i was good; i really wanted a piece of chocolate, but i ate the rest of my pb&j instead. now i’m picking at the piece of my finger i tried to cut off last night and watching the rain bead up on the window while wishing i didn’t have to stay up to finish my homework instead of curling under the über-blankie and going to sleep without my dinner.
i’m not really fond of people lately. actually, it’s more about not wanting people intruding upon my time. shane emailed me wanting to know if he’d pissed me off because i’d been avoiding his calls all week. i even avoided the run for the cure yesterday (i had a semi-valid medical excuse for that, though). but, i did go help dad with some computer stuff. i’m a good kid.
we got some good news about our negotiations today. hopefully in the next two weeks things will be all settled and i can go spend money! c’mere new computer. come to mamma.
i feel like ass, though. i hope i’m not getting a cold. i’d hate to spend the turkey-day weekend sniffling into my punkin pie.
today i hate everyone. doesn’t want to go to work today. i’m only happy when it rains.
i have to start considering my holiday baking soon. i think it’s the dark, foggy mornings we’ve been having this week, but i’m in a total nesting frame of mind. i want to make big pots of thick, barley soups and bake mince tarts and make chocolates. i want to curl up with lots of blankets and watch movies. it’s almost time to stock up on the hot chocolate for the winter. mm, i love fall.
so, i got prints of ten of my favourite photographs from the last year made at london drugs. i’ve been showing them to some people here at work and their responses have been very interesting. i find it really enlightening to see how different people react to different photos. all but one person showed some serious dismay at this photo’s lack of heads. these photos actually made some people jump back from them. this, this, and this one seem to be the reigning favourites, though.
it’s nice and validating to know that quote-unquote normal people think i make good pictures. it’s also nice to see that they look just as good (sometimes better) when i can hold them in my little hands.
nothing to say. i’m so tired, even after a good night’s sleep. too much to do. i’m overwhelmed and starting to shut down instead of facing it head on. i’m avoiding one boy and trying to not get all caught up in another boy. stupid boys.
oh, the annoying neighbour who can’t cook chicken without setting off her smoke detector has turned into the building police maven, it seems. a couple weeks ago, she posted a treatise on how to park. now, there’s a note on the door to “please close the door quietly”. what she doesn’t seem to grasp is that the door has a hydraulic hinge. if she has problems with the door closing too loudly (her suite is right beside it), she should be talking to the landlords about adjusting the mechanism. i’m going to post my own note to that effect. gah. it’s an apartment building, for pete’s sake. there are noises and inconveniences. if you don’t want to deal with them, buy a house! i’ve been intentionally noisier than usual in the mornings just because it’s pissed me off so much.
yes, i am that petty.
i’m too tired to breathe.
yay! my homework is officially complete. of course, i’m still five chapters behind in the reading, but i hope to catch up on that this weekend. speaking of reading, i have five C programming books. yes, five. i had all of them open and on my desk last night as i finished up my assignment. it’s crazy. i’ve never really used C and will probably never again use C after this year, but i have five C books. nuts, i tell you.
i discovered another problem with my new and improved xp install: my cd burner no longer works. i’ve applied all the patches and reinstalled all the software, but every time i try to burn a cd, it freezes at about the 75% mark. i’ve made five coasters and burst at least that many blood vessels trying to get it to work. gah. at this rate, i should have just got the whole new computer.
otherwise, i’ve been in a really good humour the last couple of days. upbeat and actually kind of perky. i have no idea why. i’m really quite stressed out about a bunch of little shit. i shouldn’t be in such a good mood.
the cibc run for the cure is this sunday. i’m quite concerned about whether my knee will be able to handle the 5k or not. i could just do the 1k, but then i’d feel like such a loser. regardless, i’m absolutely amazed i managed to get $150 in donations. yay! thank you to everyone who donated (jodi chromey, jeremy, austin, heather champ & mom), the boobies and i are very grateful for your support! heh. boobie support.
