i’m fairly convinced the solar flares are making people crazy. people are driving like complete nincompoops. also, i’m absolutely certain that this computer lab smells exactly like dog shit.
again with the praise of the jeremy. i just can’t help it, he’s so gosh-durn sweet to me, i have to gush about him. yay jeremy!
it must be the thirties which are doing it to me.
i’m moisturizing and carrying a purse which actually has lipstick and hand-e-wipes in it. i’m keeping an eye on my investments and debating whether increasing my foreign allocation would be prudent in the current economic climate. i’ve purchased property insurance in case of fire, flood, earthquake or robbery. i plan things like xmas baking and birthday gifts months in advance. i’m considering dying my hair to hide the greys which are invading my brunette tresses. i look forward to naps like very little else. i actually used the phrase “that was twenty-five years ago” in respect to something i personally experienced.
the biggest problem with getting older is that it’s only my body which is aging. in my head i’m still twenty-three. i can still run, jump and play like a twelve year old in my mind, but when i try to actually do such things, i end up limping like a geriatric for a week (whatever prompted me to try doing a cartwheel, i’ll never know). i feel young in spirit and attitude, even though my physical self groans and resists any urge to get up and play.
the wrinkles and the greys are coming. i have to find a way to reconcile my evolving outsides with the insides which still bubble up with youthful glee at the slightest provocation.
1. fix the rebooting problem with discombobulate.
2. replace the broken floppy in eshashai and take it to dad.
3. set up dad’s old pc for eileen.
4. find birthday present for colene.
5. find birthday present for meghan.
6. get new rear tires, an alignment and an oil change for the hessmobile.
7. get an eye checkup and new glasses.
8. make a massage appointment.
9. make a doctor’s appointment.
10. get my teeth cleaned.
11. make xmas cake.
12. clean out the closets. again.
13. send xmas cards to all the rellies.
14. ace my final exam.
15. register for next term.
16. call mastercard about that erroneous charge on my bill.
17. get a haircut.
18. clean out/re-organize the kitchen cupboards.
19. get to bed at a decent hour.
20. exercise.
21. go outside.
22. make more pictures.
23. see matrix: revolutions and lord of the rings: return of the king in the theatre.
24. do my homework.
25. watch less tv.
this is probably a really bad day to try giving up coffee again. it’s not even that i feel the need to give up caffeine, as my diet pepsi obsession is in full swing, but the cream and sugar i just can’t drink coffee without is what i need to ditch. i could try to drink it without one, the other or both, but i already drink tea naked, why not just switch back to my moroccan mint green tea?
this headache is why not.
discombobulate is pretty much up and running now, except for some random rebooting i need to troubleshoot tonight. just what i need. next time, i’m buying a dell, goddammit.
supposedly my baby cousin (i.e. the youngest of the grandchildren on my mom’s side and the only one i’m older than) and his family are in town, but he hasn’t called me. i’m trying not to take it personally, but i’m getting a little huffy about it despite my not caring mantra.
someone go to subway and fetch me lunch, okay?
guess who’s got her new computer (finally)!
my computer wasn’t ready yesterday, so i’m keeping my fingers crossed for today. i could have sworn they said the video card was in stock when i ordered it. it feels more like monday because yesterday was more like friday. i feel tired and lacking. i have a lunch date at the metropolis food court with karen. i love food courts. i could be totally happy if i only ate at food courts when i ate out. jeremy is the best thing that’s happened to me in a very long time. no, he’s not the aforementioned boy. i need to think up a creative project for the art swap i signed up for. i’m thinking something crocheted or a fimo critter. they’re my best skills. i also have to start thinking about my xmas baking. i really want to try my grandmonther’s xmas cake recipes. i just don’t know when i’ll find the time. this week will have to be it as i don’t have any assignments due for class. i was thinking of trying to see kill bill on sunday, too. there are still a lot of movies out i want to see and even more coming out in the very near future. good thing i got a raise, i guess. i still can’t bring myself to get a haircut. i’m turning into a really girly girl with mascara and lipstick being worn almost every
day. not to mention the whole purse-carrying thing. but it’s not really my fault it’s the perfect size to hold my camera, phone, wallet, sunglasses, pen and chapstick! my crest spin brush pro fell apart this morning. i guess i’ve gotten my money’s worth out of it. time to replace the brushy part.
last week, or the week before, i can’t remember, i was at save-on foods picking up some lunchy stuff on the way home and i was standing in line behind this guy i thought i knew. i wasn’t 100% sure it was him, so i didn’t want to say his name or otherwise intrude upon his space for fear of being embarrassed. i tried the “staring really hard until he feels the power of my mind and looks at me” thing, but that didn’t work. that’s when then i had an idea. i fished out my phone and sent the person who i thought it as
a text message that said “turn around.” i waited. the guy in front of me reached into his pocket and pulled out a phone. he read it and turned around and i grinned. now that’s the best use of my cell phone yet.
i knew it.
i knew this day would find a way to fuck me over. fucking wednesday. goddamn, fucking wednesday. i think i’d rather have failed my mid-term than this*! see, this is why i don’t talk about boys in anything but the most abstract terms, because something always comes along to render it all invalid.
yeah, yeah, it’s good for him. yeah, good for him. yah-fucking-hoo. at least someone got good news. all i got was a handful of snotty kleenex from an unexpectedly strong reaction to the news. blah. boys.
*of course i wouldn’t really have rather failed my mid-term (even though i was fully convinced i had, you can’t believe how happy that 81% made me when i saw it), but at this moment, i’d give one for the other. in a heartbeat.
i wish today were tomorrow for tomorrow will bring many good things while today is seeking only to make me tired and depressed.
it was a dark and stormy night…
i remember starting so many stories like that when i was young. there were single women living alone in large houses, things thumping in the night and cliff-hangers galore. i was such a melodramatic child. then again, there are people who would say i’m still so.
speaking of the melodrama, i’ve got myself all worked up over a potential boy again. no, not the kissing boy. he’s gone from the picture in any significant capacity. a boy from the past. no, not morgan. he’s gone from the picture entirely. i’ve got pretty serious practical reservations about it all, but damn if i can’t keep but looking forward to seeing him and smiling when i think about it. it’s the stupid fluttery tummy and happy-bouncy feelings which get you. they’re self-propagating. once they start, they just keep building up inside until they gurgle out when you least expect them to.
happyboyfeelings are fun, even if they’re not going anywhere but on your blog.
speaking of the blog, it’s pretty evident i’m lacking in the content-production department lately. i don’t know, i just can’t seem to think of anything worthy of sharing. it’s a strange form of writer’s block that forces nothing but haircut posts and recycled photographs. i feel like there’s something waiting to come out, but between homework and my inate sloth, it’s not getting a chance to see the light of day.
it’s also somewhat depressing that all those people who used to come by and comment or link to me have kind of drifted away. part of me thinks “what’s the point?” if no one comes or cares enough to interact. i realize that’s the nature of the medium, the ebb and flow of discussion and traffic, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have an effect on what eventually gets produced. if no one cares, why should i work harder to produce something more meaninful than a whine about school or a recipe for kung pao chicken?
i need more creative outlets. i really need to step up and cancel my extended cable like i’ve been talking about for over a year now. i need to sleep less and exercise more. i need to not care if the new/old boy reads what i wrote three paragraphs previously. i need an iron supplement. i need to watch a hockey game. i need to not need to multi-task. i need to stop wasting time worrying about wasting time. i need to not beat myself up for being imperfect. i need to laugh more. i need to roll my pennies. i need to get rid of my guitar. i need to teach col to knit. i need to drink more water and less diet pepsi. i need to be more assertive and less afraid. i need to trust more and doubt less. i need to love fully and not hold back. i need new underwear and fuzzy slippers. i need to concentrate on the task at hand. i need to stop second-guessing decisions i’ve already made.
oh, and i also need to get back to work.
I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you or tell you that
But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it
Where’s the sense in that?
I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of “it’s over” then I’m sure that that makes sense
And when we meet which I’m sure we will
All that was then will be there still
I’ll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that I’ve moved on
I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
sometimes it sucks so hard being single it actually blows.
tonight, i’m here in my clean, tidy, cozy apartment with the sunset streaming in the gigantuous windows, a freshly made kick-ass kung pao chicken on the stove, the new dido album drizzling from my speakers and a fresh coat of mascara on my über-long lashes. what kind of a cosmic tragedy is it that all this goodness is going to waste on no one but whichever insects have snuck in while the air was blowing through?
that’s all right, i sense good things coming my way. not just of the technological species, either.
remember when i was going to run out and buy that computer? well i did yesterday, with a few tweaks:
– 18″ atx case with 350w power supply
– soltek sl-nv400-l64 nvidia nforce2 400 socket a motherboard with 8x agp, sound & lan
– amd athlon xp 2500+ 512k 333fsb socket a barton cpu
– 512mb pc3200 ddr400 ram
– 80gb seagate barracuda 7200 rpm hard drive
– lg 52x24x52 cd-rw/16x dvd drive
– ati radeon 9600 pro 128mb video card
– 1.44 mb floppy drive (for backwards compatability, you know)
it’ll be ready for pickup on thursday. i’m insanely pleased despite being totally broke. vroom!
quick, build an ark! the rain is making up for a summer away and it’s gloriously torrential in southern british columbia. it may make for miserable driving, but there’s nothing better than the music of weather when you’re curled up at home.
yesterday was spent downtown manning a polling station and meeting a bunch of co-workers i’d never get the chance to meet otherwise. effective at 6:30pm last night, we have a new contract and i’ve got the peace of mind to go shopping for new computer bits! yippee!
i also stopped by the art gallery to pick up my lottery prize on my way to lunch with karen. i was all keyed up about the cool, chunky, shiny seiko watch i was going to get. unfortunately, it’s the complete opposite of what i’d imagined or ever be caught dead wearing. i think i’ll try to sell it on ebay.
there were things i was going to say, but it wouldn’t have been appropriate before saying them to the people involved.
i’m sleepy and my shoulder is sore from where i got my flu shot this morning. i want not to talk to anyone. i want marie to stop coming in here to tell me about her life because her new haircut really freaks me out. i have to decide where i’m going to get my lunch: wendy’s or subway.
i wish the weather had been like this on saturday, dammit. i love it when i can see the moon and the sun at the same time.
my big news is threefold:
1. it’s the turkey day long weekend.
2. hockey season has officially started.
3. i’ve discovered the key to eternal cuteness.
otherwise, i don’t have much to say other than i’m going away to partake of familial turkey & punkin pie and i’m now officially an adult with both investments and insurance (of property).
i’m so damn cute today, i even turned on the webcam which hasn’t been turned on since june. yes, i’m that cute. go on, look. you know you want to.
p.s. it’s under “things” on yonder left, in case you’ve forgotten.
buy this. i know the author. i used to work for her and her husband. i will be buying it locally this weekend. i think i’ll also stop in and get it autographed, too.
hurry up. you know you want it.
just one more thing before my brain closes up shop for the day: i found a bra i haven’t worn in, geez, years. i have no idea why i stopped wearing it because it makes my breasts look absolutely succulent. no wonder smarmy manager-man was staring at my chest yesterday morning. my rack is completely fabulous in this brassiere.
my word-container is currently throbbing, making it difficult to put its contents in a pleasurable, understandable sequence. indeed, the most joyous part of this tuesday is the knowledge that the assignment due tomorrow is done today and tonight, all blissful night, is mine to do with as my little heart desires. rest assured there will be much rejoicing just as soon as the throbbing subsides.