it’s a long day. this is the reason i hate tuesdays. they drag. they take forever to pass. i can’t believe it’s only 11am. it feels more like 7pm! gah. and i’m wearing my hair in a ponytail. i never wear my hair in a ponytail, especially outside of my house. i don’t know what happened to me this morning. i may be losing my mind.
him1: I want you to promise to marry me if you’re not hitched by 40.
him1: I promise I’ll move anywhere.
her: where has all this come from?
him1: Maybe the heart.. maybe the groin.. who can say?
him1:
him1: Am I coming out to see you this summer?
her: are you medicated?
him1: Is that a yes? It doesn’t sound like a yes.
as you may have gathered, i’m not that fond of people as a whole. especially not groups of people i don’t know. so, as saturday’s clock slowly inched its way towards 6pm i started to feel a growing dread about going to colene’s freedom festival. i was sitting on the edge of the futon, dressed and ready to go and i was milliseconds away from picking up the phone and making some lame excuse for not being able to go. instead, i got up and walked out the door.
boy, am i glad i did. it was a lot of fun. i got to meet mel and see val again, not to mention play cranium for the first time, be in awe of the amount of food available for noshing and meeting people who don’t actually have websites (that was probably the weirdest part). i didn’t even feel like the oldest person in the room, which was a happy surprise.
there was even a star sighting on my way. while waiting to turn onto lonsdale from my street, a black cadillac srx drove by and the driver was none other than marc crawford, coach of my beloved vancouver canucks. i’ve seen him driving around my neighbourhood before, but he’s definitely upgraded his vehicle since the last time i’d caught sight of him. i kind of wished i’d still had my car flag up and flapping to give him a little bit of support.
this time last year i was getting ready to fly to edmonton to meet morgan for the first time in three years of knowing him. i was so nervous and excited i wasn’t sleeping and barely eating. there was the chance that i was going to meet the man i’d be spending the rest of my life with.
ahh, gotta love the lofty expectations.
now i find myself thinking about that visit and wondering how it could have played out differently. that’s not to say there was anything wrong with the time i spent there. actually, that was pretty much perfect. how can it not be when there’s a tall man who’s absolutely besotted with you who makes you a sushi combo platter and doesn’t get upset when you nearly throw fondue up on him?
i can’t believe it’s been a year already. in some ways, it feels like a lifetime; in others, it’s like yesterday. i can remember it all and it makes me smile.
you know what? nobody’s ever tried to set me up. well, meghan did that once with dean, but she was pretty passive about it and it turned out she didn’t want us to hook up and put card nights in jeopardy.
i just realized that no one has ever said “hey, i’ve got this guy i think you should meet”. not one of my co-workers with sons my age. not one of my friends with single male friends. admittedly, most of our friends and co-workers are married, but i know that both mark and dean work in construction with many men who aren’t. maybe matchmaking isn’t something guys think about. or maybe i’m just not someone that people want dating their friends or family.
wow, that’s depressing.
the internet is boring today and all i want to do is go home and go to bed, but i’ve got this nagging need to get started on the design for my site-in-progress. i just don’t think designing anything while my head feels this sore and swollen is a good idea.
i want more cornbread, that’s what i want. instead, i’m going to my pilates class.
envy me.
i stumbled across this incredible online gallery of women photographers challenging the idea of beauty being defined by any one standard. according to the site, the actual tour is currently at the pacific centre here in vancouver. i certainly hope to get to see it before it leaves.
colene came over to watch the hockey game with me in my little hovel. we ate veggie burgers, salad and cornbread (who knew that shit was so good?). we spent a lot of time trying to untangle the fringe of my chenille throw. we screamed like crazy people when cooke scored to tie the game with five seconds left. we sat, stunned, when they lost by an ugly, stupid, flukey powerplay goal.
i feel positively hung over today. i think she put something funky in the cornbread. all i wanted was to stay in bed this morning (even with my crazy, temper-tantrum-filled dreams). ugh.
i did get my computer fixed. the very nice guys at the shop tested and traded out the power supply under warranty. all it cost me was forty-five minutes of my time. cheap! now i just wish my cpu fan wouldn’t sound like a dying goose, but i can live with that. for now.