i can’t remember the last time i took any pictures. well, that’s not exactly true. i took some pictures of the curly kiwi vines at the hare krishna restaurant when we went there for lunch last thursday, but i still haven’t even downloaded them off the camera yet. i don’t think they’re going to be all that good, so why rush? i need to go outside before it’s too yucky to go outside anymore. of course, that brings me to my latest issue: bugs.
there seems to be some sort of flying-beetle-like infestation going on in my neighbourhood. or maybe it’s just my backyard, i don’t know. but they’re trying their damnedest to move into my apartment if i leave the windows open for any length of time. as i’ve explained to people, i don’t kill bugs out in the wild. that’s their turf; but, if they come into my home uninvited, then their lives are forfeit. another beetle-like-beast paid the price for breaking into my demesne last night. so i spent the rest of the night all twitchy that it’d brought friends along to squat which meant that i had all the windows closed overnight and that just kept in the heat of the day. there’s nothing like trying to sleep in a 25+ degree apartment. especially in late september.
i’m not really grumpy, i’m just overtired and stressed out about my homework. and i’m still traumatized by all the computer crap i’ve been futzing with all week. oh, right, update. i did a fresh xp install on a re-formatted partition. that’s helped a lot, but i have taken a pretty serious performance hit with the upgrade. everything is so *slow*. i’m sure i’ll get used to it, but i can sure tell you i’ll really appreciate the hardware upgrade when it happens!
i don’t quite know what to do about the boy. actually, he saved my butt this weekend by bringing me a soundcard to replace the one which didn’t work in xp. he’s nice enough and cute enough, but all we ever talk about are computers and sex. it’s not very well-rounded at all. not that it’s got to be, but if he’s going to be phoning me as often as he does, i’d like to talk about other stuff once in a while. you know?
mojito. mojito. mojito.
computer stuff. computer stuff. computer stuff.
laundry. laundry. laundry.
procrastination. procrastination. procrastination.
guilt. guilt. guilt.
again with the hating computers. ugh. i got rid of the virus, but now it runs like a slug and nothing works properly. i hate xp. gah. i’m going to have to wipe the drive and do a fresh install this weekend. oh goody, i really wanted to reinstall 57 different pieces of software. really. i mean it. let’s not forget to mention the $160 i spent on visual studio .net yesterday so i can do the homework i can’t do because the computer isn’t stable. hm. yes, i did mean it that way.
ARGH!
yes, i know this is what you get when you play with computers. i suppose i got spoiled by three years of relative stability and non-problems. i’ve forgotten how to fiddle. then again, i didn’t have homework stressing me out to get it unfiddled asap.
deep calming breaths. in through my nose, out through my mouth. om. om.
i’m leaving work early today. i may be so lucky as to meet the mighty jimbo. i’m going to finally take the garbage out. i’m going to collect my art gallery lottery prize. i’m going to sleep in. i’m going to catch up on episodes of angel. i’m going to fix that fucking computer. i’m going to design my programming homework. i’m going to make cds. i’m going to find a soundcard that works. i’m going to make turkey chili. i’m going to play cards. i’m going to drink beer. i’m going to figure out why boys are so crazy. i’m going to eat my veggies. i’m going to take some pictures. i’m going to have a good weekend.
- the smell of kraft dinner makes me want to vomit.
- the more you want me to agree with you, the less likely i am to do so.
- i will not eat egg yolks.
- i absolutely love egg whites.
- i habitually chew the inside of my cheeks.
- sarcasm is my best friend.
- given a decision to make i will either make it immediately or torture myself for days/weeks/months before finally giving in and choosing the same option i would have chosen immediately.
- after making a decision, i always assume it was the wrong one.
- after i sneeze, i smell honey.
- i do not understand how rappers/hip-hop guys can be considered attractive with their head-rags, overhuge pants and ugly teeth.
