balcony, hang my curtain backets and mount a shelf, towel rack and swing mirror in the bathroom for me. after he left, i measured, hemmed and hung my curtains.
the evening was spent out to dinner with m&m&d, dennis & joanie and their friend diane at a greek restaurant (feeling the olympic spirit, we were) where we all drank, ate, laughed and talked a lot. i very nearly passed out in the car on the way home, i was so exhausted from the very good day.
yesterday, consisted of laundry-doing, dish-washing, bathtub-cleaning, window-washing, floor-cleaning and general puttering. i need to clean the rest of the floors this week now that i know that mop & glo wood floor cleaner is the shizzle and it removes the slightly icky film left from my first and incorrect washing before i moved in.
now for the hell. IT’S TOO GODDAMN FUCKING HOT AND IF IT DOESN’T COOL DOWN SOON I’M TOTALLY GOING TO KILL SOMEONE JUST FOR STANDING TOO CLOSE TO ME AND MAKING ME SWEAT EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY AM JUST BECAUSE I’M BREATHING!
seriously though, this has been a completely beastly hot summer which actually started sometime in june. i don’t know what the hell is going on with the weather patterns, but we’re experiencing the weather the prairies usually gets, while they’re all below-average and very vancouverish. if this incessant heat and increasing humidity doesn’t break soon i really do think i might have a psychotic break. you really don’t want to see that. trust me.
yeah, i didn’t get any shelf-painting done, but i did watch the grid in its entirety & the first three episodes of dead like me and i learned how to make a vcd. have i mentioned how much i love bittorrent and my extra-high-speed net connection? if i haven’t, consider it mentioned. as for the painting, as jeremy so wisely said “you have the rest of your life to paint”. consider it mentioned how much i love that guy.
now it’s monday and i get to find some way to stay awake after only six hours of weird dream-filled sleep, get work done and try not to think of all the floor-washing, food-shopping, refund-getting, car-cleaning, lunch-cooking and shelf-painting i need to get done this week.

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okay, it’s official. i’m not allowed to go to ikea any more this year. geezus, that place is like crack to a whore, and that whore is definitely me.
while sitting around the apartment last night waiting for it to cool off a little before i tackled sanding the rest of the shelves, i had a bathroom epiphany. glass shelves! i could put up glass shelves to keep my cute bottles of bath and body works lotions on! that would keep crap off the vanity (i have a thing about clutter on flat surfaces) yet still keep them within arm’s reach. pure brilliance!
up came www.ikea.ca in my browser while i shopped for bathroom shelves. in i went with the measuring tape. everything was coming together nicely. i had planned on doing my coquitlam running around on saturday (i had to exchange one of the tank tops i’d bought at the bathing suit store because i’d mistakenly gotten the polyester version instead of the cotton. goodness knows i don’t need any more help sweating as it is, so it had to go back), but since i’d just phoned my dad and asked him if saturday morning was a good time to come over and help me hang things i’m too short and lacking in tools to hang, there went that plan. well, no time like the present, especially if i wanted him to mount any new shelves while he was here!
while at the crack store (formerly known as ikea), i picked up another pair of bathroom slippers (more on the need for slippers at a later date), another 99-cent cobolt blue plant pot (this one’s for candy) and, the piece de resistance, a very lovely runner for my hallway! i’ve admired this particular rug every time i’ve visted the crack store this summer, but i never noticed they had hallway-sized versions. i was beside myself and i absolutely HAD to have it. now i do and i love it very much. i’m so pleased. oh, and i also got two glass shelves for the bathroom, which was why i went in the first place. i’m just so very good.
then, just to make my night even better, i figured out the Mystery of the Persnickity Potty.
you see, ever since i moved in, i’ve been having issues with my pretty pink toilet. it never seemed to flush all the way on the first try. it would go through the motions, but it wouldn’t quite muster the gusto to get everything down the drain on one go. this disturbed me greatly. my handy dad took a look and declared that it wasn’t getting enough vortex and i should tell my super. my mom said to pour extra water in the bowl before i flushed to give it a little more “oomph”.
while in the bathroom doing my shelf measuring, the toilet started making a running noise (this is normal, it does it on a semi-regular basis. i hardly even notice it anymore), but this time there were bubbles coming up from the bottom of the bowl. i’d never seen that before, so i jiggled the handle and all was quiet again.
fast forward to bedtime.
as i lay in bed (looking out the window to see what the people in the building next door were doing, i’ll admit), the running noise started again. this time, it didn’t sound “normal” and it persisted for quite a while. eventually, it started to piss me off so i got up to investigate. i was about to jiggle the handle again when i thought i should peek further. off came the tank top (more on my toilet tank fear later) and i found the source of the problem.
the little flappy thing (yes, i’m being very technical) at the bottom of the tank hadn’t re-seated properly after the last use, causing water to continuously run into the bowl, causing the noise. i don’t know why, but after i jiggled it back into place and the top was still off, i flushed it again. ah-ha! the flappy thing was closing before all the water in the tank had gone into the bowl! that was why there wasn’t enough vortex!
of course, i don’t know how to actually fix it other than to hold the handle down for a twelve-count (the time it takes for all the water in the tank to drain) when i flush, but it’s a total toilet victory and i’m really quite pleased with myself. a dysfunctional dumper is really quite dreadful, you know.