mom called to tell me that on her way to victoria (wherefrom she left for her vegas adventure) she stopped at the casino and won $5000! obviously she was very elated and i was for her, as well. the timing was perfect! i hope she can keep up the winning while vegas. i’m so happy for her i can barely stop smiling.
hockey. yeah. can you say “triple overtime”? i knew you could. wow, that was, quite literally, a game and a half. i guess desperation really is a motivator. the canucks finally played like i knew they could. it was physical, they skated amazingly, they started stealing the puck in the neutral zone just like calgary’s been doing to them all series and they shot at the net. it was amazing. i laughed, i screamed, i jumped up and down. i expect to be doing all those things tonight, too. game 7. i’m excited and nervous. i know we’re a better team and coming off a triple ot winner has got to be great for their confidence, but calgary hasn’t been in the playoffs for nine years, they could have more at stake and that could make all the difference.
saturday afternoon saw me out and about town, wearing my big, blue, fuzzy sweater and buying plane tickets to minnesota. it’s a zillion weeks away, but now that i have the tickets (or, i should say, the electronic ticket number) in my possession i’m rather giddy about the prospect. i get to meet jodi and andrea and, most of all, my friendiest jeremy whom i’ve known for eight years but not yet met. hurrah! it’s all very exciting. now i can’t wait for july!
also, while out shopping, i stumbled upon a small sample package of burt’s bees products. for $19.99 i thought i’d treat myself, so i bought it. well, you know, i think i’m turning into some gurly-girl or something. i’m absolutely in love with burt’s peppermint shower soap and rosemary mint shampoo bar, not to mention the lip balm! ohmygod. why didn’t anyone tell me about this stuff before? holy crap. and the lemon butter cuticle crème? coconut foot crème? i smell so good and i’m so soft. mmm. i heart burt and his bees.
blah blah blah. computer’s still broken. my new teacher is a total geek who thinks he’s funnier than he is. even after all the hoggage of the last week, i only gained half a pound — i will not be taking the scale gods’ kindness for granted. my headache is back. bill’s a twerp. calgary sucks almost as much as edmonton. the post office cruelly teased me by putting a parcel notice in my mail only to have me discover it was for the carton of cookies i had already picked up. my new shoes make my feet hot. blah blah blah.
tall, warm man with no strange bodily odours, preferrably with two day’s worth of stubble, to be waiting at my apartment for me with open arms and a long, tight cuddle complete with loving nonsense muttered into the top of my head and soft, wet kisses on my lips.
found through joelle of put down the donut fame, i’m now a victim of things that smell good from sephora. i probably would have been able to curb my desire to try pumpkin pie scented three-in-one shampoo/conditioner/bodywash if it wasn’t for the lure of three free samples with each order. three! free! ohmygod. for someone like me who has to smell *everything* before she buys it, samples are a very, very, very good thing.
i can’t wait until i smell like punkin pie! yum.
you know, sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.
tuesday night, when i got home from work, i discovered my net connection was sketchy and then died outright. so, after futzing with it a little yesterday morning before leaving for work, i shut down the machine as per start->shutdown. when i came home last night i pressed the power button and… nothing happened. i unplugged the power cable and flipped the power supply switch and cycled the power bar all to no avail.
i assume it’s got to be something with the switch or the power supply. i guess i’ll take it to the shop on the weekend. i might talk to mike about it and bring it in here for him to look at, but at the pace he moves i’d be lucky to get it back by august.
it was interesting to be computerless last night. i didn’t really miss it, except for not being able to track my points and when i wanted to hear “white flag” by dido, i had to sing it to myself. i wish i’d brought my book home with me, though. good thing i have class tonight to keep me occupied.
did i mention part of my school blew up on tuesday? it’s a large-ish campus and one of the steam boilers in the north campus exploded, taking out portions of neighbouring buildings. my classes aren’t affected as they’re in a different section, but it was still interesting. they said there was a lot of asbestos around from the exploded buildings, so i thought it might be prudent for me to wear my sars mask to class tonight.
