on that date, my oldest friend is getting married.
in some respects, i think there should be more pomp and circumstance to her wedding; but, knowing her, this homey, practical approach feels much more like the kind of person she is. real. solid. low-key. she’s already taken care of a lot of the technicalities: flowers, location, dress, girdle. we’re working on the JP, marriage license, hair, nails, and dinner reservations now. i feel a little useless in all this, though. like i should be doing more, organizing things, taking the load off her shoulders. isn’t that what a best friend and maid of honour do? but that all goes back to the kind of ceremony it will be… no frills.
she’s asked me to be her photographer. i’m scared shitless. i’ve been obsessing over wedding photography sites all morning and listing possible shots as i play out the day in my head. i don’t want to fuck anything up. i want it to be perfect for her, because i love her so much and want her day to be exactly the way she wants it. that means ensuring the photos she will look at for years to come are perfect, too.
i think it’s time to start practicing candids.
i’m home! i can’t explain how much i missed my own apartment, my own bed, my own space and time.
the trip wasn’t very noteworthy, really. i spent a lot of time disassembling, reassembling, redisassembling and rereassembling computers. mom was absolutely thrilled to get a new one for a present. she’s overwhelmed at how fast it is. it’s kind of cute to see how bewildered she is with it. i’m all pleased i now have a cpu fast enough to play black & white. i just wish i hadn’t deleted it.
otherwise, i went shopping and bought a bunch of clothes i didn’t really need (including the “ugliest sweater in the world” as pictured above) and a pair of the coolest, ugly shoes ever. i’m sure i’ll wax poetic about my new sexy brown pants at some point. they make me feel all slick and stuff.
i spoiled myself by taking my car over. it was so nice to be able to hide out in my own vehicle on the ferry. i hate taking the boat as a walk-on. oh, yeah. i get to do just that in two weeks when i go back for thanksgiving! yay me! no, not really. *sigh*
the rest of my vacation looks like it will consist of pizza delivery, lunch with ritchie, sweet home alabama and maybe another trip the gallery. i really want to see the gillian wearing show again before it leaves. i need more time off work. someone want to go for me for another week?
wow, you people are over-sensitive. i wasn’t even talking about you.
on the island for mom’s 65th birthday. still haven’t seen my cat. got a new cpu for eshashai. having a good time. home soon. *kiss*
i don’t like you, and i’m okay with that.
… and frying bacon in the nude. i’m such the wild woman.
i am on vacation! you may all eat your hearts out.
the show last night was amazing. all wrongs have been righted, all sins forgiven. everyone who didn’t come with me missed out on something incredible and it is their loss. it was totally worth paying for two seats to see that show (plus, it gave me extra dancing room). pictures are here until i make a cute popup thingie, but that won’t be soon. i’m fucking knackered and i have a lot of homework to do before tomorrow’s class.
the meetup last night was fun. i think a smaller crowd is better for such things, fewer conversations to keep track of and more chances to interact with everyone present. no one said anything about it, but i couldn’t help but notice that paul and i had the same outfit on. we didn’t even plan it that way. we must be psychically linked.
eric is much nicer in person than on his site (unless you catch him on his “nice day”) and i finally got to meet the elusive devon, who is both exactly like and completely different from what i had her imagined to be.
otherwise, i’m completely pissed off at all my friends right now. i’m annoyed that no one seems to be willing to go out of their way for me, while in a similar situation i’d be more than happy to sacrifice something to join in. i vented to jeremy about being too accomodating and he made a comment that maybe being more indicitive of the people i have as friends than a flaw in myself. i’d like to believe that’s true, but is it mathmatically possible that all the people who become my friends are all selfish bastards? i don’t think so. besides, along with being too accomodating, i’m also too willing to blame myself for things which really aren’t in my control.
so, tonight i will be going to see great big sea alone with the tickets i bought for meghan’s birthday present. i’m trying to put the people shit out of my mind so that i can just enjoy the show. i’m fairly confident that this foul humour will pass as soon as i hear the first fiddle bowed.
addendum: if you read this and i asked you to go to the concert and you said no, for whatever reason, this isn’t a dig. i’m more pissed off at meghan and karen than you guys as i had them informed and invited months and/or weeks ago.
dammit, i feel like bursting into tears. i hate this.
the next thing i knew we were unloading the car in front of our new apartment building. M, lisa, my dad and i stood on the sidewalk and looked up at the post-industrial hovel we were going to call home. there were people (including one beautiful black man in dark khaki army pants) climbing up to their apartments via ladders leaning against the outside of the building. for some reason that didn’t disturb me as much as the fact there were no overhangs.
