Author Archives: Heather

“here comes the rain again,” they sang. “falling on my head like a new emotion.” it’s not so much a new emotion, rather a long-familiar one: the rollercoaster ride of human interraction. the tingling thrill which comes with discovering the spot on his body that makes him moan. the shivering sigh when he finds the place which works that way for you. the confusion and duality i’ve felt has been giving way to desire and curiosity, but that’s really none of your business, is it?
taking advice from another boy, i’m trying to write with purpose and intent. you’re failing. where have all my readers gone? hello! come back! fuck that. i don’t care. oh, yes you do. i may be just as cute, intelligent and talented as the ones who get the hits, but i’ve given up on the pandering. if they want me, they know where to find me. you hope.
tonight, i surrender myself to the halls of academia once again. there’s a new binder filled with pristine looseleaf, a transparent mini-stapler, neon post-it tabs and the sexxy pen in my bag awaiting the beginning of year two of my progression towards certification. i’m eager to be in a classroom again. my bright eyes latched upon the teacher as they bestow upon me their knowlege. they will watch me while they talk because i am so very attentive. i will be their anchor in a sea of perplexed faces. i will ask intelligent questions and answer with equal aplomb. indeed, i shall excel for i am driven and, above all, a grade whore.

don’t tell jodi, but i’m learning to love the pants off of photoshop. besides making pictures all soft and warm (thanks to another heather’s glow technique), its auto corrections make almost all of my photos look so much better, cleaner and brighter.
that’s the other thing, i’m learning that it’s perfectly okay for me to use photoshop to improve my pictures. i used to think that they had to be perfect straight from the camera. then i realized that there is colour correction at the development level of film processing and why should i be expected to be a perfect photographer when i don’t even have 100% manual control over my camera?
it was entirely too much pressure to put on myself, especially considering i haven’t a hope in hell of becoming a professional picture-maker. i’m just an amateur. i needed to cut myself some slack. ever since i did, i’ve been much happier with the photos i’ve taken and subsequently posted here to share.

remember when i was talking about all that happiness i was feeling? some of it has slipped away. rather, i’ve lost some of my perspective while trying to figure out if i’m doing the right thing when it comes to boys.
i’ve been feeling like i’m always doing things backwards when it comes to men. having internet relationships hasn’t helped that at all, i’m sure. there’s this fictional script i believe i should be following when it comes to relationships. it goes something like:
girl meets boy at some social function or at a trendy coffee shop/bookstore.
boy asks for girl’s number.
boy phones girl and asks her out.
girl and boy go out.
on second date, boy kisses girl.
after a certain period of time, boy and girl have delightful, romantic sex.
option a:
sleepovers commence.
boy and girl are officially a couple.
parents are met.
happily ever after.
option b:
boy thinks girl is horrid in sack and never calls her again.
option c:
girl thinks boy is horrid in sack and avoids his calls.
see, where i think i keep going wrong is not minding the certain period of time before the delightful, romantic sex rule.
i’m suffering the whole “why buy the cow” dilemma. it’s a horrible contradiction. we’re told that good girls don’t sleep around, but that also seems to mean that good girls also don’t sleep with a boy they think is hot without some sort of committment. why can’t we? if the boy is cute and interested, why is it so wrong to get naked with him?
i suppose i’m just afeared that the boy will think it’s just the sex when there’s a hope for more. i don’t want it to always be just the sex. i want there to be the love and the romance and the committment, complete with the trust, the respect and the quiet affection, too.
dammit, i guess i do want it all.

it’s been crazy thundering here for the last twenty or thirty minutes. it’s always a treat to get that much noise from the sky as vancouver isn’t known for thunderstorms like other places. we get the rain (normally, but not this summer), but rarely the electricity to go with it. i think the clouds have tuckered themselves out for now, though. drat, i was just getting used to it.
i should be putting together my vacation photos together to get online like i promised everyone back east, but every time i look at those 283 files i get intimidated and suddenly find something else to do. ugh. i better get it done before school starts or i won’t until november.
have i mentioned lately how much i love my friends? how awesome it is to have such special people caring about me? i know it’s hokey, but i am really honoured and thankful for them. i’ve been trying to make a point of making sure they know that, too. everyone deserves to know they are loved and appreciated.

