there isn’t even a pretty photograph to distract you from my uselessness as a writer today. sorry.
my mind is swamped with concerns i’m not willing to share with anyone, let alone the internet at large. it makes me quiet (and strangely productive at the office). this weekend is either going to be a huge relief or the beginning of a very difficult journey for me. i’m scared shitless of the latter. you can’t possibly imagine.
my fortune cookie from lunch reads:
avoid any disagreements with your partner at this time
yeah, too late.
shrimp cocktail. grilled portabello mushrooms with tomato salsa. baked garlic shrimp. sirloin topped with prawns sauteed with peppers, onions & black bean sauce. billy miner pie. old friends. laughter. love.
i’m still full.
i’m feeling much less evil today. although, when i woke up this morning my second thought (the first being “MORE SLEEP!”) was “thankfully it’s friday”. yeah, wishful thinking. just how seriously wrong is it to have all your hopes dashed before six a.m.?
i can’t remember if i’ve mentioned the cute boys from class. actually, there are several cute boys in class, but i’ve only talked to two of them. steve is older than me, but looks & acts much younger, while shane is just a pup, but i thought he would be the older one. they’re both wicked smart, charming and funny. it’s not like they’re going to turn into lifelong friends, but it’s been a realy nice change of pace for me to find someone to bond and socialize with for the duration of the course. i’m usually the person who spends three months in a course without ever having a single conversation with anyone in the room. sad, but true.
was there a point? oh, right, i remember now. anyway, we all lingered out in the parking lot after class last night. the boys were smoking and we were gossiping about our classmate’s hissyfit i somehow managed to miss because i was too busy working on the lab assignment. we yakked about pascal, cars, sex. you know, all the things normal people talk about on a balmy tuesday night.
wait, there was no point. sorry.
busy day today. lunch with debbie before she takes off to calgary for the weekend then i’m taking off early to pick the mother unt up at the ferry. she’s karen’s birthday surprise! we’re going out for a steak dinner. yes, i think i will actually partake of the mad cow tonight. yummeh.
there’s a swelling of undirected rage boiling up from within me today. i have yet to discover a true cause or an appropriate outlet for it, so i’m simmering uncomfortably, hating everything around me.
i’m annoyed that i was on the phone for too long last night and not even with the one person i actually wanted to talk to on the phone. i’m annoyed that i didn’t manage to finish my assignment because i was on the phone for too long last night. i’m annoyed that everyone is talking when all i want is some silence to think. i’m annoyed that there’s a fucking giant spider somewhere in the south-west corner of my apartment (at least that’s the direction it was headed after i gave it an insufficent shot of raid) and i’m now afraid it’s going to attack me or something else ridiculous. i’m annoyed that i have all these obligations this week. i’m annoyed that i’m poor. i’m annoyed that i’m overtired. i’m annoyed that i have to go to school tonight. i’m annoyed with my job. i’m annoyed with my coworkers. i’m annoyed with my hair and my chair and my glasses and my car and my brain and my body and the clouds and this bra.
apricots look like fuzzy, little, orange bums.
nothing even remotely interesting is going on inside my head today. just putting the finishing touches on my assignment while trying not to get caught too red-handed slacking on the work they pay me to do.
it’s going to be a busy week, methinks. shopping & homework tonight, school tuesday, lunch with debby & karen’s birthday dinner wednesday, sam’s birthday lunch & the amazing race premiere thursday and i got a very special invite to a potluck for saturday, which means i need to beg to switch cards to friday night. there goes my chance for a head-start on my next project for class!
for all that my weekend was frustrating and stressful with a looming deadline and roadblocks in my logic and coding, i absolutely love that kind of work. the thrill when a procedure works the way it’s supposed to is amazing. i even like the dogged determination i experience when i trying to untangle a snipped of code which isn’t doing what i want it to. i lose all track of time and place. i had dinner at ten pm last night because i forgot to stop to eat. imagine that!
okay, really, i promise i won’t mention my homework again.
so, does anyone really care who wins the stanley cup this year?
holy shit. wow. yay!
my program works! exactly how it’s supposed to! well, i’m not sure about that, but the results are what are required and that’s pretty much all i care about at this point. i’m so excited i want to dance around like a fool. of course, it’s too late to do that now, so i’ve just been giggling and clapping my hands a lot. there’s still a lot left i need to do before it’s done enough to hand in on tuesday, but i’m over the hardest parts, thank gawd.
in other, non-homework-related news, i submitted my nummy sushi picture to lalaland and got accepted. go see me be famous. another thing to be excited about. wow, this is turning out to be a great day.
now it’s time to go to bed.
so why don’t you kill me?
oh, in case anyone cares, i’m not going to use my msn account ever again. if you want me (and, baby, i know that you do *wink*) use the other methods of messaging me as listed over on the sidebar. gracias!
i figured i needed something pretty to offset the horrible tasks i have yet to do today. happy saturday, peeps.
