Category Archives: Words

woke up at 1:33 a.m. this morning after tossing and turning from 10 o’clock on. got up. browsed the internets. drank some water. went to the bathroom. browsed the internets some more. went back to bed an hour later and tossed and turned until 6 a.m. i thought with the heat levelling off some, i’d actually sleep better, but it seems i’m sleeping worse now. could be it’s just a side-effect of my sad mood from the last couple of days. the crying didn’t help. the chips didn’t either. the cleaning might have, a little.
now i’m tired and still a little bloo. hopefully, the calendar is correct and it’s just hormones ravaging my bloodstream. stupid hormones.
tonight, since christopher is going to a birthday celebration, i’ve planned myself an evening home alone. after picking up film and buying some groceries, i’m going to order some butter chicken & naan, put a movie which doesn’t require too much attention in the dvd-player, pour myself a glass of plum wine and then i’m going to scan until i pass out. hell, i might even do some laundry if i have enough change.
i’m such a party animal.

i don’t know if it’s allergies, a pre-cold or if i’ve been permanently altered by all the air-conditioning i’ve been subjected to lately, but there’s something funky going on with my nose and i’m getting pretty damn tired of snuffling all day and not being able to breathe through it. i’m almost at the point where i’m ready to go to the pharmacy and seek a packaged solution. maybe it’s just a “touch of sinusitis” like my dad is known to contract. i don’t think it’s allergies, but not having experienced them before, how would i know? there aren’t any other symptoms like watery, itchy eyes or uncontrollable sneezing.
don’t take your nose for granted, boys and girls. you’ll miss it when it stops working properly.
p.s. bloglines tells me that 18 people are subscribed to my rss feed. who are all you freaks?

– drinking at the pub & sweating
– watching a movie at home & sweating
– driving to chilliwack for a wander & sweating
– doing chores & sweating
– picnicing at the beach & not as much sweating (thank god)

it’s hot.

back to my regular life today. here’s a list, because that’s what i do:
– i have 14 rolls of film to scan. ugh.
– my friends spoiled me rotten for my birthday.
– i have to go to langley for a course at the end of the week. ew.
– i need more friends with trucks.
– christopher makes me very happy, even when he’s grumpy.
– there’s a sudden and inexplicable urge to grow plants on my balcony.
– is it so wrong to want butter chicken for lunch every day?
– dear god in heaven, someone please make me go get a haircut soon.

dad and i were booked on westjet flight 899, which originated in toronto (or possibly orlando, i’m not entirely sure of that, though), with stops in winnipeg, saskatoon, calgary and, finally, terminating in vancouver. because of weather delays, the plane left the big smoke 90 minutes late, delaying our departure from winterpeg. by the time we got in the air and approached saskatoon, there was a giant storm cell buffeting the city, and airport, with thunder, lightning and 120kph winds. when the pilot tried to land, we were treated to the second-best turbulance i’ve ever experienced while flying. the man sitting in front of me kept yelping and bracing himself awkwardly between his armrest and the window.
our pilot aborted our landing attempt and circled just outside the storm for about twenty mintues before telling us that if the cell didn’t pass soon we’d have to divert to regina or, get this, back to winnipeg. at that announcement, i started to laugh so hard i had tears running down my face. my father wasn’t at all pleased. he was grumpy enough with the delay in winnipeg, let alone the possibility of making absolutely no progress by the end of the day.
twenty minutes later, we landed in regina, where we sat on the tarmac, in the plane, for another thirty minutes before anyone told us anything about what was going on. people wanted to get off, but there wasn’t even a staircase wheeled up to the door of the plane at this point. looking out the window, i saw a guy with a flashlight inspecting the wing, and i wondered if the plane had suffered any damage in the storm. about this time, we finally get an announcement that we’re going back to saskatoon as soon as we get refueled. another forty-five minutes pass before we’re in the air.
by this time it’s after midnight local time and dad and i have been on this plane for almost four hours — yeah, one hour and eight minute flight to saskatoon my ass! we arrive in saskatoon with absolutely no one telling us anything about connections or continuations. all they said was “the friendly agent at the gate will have all that information for you.” well, the friendly agent at the gate dropped the bomb that the dozen of us who were meant to go on to calgary and vancouver were stuck in saskatoon overnight.
dad was not pleased, to say the least. i was mostly concerned about what my boss would say when he found out i wouldn’t be in to work the next day, but i was beyond getting upset about something so completely out of my control. unusually, westjet actually paid for our hotel rooms, which was kind of cool. so, we were off to pick up our bags and hop on the shuttle to the saskatoon inn for the night. it was one a.m. by the time i got into my room and realized i wasn’t in the least bit sleepy, which wasn’t good considering i had a wake-up call scheduled for 4:30 a.m. luckily, there was free internet and i had brought lucy for the trip, so i got online and chatted with christopher for an hour until i finally got tired enough for my two-and-a-half hour nap.
at 5:30, we all piled into the shuttle for our trip back to the john g. diefenbaker airport. after waiting for dad to buy cigarettes and have his first smoke in ten hours, we got herded through security and onto our waiting flight to calgary which, thankfully, both departed and arrived on time. a quick pit-stop in calgary and we were back on a plane to vancouver, arriving at eight-thirty. only nine hours late.
as soon as we landed in vancouver and de-planed (i really hate that term), i practically ran to starbucks for a triple tall latte, seeing as i’d been completely without caffeine all day. we loaded up in my uncle’s van and headed back to north vancouver, stopping briefly at the eighties restaurant for breakfast — yummy eggs and bacon. by 10:30, i was home in my awesome apartment, unpacked and catching up on email, with only my sunburn, whacks of dirty laundry and itchy mosquito bites to remind me of where i’d started out from the day before.

