Category Archives: Words

seriously, sometimes it drives me crazy not having control of my heat. i’m this close to making a late-night run to ikea to buy a fuzzy rug for the livingroom just to attempt to bring a wee bit of warm back into my apartment. i’m sure it’s just the boiler lagging behind the arctic front, but dammit… my feet are cold now!
i’m alone at home on friday night. it’s been a while since that’s been an occurrence. it’s all good, though. i went grocery shopping to fill the fridge with veggies, then went and got myself butter chicken as my “last meal”.
oh, don’t get so upset. sheesh.
i’ve decided that i’m going to attempt forgoing: wheat, dairy, coffee, sugar and alcohol for a while. i’ve already planned a bunch of stuff to make so i don’t starve, but i’m feeling pretty sure i’ll be hating this idea by the time i’ve been without caffeine for a couple of days.
i recognize that trying to do such a thing to my diet during holiday season is probably a little bit crazy. half of my rationale is that if i can cut out all that stuff from my regular, everyday diet, then i won’t be so bad off if i splurge on a bit during more festive moments. the other half is based on the complete shit i’ve been feeling lately and the realization that i no longer eat anywhere near as many vegetables as i’d like to.
honestly, i think the only thing (besides coffee) i’ll really miss is wheat. that’s no pasta, toast or buns around my burgers. that’ll really suck, but i still get rice and couscous and barley and popcorn, so i’m sure to make do just fine. it’s not like i’m going on the crazy cleanse everyone was doing in the spring (or was it summer?)… that didn’t allow soy sauce or anything with vinegar in it. now that’s just loco!
oh, yeah… i might miss cheese, too. mm, cheese.
anyway, i’m going to go catch up on episodes of project runway and pushing daisies while i have the night to myself. *smooch*

1. i’ve been working like a dog, but i kind of like it. the week’s just flown by.
2. embarrassing but true, i ran out of gas on the way to work yesterday morning. at least it wasn’t on the bridge!
3. TIVO IS IN CANADA!! i know what *i* want for xmas!!

seriously, people! it’s november 15th… that is two weeks too early to have your xmas lights lit.
what’s really funny, though, is just down the block one house still has its hallowe’en display up in the front yard.
p.s. i gave myself a little bit of a black eye by running into a doorknob in the middle of the night. it’s mostly gone now, so i don’t have to make any excuses for christopher. ;)
p.p.s. i spent about two hours fixing a php script which had been borked on my webserver for well over two years… go me! i’ve still got the php mojo! maybe one day i’ll fix the rest of them.

1. i’m finally healthy again: no cramps, no cold!
2. pork roasted with garlic.
3. a full hour of knitting during a time-shifted heroes.
4. not letting the work crap get to me.
5. a pho obsession which threatens to make me look like noodles.
[format gratefully appropriated from the lovely supercapacity]

the last week or so has been a bucketful of suck for me.
thanks to the chemical manipulation of hormones, my uterus decided to exact revenge on me and cause untold horrors of pain and bleeding of previously unimagined proportions. i’ve whined and complained during my monthly shedding before, but this… this was indescribable. i spent an entire day at work doubled over and audible whimpering — yes, whimpering — because no amount of ibuprofen would cease the unrelenting cramps.
the doctor said that i’d have to “grin and bear it” because it’s just my body getting used to being on birth control pills and it could take a couple months to settle down. seriously? if next month is anything like the last nine days — yes, nine days — i might honestly contemplate the possibility of homicide. i don’t know who would be my victim(s), but i think i’ll start drafting a list. just in case.
to add insult to injury, i got sick on friday. i woke with both cramps and a dry, scratchy throat. christopher came over and took very good care of me, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. that was reserved for friday night’s sleeping disaster. every breath seemed to attack my nose and throat with sandpaper. by dawn i was so raw, sore and un-rested i gave up the idea of sleeping altogether. i watched some tv shows, somehow managed to have a bath and get laundry done and then the headache started. by five-thirty, after ordering the fastest delivery of chinese food ever, my head began to feel like it was filled with satan’s own bile. the pounding and buzzing and bloating was excruciating. again, no amount of tylenol would make even so much as a dent in the agony, so i went to bed. at six o’clock. on a saturday night.
luckily, sleep came much easier and was actually restful this time. even though i have been up since six-thirty, it hasn’t been so bad (and i seem to have ditched the headache during the night – thank god). i’ve spent the morning eating chinese left-overs and reading the entire archives of here is the house, dana bushman’s blog chronicling the purchase and year-long renovation of a four-storey townhouse in brooklyn, new york. for a self-confessed reno-show junkie like me, it was a fantastic way to spend a dark and rainy sunday morning.
the worst part of all this body grossness was missing the buffy sing-along at the pacific cinematheque yesterday! i might have dragged my crampy self there, if that had been the extent of my disabilities, but since i had lost my voice during the night (oh, how very “hush”) and was hacking up a lung every 37.2 seconds, i didn’t think a sing-along was where i should have been. luckily, even though i was incommunicado, shane managed to re-purpose my ticket for his friend, which made me happy to find out today. i think i might even get my $12 back for it! joy!
i feel the need to get something accomplished (other than getting better, obviously), so i think i’ll tackle my filing today. there’s nothing like sitting on the living room floor surrounded with a year’s worth of paper trail to make a girl’s sunday into something magical. hey, it’s either that or dust, and everyone knows just how futile that is, right?
here’s to next week being a lot lower on the craptastic scale…

