i want to stand in the middle of the highway on a dark, foggy morning and take pictures of traffic… from within it. i want to capture the sense of it. it will never happen, but i wish it would.
this isn’t shaping up to be a very good day. nothing is going right. the day is speeding past and i’m not getting anything accomplished. i’m feeling stressed and anxious and every small mistake makes me want to either throw something or cry like a baby. if i was smart, i’d just go home or ditch the stuff which is frustrating me and do something a little more emotionally fulfilling. but, even thinking of either of those options brings up the frustration and unhappy i’ll feel on monday when i arrive to all the things i didn’t do today just because i was in a bad mood. sometimes having an over-active sense of responsibility is a fucking pain in the ass.
went downtown (granville is downtown isn’t it, derrick?) last night after work. parked at my favourite parkade. walked down to the bay and met up with karen. had dinner at white spot. had my first starbucks egg nog latte. stood in a line on the street. watched the emperor’s club preview screening. drove to kits. came home. babbled to jim. went to bed.
hessie: i’ve sent three packages to three different countries in three days.
dor: how global of you.
hessie: i know!
hessie: have i told you my plan?
dor: nope.
hessie: well, i think i need to date a massage therapist.
hessie: so i’m going to hang out outside the massage therapy school.
hessie: snag me a man.
dor: hah.
dor laughs
dor: good plan.
hessie: but what i realized on saturday…
hessie: my cousin’s husband (whose housewarming i’m going to this week) is a massage therapist.
dor: you can’t date him, though.
hessie: i should try to get him to hook me up with his massage therapist friends!
dor laughs
dor: you just need to date a guy who gives good massages.
hessie: why suffer with an amateur when i can get me a trained professional?
this is entirely heather’s fault. i mean, it really should be illegal for me to post something this adorable so early in the morning (make sure your speakers are turned up).
so, i’m pretty much in love with bill, the vancouverite who was on last night’s episode of blind date. he looks okay and seems genuinely charming, but i didn’t really think he was hot until i heard him on the radio this morning. holy fucking crap. that man has a voice i want to dive into and drown in. *drip*
i dreamt i won the lottery last night. i split $500,000 with four or five other people. i remember the numbers exactly, but i know they can’t be right ’cause you can’t have 60 in the 6/49. i better buy a ticket, just in case. i mean, it is almost exactly a year since the last time i won.
i just realized i’ve been walking around all day with my bra half-undone.
i’m still sick, but i sound much worse than i feel so i’m getting lots of co-worker sympathy. it’s been a busy weekend, but i don’t want to talk about it. i’m seriously reconsidering the wisdom of having registered for another saturday class next term. i’m not a very good people photographer, but the wedding pictures have been well-received nonetheless. if you want to see them (not that you would want to), let me know and i’ll point you in their direction. i pigged out on orange juice and potato chips yesterday. how sad is that? too much work to do. i’ll try and be coherent later.
she didn’t freak out and drop dead bunnies onto my balcony. instead she left a very pleasant and apologetic note (and actually commisserated because it seems the woman beside her upstairs is annoying with her music!). now i’m kicking myself i didn’t do that sooner. i might have saved myself three years of torture.
p.s. the totally juicy grapefruit peel-off masque fucking burns when applied to freshly exfoliated skin.
oh yeah… this is such a low-tolerance day. i actually found myself looking for a fight earlier, just to have the opportunity to rip someone a new asshole. *sigh* i think i need medicinal ice cream.
last night, i finally got fed up enough with the annoying upstairs neighbour to write her a note (as jeremy pointed out, i should have gone and banged on her door and told her to turn the fucking music down. what he didn’t realize is that it took me three years to get enough nerve to write this damn thing):
this is heather below you in #103. i really hate to be a whiner, but i’d appreciate it if you could keep your music (and conversation) quieter after 10pm on weeknights. i’ve noticed that your bass comes right through my ceiling (are your speakers on the floor?). last night was terrifically annoying as, in addition to having to get up at 5:30am, i’ve been sick and have tried to get to bed early. i hope that if you have any similar noise-related issues with me, we can work them out.
on my way out this morning, i tip-toed upstairs and slipped it under her door. i’m afraid now she’ll get all vindictive and do something evil in retribution. i know i would if i got such a note. well, not really, but i’d think about it.
in other news, i’m sick and miserable (i blame the miserable on being kept up by HER until late). i wish this freaking cold would go away! okay, i’m going to quit whining. it’s not productive. this is one of darlene’s kitties, cassie.
karl saved me last night by helping with my javascript homework. have i mentioned how much i fucking hate javascript? okay, maybe i won’t once i figure things out, but for the most part, we have all these problems to figure out but, once again, jason hasn’t given us the tools to do so. i can’t wait until i fill out the teacher evaluation at the end of the term.
okay, back to work. *whipcrack*
this picture sums up how i feel today. i’m still sick, but have finally succumbed to using drugs to mask my symptoms so i’m not wallowing in misery and mucus all day long. the side effects are mildly unpleasant in their own right, though. oh well, better to feel loopy and slightly pukey than to be wishing i were dead, right?
lots of work to do and i’m suffering serious après déjeuner sloth. too much chinese food, i suppose. damn msg. and i still have a bunch of homework to do tonight. at least i did my laundry last night and there aren’t a lot of dishes to wash when i get home to distract me.
