i am lonely and sad and completely disheartened with just about everything. this afternoon, i stood at the window with the sun warming my hair. i couldn’t bring myself to go outside. it felt like if i were to go outside alone today it would break my heart completely. it was day to share and love and laugh and play, not day to be quiet and shy, so i stayed in and did nothing except revel in my crushing solitude.
oh god, i’m so pathetic.
okay, i just remembered something to rant about.
this week, tim burton’s remake of planet of the apes has been on tv a couple of times. because i know that there’s one local station here that doesn’t edit the movies it plays, i arranged to tape it for later viewing seeing as i’d missed it at the theatre and it’s not really a movie i’d pay for at the video store. i’d heard all the reviews when it first came out, but i’ve remained curious enough about it to perk up when i saw it in the tv week.
last night, while queueing up the vhs tape to record csi (so i could watch the apprentice), i caught a couple minutes of the movie. at first i thought maybe the tape was going wonky or i was more tired then i thought because everyone on the screen looked kind of weird and distorted. that’s when i realized that they’d squished the widescreen to fit on the narrower tv screen. i hadn’t seen that done to a movie since, um, the early 80’s.
i couldn’t believe it. i still can’t. the technology is there to either pan & scan (ptooey) or letterbox it to preserve the panorama. but, no. they decided to make it look like some crazy sunday afternoon 70’s western rather than miss a few side bits or piss off the stupid by putting in the black bars (which, btw, you don’t notice after the first few minutes of the movie, so stop fucking complaining about letterboxing being too “distracting”).
oh, i’ll still watch it, but i refuse to be held responsible for the level of distruction i will lay upon the earth as a result of being subjected to two hundred and forty minutes of squishy, too-tall, too-skinny monkeys running the planet.
i helped evil upstairs neighbour lady in with her boxes yesterday. hey, she may be evil, but she’ll be gone in two weeks. i can afford to be nice. now.
absolutely nothing is going on in my life that’s worthy of conversation. i can’t even get myself worked up about anything to go on a good rant. well, there is that whole gay marriage thing in san francisco, but i’m canadian, so you probably know where i stand on that issue already.
all i really want to talk about is food, points and scales; but, that gets boring to everyone else after two and a half seconds, so i’m trying not to be that person. of course, because it’s all i think about, i can’t seem to think of anything else to talk about. oh the irony!
julie launched her beautiful redesign yesterday with a neat “send this photo as a postcard” link under her photos now. i’ve thought about adding postcards here for a while (after falling in love with the now-defunct jezebel.com), but i couldn’t ever figure out what to make the postcards out of. i’m not very artsy, you know, so i just kind of let the whole thing go. now, julie’s resurrected the idea in my little pea brain. i could use my photos! of course, then there’s the whole copy-cat aspect. although plagiarism is the highest form of compliment, right?
1. i figure that if i can get away with not wearing a jacket outside it’s time to get rid of the snowflakes on my site.
2. the mid-term went better than dreaded, but i’m only cautiously optimistic until i get my grade next week.
3. weight watchers online is seriously contributing to my lack of productivity at work.
4. there seem to be a rash of co-workers coming down with heart ailments lately. it better not be catchy.
5. redux: you know, i freakin’ love my hair. i should have cut it months ago.
6. jeremy rules. no, you can’t have him. he’s all mine!
7. twice this week my eyes popped open at 5am-ish and i didn’t even think about rolling over and going back to sleep. i may have a tumour.
still haven’t studied yet, but i’ll go over the forty pounds of books i brought to work over lunch. i can’t get over the complete and utter apathy i’m feeling towards pretty much everything except keeping my kitchen clean. you probably can’t believe just how clean my kitchen is right now. it’s like, well, a really clean kitchen. then there’s the fridge bursting with food, food and more food. i could eat for three weeks and not have to cook anything more complicated than coffee. although, i’ll probably run out of salad in a couple of days. that would annoy me.
i really want to file my taxes, but i’m waiting for forms from school and the banks. grr. i need that money, dammit. gimmemyforms!
i’ve been toying with the idea of giving up reading other people’s sites. i find myself either too easily influenced or intimdated when it comes time to rattle out something here. it probably won’t happen. i’m a blog junkie. besides, if i weren’t reading blogs all day, i’d have to be working, and we can’t really have that, can we?
blah.
my mid-term is tomorrow night. i haven’t even pretended to study and i can’t seem to bring myself to care, either.
i’m going to pee now.
ingredients:
14 oz canned tomato sauce
2 tbsp worcestershire sauce
1 tbsp hot pepper (tobasco) sauce
2 egg whites (or 1 whole egg)
1 tsp pepper
1 lb ground turkey breast
1 medium onion, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup oats
2 tbsp grated parmesan cheese
directions:
– preheat oven to 350°.
