last night i dreamt that i had a beautiful, black panther as a pet. he lived in my closet because i’m not allowed pets in my apartment. every night i’d open the door and crawl in and cuddle with him. he would roll around and purr and love me even though he never left that little room. at one point in wondered that he never seemed to have to eliminate waste, but chalked it up to the fact that i never seemed to feed or water him.
chalked it up. where did that phrase come from? one would assume it has to do with chalking, or drawing, some plans of some sort. maybe it refers to using chalk on a blackboard to add up sums. interesting…
i’ve started exercising again after work in preparation of the walk next month. i’m making sure to start slow since i’ve been a sloth all summer and the last thing i need is an injury or to burn out before october. it’s only been a couple days, but i’ve already seen some encouraging results and, get this, i’m actually enjoying sweating. i’ve changed my whole opinion of it. sweating is good. it means your body is working hard and functioning properly. you’re eliminating toxins and cooling yourself down. it is a tangible measure of your energy expenditure. my sweat is my badge of exercising honour!
okay, that was just gross. i’m sorry.
one of the things i’ve noticed is that even though the sun is setting earlier, after i get home from work/working out, i seem to have a lot more energy to get things accomplished around the house. i’m finding myself a little twitchy if i don’t have anything to do and it’s only 8pm. usually, i get home and plunk myself on the futon and the next thing i know it’s ten o’clock and it’s time for bed. i like this side-effect. i’m getting stuff done. it’s empowering.
i’m not listening to the radio. i’m not watching the television. i’m not reading a lot of websites. i’m not going to pick up the paper. i don’t want to watch reinactments, concerts, personal stories or looping video. i don’t find solace in that. it actually makes me feel sick. i know where i was and what i was doing this time last year and, personally, i don’t want to feel like that again, even under the guise of “memorial”. i’m not angry, but don’t you think for one moment i’m apathetic.
i mourn, i remember, and i hope for sanity in the days, weeks and years to come.
I HATE MY CHAIR! i swear, they give us the most uncomfortable chairs just to make us miserable. bastards!
last night i watched the tape of lathe of heaven i’d recorded sunday night. i’d been waiting anxiously for this “a&e movie exclusive” since i’d first seen the promos back in june or july. i’m not overly fond of james caan, lisa bonet or made-for-tv movies in general, but i am fond of films and stories which challenge your perception of the world. those which make you wonder, if only for a moment, if we’re real or just characters in someone else’s dream or story.
what i didn’t realize was how much lukas haas reminds me of evil jason. god. i spent far too much time comparing their big, brown, doe-like eyes, their curvy lips or their sticky-out ears. i can’t explain how much that pissed me off. it’s been a fucking year and a half since i’ve seen him and months since we’ve talked at all.
boys are yucky. throw rocks at them.
1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?
pretty much everything right now. i’m grumpy.
2. What irritating habits do you have?
i pick my nose, i stick my fingers in my ears, i clip my nails and don’t pick up the clippings, i eat too fast.
3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?
i used to smoke, which was irritating. so, i guess i change some. others i only do in the privacy of my home, so i don’t worry so much about those.
4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?
facial cum-shots. it’s disgusting.
5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?
procreating.
it’s been a really low-effort weekend. lots videos, food, reading and sleep. i finally got around to dusting down my walls and ceiling — it’s a strange relief to no longer have cobwebs. why didn’t anyone tell me how cool swiffer cloths were before now? unfortunately, i didn’t get out to bcit to assess the parking situation nor go shopping for my cricket nor take any photos. i’ll have to make time for those during the week.
while driving around picking up groceries and new fake tupperware containers, i ran ten amber/red lights. at least ten, possibly more. don’t look at me that way. it’s raining and my braking distance has increased dramatically. i actually tried to brake hard for one light and started a pretty nasty skid, so i said “fuck it” and gunned it through the intersection. i’m starting to think i need to rotate the tires on my car.
today’s highlight was lively banter with the goateed guy i cut off in the grocery store. i scooped his place in line to let the elderly couple take the spot in the aisle next to us, which got us talking about insta-karma, cockroaches, healthy food, and pie. it was fun. i should have conversations with strangers more often.
now i’m watching multiple episodes of tlc’s “while you were out” while cooking multiple food-like substances for the week. yes, i’m really this boring.
if i capitalized, that is.
deadlines, hiccoughs and annoying idiots. i hate my job!
to repay myself for this swarm of hateful occupation, tonight will be pizza, videos and maybe even beer. i hope we get some more storm out of the billowy clouds which are gathering above my place. that would make tonight perfect.
actually, i’m not as miserable as i could be. i have a serious cute on today and my hair is even looking good. anybody want to come over tonight and make out?
i’m so going to do this!
of course, i’ll have to modify it a bit for the digicam, but i think it will be a good exercise for me. as a bit more incentive, at the end of the eight weeks i’ll post my selections for your viewing pleasure and even send a 5″x7″ set of all eight photos to the first person who emails me at that time.
gah, self-imposed pressure! there’s a lot of that going on lately…
i’ve signed up to participate in the CIBC Run for the Cure next month. no, i’m not going to run, but i will be walking with runners from work so i expect to have to maintain a good clip. i’ll be using the interim to “train” for this event. that means actually working out and going for walks instead of falling asleep on the futon after work. i may die.
speaking of the futon, i phoned a couple one bedroom basement suites advertised in yesterday’s paper. both are exactly what i pay now, but with a bedroom. the first person i talked too sounded a little creepy, which is disappointing because that suite has a fireplace. i left a message on the second’s machine, asking them to let me know if i could view it if it’s still available. i hope they’re as nice as they sound. a little reverse lookup on the phone number revealed that it’s only about five minutes from where i live now, which is totally convenient. cross your fingers for me! this whole moving thing is getting me all freaked out. i’m mostly worried that my currently landlords will freak because i didn’t give them a 30-day notice.
gah. i’ll think about it tomorrow.
i got a new machine at work and consequently lost all my icq contacts (there’s something to be said for server-side buddy lists afterall). if we were sharing icq-love, please message me (monday-friday 0730-1600) so i can add you back on. merci!
at various points in my life i have wanted to date:
– a biker (i still haven’t ever been on a motorcycle)
– a cop (handcuffs, duh)
– a black man (there’s something sensual about darker skin)
– someone who received an acadamy award (just to get mentioned in their speech)
– a gourmet chef (who doesn’t want to have a man cook for them?)