i’m starting to get anxious about my blood test results. it’s been a week. they said a week. why haven’t they called yet?
sometimes i seriously worry about my priorities when it comes to money.
case in point, i was just telling jeremy about my new executive parking spot right by the front door and how my name will be on it just as soon as it arrives from the signmakers they order it from. he asked me how i got this new, primo space and i told him how i bought it in the united way auction we have every year as part of our company’s fundraising campaign. i also mentioned how i’ve been vying for the coveted parking space for the last four years. this year i managed to scoop the incumbent by bidding at the last possible second. scoop!
jeremy asked how much i paid for it. $127. as soon as i admitted that, i suddenly felt really stupid. one hundred and twenty-seven dollars for a parking space. why would i think that’s a good use for my money when i’ve been putting off buying new sneakers for a year because i couldn’t bring myself to pay almost that exact same amount? why do i put off things like a new mattress for the futon because it just seems to cost too much, but i’ll spent $700 on a luxury item like my camera or $200 on a new computer to give to my mom for her birthday? no wonder i’m poor.
now comes the justification phase of my most recent outlay… it’s only $2.59 per week. i can save a toonie every week and at the end of the year, i’ll have all it paid off! it’s a charitable deduction! i’ll get a portion back on my taxes this year! my knee is gimpy. now i won’t have to walk so far from my car in the morning, worrying that i’ll misstep and wreck it further.
yes, heather… i know i could have used that money to go to worcester. you don’t have to rub it in.
why is it that i can function during the day, but as soon as i lie down to go to sleep all my cold symptoms multiply by a factor of ten?
i guess today wouldn’t be a good time to try to cut back on my caffeine intake, would it?
seems all that homework stress of a couple weeks ago paid off. i just got this email from my t.a.:
Heather,
I’m about half way through grading the assignment 2’s. I’m writing to let you know I really enjoyed seeing your assignment. The layout was the best in the class and it was completely professional. You earned 100% which is the highest grade for the class. Based on what I have seen so far, I don’t think anyone else will match it.
This is excellent and I was pleasantly surprised.
Pat
PS I may (or may not) be giving bonus points to people in the class who did the email regex portion…I’m currently deciding how to award points for that. If I do give bonus points, you will get them for sure. You met all of the requirements. Well done! :)
for remembrance day, i’ve slept. a lot. i ate some protein, then i slept. i ate some fruit, then i slept. i ate some pumpkin loaf and read a while, then i slept. now i’m going to put things in a container for lunch tomorrow, eat some soup, then i’ll sleep some more. i’m feeling better for all the rest, so it must be what i need.
there was an ad for an affordable, hardwood one bedroom in yesterday’s paper. again, i’m too chicken to phone. why the fuck am i so unwilling to uproot? it’s not the money, i can always pay off a little more debt. i think the concept of moving gets more and more HUGE the longer i’m here, the more settled i am. plus, i worked really hard to get to a point where i’m comfortable here again… i just need a new futon mattress and everything will be hunky-dory. or so i keep telling myself.
i was the last person on the ferry last night. i probably would have been the second-to-last if i hadn’t been limping down the walkway.
there’s not really a lot to say about my weekend on the island. it feels like i spent a lot time in the back seat of my mother’s car. i saw my first drag show. i had my first toke in at least two years. i wore what i thought was a flattering and slightly daring new shirt which actually just made me look fatter than normal. i played a couple games of pool and flirted with a college boy who reminded me a lot of joe. i went to bed very early after somehow aggravating my six year-old knee injury. i made a lot of omelettes and caught someone’s cold. now i’m home, bailing on a movie date, eating a fried egg & bacon sandwich, trying not to feel too sorry for myself and procrastinating getting started on my homework.
i did talk to someone new on the telephone, though. i was all nervous as i dialed their number, but was quickly put at ease. it’s easy to feel more secure when you’re not the one who was just woken up. oops!
did you miss me?
the problem with going out with a bunch of women to a drag show is the chances of my finding a cute boy to make out with are probably as good as my winning the lottery. i guess i won’t worry too much about what i wear to fat tuesday’s tomorrow night, then. i’m fairly confident the gay guys won’t be looking and for all i talk about dating girls, i know i’d be too bloody picky. ahh, double-standards, how i love thee.
gah, stop distracting me! i have laundry to finish, homework to start and a victoria-bound bag to pack. avast ye, mateys! i be sailing the strait in the wee hours tamarrah. but first, i get to have breakfast with my daddy. yay, me! i’m the luckiest hessie in the world, i am.
i don’t like javascript. i don’t like php edit. i don’t like my hair today. i don’t like that the day is starting off slowly. i don’t like that three times i’ve gone to talk to someone about some work i’m doing for them and they’ve been unavailable. i don’t like that i have to do laundry tonight. i don’t like that i’m broke. i don’t like cream of mushroom soup. i don’t like wanting to talk to him. i don’t like waiting. i don’t like my mattress. i don’t like having so much homework.
i like sleep. i like my friends. i like fast food nation. i like php. i like eminem. i like popcorn. i like cats. i like stars. i like wind. i like kissing! i like the internet. i like the smell of a boy on my pillow while i fall asleep. i like taking pictures. i like laughing. i like wearing glasses. i like having toys around my desk. i like being a the weirdo (sometimes). i like satin and fleece. i like beer and pizza. i like hockey. i like driving. i like flying! i like you.