when i was still over-tired and giddy this morning, i had a lot of different things i wanted to write about, but i was too busy fighting a deadline to post. now that i’m not so busy and decidedly ungiddy, but even more tired, i just can’t seem to get up the interest to type out all the things i meant to say. maybe i’ll feel more verbose tomorrow. i can’t wait to go to bed.
i’m tempted to go to sonar tomorrow night, but it’s for all the wrong reasons. i’d better serve myself by staying home and throwing things out. that being said, i’m really interested in getting new shelves. something metallic. they have some galvanized utility shelves at zellers on sale this week. i may succumb and buy one, or maybe two.
i need kisses and stubble and fingers and cuddling and zippers and t-shirts taken off the right way. i need familiarly unfamiliar smells and long hair against hot skin and nibbles and gasping and that magic spot behind your left ear. i need nipples and bellies and ticklish knees. i need boy hips and wrists and the small patch of fuzz at the base of your spine. i need less dangerous thinkings and more dangerous doings.
one month.
four weeks.
thirty days.
seven-hundred twenty hours.
forty-three thousand two hundred minutes.
that’s how long until i’m old.
just remember, i don’t want much for my three-oh-ty-eth birthday. just a big party and lots of presents. i wouldn’t mind plane tickets to interesting locales — i have the first week of july off work, so i’m free to travel!
remember, it takes longer to ship to canada, so send things early! =)
it’s a gorgeous, cloudless day with the temperature in the high teens and a breeze just stiff enough. so, guess where i am!
at work.
it’s not a total wash, though. i just got here from helping karen move from the victoria inn downtown to her new room on a nice quiet street in kitsilano. after everything was unloaded, we sat on the front porch gabbing, laughing and watching all the beautiful people jog and bike down towards the beach. she’s got herself not one, but two jobs now and is going to apply here as well. i think it’s all finally coming together for her and that’s awesome. the more settled she gets the closer to fruition comes my dream of a bedroom and a cat.
i’m just going to finish off my subway sandwich — shut up, i’ve been up since 7:30 and i haven’t eaten yet — and then get down to business. fucking resumes.
[14:14] hessie: marie just told me that i have the coolest eyebrows.
[14:14] Dor: you do, I noticed last night.
[14:15] hessie: i created them in 1996.
[14:15] Dor: nice job!
[14:15] hessie: merci. =)
[14:16] Dor: de nada
part of my “get out of this funk” strategy involves cleaning useless stuff out of my life. this includes lots of different things, activities, thoughts and people. last night, i started with the medicine cabinet and underneath the bathroom sink. this is what i threw away:
– one expired clearblue easy pregnancy test
– 24 pink foam curlers
– one bottle paint-on blue hair goop
– 11 large-size trojan condoms
– 15 bottles of nail polish in assorted colours
– peach bath crystals
– gillette excel razor & spare blade
– 5 plastic caps from unknown spray bottles
– hotel shower cap with three holes in it
– raspberry soap which smelled like nail polish
– one “insert finger and rotate” nail polish remover
– 25 carefree panty liners
– 2 sample-size bottles of calvin klein’s eternity perfume
– 2 bonnie bell perfumes (happy & flirt)
– 3 empty ginko biloba bottles
at the first available opportunity, i’m going to register for a course at bcit. unfortunately, the course i’m signing up for doesn’t start until september. i’d love to dive right in now, but they don’t offer it during summer session.
my boss called me into his office:
boss: we have a problem.
me: uh-oh.
boss: i think you might be the solution.
it involves fun web stuff on the intranet, which always makes me happy. now that we have a proper webserver in the works, i’ll be able to mess around with more development-type stuff. my only hurdle is finding the time. hopefully, if he’s serious about this, then i’ll be able to use it to get rid of some of the bulky work i don’t have time for by foisting it off on someone else. that would make me even happier.
wal-mart may not carry dehydrated motivation, but it seems hessie-mart had some backordered and it arrived just in the nick of time.
i’m quickly becoming defined by my complete loathing for my work and the petulant sloth i sink into as a passive-aggressive response to it. i’m that person. you know, the one who’s always crabby and has very little to talk about other than how much their job sucks and how they’d love to do anything else, but they really don’t know what else they want to do. the person who turns every conversation so it’s about them. “yeah, that happened to me. this is what i did (which is what you should have done).”
why can’t you run to wal-mart and pick up a jumbo-sized box of dehydrated motivation? just add water! on sale every day! imagine how much more star trek our lives would be with everyone running around being motivated to do good things all the time. not just good for themselves, but good for their friends, family, community, country, world. wow. that utopian vision is blinding. i honestly can’t imagine what it would be like if people consistantly acted with compassion and generosity. it’s very white, though. everything would be clean and neat. motivated people are neat by default.