well, after spending most of the day messing my site up, i think i have it all back in place now. i’m still befuddled as to why my nifty drop-shadows are all screwy in internet explorer, but i shouldn’t be surprised that things are screwy in ie by now. i’ve also acquired much more respect for mismatched divs.
the absolute best part of my day came when i arrived home to a package in my mailbox. anytime i open that little door to find a puffy envelope, i know my spirits are going to be lifted. this time, it was all thanks to my friend i, jack (real name withheld because he might have some reason for the pseudonym other than being clever).

i mean, really, how perfect is this for me? jewellry made from the pressed & dyed stems of scottish heather. it’s actually kind of fascinating and very unique. i bet i’m the only person you know who has heathergem jewellry!
i actually started to cry when i opened it and read the little note included. i feel very honoured to have such a thoughtful and generous friend in him. blessings abound!
so, you’re all clamouring as to what my little surprise was, huh? i wish i could report i’d won the lottery or been “discovered” and i’m on my way to fame and fortune. nope. none of the above. i’m still a wage slave and part-time student. but a wage slave and part-time student who did some kissing with a cute boy.
as reported, it was pretty unexpected. when he came over, the last thing i thought would happen would be lip-locking. i guess that’s why it was so neat. one second we’re talking about hard drives, the next his hand are on my hips and we’re smooching. ahh, smooching.
am i too old to get all giddy-stupid when a boy kisses me? i certainly hope not!

the most unexpected thing happened last night. i’m still in a little bit of shock. pleasant shock, mind you, but shock nonetheless. i’m a tad giddy stilll. too bad i’m trying to be all blasé about it.
good thing i had that nap when i got home.

happy september! happy back to school! happy increased traffic! happy end of tourist season! happy tuesday morning after three days off!
no, calm down, you don’t have to get the restraints. i’ve not lost it quite yet. it’s probably just the new shoes i’m wearing today which are making some small part of me all giddy inside. unfortunately, the rest of me wishes it were back in bed instead of at work.
my long weekend was lovely, in its own quiet way. mom & i shopped a bit (i tried to spoil her rotten since i won’t be there for her birthday), dropped a wad at the casino, became addicted to computer boggle and watched movies (levity & laurel canyon). it was restful and nice. walter even came out and rubbed against my leg as i was at the computer. he hasn’t done that since i moved away.
i’ve discovered the joy of text messaging with my cell phone. i totally annoyed jeremy while i was on the ferry home and bombarded shane in the evening when his computer went kaput. i even taught mom how to send email to my phone! it’s surprising how fast one can learn to type on a telephone keypad when one really wants to.
this week will be busy-busy at work, i can tell. i also want to try to hook up with shane before he gets overwhelmed with school or i may not see him again until summer! other than that, i need to start putting my site back together. the web host finally replied to my pleas for information and confirmed my suspicion that the data i’d lost is gone for good. bleh. luckily, i’d found a backup which means i’m only missing one week of blog entries & comments, so i’ve just got to recreate images and tweak my site design back to its former glory.
i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about happiness lately. i feel a discussion coming on, but not quite yet. as soon as i have it a little more fleshed out in my head, i would love to share it with you all. what i will tell you is that i’m feeling it quite a bit more now and i’m enjoying it immensely.

world, this is my newest second cousin, nicholas. nicholas, welcome to the internet. ain’t he adorable?
in other, not quite cute as a baby, news my email address has been hijacked by someone spamming virus-laden email. i’ve gotten about six or so bounces from non-existing email addresses and virus software. if i’ve gotten six notifications of incorrect addresses, i can only imagine how many have actually gone through. i’m thoroughly displeased about this. i guess this means i need to change my email address. ugh. i hate changing my email address.
the labour day long weekend is upon us, which means i’m braving bc ferries on the last long weekend of summer. i hope my mother realizes how much i love her to do this.

there are far too many people double-taking and complimenting me today. i’m starting to get paranoid. also, they really shouldn’t have put a scale in the fitness room at work because now i’m obsessed with weighing myself every morning. luckily, the number has been dropping lately, but it’s not a habit i really want to get stuck with just in case i start being a slothful pig again.
i’ll report more on it later, but we’re planning on going to the hare krishna restaurant for lunch. this could be interesting!