i’m feeling pretty disaffected these days. nothing really excites me. i don’t really want to go out just for the sake of going out. i like my apartment and i enjoy spending my time there, doing what i want — sans pants. i like hanging out with friends, but i want plans before i commit to a gathering. not just “we’ll figure it out later”. even if those plans change mid-stream, that’s all right, at least there was a firm intention to begin with. that’s what i want: firm intentions.
i wish i could afford to work only six hours a day. i could get just as much done, but be on my way home by two o’clock. that would be lovely. i don’t understand just being at the office all day long, especially when you’ve completed and are just putting in the hours until quitting time. although, if i’m totally honest, working is for the birds and last time i checked, i could neither stomach worms nor fly.
i started a new scarf. that’s how you know it’s fall. i start knitting scarves. i’ve torn it apart three times now, only to begin again with a slightly revised pattern of my own devising. maybe one day i’ll learn how to knit something other than scarves.
my hair is ridiculously long and i need to get it cut. problem is, i feel the need for something drastic, but i don’t really trust the random girls at magicuts to really understand what my particular brand of difficult hair can handle. i also don’t have $200 to have it done by someone with more skill and experience. therefore, i just keep complaining about it and let it continue to grow.
people are frustrating me. maybe it’s the new birth control pill i’m on lowering my tolerance, but i’m finding self-deprecation, self-loathing and general lack of self-confidence really bloody annoying. it makes me wish for that magic mirror in which people could see how they’re perceived by others to shove in their faces to countermand their negative self-images. alas, i know first-hand how futile it is to try to tell people they’re good, worthwhile, talented, etc. they never see it until they’re ready. i guess i just have to hope for more patience.
homemade belgian waffles and caesar salad (separately, not as a meal) are my current food obsessions. i could maybe go egg-crazy in the near future, too. stay tuned for details.
i’m gearing up for a fitness kick. i can feel it building. i’m working through the scheduling issues in my mind of taking advantage of the gym at work. it’s tough getting over that initial starting process, though. that’s a whole hour of my evening gone. i won’t be getting home until after five-thirty and i’ll be all sweaty and red and without desire to go or hang out. not that i’ve had much desire to do week-day socializing lately anyway, but what if i did? i couldn’t if i were all post-workout gross! i know it’s the right thing to do, i just need a kick start. i wonder what that will be.
i have two firm goals i wish to accomplish before end of day saturday:
1. take the DVD recorder back to futureshop.
2. get a 2008 calendar up for sale on cafepress.
make that three:
3. have Liselotte’s reverse lights fixed so i don’t die backing out of a parking spot.
just walked in the door and now i have to walk right back out. but, it’s for a good reason. one full hour of massage. god, i love getting a massage. the feeling of hands on my back is one of life’s greatest sensory pleasures.

i’m quite enjoying a slightly lazy tuesday off work.
when i first planned this extra-long weekend, it was to be spent on the island at my mom’s for thanksgiving; but, she abandoned me to go to north-west ontario to party it up with friends and help my aunt pack up her house. gee, thanks mom! leave me alone for my favourite holiday!
(oh, side note, my mom has found my website. maybe more on that some other time.)
instead of sulking — okay, in addition to sulking — i decided to make a scaled-down version of turkey day here at chez hessie. i even invited karen over to partake of the pie with me, since she’s usually on the island with us for turkey day.
it all turned out pretty good, actually. other than the requisite turkey-timing issues (which seems to be the norm for all first turkey roasters – even though i only cooked a two-pound breast and not a whole bird), the roasted garlic mashed potatoes were absolutely perfect in every way, the brussel sprouts were done to a tee, karen’s yams were yummy, but i don’t think i’ll glaze carrots with brandy again. we both had seconds and then some pie while watching the CSI marathon on spike channel. yeah… it was a pretty typical thanksgiving dinner.
christopher had invited me to his family’s big do, but i’m really possessive of thanksgiving. i want it to be the way it’s always been and if i can’t have it, i’d rather not do it at all — or, as i proved this year, i’ll do it myself. i know it’s bad to be so set in my ways, but hell… i should be allowed to put my foot down once in a while.
i’m not so much looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. it’s so nice to have all day to go run errands, do housework, lie on the couch to read a book… i think being a housewife is really what i should have aspired to. too bad it’s probably too late to marry rich — unless christopher wins the lottery, of course. ;)
a couple weeks ago, i was entirely obsessed with the idea of buying an apartment. i was feeling like i needed to start my climb up the property ladder in order to secure some equity for my dotage. then i realized that the chances of my being able to afford anything in this market were slim to none and it made me sad. stupid beautiful british columbia with its lifestyle and climate everyone covets! last night, i was watching a real estate show where a single guy in cincinnati, ohio was looking at beautiful character homes i’d die to own for a little more than $100,000. ONE HUNDRED GRAND! even the smallest, oldest, grottiest apartments in the GVRD are starting at $150,000! *sigh* i’m never going to own my own home.
anyhoo, i hope everyone had a fabulous thanksgiving weekend! if you need some leftover yams, c’mon over.

it’s been a busy week! it was filled with fabulous friends, awesome parties and a wee bit of travel. not to mention all that normal work/life stuff i have to do every day.
i got spoiled beyond imagination, reconnected with two very special friends, celebrated with my mom, played the slots, snuggled cats, ate too much and saw killer whales.
not bad for seven days, huh?

it’d be talk like a pirate day, ye skalliwags! walk with a swagger and pinch all the wenches as they pass.
in less pirate-y news, it’s wednesday. i’m having an ANTM premiere gathering tonight. i’m going to victoria for my mom’s big 70th birthday weekend.
yeah, that’s about it. now, on with the grog!

i have a new tooth.

got the window fixed. that $245 i saved on the headlamps, plus $30 more, went to the nice people at Speedy Glass for the effort.
after picking up the car, i went to the doctor to have the chest pain i’d been experiencing all week diagnosed. looks like the cartilage connecting my ribs to my sternum is inflamed. don’t know why, but it’s damn sore. unfortunately, there’s naught to do but take anti-inflammatories and ice it. fun!
i’m seriously considering an apartment sale – i don’t have a yard or a garage, so what else should i call it? i need to raise funds to pay off my recent visa bill and it’s always good to purge stuff you haven’t used in several years. i have a linen closet full of such things. who knows, maybe someone would even give me money for them! i think today is all mine, so maybe i’ll sort and photograph. then again, maybe i’ll just sit on the couch and sulk ’cause i’m in pain.

after having dinner with christopher’s parents, we went out for a post-meal drive. unfortunately, we mostly got stuck in traffic, so i suggested we go wash my car for the first time instead.
while scrubbing the driver’s side front window, the back side window just… exploded. seriously. i’d finished washing it with the foaming brush, moved onto the one beside it and then there was this soft “oomph” and the sound of shattering glass. i wasn’t even touching it at the time!
so, now i’ve got a yard trimming bag taped over the window and hopes that i can get it replaced during the day tomorrow.
i can’t even muster up enough emotion to cry about it right now. i’m so overwhelmed with expenses and money stress i’ve begun compiling a list of things worth offering for sale to raise funds. at the very least, i’ll have to cancel my week off at xmas. i just can’t afford to give up that week’s pay the way things are going.

i’ve been driving my new car around, trying to get a feel for it. the passenger side window broke; i’m kind of glad it’s getting cooler out, so that i won’t have to feel guilty christopher can’t cool down. i found replacement headlamps from a guy on a local VW forum for $25 — that’s $245 cheaper than retail, which should be enough to pay to fix the window.
i haven’t been feeling very well the last week or so. non-specific pain and discomfort makes the hypochondriac in me rear her ugly and anxiety-inspiring head, which just makes the un-well that much worse. i think it was just two very late nights this weekend which did it, actually. the doctor wouldn’t give me a prescription for an oral anti-fungal after i discovered the ringworm had re-appeared in a new location. i go to the dentist next tuesday to have my fake-fake tooth replaced with my new fake tooth.
i’m obsessed with finding a pair of chairs to replace my huge comfy chair, not that i have the money for something like that. something like these would make me happiest. i found a cute little chair at a thrift store near work for $5; it needs re-upholstering (it sports lots of cat-claw holes), but i don’t have a clue as to how much that might cost me. actually, i’m obsessed with looking for things to buy in general. i don’t know why, since i spent all my money on the the new car.
i finally get to go back to my job tomorrow morning. i’ve spent the last two and a half weeks filling in for my officemate. i love the 3:30pm end-time, but hate the 5:00am alarm clock. doing his job is a nice break, but i’ll be glad to get back to my desk. the new manager is taking us out for lunch tomorrow — his treat. maybe i should have told him how much i liked the shirt he wore today.
i made a giant fruit salad tonight. i had a sudden and urgent need for fresh fruit. my diet over the last couple of weeks has been just abysmal. i was practically frantic for a salad by sunday. funny how that happens.
i’m not dead, but i’ve been pretty damn boring. you really weren’t missing much at all.

if the owner has to phone someone else to find out if the timing belt has ever been changed, you don’t want to buy that car.
bonus: if he answers “uhh…” when you ask if the car has an alarm – duh – you don’t want to buy that car.

always get your prospective purchase inspected by a mechanic you trust.
even though it’s nice to look at, drives really well, feels good and you talked the guy down to a reasonable price for your pocketbook doesn’t mean that bumper isn’t held on with chewing gum and the centre console isn’t about to explode.
*sigh*

back in April, Jen wrote a piece comparing her experience with the Co-operative Auto Network (CAN) with the new kid on the car-sharing block, Zip Car. now that i’m in the unfamiliar position of being carless and my hunt for a replacement set of wheels is going less well than i would like, i’ve been giving serious consideration to the idea of not buying a car at all and becoming a car-sharer (or “Zipster” if you fall for marketing lingo).
after yet another disappointing experience looking at used cars last night, i went to bed with the blissful idea of calling up CAN and signing up asap. i had calculated all the money i could save each month just in gas and insurance premiums and it made me slightly giddy. it was also a lovely idea to think that i could put the few thousand dollars sitting in my chequing account back into my high-interest ING accounts and have it continue to grow. it was quite liberating to consider a life without a car. i live in a central area with two big grocery stores, two major drug stores, two butchers, three small produce markets, a fish monger and zillions of restaurants all within a 10-minute walk of my apartment. i could easily, with some changes to my current m.o., convert my habits into that of a non-driver. even the biggest obstacle to my relinquishing my vehicle, my commute, could be solved with a one-hour shift in my start time — which my boss has already mentioned would be totally doable.
it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. i didn’t HAVE to buy a car! i could almost hear the chorus of angels singing.
then i read the CAN website:

yeah, see that fifth one? that’s where i’m screwed. even though i have 16 years of accident-free driving; even though i have had exactly ONE speeding ticket and ONE parking ticket in all of those 16 years; even though i will continue to argue that my accident wasn’t 100% my fault (despite what that stupid letter from ICBC says), that smoosh i had last week will impede me from being a responsible urbanite by becoming a car-sharer with CAN.
this brings me back to Jen’s post, in which she wisely stated “The biggest advantage to using Zipcar is the very low barrier to entry.”
proving that statement, Zip Car’s criteria is much more flexible:

at least they allow membership to someone who has had one “oops” in the last year and a half. not all of us are reckless drivers who get into accidents and there’s no “i ran into an SUV because i couldn’t see through it” clause to negate an at-fault incident.
in addition, the lack of a $500 buy-in definitely opens more doors for people to start using Zip Car as opposed to CAN, not that that would have stopped me.
part of me is tempted to at least make a plea to CAN and hope they take pity on me, but i don’t have a lot of faith that there’s a chance they will capitulate. if any of you CAN members reading want to make a case for me with them, feel free, though!

when the salesman mutters “head gasket” when the car you just started is billowing exhaust, you don’t want to buy that car.

when the person selling the car quickly gets in and drives away after he sees you writing down the VIN, you don’t want to buy that car.

i’m no longer a car owner.

it took me 12 hours to read ‘harry potter and the deathly hollows’ today. i was bound and determined to finish it before returning to work tomorrow morning as i know a co-worker will be chomping at the bit to talk about it.
poor christopher was a potter widower through most of it. i took breaks just short enough to eat dinner with him and be of no help whatsoever in his trying to match my progress in ‘super paper mario world’. i felt more than a little bad about abandoning him so, but really… sometimes you just gotta read.
yeah, that was fun. i haven’t read a book in a day in a very, very, very long time. usually, i’m lucky to get through a book in three months of lunch-time reading. i miss the good old days of reading ALL. THE. TIME. audiobooks are starting helping fill that gap for me, i’ve found. in the last few months i’ve listened to the ‘eragon’ books and ‘wuthering heights’ on my mp3 player and i have a queue of several more taking up space on my external drive just waiting for me to get a-listening. a friend recently pointed me towards librivox and i can’t wait to dive into that catalogue. yum!