i just received this “special offer email”:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 16
BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!! <-- [uh...]
Don’t settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES’ MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
FUNERALS [yeah. funerals! now that’s something i want to participate in more often!]
A very hard time for you and your family
Don’t settle for a minister you don’t know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
BAPTISMS [uncle heather?]
You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!”
What a special way to welcome a child of God.
FORGIVENESS OF SINS [i have to be a minster to be forgiven?]
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!!
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES [oooooh!]
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?? [church of the almighty donut!]
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let’s talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I’d say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn’t you agree? However, it won’t cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.
Since I know how much you want to help others, you’re going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00… Not even $50.00… You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.
For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
(CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!
3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!! [thank god for small favours]
there’s a finance position available at work right now. my quandry is whether i should take a job i don’t particularily want to do, but could, just to make more money. it’s about a 20% increase in pay and about a 60% increase in workload & stress. the person i’d be working with practically begged me to apply for it.
i’m young-ish. it makes sense that i work hard while i can, make more money, put more away for later, retire earlier. hopefully, i’d be able to pay off my debts, find a nicer place to live, buy a new car.
do i leave a job i’m just coasting in to do something more challenging? i’ve never been very ambitious or cared about making it big. my worry is that it’s not even close to anything i’m interested in doing. i hoped i’d never be involved with finance again after leaving my last job.
i fear getting stuck in a position i’ll be afraid to leave because i won’t find anything that pays as well. then again, i’m in the same situation in my current job; but, the extra time i have affords me the opportunity to dabble in the things i do enjoy (web design, for example) and it’s closest to my avocation than anything else.
for love or money? that’s what it’s boiling down to…
it’s morning. i didn’t die in my sleep. i’m having a bad hair day. i can’t wait until seattle, because on my way home i’m going to get my hair chopped off (what i won’t do for some people). i got to harrass paige on icq last night. it was fun. i had to run up to meghan’s to pick up my peanut butter (long story. don’t ask.) because i’d run out. i ate too many pizza-flavoured pringles. went to the grocery store and stocked up on tylenol & conditioner. hey, i have my priorities, man. i stayed up late to watch queer as folk. actually, i stayed up late downloading “every breath you take” and then just happened to flip to qaf by accident because i’d yet again forgotten to tape it.
ever notice that sometimes really old coffee smells like pee?
my eyelashes are itchy. i wonder if that’s weird. maybe it’s a new disease. i’m probably going to die in my sleep tonight because i don’t watch the news and haven’t heard the warnings about the new highly virulent strand of something-or-other which is floating around the lower mainland, whose first and most recognizable symptom is itchy eyelashes.
or maybe i just need to get out of this building and go home.
i WANT a camera.
i WANT a CAMERA.
I WANT A CAMERA!
after phoning meghan and feeling like a poor cousin ’cause i was looking for someone to do something with saturday night, i decided to go get a couple videos to watch. i settled for bounce and the virgin suicides.
bounce was good enough, considering its painful predictability. tyler phoned about three-quarters of the way through, the first thing he said being “intermission!” that was a nice break. i was starting to get frustrated that they hadn’t reached the emotional climax yet and it was already 80 minutes into the film.
i’m not sure i understood the virgin suicides. i enjoyed it in a lazy, summer’s drive through the country sort of way, but it left me feeling a little unsettled. i worry that there really are families like that and i’m very grateful mine is not one of them.
sunday was frustrating. i didn’t want to go out, but i felt restless inside. i cooked a little. i cleaned a little. i spent a little too much time online. i smoked way too much. i thought about going to indigo, having a latte and buying a book, but i would have felt too conspicuous. it was bad enough going out to return the videos and getting ice cream.
i woke up with a horrendous amount of neck pain. all i can say is thank god for tylenol.
in other news, i re-did my about page. check it out. it’s a little more informative, i think. not that anyone really cares. =)
i’m fighting the urge to go to the supermarket and buy a bag full of hagen-dazs, ben & jerry’s, skor bites, salsa flavoured pringles, real (not that diet kind) cream soda, chocolate covered almonds, frozen pizza, gummy bears, pilsbury chocolate-chocolate chip cookie dough, jelly bellys, apple turnovers, whipped cream in a can, hot chocolate, lays ripple chips and a bag of frozen french fries.
it wouldn’t be so bad if i didn’t have to go out sometime before eleven to take the videos back. someone lock me in, please.
ever since i unsubscribed to the linux user’s group mailing list, i’ve gotten basically no email other than spam. i never realized just how little personal email i got when my inbox had thirty new messages in it every day. i re-subscribed to the ‘a word a day’ mailing list, but i haven’t gotten a word since friday. i never thought to check if the listserver takes weekends off or not. it makes logging on an almost disappointing event. (nb: while typing this entry i received an email. it was spam. how appropriate.)