while taking the elevator to the fifth floor, i started to get nervous. when the doors opened, M and lisa exited while i hung back. M turned when he realized i wasn’t behind him. he looked as if he meant to wait for me, so we could cross the threshhold together. the look my father gave him practically shouted “you go on ahead, son. i’m going to have a word with my daughter now.”, so M did, unwilling to incur the wrath of dad so soon after meeting him. as the doors closed, dad hugged me tightly and told me that if i ever needed anything, he was there for me.
we caught up with them just inside the door to our new home. it was beautiful in a terrible, filthy way. a huge loft-like apartment, sparsely furnished with wrecks from 1940’s movie sets. while trying not to think about spiders, i spotted a vicious insect which defied description on the window sill. the major focus of the room was the enormous, sagging bed. it looked like it would swallow us whole. we all started to yawn when we looked at it.
very soon after, dad left with a hug and slipped a small fold of money into my hand. while i looked around, lisa and M got into bed. M muttered something about not wanting pajamas touching him while he slept, so i tried very hard not to touch him while i got into bed. despite the decadent size of the bed, i was squished up beside M and he immediately began taking off my pajamas for me.
have you ever tried to have sex in a bed with a third person who is not participating in the sex? it’s awkward. we tried to be very quiet. we tried not to shake the bed too much. god, i love M’s body. thankfully, lisa sleeps like the dead.
it wasn’t a bad first night living together.
i must have listened to this song for almost an hour last night. i freaking love it. it’s now playing in my head while i sit here grooving and mouthing the lyrics.
there’s something ’bout the way
the hair falls in your face
i love the shape you make
while crawling towards my pillow case
1. What was/is your favorite subject in school? Why?
i don’t think i ever had a real favourite. i liked a lot of my classes. i suppose my top three would have to be (and we’re talking highschool, not college): western civilzations, german and drama.
2. Who was your favorite teacher? Why?
i’ve had a lot of really great teachers. being a smart kid, they all seemed to take a special liking to me, which probably colours my judgement.
there was mrs. muir in kindergarten and first grade who arranged an actual going away party when i moved to victoria at the end of the school year.
miss michaud and miss wong who helped me feel more at ease with being smart and the new kid in class.
mr. layzell whom i was lucky enough to have as my sixth grade teacher the last year he taught.
mr. heglar, that kookie german teacher who was far too cool to be so dorky.
mr. ryan who, as rumor had it, got fired for yelling at one too many kids but was still a witty, intelligent man who made english enjoyable.
mr. broughton, that wacky drama teacher who you were always checking to see if his buttons matched their rightful buttonholes.
mr. harley cunningham whose biting sarcasm made more than one student want to run from his biology classroom crying. but you just had to look at him to know that he was tough only because he was so determined to make us learn and grow.
my favourite? any teacher who has ever taught me anything.
3. What is your favorite memory of school?
school supply shopping! i would insist mom take me out as soon as the first fliers hit our mailbox. of course, that was in early august. i would then spend the next month organizing, writing fake assignments with my new pens on my new paper and generally admiring all my new suppies. i love the smell of new binders!
4. What was your favorite recess game?
four-square!
5. What did you hate most about school?
being fat, smart and unpopular. oh, and having a summer birthday.
heather’s hash
1/2 large onion, roughly chopped
3-5 stalks celery, roughly chopped
1 green bell pepper, roughly chopped
1 red bell pepper, roughly chopped
1 can sliced mushrooms (or stems & pieces)
1 can manwich sloppy joe sauce
1 package yves’ veggie ground round
saute onions & celery in saucepan until onions are soft. add in peppers, cook for five minutes. stir in canned mushrooms and manwich sauce. bring to simmer, then crumble veggie ground round into pot, reduce heat to low. stir frequently while all ingredients acheive temperature.
serve alone, with rice or as filling in whole wheat bun.
it’s a lucky day, so i splurged and bought a shitload of lottery tickets for tonight’s and tomorrow’s draws. i figure that if i’m going to buy some, it should be on a friday the thirteenth. i certainly do not suffer from triskaidekaphobia!
the gallery was positively swarming with people last night, which was both really fucking annoying and delightfully interesting. i lost karen in the throng, so made my way around on my own for a few hours. i could have stayed longer, but i figured i’d enjoy it more when there were less bodies blocking my path. crowds just ain’t my thang.
i didn’t know how much i loved georgia o’keeffe until last night, either.
gillian wearing’s work moved me deeply. i didn’t realize how much rage and fear i still harbour about alcohol.
poster one: Sometimes, I put a huge piece of raw ground beef on a celery stick and eat it like a lollipop, but that’s only once in a while.
poster two: You do that too? Our family always called those Meat Trees. Like, “Yay! Meat Trees for dinner! Yay!”
thanks, slashdot! i love you.
okay, i’m totally ripping off mikey’s idea of posting a list of inside jokes, without explanation. why? ’cause i think it’s a neat idea. feel free to laugh if you get it, if not… i guess it just sucks to be you.
