this post is for paige so she can comment freely here until such time as those IT bastards have fixed her computer. go for it, babe. it’s all yours…
you’re in a public washroom. you have to relieve yourself of some serious gas. conscientiously, you wait until you’re alone. then, just as you’re about to let it rip… someone else walks in.
“okay,” you think, “i can hold it ’til they leave.” they do their business, but seem to take a long time. finally, you hear the flush and wait for the handwashing to be finished.
the tap shuts off. you eagerly await the fading clicks as they leave you and your flatulance alone. but, no! the water starts running again. there are strange noises as their presence persists. you can feel the gas roiling about in your bowels, just waiting for an opening to escape in a perfumed plume.
eventually, you give up. the moment has passed. the urge to fart has faded, just as hunger does if you go too long without food. you’re left feeling unsatisfied, frustrated but still bloated.
the end.
last night at approximately 8pm, my intercom buzzed. as you know, i don’t get a lot of unexpected visitors, so i was appropriately shocked that someone was at my door. my first thought was “it better not be that kid selling chocolate-covered almonds again.” my second thought was “maybe it’s jason come to fetch his damn chessboard.” my third thought vaguely involved census-takers, meghan and beer.
i answered the buzzer with a trepidacious “hello?” and was delighted to hear a gruff “have a package for you” in reply. yay! a package! i buzzed him right in and accepted a very large, by my standards, box from the short, ginger-haired fellow. i thanked him and quickly shut the door and set about opening it. it was just the hundred-dollars worth of books i’d ordered for my mom’s mother’s day present, but still… i love getting packages.
as i wrapped up the books in purple cellophane, i couldn’t help but think of how absolutely stunned my mom will be when she opens it and sees what i got her. of course, i hear today that she needs to replace her oil tank for the heating oil, so i’m kind of kicking myself that i couldn’t just give her the money towards that. maybe i’ll fish some out of my savings account to help her out.
so, i’m reading up on lenses, f-stops and film speed. i used to know all this stuff, but that was in 11th grade and after mom sold my slr camera, i had no reason to retain it. i’m just so consumed with the desire to take pictures again it’s almost painful. i can’t afford a new camera, so i’m thinking i’ll go around the “second hand” stores (aka pawn shops) this weekend to see if there’s anything decent used out there.
i seriously can’t afford a digital right now, so i’ll go back to my roots and get a nice, sturdy 35mm and play around with that. i’m also thinking i’ll fish out my old black & white negatives and get them developed. i know there are a couple water shots i really want to see again.
*click*
i knew today would be a bitch.
i spent saturday out shopping for a small, square table with meghan. you have no idea how difficult it is to find such a beast. they’re either the right size, but round or too big & rectangular. you’d think there would be at least some market for a square, four-legged table.
after driving across town and visiting three neighbouring furniture stores (and practicing quite a bit of restraint by not going into the “computer warehouse” which was right. next. door.), i suggested we go even further across town to ikea, as i’d seen a table which i thought would fit the bill the last time i was there (and is actually the same table i want for my own kitchen — i should have bought one, but i settled for a replacent for the bowl i broke months ago and 100 tea lights).
of course, by this time it’s near three in the afternoon and neither of us have eaten and the lineups at ikea were beyoned insane (i managed to get a fun ikea twisty toy from the man handing them out to kids. yay!). the gum we were chewing had lost its flavour and was just serving to remind us of how empty our stomachs were. luckily, we had three items between us and had found special, swedish vehicle parking for her volvo, so were able to flee quickly in search of sustinance once the checkout constipation passed before us.
meghan had asked directions to the pub we’d decided we wanted to eat at (because she had a coupon, of course), so we even managed not to get lost on our way there. we did take a longer route which served as a reminder of why you don’t want to drive in richmond. they drive like maniacs. you’d think it was a whole different world.
we had fish & chips and a couple of nice, cold pints while sitting at the marina, under the flight path of 757’s coming in for a landing at vancouver international. the sun was shining, the wind was absolutely howling, and we had a great time. (i did get a reintroduction to the fact that men will pay more attention to tall blondes than short brunettes, though. *sigh*)
after successfully completing our table mission, we headed back for a night of cards. of course, we first had to assemble the table. the boys kept asking, “you need any help?” meghan answered, “of course not. we’re women.” we did a spiffy job once we figured out the sneaky way ikea has of coding it’s dowels.
it was a great day, even if i was super paranoid i hadn’t turned the lentils off before i’d left and kept expecting to come home to a burned-out ruin of an apartment.
sometimes there are moments when you realize how important you are to certain people. how much they care about you. that they love you just the way you are, without reservation. that they will cross lines most people wouldn’t dare, just to be with or there for you.
could it be you’re the one? maybe now i’m the lucky guy
other times you realize that there are people who *seem* to be like that, but aren’t. they never reach further than is comfortable. they don’t put forth any real effort. you’re always left wondering if they truly care or are just around because you’re convenient to them at the time and when you’re going to cease being useful or entertaining.
is it gonna hurt if we try? is this the calm before the flood?
then i worry, because sometimes i’m that second person. not because i don’t genuinely care and want to show how i feel, but because i’m scared of being rejected for wanting to share that part of myself with them or not being able to accurately express what i want to them.