because it’s my website and i can post this kind of crap if i want to:
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional, tempermental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
[found at joelle’s]

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OH DEAR GOD, THE CRAMPS! I’M GOING TO DIE. RIGHT HERE, IN THIS CHAIR.
this is the seventh summer i’ve lived in an apartment which gets very hot. actually, the new place gets hotter than the old place, but i’m not sure if that’s just because it’s a hotter summer or there’s absolutely no shade here, but the damn thermometre hit 34°C (93°F) the other night. i just about died.
for those seven summers, i have had one little six-inch fan to keep me cool. the main barrier to having something bigger was that in the old apartment there just wasn’t any room for it. last night, i stopped at canadian tire on the way home and bought myself a 30″ oscillating pillar fan. this thing is sweet. it takes up hardly any room at all and is amazingly quiet. it even has a timer so you can set it when you go to bed and it’ll automatically shut off so that you don’t wake up freezing!
i was so cool thanks to the constant airflow on my semi-naked self i even found the energy to sand and wash the big bookshelf before i went to bed. go, go gadget fan!
but, seriously, these cramps have GOT to go, or i need to be back in bed. either will work.

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while out shopping my ass off at ikea with meghan on saturday, we decided to make a quick stop at a neighbouring strip mall to look for other householdy goods and short pants. while at the clothing store with the “50% OFF LAST SALE PRICE” signs all over everything, i browsed a bit without much intention or hope of finding anything to buy. i had figured that i’d pretty much managed to shop out that particular sore before i went away.
maybe it was because i didn’t think i’d find anything and i definitely wasn’t looking for it, i found a bathing suit. a blue, halter-style bathing suit. i honestly can’t remember the last time i bought, or even wore, a suit. i think i recall trying one on in the mid-nineties, but it was over $100 and that’s just not a reasonable amount of money to spend on something which wouldn’t get used with any kind of regularity. if ever.
so, this suit. it was on the rack with others of its kind. out of idle curiosity i checked if my size was present. the price tag said $29.99. if the big, red “50% OFF LAST SALE PRICE” signs were right, that meant the suit would only cost $15. fifteen dollars for a swimsuit. when was the last time you bough any piece of clothing, let alone a bathing suit, for $15? so, i tried it on. not only did it fit, i didn’t look as disgusting as my imagination had told me i would in a suit.
now i own a $15 blue bathing suit i’ll probably never wear, but at least i’m prepared in case of a water emergency (don’t i wish i’d found it before staying in the americinn with the big pool!). $15 is just about the perfect price to pay for something which may never actually get used. besides, it’ll last forever if it never touches chlorinated water.

i totally forgot that yesterday was my fourth blogging anniversary. where has the time gone? unfortunately, because i’ve used two different comment systems, three different software packages and six different webhosts i can’t give you cool statistics about how many posts, words, characters and comments have been subjected to the internet in that time. alas, you’re stuck with one solitary paragraph with a link back to where it all began.

