big, steaming pile of brain dump

i’m feeling pretty disaffected these days. nothing really excites me. i don’t really want to go out just for the sake of going out. i like my apartment and i enjoy spending my time there, doing what i want — sans pants. i like hanging out with friends, but i want plans before i commit to a gathering. not just “we’ll figure it out later”. even if those plans change mid-stream, that’s all right, at least there was a firm intention to begin with. that’s what i want: firm intentions.
i wish i could afford to work only six hours a day. i could get just as much done, but be on my way home by two o’clock. that would be lovely. i don’t understand just being at the office all day long, especially when you’ve completed and are just putting in the hours until quitting time. although, if i’m totally honest, working is for the birds and last time i checked, i could neither stomach worms nor fly.
i started a new scarf. that’s how you know it’s fall. i start knitting scarves. i’ve torn it apart three times now, only to begin again with a slightly revised pattern of my own devising. maybe one day i’ll learn how to knit something other than scarves.
my hair is ridiculously long and i need to get it cut. problem is, i feel the need for something drastic, but i don’t really trust the random girls at magicuts to really understand what my particular brand of difficult hair can handle. i also don’t have $200 to have it done by someone with more skill and experience. therefore, i just keep complaining about it and let it continue to grow.
people are frustrating me. maybe it’s the new birth control pill i’m on lowering my tolerance, but i’m finding self-deprecation, self-loathing and general lack of self-confidence really bloody annoying. it makes me wish for that magic mirror in which people could see how they’re perceived by others to shove in their faces to countermand their negative self-images. alas, i know first-hand how futile it is to try to tell people they’re good, worthwhile, talented, etc. they never see it until they’re ready. i guess i just have to hope for more patience.
homemade belgian waffles and caesar salad (separately, not as a meal) are my current food obsessions. i could maybe go egg-crazy in the near future, too. stay tuned for details.
i’m gearing up for a fitness kick. i can feel it building. i’m working through the scheduling issues in my mind of taking advantage of the gym at work. it’s tough getting over that initial starting process, though. that’s a whole hour of my evening gone. i won’t be getting home until after five-thirty and i’ll be all sweaty and red and without desire to go or hang out. not that i’ve had much desire to do week-day socializing lately anyway, but what if i did? i couldn’t if i were all post-workout gross! i know it’s the right thing to do, i just need a kick start. i wonder what that will be.
i have two firm goals i wish to accomplish before end of day saturday:
1. take the DVD recorder back to futureshop.
2. get a 2008 calendar up for sale on cafepress.
make that three:
3. have Liselotte’s reverse lights fixed so i don’t die backing out of a parking spot.
just walked in the door and now i have to walk right back out. but, it’s for a good reason. one full hour of massage. god, i love getting a massage. the feeling of hands on my back is one of life’s greatest sensory pleasures.