i’m shy, once bitten. though i’m desperate i keep my place
i need to cherish those who are and let those who aren’t go.
i’m bored and there’s nothing decent scheduled on tv tonight. i’m going to go eat a veggie dog and drown my sorrows in jello.
if i were on survivor, my luxury item would be a big bottle of china lily soy sauce. why? to make the rice more palatable and endear me to my fellow tribemates.
and, since i brought it up, i’m glad tina won; but, the best part was the genuine joy colby had in her winning. i don’t believe you can fake that kind of sincerity. tina wasn’t my first choice to win (elizabeth was), but she was a deserving recipient.
i promise, no more mention of survivor… until number three starts in the fall!
i woke up at 5:22 this morning to hear a radio report that my place of employment was behind picket lines. i immediately burst from beneath my covers and fumbled about looking for my phone and the hotline phone number. bleary-eyed as i was, i managed to dial the number correctly the first time only to hear confirmation of this news.
my first reaction was, “well, i don’t have to fight the traffic mess.” my second thought was, “i didn’t want to go to work today, but not like *this*.” my third and fourth thoughts were, “i’m going to bed. my head hurts.”
meghan phoned at 7:05 after hearing the news, just to “see if i had to go to work today”. i thought that was cute.
what annoys me the most is not the fact i’m missing work for their cause. it’s that they didn’t warn us, they didn’t consult the other unions affected. they struck with the stealth and cunning of a hungry wolf. i can understand. they’ve been on strike for thirty-four days. they are hungry. they needed to do something to bring their plight back to the forefront. but we’re all part of the same federation, we ultimately all have to work together to provide transit to the populace. just don’t pull sneaky shit. at least have some communication. that’s the polite and considerate thing to do. this crap will only make the people you want support from less likely to want to.
how cool is it to find a cheque (yes, i said cheque) for $50 in your mailbox when you get home from work?
today should really be friday, by the way. i’m going to meghan’s to take over her kitchen and whip up a chicken & prawn stirfry for the four of us to eat while we watch the finale of survivor. because i’m going there and eating dinner it should be friday. that’s what we do on fridays. not thursdays.
i can tell you right now i’m going to have a terrible time getting up to go to work tomorrow.
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day.
I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.
I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.
I want to live simple again. I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.
So, here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause… “Tag! You’re it.”
[via email & a honda civic commercial]
i will smile more than i will frown.
i will enjoy every morsel of the food i eat.
i will hug someone.
i will do something kind.
i will cry because i’m so full of joy.
i will watch a bird fly.
i will sing with abandon.
i will laugh from the belly.
i will read a poem.
i will write a list.
i will make a decision.
i will be grateful for my friends.
i will be thankful of my health.
i will be happy that i am alive.
Your Existing Situation
Sensuous. Inclined to luxuriate in the things which give gratification to the senses, but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse.
Your Stress Sources
Disappointment and unfulfilled hopes have given rise to an anxious uncertainty, while doubts that things will be any better in the future lead to the postponement of essential decisions. This conflict between hope and necessity is creating considerable pressure. Instead of resolving this by facing up to making the essential decisions, she is likely to immerse herself in the pursuit of trivialities as an escape route.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being.
Your Desired Objective
Feels exhausted by conflict and quarreling and desires protection from them. Needs peaceful conditions and a tranquil environment in which to relax and recover.
Your Actual Problem
Failure to establish herself in a manner consonant with her own high opinion of her worth, combined with the continued effort to prove herself with inadequate resources, have resulted in considerable stress. Tries to escape from these excessive demands on her meager reserves by adopting a defensive attitude in which she refuses to be committed, or to be involved in further unpleasantness.
Your Actual Problem #2
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting herself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.
stupid colour quiz.
why didn’t they ever tell you about chunky days in health class? it think that’s a horribly cruel thing to omit from telling twelve year-old girls. imagine the thoughts which must go through their heads when they first discover them.
i’m totally enthralled with click clank. i really wish she had an email address so i could tell her privately how much i enjoy her writing. i especially relate to today’s entry “everything old is new again” (sorry, no perma-link).
on an unrelated note, i really need to buy some more underwear.
i just ordered all three “conversations with god” books for my mom for mother’s day. she’s been wanting them for a long time, but at $30 each she hasn’t been able to afford them. hopefully, they’ll get here in plenty of time for me to take them over to the island with me when i go for the long weekend.
dad’s buying my hamburger today. isn’t he sweet? =)
i came as close as i ever do to telling scary anna off this morning. she came over here and stood there, in that creepy way she does, and started asking me about my evening. first, she could have asked that from her desk, she didn’t need to invade my space to do it. second, TAKE A FUCKING HINT! anyway, i said to her, very snottily “what can i *do* for you?” she kind of blinked and said “oh, i’m just chatting.” i replied, “i’m not in a chatty mood,” and went back to work, ignoring her existence.
it felt good.
i’m crampy and my hair looks like a frizzy mess and i’m blotchy and it’s only wednesday and someone’s wearing really skanky perfume and the only good thing is that it’s hamburger day so i didn’t have to make a lunch. grr.
i need professional help. i was just dancing around my apartment to “copa cabana”. lock me up and throw away the key. please!