how could i have failed to mention that in the sixteen nights have i have slept in my new, old bed i have not once woken up to find my hands, arms, feet, legs or any combination thereof completely numb from lack of circulation. for six years i assumed i was sleeping in strange positions which caused my waking to useless limbs and painful pins and needles, but no! it wasn’t me! it was the dastardly futon! ahh, the joy of beds! i can’t even imagine what my sleeping life will be like when i upgrade to a newer, bigger, luxuriouser bed. the mind it does reel at the mere thought.
here’s that list i mentioned:
– clean bookshelves and vanity with tsp then lightly sand
– paint three bookshelves (oil paint)
– paint bathroom vanity (latex enamel)
– replace knobs on vanity
remove old towel rack brackets (patch holes?)
– measure for closet shelf
– price mdf/plywood for closet shelf
– clean oven & pans/racks left by previous tenant
measure for curtains and install brackets
hem & hang living room curtains
– clean scuffs on living room floor
polish wood floors
organize linens
– measure for bedroom curtains (blackout)
– get dad to: hang bamboo blinds, mount towel rack, mirror and safety strap
clean bathroom
clean windows
– get door mat and hallway runner
– get venetian blind dusting squeegie thingie
– unpack books, cds, dvds, videos
– organize storage closet
investigate getting caller id or smart ring (to know when it’s the door buzzer instead of a telemarketer calling)
ugh. i’m exhausted already.

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i think i’m avoiding settling into my new apartment. i don’t seem to be spending a lot of time there. i was there for four days before i left for minnesota and in the week since i’ve come back, i’ve been out for most of it. part of me is just really enjoying being with people (and goodness knows i have to get my fill of that before the sensation disappears), but there is definitely a part of me that is using the social activities to avoid spending time at home.

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that’s not to say i don’t like it, because i do. i like it more every day. i just think that i’m still a bit overwhelmed with all the things left to do (i need to post a new list to keep me on track. hm, maybe later.) and the slight disorder of still unpacking and such is make me a little antsy and uncomfortable. for example, i know that not having my curtains & bamboo blinds up is driving me FUCKING BATTY. the white trash curtain was amusing for the first week, now it’s making me angry.

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i’m really grumpy because i have all these things to do and i could do them all if i wasn’t at work, but i have to be at work to pay for all the things which need doing, but when i get home from work it’s too FUCKING HOT TO BREATHE so i just sit around in my underwear, sweating to death and staring at the white trash curtain until my eyes bleed.
so, anyway, how are you?

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it’s friday and i’m really sleepy and sore today. i went downtown with karen last night to see harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban before it stops playing in theatres. i took the seabus over and then we wandered around looking at the orcas and then walked over to denman street where we looked for sushi to eat. mm, sushi.
the denman cinema actually has double features, but i was way too tired to stay for another movie and if i had, i probably would have ended up missing the last bus back which would have pissed me off, so we left early. actually, it was good because i met pat, one of my old teaching assistants, on the seabus and we chatted all the way across.
the only negative of the whole outing was my wearing the absolute wrong shoes for extended walking and my feet are pretty sore this morning. ah, i’m tough, and god knows i need to walk more. i should go wander around downtown with fun people more often!

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tomorrow, i’m going back to ikea with meghan and rosemary (meg’s friend from school whom we’ve hung out with before, but not often because she lives far away and mark doesn’t much like her husband jason). i love ikea. i spent way too much time the other night going through their website and picking about my dream bedroom suite (all in the antique stain because white furniture is icky). i was kind of tempted to buy at least one of the pieces now (and still am because i really need a bigger dresser), but i refuse to buy a nice frame for my current hand-me-down bed because i hope to replace it with a queen size in the not-so-distant future.
then, on sunday, i’m going to yet another movie with karen. this time it will be the village. if you’ve seen it, don’t you dare tell me anything! i refuse to have another m. night movie ruined for me by babbling.

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more minnesota stories later. this entry took me, uh, three hours to finish thanks to way too many interruptions and one painfully longass phone call from a person who doesn’t know how to shut up. ugh. thank goodness i’m having sushi for lunch (yes, again). sushi makes everything okay.
p.s. don’t forget to mouse-over the photos for my very witty captions.