– a pilot (i love to fly)
– a naval officer (i guess i have uniform issues)
– a projectionist (free movies! sex in theatres!)
– an author (you know his love letters would be creative)
speaking of which, do people even write love letters anymore?
i’m pretty grumpy today. i swear, if anybody wants a good-as-new uterus, just let me know. i’ll ship it overnight.
so, i realized that my work chair lists to the right. no wonder it squeaks and makes me hurt. fucking chair. i bet it’ll take an act of god to get me a new one, too. can’t do that. i mean, we just spent how many zillions of dollars giving everyone a set of glasses to mark the recent opening. we can’t give heather a new chair so she doesn’t end up crippled in her old age. fuckers. wow, i really am cranky.
the shortening days are making me happy. i like to go to bed around ten o’clock on a normal week night. i get up at five-thirty, so that gives me an average of about seven to seven-and-a-half hours sleep (factoring falling-asleep time at night and laying-abed time in the morning). i can function at a decent level with that amount of rest. when it’s still light out at ten p.m., trying to go to sleep is difficult. so i stay up later. and get less rest. and that makes me miserable. and people wonder why i hate summer so much. if it’s not the heat, it’s the long days. if it’s not the long days, it’s the bugs. if it’s not the bugs, it’s the heat. yay fall!
i have a ton of work to do which i’m completely slacking on because i have an attitude problem. do i look like i care? i don’t think so.
haven’t taken a picture in days. i hope the novelty hasn’t worn off.
things i’m looking forward to in september:
– i’m finally getting my ass back into a classroom.
– great big sea
– my mom’s 65th birthday
– ten days in a row of not being at work
– meeting jim and visiting shelagh
– visiting the art gallery with karen
hessie: god, i had such a good time doing nothing the last two days. i want more nothing, please.
Dor: me too!
Dor: more nothing!
hessie: i played tomb raider and read and napped! perfect life.
Dor: now you just need to find a rich husband :)
hessie: then he’d be around all the time!
Dor: not if his job requires him to travel.
hessie: then he’d wear suits all the time and be a fashion whore who would look down on me for wearing jeans and baggy tops because they’re comfortable.
Dor: bleh.
Dor: stop dissing the dream.
p.s. rabbit, white rabbit.
the last 24 hours, give or take the couple i spent sleeping, have been so wonderful that i don’t want to ruin them in the attempt of description. i’ll have a few photos to share up later, but enjoy this fellow in the meantime.
by golly, this long weekend is shaping up to be something spiffy!
ritchie: interesting, yer turn 30 right?
hessie: in july, yup.
ritchie: hehehe i just wanted to check, cause that would have to make you the coolest adult i know
hessie: wow, thanks. i think.
hessie: i’m not sure i want to be an adult, tho. =P
them: “what did you have for lunch?”
me: “thai (or greek, italian, chinese, japanese, etc).”
them: “ooh, good!”
i wonder if there are people in other countries who go out for “canadian” food? is there quintessential canadian cuisine besides back bacon, poutine and beer or are those our nation’s only culinary legacy? i certainly hope not.
wow, i have a child!
i went on a mad shopping trip last night. two circuits around the mall (and an emergency bathroom pit-stop), i left several sheckles poorer, but somewhat fulfilled. i picked up what i think is a pretty cool birthday present for miss colene. i hope she likes it. i also got myself a new bag — not a purse, i don’t carry a purse. i wanted something a little smaller than my other messenger bag, but still big enough to put both my camera and a book in. i’m not 100% sure i’m going to keep it yet.
i should have called in “sick” today. bleh.
thai for lunch, thai for dinner, then lots of drinks with alcohol in them. yay! other than this working shit, it’s going to be a good day!
andy warhol is alive and he drives a turbo sprint! either that or the guy who was driving one this morning just looked a hell of a lot like him.
i hate my job. there’s a boy i want to jump, but can’t right now. i think i need new glasses. or a vacation from computers. or both. i’ve been playng tomb raider again. i started reading atlas shrugged, but may put it down to finish off the wot series. i can’t wait for the last week of september when i won’t have to be here for ten days in a row. i want to tweak the layout, but i’m not sure how exactly. i need more coffee. and a haircut. maybe i’ll dye it. i have leftover spaghetti with lentil sauce for lunch. it’s better than it sounds. really. i need to wash my car, it looks like it has some sort of skin condition. i also need to find cricket gifts, birthday gifts and money for new shoes. all in the next two days. ugh. and cancel some credit cards. no one single person needs five credit cards.
how is it that i’m the only fucking person who seems to know what the phrase “how’s tricks?” means? i don’t even know where i picked it up, but i’m getting annoyed with conversations which go something like:
me: “how’s tricks?”
them: “tricks?”
me: “yeah, tricks. things, stuff. how are you? what are you doing? how are things?”
them: “ohhh! okay.”