it’s currently 11:07pm.
my alarm is set for 3:30am.
my ride will arrive at 5:00am.
my plane leaves at 7:00am.
i probably won’t arrive at my final destination until 11:00pm.
if i survive the travel days, i’ll be back from Ontario on monday.
have a great weekend, everyone.
update: it is currently 4:05am. i think i might die today from lack of sleep. pray for me.

I’M ON VACATION!

last night, for the first time in what feels like months, i went straight home from work. no stopping off at christopher’s. no shopping. no rushing to change before going out anywhere with anyone. just home. it felt weird, but good. probably just because of the funk i’m smack in the middle of, but being home alone, watching a movie, eating some dinner, having a bubble-bath, screwing around on the computer and being in bed by nine-thirty made me feel so good and calm.
i have not been calm.
this whole waiting to see if i’m going to have another attack is driving me crazy. i KNOW i’m probably fine and i’m DOING everything i need to make myself more fine but anytime i feel anything odd in my body i start to worry and obsess and cause myself all sorts of stress.
part of me feels like i need a good cry, but even at the end of the movie i watched last night, i couldn’t even get one going. the other week when i was all worked up and sad and mad i started to bawl but then it just abruptly stopped. i just can’t seem to get it out, whatever “it” is.
while driving somewhere the other day, i had a fantasy that i should quit my job, pack up my stuff and go work up north in one of those ridiculously overpaid jobs no one wants to do because who wants to live up north anyway. i could work there for a year, make tons of money i couldn’t spend because there’s nothing to do, pay off bills and then come back and start again. i don’t think i’ve ever experienced such an overwhelming urge to run away as i have the last couple of months.
what am i trying to get away from?
p.s. i would love a piece of watermelon right about now.

blah. birthday in a week. blah blah. craving frozen yogurt. blah. still don’t feel great. blah. vacation starts in two days and 2.5 work hours. blah blah. it’s hot. blah! the quick trip to ontario is bracketed by 5 hours of flying and 11 hours of driving — EACH WAY. blah blah blah. feel like hiding from people. blah. rediscovering vegetables is yummy. blah blah. christopher got me the coveted jellyfish pooh yesterday — he’s so awesome. blah. six rolls of film to scan. blah blah. need a hug. blah.

my bloodwork came back top-notch. looking only at those numbers, i’m the picture of health. my iron could be higher, but otherwise people try really hard to have such good values. so, now i have to go get my heart electrocuted (okay, not really, just an ECG) and i have an appointment with the visiting neurologist — in september. gotta love socialized healthcare!
now i try to figure out if it’s all just psychological. there is the possibility it’s an anxiety disorder manifesting, but there’s no history of that for me, so i’d like to think that’s the long shot.
you know, for someone who hates going to the doctor so much, i sure am seeing a lot of them lately. oh well. i guess it’s smart to do the things you need to do in order to take care of yourself. even if you really, really, really don’t like them.
p.s. we found a restaurant with the best butter chicken in the universe yesterday. it’s so good it’s like sex in your mouth, as christopher described it. seriously, it is the most amazing thing i have ever eaten. ever. and it’s only a block from my house. heaven.

i am suddenly overcome with the urgent desire to be 4 – 6 inches taller than i am.
weird.

i’m a walking hormone today. maybe it’s spring fever making damn sure i know that it’s not summer yet, bitch. whatever it is, i’ve gone quite squirrely and lost any motivation to get anything other than *that* done.
ugh.
tonight, i’m going to play music bingo with jamie at the pub, where i hope to also see meghan for the first time in about a month. it really bugs me that if i don’t go down there i never get to see her any more.
thirteen days until my natal anniversary and a couple more after that until i leave on a jet plane… yay! but, even with all that goodness, part of me really just wants to curl up on the futon and watch movies for a week. i guess the artist formerly (?) known as prince was right in ‘when doves cry’… “she’s never satisfied.”

