Author Archives: Heather

is this thing back on? *tap*

i’ve decided that today is going to be “hang around the apartment naked” day. i’ve got three videos, a fridge full of nummy food and a cool breeze coming in the windows. this is the perfect day to shed the clothes and just let it all hang out.

i’m a moron who closed the browser in the middle of trying to write this post. so, in lieu of well-formed prose you now get point form:
– i got 8 hours of cool sleep last night. in a row. i’m human again!
– i tried to burn down my apartment last night.
– why do paper cuts hurt more than other kinds of cuts?
– i’ve eaten a lot of steak this summer. i might be in need of supplements.
– i keep dreaming of new cars and lots of money. i hope the plan comes together.
– i totally blew off 26 things. i’m so ashamed.
– i think i might get my hair chopped off this weekend.
– i found a copy of javascript unleashed for $15 last night. that’s $60 off the cover price. score!

You: complicated, difficult brunette. Five and a half storeys tall or better. Irredeemably cosmo. Must enjoy long (tortuous) strolls through extended metaphor. Longstanding New Yorker subscription a definite asset. Apply now.
so close, and yet so very far. good luck, jeff.

it is 11:56pm and the current temperature in my apartment, with all the doors & windows open and the fan going full bore is: 28c (82f).
i’ve tried not to whine about the heat and how much i hate it, but really, i’m not sleeping and i feel like crap when it’s like this. i’m a complete and utter wreck at work because i’m up all night in my hellacious apartment. it wouldn’t be so awful if i could turn nocturnal for the duration of this torture, but i think my boss would have issues if i started working 7pm-4am.
i guess we’ll see how long i can go without sleep before i turn into mrs. hyde and kill everyone who dares breathe in my presence.

please, sir, may i have some more sleep?

had a great time last night with the step-family. it’s funny, i’ve never really liked my step-mother, but i’ve always gotten along really well with the rest of her family (excepting her kids, they’re just as uncomfortable to me as she was). my cousin works for a large brewery, so our beer with dinner was paid for by her work and she even sent me home with a case of my favourite honey brown. now that’s the woman you want to invite to all your parties!
of course, i stayed out too late and, between the after dinner coffee and my thirty degree (eighty-six for you yankees) apartment, i didn’t get to sleep until sometime after midnight. guess who feels like a the walking dead today? i really hope i get some sleep tonight. maybe i’ll try for a nap when i get home.
dad takes off for ontario tomorrow, which means i’m the drop-in cat-sitter for just over a week until i follow him eastward. i think, if this heat doesn’t let up, i might move into dad’s place while he’s gone. his apartment is much, much, much cooler than mine. plus, there’s free laundry and he has a bathtub i can soak in if it gets too unbearable. now that he’s got a computer (albeit a slow and painful one), it might not be too much of a sacrifice. at least i’ll be taking my laundry there. gotta save my loonies for the trip!

dammit, no pancakes for dinner. i was getting all excited about them, too.
instead, we’re going out with the step-family (my dad’s wife’s brothers et al) for the step-uncle’s birthday. mm, maybe i’ll have a nice piece of cow. yum.

i am tired. no, i don’t think you quite understand. i am very tired.
it feels like a fucking truck ran over me all night long. i’m sick of needing the fan on to sleep because although it may cool me down enough to enable me to lose consciousness, i’m acutely aware of the noise it makes and i never get a truly deep sleep.
i can only imagine what it will be like in a cabin with four other women and children in northern ontario in the middle of august.
ugh, kill me now.
the plus side: dad’s making me pancakes for dinner.

it’s exactly where he left it almost a month ago. for some reason, i can’t bring myself to move it from where it sits on the kitchen counter. a stupid, almost-empty bottle of water. a bottle of water he bought and drank from. he touched it. his lips were on it. he held it in his hands. he left it in that spot in my house.
i can’t remove it.
it’s been a tough week, emotionally. i’m happy about so many things which are going on, but that just makes it worse. they are the things i would have been telling him a month ago. bubbling over with enthusiasm and my patented ineffective babbling. there are still so many things i wanted to show him, places i wanted to take him. we ran out of time.
if he lived here, i would have showed up at his doorstep a dozen times or more by now. the middle of the night, in my pajamas, my hair as restless as my attempts to sleep, falling against him as he opened the door, my arms around his waist, my head pressed to his chest and saying “hold me.” but he doesn’t live here.
that was the problem.
i miss the way he touched me. the way his beard felt on my back, his hands rubbing lotion into the blisters on my baby toes, his lips on mine. i miss the way he looked at me with utter appreciation, without a hint of disdain.
the only thing he didn’t love about me was my belief i am unloveable. how’s that for ironic?
so, i’ve been sad this week. i’m feeling the lack of all that i had and could have kept. i miss it all. i miss him.