[lovingly stolen from kevin]
managed to finish last week’s reading for class and my assignment before falling asleep at quarter to nine. woke from my solid nine hours of sleep to vanquish three huge creepy crawlies within my first three minutes of consciousness. that was not fun. not fun at all. wearing my slippery, silky shirt and a little extra mascara. i feel like a real girl. drove into the sunrise and smiled at the day. long day with lots of catching up and stupid training i don’t really want, but cannot avoid. i did win the lottery, but not the sixty gees i was hoping for. more details when i have time. maybe.
1. i took my nose ring out two weeks ago and only three people have noticed. i’m not sure why this disappoints me so much.
2. i’ve totally forgotten what number two was which is too bad because it was going to be really good.
computers suck.
okay, no they don’t. computers are pretty cool. but upgrading and problems and viruses and no net connection and not being able to do your programming homework sucks.
in other news, there is no other news. i’m feeling considerably less anxious than yesterday, although i’m definitely more sleepy. i still haven’t accomplished anything other than becoming intimately acquainted with the telus tech support hold music. it’s not even music, really. it’s one, three-minute loop of something you wouldn’t even put in a 7-11 to keep out the riff-raff. after an hour on hold, i think i could transcribe it in my sleep.
i’ve also discovered i’m a push-over, in more than one sense. i’m still trying to decide if i like that about myself or not.
my tummy has been upset for almost a week. i think i have an ulcer. thank god for fruity tums.
have you ever felt like your world is about to fall apart? have you ever felt the pressure inside your chest and a buzzing in your ears which comes with heightened awareness of impending disaster? i don’t know yet if it is internal or external, but i feel as if things are going to go very wrong, very soon. i’m trying to take deep breaths, but my chest is tight and when even i merely contemplate relaxing, i get more tense.
my weekend was not wholly unpleasant. i had new experiences and repeats of old. i spent time with almost all of my most favourite of locals and partook of much laughter and conversation. yet, i still feel anxious and unrested this day. what will it take to cure this sensation?
sometimes, as i sit in front of the computer and i stop to think of what to type next my eyes lose focus and my hands resting on the keys become distorted, midget claws upon a chin-high mosaic table in my blurry view. i enjoy this experience and often seek to replicate it at will. it reminds me of how tenuous our grip on reality is. how quickly perception can shift and everything becomes something different, something new, something scary.
i need to breathe. i need to relax. i need to stop worrying about the things that don’t really have any importance in a universal context. i’m not upset, i’m unbalanced. i need to get grounded. everything will get done. my very long list of tasks will be accomplished. berating myself for my previous procrastination will serve no purpose. i will start fresh from this moment.
arrr! ye scurvy bilge rats, what do ye be thinking by not clicking on that there boobies link, aye? come now, cough up some of yer galleons for the good of the fine and delectable boobies or i’ll make ye walk the plank!
ye did know it be talk like a pirate day, aye?
forget everything i said yesterday. there’s no new computer in my immediate future. i got home from class last night and took a good, strong look at the books and realized there was no way i could spend that amount of money on something non-essential when there’s the possibility i might be on strike in the coming months. therefore, all thoughts of upgrades are suspended until such time as my union has a ratified contract.
there are no words to describe how upset this makes me. i didn’t realizehow much i had my heart set on it. don’t worry, i’ll get over it pretty quick. i hope. feel free to send donations, though!
otherwise, i’m in a goodly amount of bodily pain today. it feels like i have whiplash, even though there’s no cause for it that i know of. my entire upper back and neck feels like it’s shattered automotive glass that’s about to collapse. i’ve already taken two huge bufferins, but it’s done very little to ease the discomfort. add to this condition a severe catching up of sleepiness, and i’m in a pretty shitty state for a thursday. thank goodness for coffee and jeremy or i might just kill someone.
also, i find it interesting that once vancouver got a day or two of showers suddenly there’s no more news about the fires in the interior. are they still burning? are people still evacuated? kind of like the iraq war, one day i realized they just weren’t talking about it anymore. i wonder if i can phone up the tv station and ask for an update.
my current obsession is with selecting the pieces for my new computer. i’ve driven jeremy almost totally insane with my hemming and hawing and general indecision. unfortunately for him, that’s how i make major purchase decisions. i drive myself crazy comparing and researching until one i day i can’t take it any more and just go out and buy something.