my craptastic review of girl scout cookies:
caramel de lites – good, instant insulin response. the caramel sticks to everything at room temperature, so you have to put them in the fridge for a few minutes. unfortunately, they taste totally different chilled.
reduced fat lemon pastry cremes – really good. not too lemony and the cookie part is nice and light. a winner.
shortbread – it’s really hard to go wrong with shortbread. it’s kind of weird eating girls’ faces, though.
animal treasures – they’re HUGE! wow. these are for serious cookie eaters. tasty and with that instant insulin response we’ve all come to love. i ate two giraffes!
thin mints – they’re not really thin and absolutely nothing like i thought they’d be (read: like the girl guide version), but still minty enough for me to eat them even though their chocolate-y coating is slightly greasy-feeling.
i’m glad i got to finally try the american version of the seasonal cookie whoring, but i think i’ll stick with our boring vanilla & chocolate creams.
shopping this weekend was fun. not only because i found cute things, but the cute things i found i had to buy in a size smaller than i normally would. who knew that sixteen pounds could be a whole size? i’m getting a little concerned that i can’t seem to find my favourite brand/style of jeans in my new size in any of the stores i’ve looked in, though. i really love these jeans and if i have to find a new style i’ll be right pissed off. i actually considered putting the sixteen pounds back on just so i could keep wearing them. don’t worry, i didn’t consider it for long.
honestly, i don’t think i’ll be able to say i’ve lost sixteen pounds for much longer. i think that number is going to be decreasing this weigh in. i’ve been a complete and utter pig over the last week. with a hormonal binge last thursday, the easter long weekend and the arrival of FIVE boxes of girl scout cookies… well, yeah. it’s been frightening. i also haven’t gotten off my ass to exercise in a week, either. god, it’s pathetic and i just feel rotten, physically.
tonight i’m going to stop at the market to restock my house with veggies (i found a liquified cucumber in my crisper last night. ick.), eat a bowl of soup, sweat for half an hour, iron my newly washed cute clothes and go to bed at a reasonable time. it doesn’t sound very exciting, i know, but it’s just what the doctor ordered and i can’t think of anything else i’d rather be doing.
except maybe kissing.
if you’ve lived on the west coast for any length of time, you know all about the ferries. i’ve written about them before so i’ll keep this short: where have all the fucking people come from and why do they always want to be on the same boat as me? geez louise! i was the first or second person denied a ticket for the 10:30 sailing friday morning because of volume. lucky me got to sit around the terminal until 12:30 for the honour of spending an additional two hours of my life crossing the strait. thankfully it was: a) a beautiful day; and, b) i had hey nostradamus! to keep me company.
otherwise, my weekend was pretty good. mom really needed me there, too. she’s been having to deal with her cousin/tennant’s severe health problems and she’s pretty much at the end of her tether. brenda (the cousin/tennant) was in hosptial all weekend and i’m glad for both mom and me. it gave her break from the constant worry and allowed me to not get too angry and upset about the situation on her behalf.
we watched hockey and a couple movies, did some pre-vegas shopping for her trip next week and hit the casino for a practice run where we both won a combined total of just over a thousand bucks. good thing, too, because i bought some clothes and shoes i really couldn’t afford.
now i’m back on my side of the water, glad to have slept on my crappy futon (can you believe it?) and to be back in my own space. i could do without the being at work, but with the good always comes some bad, they say.
how was your easter?
holy crap i’m in a foul humour. not even the gab’n’bitch session over lunch helped. the sushi place was closed, so we went to the thai place next door and i went WAY over my points and now i feel gross and ill. i’ve decided that i don’t give a fuck about the union meeting tonight, so i’ll go get my crappy hair cut tonight, then go home and try to sweat off some of the coconut steamed rice i gorged on. after that, i’m going to lay about in my stinky workout clothes and melt some braincells watching such horrible tv as: survivor, the apprentice and the swan.
i really need a hug.
don’t you people know that i’m lacking a jeremy this week? why aren’t you making the internet more entertaining for me? i need something to occupy me, dammit. post more! comment more! email me! send me stupid instant messages. goddamn. i can’t stand the silence!
i’m in a really great mood this morning. i’ve got my hippy cleavage shirt (that’s hippie-style which shows cleavage, not shows hippy cleavage) and mascara on. i’m leaving early. i’ve got a double-date for dinner, kind of. i’ve plans to stop at la banque to get mom’s belated xmas gift (yankee money for her first trip to vegas). tomorrow is looking like cards and fajitas with m&m&d. i’ve got some stuff organized in such a manner as to help me make some fiscal progress.
it’s a great day! come, let us do the dance of joy!
i just might be getting this whole programming thing. then again, it’s probably just that i was so horribly scarred by linked lists in pascal that it was burned very deeply into my brain. regardless, i was the first one finished the lab last night and i did it both the easy and the hard way. go me.
meghan has gotten me addicted to watching starting over, a daytime reality tv show which has women living together in a house while trying to rebuild their lives through life coaching and personal empowerment exercises. it’s like any other stupid reality tv show, but with a more noble intent. honestly, it’s gotten me thinking a lot more about how i live and react to things. there are a couple of women in the house who are struggling with many of the same issues i am in their lives. the only difference being, i haven’t reached out for help to resolve them.
this leads to my talking about the best thing which has happened in my life in a long time: jeremy. while watching the show and reading an exerpt of a book one of the life coaches on the show had written, i realized that jeremy is like my own personal life coach. he’s the most supportive, caring, generous person i have ever known. he calls me on my bullshit and will not tolerate my patented self-deprication. he cheers me on when i succeed and supports me when i’m struggling. he inspires me to be a better, more open and communicative person. when i think about him i just get this overwhelming feeling of appreciation and gratitude that he’s part of my life.
i’ve known jeremy for somewhere near the vicinity of eight years now, but we’ve never met. i don’t think we’ve even talked on the phone more than half a dozen times, but we talk almost every day. i’m generally not fond of the human race as a whole, so finding someone with whom i actually want to talk to every day is la little bit like a miracle.
back when we were both younger and stupider and we’d only known each other a short while, we had a big fight and stopped talking to each other for several years. i don’t even remember what the fight was about or even how we reconnected. it feels like i’ve known him forever though. i can’t seem to imagine not having him as part of my life.
the thing about my relationship with jeremy is that, in the past, because of the strength of my respect, regard and affection for him, i’d start to convince myself that i was falling in love with him. that if i felt this much for someone who very obviously felt just as much for me, that it must mean that we should be together romantically, ignoring completely the fact that he’s very happily married and he’d never even consider jeopardizing that relationship. what i’m realizing is that i can love the stuffing out of him without it being heartbreaking-longing-yearning-romance-novel love. that i don’t have to dampen the strength of my feelings for him just because he’ll never be my boyfriend.
it’s just another thing he’s helped me learn.
i stayed up until midnight working on my assignment then got up at six this morning and worked on it some more. i’ve just now finished the final commenting, bug reporting and printing. i will not even think about it again until i hand it in tonight.
the other morning while getting ready for work, i heard on the radio that a woman who worked in a care facility was terminated for putting an elderly resident, secured into a geriatric chair, into a closet overnight. she has recently had that termination overturned and is now serving a several month suspension without pay instead. i very nearly became physically ill at the thought. it took a lot of self control for me not to completely rage and lose it at the mere thought of someone doing that to another person. i just kept going back to what that poor resident must have been thinking and feeling as they were shut up in a closet for the night. even now, i can feel the fury rising inside me.
i just don’t understand what it is about people that makes them think it’s okay to abuse or mis-treat seniors in this manner. why aren’t we more compassionate with the people who can do the least for themselves? i need to find out if there are any seniors advocacy groups in the area i can get involved in or, at the very least, financially support. maybe i’ll try to find time to go volunteer at a care facility again. i did a little bit of that in highschool and i did enjoy myself quite a bit.
lately, i’ve been experiencing quite a bit of road rage. i’m swearing and yelling at other drivers a lot more than i normally do. i caught myself doing it yesterday on the way home. i don’t know if this is a continuing trend, but i hope not. i don’t particularily like being an asshole driver. i’ve prided myself on being pretty level-headed behind the wheel. maybe when i’m not stressing about other things i’ll calm down in my car.