and, while i’m thinking of it, i absolutely cannot stand when people use “alls” as a word. you know… “alls i got to do is go down to the circle-k and buy a slushie.” ugh. it makes me cringe. literally. it’s all, not alls. don’t do it. it makes you sound white trash.
before you jump on me for using it in the title, please note the apostrophe and the intended usage. thank you. move along. there’s nothing to see here.
i woke at nine. nine?! on a saturday, for pete’s sake. i got online. then i putzed around. then i sorted through boxes of photos, letters, postcards and momentos. then i threw out a shitload of stuff. then i kind of wondered why i’m so hell-bent on uncluttering my life lately. then i had a shower. then i got dressed. then i did laundry. then i read some blogs. then i did dishes. then i made some food. then i ate some food. then i played some bingo online. then i did more dishes. then i cleaned my microwave. then i read some newsgroups. then i cleaned my livingroom. then i played some playstation. then i listened to some music. then i watched some hockey. then i checked some email. then i watched some movie on tv. then i realized i had done pretty much everything except grocery shop and i was still fucking bored so i blogged about how busy, yet unsatisfying my saturday has been.
i’m having such a great day! everyone is cheery and chatty and funny and goofing off a little and working a little. i had a sub for lunch. i’m playing cards tonight. i have new computer bits which make it run really well. it’s friday. it’s payday. i’m having a good, curly hair day. it’s my friend dan’s 30th birthday, and even thought i can’t get ahold of him, i’m just really thrilled i remembered and unfortunately woke his wife up calling this morning. i have a pocketful of loonies and toonies for laundry and cards respectively. thinking about paige makes me smile. i have onion breath and i don’t care. it’s grey and kinda rainy, but it’s still bright out. i get to play with meghan’s cats tonight. i’m blogging like a mad-woman. i got to actually talk to ide for the first time in what seems weeks. i’m feeling really good about jason and i being friends, c’est fini. spike & mike’s animation festival is this week and i want to try to drag meg & mark along. i got my income tax refund yesterday. goddess is extremely generous.
i haven’t been this happy in a while and i’m going to milk it for every cent i can.
i wish i could record my dreams and play them back later, when i’m awake, to either relive pleasant ones or try and work through fearful/upsetting ones. then you could also share them with your friends, bypassing the awkwardness of trying to verbalize the often confusing and surreal imagery to them. yeah. dream-dvd. someone invent that for me, will ya?
“yes, please. i’d love one of those.”
i really love the look of the bra i’m wearing today. it’s all white and satiny and smooth, with pretty 1940’s wide straps. the problem is it squishes my dugs, making them look smaller than they already are and the underwire pokes uncomfortably under my arms.
why can’t they make a comfortable bra which is also pretty?
so, on the way home from work last night i stopped at london drugs and hmm’d & haw’d over the modems, mice, microphones and monitors (must have been an m-day). i wasn’t once interrupted by a sales person, even though there were at least 15 various staff members in that very tiny department. i finally bit the bullet and picked a 3com usr performance pro modem off the shelf and went to the check out.
i got it home, ordered a pizza for dinner and set about to install yet another piece of hardware. i won’t bore you with the details, but for about twenty minutes i thought i was never going to get the computer to boot up again. ever. but a little jiggling and wiggling and everything was hunky-dory.
i now get well over 5 k/sec in my downloads! what that means, in practical terms, is that a 3-4mb mp3 takes about 10-15 minutes to download instead of 45-50 minutes. yeah. i’m screaming now.
i was half tempted to buy a webcam while i was there, but stopped myself before i went completely insane. next purchase will probably be a bigger hard drive so i can scrap one of my old ones to make room for a burner or dvd player. now with the dual head video card i can play dvds on my tv!
*sigh* i’m such a geek.
dammit, the blogger template contest is only open to fucking americans! goddamn that irks me!
why? uh, duh. gee, could it be that i have a TEMPLATES page and i think that MAYBE one of them might actually WIN something? naw. couldn’t be that.
silly canadian, cool contests are for yanks. only.
you need flash installed and a sound card to really appreciate: Hyakugojyuuichi!
having never experienced it personally, i’m curious to know if it’s really all that everyone makes of it. and i’m not talking l’oreal or miss clairol, either.
so, share with the group: is make up sex really so great?
thanks to the dink, i found this site for a logo design contest. after reading about the theme, qualifications and the $10,000 (USD) prize money, i decided to think on it for a little bit.
the problem i’ve run into is that i think i have a bloody good idea for the logo, but i have absolutely no artistic talent to take it from my brain onto a piece of paper or computer screen and it is completely frustrating! i think i could collaborate rather well with someone on it, but i don’t know anyone here who’s an artist. this really sucks. i could use even half of that money.