there were indications this was going to be an unusal day.
i drug myself out of bed, showered, shaved my legs (that in itself is an occasion worth mention), slipped into my alternative underwear and pulled on a skirt, tight shirt and shoes with heels. i shadowed by eyes, painted my lashes and misted myself with the delicate fragrance of raspberries. a quick check of supplies later and i was off to start my day.
two hours later i discovered i’d gotten my period.
why, gaia, do you always bless me with this reminder of my fertile womanhood when i both least expect or want it? not only have you messed up my undergarment experiment (both literally and figuratively) but ruined my nascent plans to give into carnal pleasures with those who covet them with me. why, gaia, why? you could at least send me a memo a day or two in advance!
that being said, i just snapped the head off the supervisor from another department who thought she could micro-manage me like she does her own lackeys. “i know,” i said, “i’ve been doing this job for six years.” as if i have forgotten today is a bi-weekly deadline! grr.
i think i might be a titch cranky.

do you know it’s margarita thursday at the cactus club? *hic* well, i do!

my head feels like it’s three times its normal size, stuffed with itchy cotton and attached to my neck with three slip stiches so that it never quite says upright, just lolls back and forth and around and around. it’s both really neat and really disconcerting. dear gawd, i did not want to get out of bed this morning. i can’t wait until the sun sets at 8pm again so i can not feel guilty for going to bed before ten. what? if your alarm went off at five-thirty, you’d want to be in bed by ten, too.
i’m getting excited about my trip now. i still have a wedding and bridal shower presents to buy and i should probably buy gifts for the wee second cousins i haven’t met yet on either side of my family tree. i need to look for a dress for the wedding and buy some light, summery, hot-weather clothes because i don’t think the cousins i’m staying with would appreciate my standard m.o. in hot weather of wandering around naked. oh, yeah. i need some mosquito repellant. the last thing i want as a souvenier is the west nile virus. although, i successfully flew to edmonton and back and didn’t get the sars, so maybe i have good anti-viral mojo. regardless, i need to get me some deep woods off or some such. i hope it doesn’t stink too bad.
boys are fucking annoying and i just want to kill them all. i want to run away to cambodia with angelina jolie and leave all the stinky boys behind to rot. grr.
p.s. i left my sexxy pen at home and i feel naked without it.

i’ve kind of talked myself out in email and instant messages lately. there’s a lot going on with people in my life right now. most of it is interesting only to myself and those in the know, though. it doesn’t make for very interesting reading. i’m sorry.
although, there is something i’m curious about. while sitting on the futon melting from the heat the other night, i landed on a strange show on the cbc called spynet. i couldn’t help but wonder if this was some nefarious plan by csis (the canadian version of the cia) to indoctrinate young people into becoming spies.
really, it’s a brilliant idea and i can see how it could have been used by these agencies for decades. infiltrate the entertainment industry and influence the creation of television shows and movies that basically teach viewers how to kill a man, sneak into a highly secure facility, trace a bad guy, fly a helicopter, fashion a running automobile out of duct tape and belly button lint and then watch the new, partially trained and mostly brain-washed recruits line up for duty!
just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.

i’m chalk full of heated lethargy and internal conflict. i need an ice cream sandwich and a swimming pool. i feel the need to become nocturnal and spend a lot of time reading. i have three weeks to look really good for my cousin’s wedding and i’m not going to make that deadline. thank goodness i’m getting into interesting things at work. god, i’ve waited so long for this. i’m very excited, but trying not to jump the gun. okay, lunchtime.

i’m a cineplex criminal. after leaving bad boys ii, karen and i snuck into see the league of extraordinary gentlemen. i recommend you do the same, because you’ll probably not appreciate paying to see it.
for all those following along at home, i look Hot, with a capital h, in my new shirt & jeans. good enough to eat! mrawr.

i love my friends more than i could ever say.

the clouds are doing amazing things in the sky outside my window. i keep getting lost in them when i look away from my work. i love that.
update: told you!