“more downer…”
“schnatter, schnatter!”
*pop*
“wanna go BOOM.”
“save simba! save simba! wait… uh, this isn’t a protest?!”
“my tongue isn’t long enough.”
“his head is far too big for his little body.”
“mia amiko!”
“mmm, reuseable lettuce!”
last night i dreamt that i had a beautiful, black panther as a pet. he lived in my closet because i’m not allowed pets in my apartment. every night i’d open the door and crawl in and cuddle with him. he would roll around and purr and love me even though he never left that little room. at one point in wondered that he never seemed to have to eliminate waste, but chalked it up to the fact that i never seemed to feed or water him.
chalked it up. where did that phrase come from? one would assume it has to do with chalking, or drawing, some plans of some sort. maybe it refers to using chalk on a blackboard to add up sums. interesting…
i’ve started exercising again after work in preparation of the walk next month. i’m making sure to start slow since i’ve been a sloth all summer and the last thing i need is an injury or to burn out before october. it’s only been a couple days, but i’ve already seen some encouraging results and, get this, i’m actually enjoying sweating. i’ve changed my whole opinion of it. sweating is good. it means your body is working hard and functioning properly. you’re eliminating toxins and cooling yourself down. it is a tangible measure of your energy expenditure. my sweat is my badge of exercising honour!
okay, that was just gross. i’m sorry.
one of the things i’ve noticed is that even though the sun is setting earlier, after i get home from work/working out, i seem to have a lot more energy to get things accomplished around the house. i’m finding myself a little twitchy if i don’t have anything to do and it’s only 8pm. usually, i get home and plunk myself on the futon and the next thing i know it’s ten o’clock and it’s time for bed. i like this side-effect. i’m getting stuff done. it’s empowering.
i’m not listening to the radio. i’m not watching the television. i’m not reading a lot of websites. i’m not going to pick up the paper. i don’t want to watch reinactments, concerts, personal stories or looping video. i don’t find solace in that. it actually makes me feel sick. i know where i was and what i was doing this time last year and, personally, i don’t want to feel like that again, even under the guise of “memorial”. i’m not angry, but don’t you think for one moment i’m apathetic.
i mourn, i remember, and i hope for sanity in the days, weeks and years to come.
I HATE MY CHAIR! i swear, they give us the most uncomfortable chairs just to make us miserable. bastards!
last night i watched the tape of lathe of heaven i’d recorded sunday night. i’d been waiting anxiously for this “a&e movie exclusive” since i’d first seen the promos back in june or july. i’m not overly fond of james caan, lisa bonet or made-for-tv movies in general, but i am fond of films and stories which challenge your perception of the world. those which make you wonder, if only for a moment, if we’re real or just characters in someone else’s dream or story.
what i didn’t realize was how much lukas haas reminds me of evil jason. god. i spent far too much time comparing their big, brown, doe-like eyes, their curvy lips or their sticky-out ears. i can’t explain how much that pissed me off. it’s been a fucking year and a half since i’ve seen him and months since we’ve talked at all.
boys are yucky. throw rocks at them.
1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?
pretty much everything right now. i’m grumpy.
2. What irritating habits do you have?
i pick my nose, i stick my fingers in my ears, i clip my nails and don’t pick up the clippings, i eat too fast.
3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?
i used to smoke, which was irritating. so, i guess i change some. others i only do in the privacy of my home, so i don’t worry so much about those.
4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?
facial cum-shots. it’s disgusting.
5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?
procreating.
it’s been a really low-effort weekend. lots videos, food, reading and sleep. i finally got around to dusting down my walls and ceiling — it’s a strange relief to no longer have cobwebs. why didn’t anyone tell me how cool swiffer cloths were before now? unfortunately, i didn’t get out to bcit to assess the parking situation nor go shopping for my cricket nor take any photos. i’ll have to make time for those during the week.
while driving around picking up groceries and new fake tupperware containers, i ran ten amber/red lights. at least ten, possibly more. don’t look at me that way. it’s raining and my braking distance has increased dramatically. i actually tried to brake hard for one light and started a pretty nasty skid, so i said “fuck it” and gunned it through the intersection. i’m starting to think i need to rotate the tires on my car.
today’s highlight was lively banter with the goateed guy i cut off in the grocery store. i scooped his place in line to let the elderly couple take the spot in the aisle next to us, which got us talking about insta-karma, cockroaches, healthy food, and pie. it was fun. i should have conversations with strangers more often.
now i’m watching multiple episodes of tlc’s “while you were out” while cooking multiple food-like substances for the week. yes, i’m really this boring.