it’s so cool when there’s a birthday at the office. we go out for a long lunch and then we have cake! i really think people don’t eat enough cake. marie antoinette had the right idea. let them eat cake! every day!
mmm, cake.
i’ve got lomo on the brain lately. i need a sugar daddy to buy me neat toys, and pay for film processing!
speaking of money, i had a bee in my bonnet about moving out before my rent increase takes effect august first, but the way things are going, and with the trip i need to pay for, and everything else there’s no way i can afford more rent. well, i *could* afford it, but then it would take me longer to pay off mr. bank and, well, that’s just not something i want to do. i have more of an issue owing money than i do not having a bedroom. at least at this point in time. that will probably shift the closer i get to debt-free, but ugh, money sucks.
unless… anyone listening know of a one-bedroom (preferrably with a balcony, hardwood floors, cat-friendly and a west-facing view) in north vancouver for $600/mo, utilities & parking included? yeah, i didn’t think so.
damn you, tanya. here’s my faked out version of the newest auditory meme. sorry the volume is so low, i have the world’s crappiest microphone.
do you remember in the old bugs bunny cartoons when he’d hold up flash cards with pictograms of “crazy” analogies? like a screw and a baseball for screwball or a pot with a crack in it for crackpot? it took me a long time to get the bat beside the bell tower reference as a kid. i think i must have asked my mom finally because just how often does a five or six year old know what the hell a belfrey is?
a long, lost co-worker just stopped by my desk for a chat and the first thing he said when i turned around to talk to him was “wow, you’re looking good!” yay for unexpected compliments! i’m so glad i put mascara on today to go with my new sexy shirt.
1. Large or small family? small. me, mom & dad.
2. Potato chips or pretzels? potato chips. pretzels are too salty.
3. House or apartment? apartment now. house if i ever win the lottery.
4. Zebras or giraffes? giraffes, duh!
5. Candles or potpourri? candles. potpourri is annoying and stupid.
6. Flowers or trees? trees. lilac trees. the best of both worlds.
7. Right or left-handed? right-handed. how dull.
8. Model trains or dolls/stuffed animals? stuffed animals.
9. Comedy or drama? dramatic comedy. life is neither one or the other, why should entertainment be?
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: The city of Boston has recently banned smoking in all restaurants and bars. Would you want to see such a law passed in your city/town/country, or not? it’s already been passed here. when i smoked, it annoyed me greatly. now that i don’t, it’s awesome! except when i go out with my smoking friends and i have to sit on the patio with them so they can pollute themselves.
[this-or-that tuesday]
fo’ real
derived from “for real.” Meaning yes, that is very true. “Mrs. B. give us so much #$%^ homework!” “Fo’real!”
yes, that is very true.
[thanks fimoculous]
i suddenly feel the need to volunteer somewhere. to do something with a bunch of other people my age and socialize while benefitting society.
i certainly hope it passes.
i spent all night dreaming of my pascal lab assignment. i knew there was a way to solve the problem, i just kind of wish i hadn’t had to sacrifice some rem sleep to finally get it. all’s well, though. i figured it out and reclaimed my genius status. now i have a week to complete my next major assignment. you know, the one they gave us three weeks to do. the one i haven’t even started yet.
you’re lucky i’m alive, you know. the suv in front of me stopped suddenly on the highway and my wheels locked up and i came to a very loud, very swervy stop not eight inches from his very large bumper. three things saved me: my having left lots of room between me and that fucker, the gas i’d put in the car adding extra weight and it not being any wetter on the roads. fuck. well, if anything was going to wake me up this morning, nearly dying was surely it.
the ontario road trip is officially off. do you know how much road trips cost? i had originally proposed it as a cost-saving measure over flying, but it would actually cost several hundred dollars more. then there’s also the amount of time to take into consideration. so, instead, i’ll be flying back east in august.
the glitch is the fact that i’m going to a small, northern ontario town called sioux lookout. it’s really nowhere near anything, so the closest i can get to it is either winnipeg or thunder bay, both of which are still a five to six hour drive away. now i have to try to wrangle a bus from either of those airports, but the only bus into dryden (the nearest big-ish town) is once a day and leaves at 10:30am, which means i have to spend a night because there are no flights from here to there that arrive in time to catch that bus. i’m getting really peeved at my family for not living in a major urban centre, dammit.
i’ve been having lots of deep thoughts about what i want from myself and a partner. the boy is being slightly difficult in a number of ways and it’s making me rethink things. the whole situation would be so much different if he lived here, which he’s actually talking about doing, but i hate to be the sole reason for his relocating. it just seems like too much pressure. especially if it doesn’t work out. i’ll be the evil woman who lured him away from his home and family and then didn’t turn out to be who he wanted me to be. at least that’s how it goes in my mind. we’ll see. as far as i know, he’s still planning to come here to visit for my birthday and i refuse to rush any of this. if it’s going to be real and good, there’s no reason to.