– spray loaf pan with cooking spray.
– mix together tomato sauce, worcestershire sauce, hot pepper sauce, pepper and egg whites (before adding egg whites, reserve 4 oz of sauce mixture).
– combine turkey, onion, garlic and oats in a large bowl.
– add sauce/egg mix to meat mixture and combine well with hands.
– press into pan, top with reserved tomato sauce and parmesan cheese.
– bake for 60 to 70 minutes, until done.
yield:
6-8 servings of 3 points each
10-12 servings of 2 points each
i don’t particularly want to talk to anyone today. i don’t know why, but the idea of making idle conversation with co-workers i don’t have much in common with other than where we work isn’t interesting to me. i’m not fond of chit-chat. i hate being asked how my weekend was. it’s my weekend away from work, what do these people care? why would i want to share what i do in my personal time with them?
maybe it was getting up at five-fifteen this morning. maybe it was my kitchen lightbulb burning out again, forcing me to make toast in the dark. maybe it was my crappy weigh-in today. maybe it’s the fact i spent way too much grocery shopping yesterday and i have a grand total of $17.34 to last for the next two weeks. maybe it’s the gross-gross assignment i don’t want to do and mid-term dread.
the only real bright spot keeping me from beating myself about the head with a water bottle is that i get to partake of my turkey loaf experiment tonight. i hope it’s as good as i imagine it will be. i need it to be freakishly yummy or i may just spend the rest of the week eating microwave popcorn. not unlike what i did this weekend. if it does delight the tastebuds, i’ll post the recipe for your dining pleasure.
meghan tried to talk me into selling my hockey tickets next week. at first, i was shocked and appalled at the suggestion. sell my tickets? sell MY tickets?! well, it is a detroit game. it’s also pay-per-view. i could easily make a couple hundred bucks, i suspect. i could definitely use a couple hundred bucks right about now. although part of me considers the suggestion on par with blasphemy, the more practical part of me has dollar signs flashing in her eyes. i haven’t decided one way or the other yet, and i may not until we’re standing outside gm place.
i swore i wouldn’t, but i’m slowly getting really bummed about this whole valentine’s day thing.
i’m über-cute today, too. it’s a real shame to waste it at home watching videos, eating microwave popcorn and drinking diet pepsi out of a martini glass.
everyone hereabouts is decidedly giddy today. it’s completely understandable on a payday friday, but today is extra special. this year, the company participated in a ‘heart-o-gram’ program. for one buck, you could send a note and a chocolate heart to someone with the proceeds going to the heart & stroke foundation. on the surface, it sounds like a really neat idea, right? not to me!
of course, i fully admit i’m still working through my issues with similar schemes we participated in during highschool. the whole cruel popularity contest of sending and receiving ‘candy-grams’, as they were called at my school, turned me completely off the idea. i told several people that i didn’t want to receive any and that i was not going to send any. i didn’t want to participate unless i could be assured that everyone in the company would get at least one.
so, considering my anti-valentine sentiments already brewing in my black little heart, you can imagine the absolute shock i experienced upon finding the little pink devil on my desk. not one. not two. not even three of them. ten. yes, ten people sent me little pieces of chocolatey goodwill. at first i was annoyed they didn’t listen to me and then i was annoyed that they would send me chocolate (don’t they know i’m counting points?!). then i started to get a warm feeling inside. they love me! aww!
now i’m feeling guilty i didn’t send any, though.
in other news, i’m wearing the tommy hilfiger jeans which didn’t really fit before. go me!
p.s. if you requested a valentine it’s on its way. i hope they all get to their homes before tomorrow!
today is “i’m tired and cranky and stressed about the next assignment and next week’s midterm and i have shit i needed to do before i left this morning but didn’t even think to do it because i was so tired i stayed in bed an extra forty minutes and i really, really, really want to be super evil to people but then i feel guilty which just makes me crankier” day.
oh, yeah. and i feel really fat, too.
so, we had a “work plan 2004” meeting yesterday afternoon. we all shuffled off to the training room and talked about all the current, ongoing and future projects we have on our plates. we talked about what the programmers are into, what the network guys are into and even what the data entry girls are going to be doing. no one asked me what i’m doing. my name didn’t even get put on the spreadsheet of tasks. i made a couple cracks about “hey! i have no work!” but it’s kind of disconcerting to not even be invited to talk about what i’ve got on my agenda. and it’s a lot, dammit.
i’ll go mention it to bossman later, but geez, what a way to flip-flop a day. the morning was all “great job on the site!” and “thanks for all the hard work” from managers and even el presidente. then, bam, totally shut out. i feel like tom cruise at the oscars.
as we waited for the food to arrive and the drinks to be replenished, our attention was drawn towards the table the by the window.
“could they possibly be?”
“no…”
“yes, they are!”
“don’t stare. they’ll get upset.”
“they’re out in public, they should be expecting an audience.”
“can you believe it?”
“what are they doing now?”
“no! yes, they are!”
“they’re making quite the spectacle of themselves.”
“wouldn’t you, though?”
“well, yes, maybe.”
“that one doesn’t look like he belongs. he’s cute, though.”
“you think so?”
“sure, why not?”
“well… oh, wait! there they go again!”
“again?”
“yeah, can you believe it?”
“you’ve got to be kidding!”
“oh, wait, look, here it comes.”
“whoa!”
“wow, that’s impressive.”
“aww, they’re leaving.”
“no!”
“damn, that was fun.”
“yeah, better than a dinner show.”
the evil upstairs neighbour from hell is moving! hurrah!
how do i know this, you ask? well, just to toot my own intuitive horn, i’ve had my suspicion for a couple of weeks. i don’t know if it was all the bumping and thumping or what seemed like an extraordinary amount of boxes in the back of her boyfriends civic, but i definitely had an inkling she was on the move. finding out for certain occured last night, though.
after arriving home yesterday, two and a quarter hours after leaving work thanks to an overturned semi on the bridge and the resultant traffic nightmare, i found a message from my landlady on my voicemail which went something like:
“hi, this is linda the landlady. i just wanted to let you know that evil upstairs neighbour from hell is leaving. you have 375 square feet and her suite is 450. if you wanted to upgrade, please let me know. it’d be available march first.”
honestly, once i heard the “is leaving” bit, i almost tuned out i was so happy. then something else caught my attention…
“oh, and the rent is $700 a month.”
um. she’s got to be kidding! $110 for 75 more square feet? and that doesn’t even include heat! i realize that this a prime opportunity for them to increase the rent seeing as they’re constrained to 3% annual increases by law and that makes what evil upstairs neighbour from hell is paying about $60 less than this new asking price, but really. they’ve got to be smoking crack. $700 for a bachelor suite? yeah, it’s a great building. yeah, it’s a great location. no, it’s not worth it, especially considering how much it costs to heat these places in the winter.
if i’m going to pay another $110 per month, i better damn well have a bedroom and free fucking heat, thankyouverymuch.
so, i’m going to phone her back later today and say something like:
“thanks for thinking of me. i’d have been interested for $650.”
let me just take a moment to recognize what is quite possibly the most famous baby born in 2004. congratulations!
and now, thank fucking pete it’s friday. i’ve got the cleavage shirt on for my lunchtime visit to the pub. it’s not a causal relationship, at least not a conscious one. pulling it out of the closet was almost random. why the fuck am i talk about my choice of shirt? geez, louise.
going out with m&m and dean and dean’s boss&wife and two other couples tomorrow night. “two other couples.” sounds like dean and i are a couple, doesn’t it. i wonder sometimes if people think we are a couple when the four of us go out places. not that i’m offended or worried about it. i just don’t like it when people have the wrong impression. especially when cute men who might otherwise be interested have the wrong impression. *wink wink* then again, i’ve yet to be picked up, so i think i can strike this item off my “to be concerned about” list.
sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.
this week’s angel made me cry.
two weeks of pilates and already my posture has improved. i suppose that’s the point, but who knew i’d take to sucking in and standing tall so quickly? at least i’m no longer in pain when i sneeze, walk or breathe. they really should warn you that your abdominal muscles really do get used for almost everything.
it’s a typical post-scholastic thursday. i stayed up way past my bedtime tuesday night to finally get a start on my homework (which didn’t go as well as it could have. i’m just thankful i have hugo here at work who was willing and able to help me work through some problems. i’m amazed i got it working and handed it in on time. just amazed.) and school nights i’m always up too late (even when i finish all my labs and get to leave fifteen minutes early like i did last night for the first time this term) so getting out of bed this morning was not fun.
thankfully i have flip-n-go hair!
speaking of, i think i’m going to get a bit more cut off this weekend. i don’t like the length at the back and i’d like shorter layers on the sides. yes, i know, who is this short-hair-having demon possessing heather of the luxurious long locks? i have no idea, but i’m having fun while it lasts. maybe, now that my hair isn’t three feet long, i’ll get around to dying it bloo.
can i talk about even more mundane subjects? homework, sleep, haircuts. wow, this really is turning into a haircut blog. my favourite jeremy was talking the other day about there being people out there who have no business with a blog. they don’t have anything interesting to say or contribute in any meaningful manner. i’ve been feeling that way about my site lately, especially the days i don’t have a photo to post. i used to be more prolific, more engaging, more fun, more “hey, isn’t this weird?”
i think i’m feeling penned-in by my decision to post photos every day. it’s like it goes against the flow of the site to have small, frequent posts of my random thoughts and such. the fantabulous jodi chromey was recently talking about something vaguely related and mentioned implementing a “small blog” like alison has. that might be the solution for me, but i don’t think i have the energy, or inclination, to both implement and utilize something like that. then i’d have to write two things every day, and pete knows i have enough trouble just trying to think of one thing most days.
that’s when a small part of me wants to give up. stop posting. call it quits.
hell, three and a half years is a pretty good lifespan for a low-traffic weblog. i’ve even been linked by heather champ! that in itself is an web-fame accomplishment. i’ve met dozens of interesting, intelligent, engaging, creative, intimidating yet welcoming people via my little corner of the internet. i’ve learned about html, css, javascript, php, greymatter, moveable type, photoshop, paintshop pro, cuteftp, the importance of backups, and that good webhosting companies are hard to find.
and just when it all becomes too much and i’m ready to throw in the towel, i realize that i love this site. fubsy.net has become a part of my personality. if i didn’t have somewhere to post my photos, i don’t know if i’d make as many as i do. if i didn’t have a place to vent my stupid thoughts, i’d probably be more of a nightmare then i already am. yes, sometimes i get frustrated that i’m not a great weaver words. i can’t turn my trip to the grocery store into some humourous treatise on the dangers of final net and the forty-something woman like dooce and i’ll never be as great a photographer as julie. no one will every pay me for prints of my pixels, but that’s okay. i didn’t start this to win any popularity contests, get a book deal or be famous. it was new and i was curious and i think i just have to get back to that feeling of “hey, this is fun! let’s see what else i can do…”
pilates. homework. hunger. workworkwork. I LOVE MY HAIR. love my friends more. sore ankle. hot and cold. skinny. dreaming. procrastinating. self-sabotage. get busy!
so, the haircut is garnering a lot of attention, mostly positive. i wish i could self-portrait it in a more flattering manner to show it off to you poor sods who won’t have the pleasure of beholding it in all its flippy, soft, healthy glory. but enough about my hair.
went to the pub yesterday to watch the (really disappointing) superbowl commercials. totally missed the boob-flashing due to too much chatting and beer-drinking. thank goodness for the internet. my two cents: $.01) football is boring unless it’s a close game in the last half of the fourth. $.02) if it was an accident, why were there only snaps holding on her costume’s boob-cup? otherwise, i know i shouldn’t be given her family history, but i’m slightly disturbed that little penny woods from good times has nipple piercings.
otherwise, i’ve gone and done it again. i didn’t even open my notebook and now i have two nights to get my assignment done for class. it’s all my fault. i could have started it friday night and worked on it a bit while waiting for laundry on saturday. but i was out all saturday afternoon/evening and most of the day yesterday. i’m not making excuses! well, not many. just documenting the events which have led up to this dread of monday night.
i also have to get started on the valentines! i promise they will all be sent out by saturday at the latest, which should give them enough time to travel all to where they need to travel before the big v-day. i’m actually really excited about getting them done. i love addressing envelopes! speaking of, i better go get some…
i’m killing time while i do laundry. boredom brings out the meme-fiend in me.
You have just won one million dollars:
1. Who do you call first? mom!
2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself? it’s a toss-up. do i buy the digital slr camera so i can take pictures of the experience or just go ahead and buy that sexy mazda protege3 sport? i’ll flip a coin.
3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else? i’d buy mom a condo.
4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom? mom, dad, meghan, heather, jeremy (although, the latter three will probably get spoiled with stuff, rather than just cash), spca, disease charities (ms, diabetes, cancer).
5. Do you invest any? If so, how? half of it goes into investments to provide a lifetime income. that way i won’t ever have to work again if i don’t want to. i won’t be living high on the hog, but i won’t have housing/debt expenses, either.