not that any of you (other than a select geeky few) care, these are the specs for my new system:
– nci 18″ atx 350w case with front usb ports
– soltek 75frn2-l nforce2 socket a dual ddr agp 8x motherboard
– amd xp 2500+ 333fsb barton cpu
– 512mb ddr 333 pc-2700 infineon ram
– msi 884 gf4 ti4200-vtd 8x 128mb video card
– panasonic 1.44 floppy drive
– maxtor 80gb 7200 rpm ata 133 hard drive
i’m giddy and frightened. i don’t really need it and can’t really afford it, but i really, really want it, so i’m going to get it.
just for curiosity’s sake why does it always cost me $800 to upgrade?
first it was same-sex marriages, then it was possession of marijuana and now it’s internet file-sharing. if i hadn’t already thought this was the best country in the world, i certainly would now.
the noise was incredible, it sounded like a bomb going off. i jerked awake from a dead sleep and waited for sirens or screams while i shivered from the shock of what i’d heard.
as the moments ticked past, i began to wonder if it was a dream, if i had only imagined it. i got up and walked to the window. opening a gap in the blinds with my fingers, i peered out into the night. no smoke. no fire. no sirens. no neighbours turning their lights on to investigate.
“i’m going nuts,” i thought.
then the sky lit up and ripped apart again.
yes, gentle readers. that is how i discovered there was a storm last night. dramatic, yes? ah, yes. it is all about the drama.
in other news, i have two very large shoutouts to the minnesotans who love boobies: jodi & jeremy. thank you both very much for sponsoring my participation in this year’s run for the cure. c’mon people! you can’t let minnesota win! cough up the cash! it’s for the boobies! you like boobies, don’t you?
have i mentioned the waste of time once upon a time in mexico was? if it hadn’t been for johnny depp, i would have walked out. as it was, i very nearly fell asleep three-quarters of the way through. of course, it was almost midnight by that time, but still it was a fairly disappointing experience. the best part of friday evening was the boatloads of thai food karen & i ate and the new cordless phone i bought while we terrorized london drugs while waiting for the movie to start.
the rest of the weekend was fairly dull. miscommunication, or rather the lack of communication, on saturday forstalled card night with m&m, which left me to my own boring devices. of course, i’d had such a crappy start to that day what with a “dear god please make the light stop and the world quiet or else i’m going to puke my guts out” migraine that a quiet evening wasn’t unpleasant at all. thank goodness for csi reruns.
sunday was domestic day. laundry, closet cleaning, dish washing, tidying, etc were capped off with a visit from shane. that boy is… interesting. he’s quite the bundle of contradictions. who knew six months ago when i first saw him in that pascal class we’d be hanging out and smooching? definitely not i! this marks the first time i’ve ever gotten any real play from a general run of the mill crush. to all the crush-ed out there i must declare… don’t give up hope! it can happen to you!
all right, i’m absolutely manic with the typing this morning. time to drink more coffee and put these fingers of fire to more mundane, work-related tasks. happy tuesdays to you all!
i wouldn’t normally ask this, but it is for a good cause! even $5 would be really appreciated!
Heather is participating in the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation CIBC Run for the Cure, on Sunday, October 5, 2003. Please support their fundraising efforts by making an online donation. Payments can be made using VISA, MasterCard, American Express, and Email Money Transfer. It’s quick, easy and secure! Within 30 minutes after your payment has been successfully received, an electronic tax receipt will automatically be sent to your e-mail inbox for any donation over $20.
Donate now.
Be a part of the largest Canadian event dedicated to creating a future without breast cancer. By donating, you are helping us meet our goal of raising over $16 million for breast cancer research, programs and services.
There’s always room for one more! Join us for the 1km or 5km walk or run in your community. For a complete listing of Run Sites, route maps, and information on volunteering, visit www.cbcf.org.
For the thousands of men, women and children affected each year, we appreciate your support.
Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation