beware of doors

by

sometimes my world gets just a little too small for comfort.
i tried to find him once before, to no avail. i considered it a sign. there was a reason i couldn’t find him when i wanted. the universe meant me to leave that door closed.
now it’s opened a titch and the past is leaking through.
it’s a test. someone, somewhere, wants to see just how good my resolve is. how much i’m willing to withstand my fearsome curiosity to remain true to my promise to myself to leave the past in the past. to not dwell on what was. to let go of the hurt, the self-recriminations, the anger, the still lingering wondering what might have been.
some doors need to stay locked. some should even be bricked up and hermetically sealed. yet, sometimes, you need to peek in just to ensure you made the right choice. i did that just recently and i’m very glad of it. but this one… too many daemons behind it. too much of everything. the memories are enough.
it needs to be enough that i now know where he is, that he’s alive and seemingly well. honestly, it’s more than i had hoped for.

Posted in: words

11 Thoughts on “beware of doors”

  1. Jenn on January 11, 2003 at 17:13 said:

    :-(
    The boy didn’t realize how good he had it. :-/

  2. Shelagh on January 12, 2003 at 09:53 said:

    your comments, heather, remind me of a book I’m reading right now and what the main character, Cannie, is going through. Common feelings, for sure.

  3. heather on January 12, 2003 at 09:56 said:

    reading ‘good in bed’, huh? ;)

  4. Jenn on January 12, 2003 at 10:48 said:

    What kind of digital camera do you have, Heather?

  5. heather on January 12, 2003 at 11:05 said:

    fuji 2800 zoom.

  6. col on January 12, 2003 at 16:17 said:

    beautifully stated heather.
    and this is the third time in the last couple of weeks someone has mentioned that book…is it any good?

  7. heather on January 12, 2003 at 16:20 said:

    thanks, babe. as for the book, i don’t know. jodi sent me it for xmas, but i haven’t started it yet.

  8. Shelagh on January 12, 2003 at 16:41 said:

    its pretty good. entertaining enough for a light read. Not as good as the Shopoholic books (yet) though. I’m about halfway through.
    The author cites “She’s Come Undone” as a favourite book, and I’m wondering if she’s trying to emulate it. There are similarities. I find Lamb’s book superior, tho.
    But its worth a read :)

  9. col on January 12, 2003 at 21:29 said:

    mmm i loved the shopaholic books. if you liked those, you should check out “Diary of a Mad Bride” by Laura Wolf. It’s hilarious.

  10. Winkie on January 13, 2003 at 09:58 said:

    Heather, that guy was a loser. You are much better off without him. If I were you, I would go out and have a night of fun.

  11. Shelagh on January 13, 2003 at 17:27 said:

    Diary of a mad bride? LOL how fitting. I will definitely pick that up. Crazy slowly going am I! :)

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