seven out of twelve isn’t so bad, i guess. then again, i added about a zillion other things to the list this morning and managed to get most of them done.
things got a little side-tracked by a return of the freak-me-out woozy spells i was suffering from a couple of weeks ago. just after lunch on friday i was struck and, again, freaked the fucked out. i left work early and went back to the clinic to see what the hell is going on. i had to wait an extended period (which only made me more anxious and freaked out), but i got to see the best doctor i’ve ever seen in that clinic. she asked me a lot more questions than the last one and ordered some bloodwork to check things out. when i go back later in the week for a follow-up, i’m totally asking her if she’ll be my GP.
thankfully, christopher was there with me through all of the unwellness. he even got up at the crack of dawn to go to the lab with me to have my blood drawn saturday morning. i don’t know how i managed to get so lucky.
in the spirit of retail therapy (and a little pre-birthday present), we went down to future shop and i bought myself an mp3 player! it’s a Creative Zen Micro Photo 8gb. in red. i haven’t named it yet, but i’m probably leaning towards ‘cherrybomb’ or ‘big red’. opinions and alternate suggestions are wholly welcome.
so, with the new toy comes a new obsession: ripping CDs and updating ID3 tags. god, that’s annoying. but, as jeremy said, at least i only have to do it once.
ack, dad’s going to be here any second. i’m taking him out for fish’n’chips for daddy’s day. he’s driving, but that’s because it’s hot out and he’s got a/c in his car.
how was your weekend?

feeling… unimpressed, but not bad. it’s a weird combination. i think i need a change, but i don’t know what. in the meantime, i’m making a list.
this weekend i want to:
– scan three rolls of film
– shoot a roll in my new camera(s)
– get down on my hands & knees and SCRUB the bathroom floor
– sleep in
– take dad out somewhere for daddy’s day
– eat yummy indian food
– watch movies
– have a nap
– go outside
– pay bills
– go through old binders of school stuff, hopefully making space for books and cameras
– go to ikea’s midnight madness event

after going to a fabulous show by The Fiery Furnaces at Richard’s on Richards last night, driving the drunken jen and christopher to their homes and then, finally, making my way to my bed, only to be up and at work, not only on time, but early, i’m utterly consumed with nostomania. for those of you not on the a.word.a.day mailing list…

no matter how bad i might feel this morning, at least i’m not sporting a hangover the likes my two companions are sure to be suffering though today.

didn’t win the lottery, so i’m back at work today. feeling much steadier. people missed me (but think i’m crazy to have come back today). who knew?

i’ve never been so happy to have it rain as i was last night. it was so ridiculously muggy, everything which could collect condensation did — including me — which is what you want in a sauna, but it’s not so fun when you’re trying to clean house.
i took last night off from people and took control of chez hessie. i did all the laundry, cleaned the floors, took out the trash & recycling and generally tidied to a level which lowers my homemaker stress to an acceptable level. then, after chores and chicken-baking was done, i turned on the hot mini-light action, scanned a roll of film (thank goodness there are only 12 shots on a holga roll) and watched the premiere episode of canada’s next top model i downloaded before collapsing into a freshly laundered bed for what turned out to be a fantastic night’s sleep.
now, it’s friday & payday. i just spent the last 20 minutes transferring money around and i’m broke again. all this ebaying, film-buying/developing, entertaining, socializing and wardrobe restructuring is stupid expensive. i need to scale back pretty seriously if i want to get ahead again. man, i really need a patron who’ll finance my life of creative expression via sleep and being cute.
tomorrow, i’m going to see art with people. sunday, i’m going to see a movie and eat ridiculous amounts of sushi. it’s just under a month until i start my vacation and just over a month until my birthday, both of which i need to enjoy as much as humanly possible because the following two months are chock full of nasty work stuff i’m trying desperately not to even contemplate.
today, my biggest decision is where i’m going to get lunch. i think that’s just about perfect.

i had a really freaky experience at work yesterday. i don’t want to get into the details, but it quite literally scared the shit out of me. luckily for me, debbie very calmly took charge when i told her i thought something was wrong. kevin, my boss, kept checking up on me all afternoon which was totally annoying in an utterly sweet way and, after work, christopher and jen came over to keep my mind off it with pizza and a movie.
i’m still experiencing a little post-episode hypochondria today. it’s something i hate about myself, but i totally work myself up into quite a state when i sense unusual symptoms. 99% of the time it’s nothing, but i get on the internet and diagnose myself with cancer, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, etc. and then spend the next few days waiting for my impending death. i’m not quite sure why i do it to myself, but i really wish i would get over it already. it’s very wearing on my nerves.
before anyone (else) gets all worried, i got looked over by ed the awesome first aid guy and he was confident of his diagnosis. if he had been even the least bit concerned it was something serious i would have been at the hospital PDQ. all i know is that i don’t ever want to go through that again. *shudder*