another reason i want to move out of my apartment: hardwood floors. i’d happily give up never having cold feet for hardwood floors. they add another layer of light to a room. reflected light. it’s also pretty cool to go sliding across them in slipper socks, landing on the couch in a giggling, breathless heap.
it just dawned on me that i spent almost six hours in paul’s presence and i didn’t once touch his buzz-cutted head. i must be slipping.
i’m slightly hung-over from the musle relaxant i took before bed last night. i feel like i’ve been wrapped in a layer of cotton batting. it’s not wholly unpleasant.
my three reasons to get a dvd player:
* my so-called life box set
* the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy
* the matrix
it’s karen’s birthday today. i want to do something for her, but i don’t know what. logistics are complicated because i should work late to do some catching up. bleh. i don’t care… i’m going out for lunch with recently-separated, cute chris.
i just found out that hugo & his wife are taking their citizenship tests today. i’m so excited for them! the conversation went something like:
me: did you study?
him: no! i already know everything.
me: hee-hee. what if you fail?
him: i am married to my wife and she will be a citizen!
i love hugo. he’s adorable. =)
can i tell you how useless i’m going to be today?
i spent sunday evening playing risk, talking about books, music & tv with paul, derrick & colene. typically, i was a complete nervous wreck about going over-town to paul’s place to play board games with virtual strangers. ah! as it turns out, they’re just as interesting and nice in person, so my apprehension didn’t last long. (it’s somewhat weird to write this knowing they’ll read it at some point… i’ve been mostly immune to this sensation.) i’m in love with paul’s apartment. if i could afford the rent, i’d move tomorrow. colene really does have both an evil laugh and a vicious streak! derrick is taller than i expected and has a very intense gaze. he reminds me of someone else i know, but i can’t think of who.
the evening went really quickly, and although i would have liked to hang out longer i finally headed home at about quarter to midnight. after flying home on the empty streets and highway (vroom! motherfucker! vroom!) i tried to go to sleep but a vicious headache, paranoia about the giant spider in my closet and this indeterminate pain in my right shoulder made the whole falling asleep experience a lengthy one. i only need five hours sleep, right? *whimper*
i have to phone meghan pretty quick. i told her i was going out to meet people from online and she wanted to know where paul lived and what his phone number was and i was directed to phone her as soon as i got home. when i did get home, there was a message from her “where are you? why aren’t you home yet? phone me in the morning!” it’s adorable how she worries. i can’t tell you how hard i was laughing as she was writing down paul’s vitals.
all right, that’s my update. dammit, i’m supposed to train wilma today. i may have to put it off until tomorrow. i don’t think i should be allowed to do anything remotely responsible today. the plan is to work out really hard on the elliptical after work, go home, shower and then be asleep my seven-thirty. mmm… sleep.
have you ever felt the ground melting beneath your feet? it feels like the earth had a bad batch of shellfish or a few too many beans. gaia gas. yes, that’s what it felt like standing on the spot which, twenty minutes later, was two and a half feet closer to the core than it started. the rumbling, popping and clicking of the ground beneath the asphalt as all the water from the broken main poured down my street at midnight was both frightening and exciting. i wouldn’t have known anything was amiss if the diverted water running through the back yard hadn’t sounded like a torrential cloudburst.
i’m so glad i stayed up late!
how funny are people to tell you one thing and then do another. that’s all right. they’re free to be who they want to be and do what they want to do. it’s how i react to it which is important to me. right now, i’m trying not to react at all. except making assumptions. hey, i never said i wasn’t a hypocrite, too.
i had lettuce for dinner last night and pizza for breakfast this morning. yes, you really did need to know that.
my favourite thing about my non-evil j-named friend (figure that one out, if you dare): he doesn’t care that i’m a dork and i don’t care that he knows i am.
[13:49] hessie: if you knew everything about me, we’d have very little to talk about.
[13:49] Dor: that’s not true.
[13:49] Dor: what do you think married people do?
[13:49] hessie: well, there’d be no mystery.
[13:49] hessie: have sex!
[13:49] hessie: run out of conversation = fornicate
[13:49] Dor: good point.
[13:49] hessie: at least that’s my goal in marriage. =)
[13:50] Dor: heh.
how unfair is it that every guy i find even remotely attractive has a name which starts with “j”? don’t the fates know that spells doom for me? *sigh*
my new favourite song of the moment. enjoy.
where you start to wonder where she is. why haven’t you heard from her? it’s very uncharacteristic. you’ve talked to her every day. where is she? she’s doing something bad to herself. she didn’t sound right the last time you talked. there was something in her tone. a quiver maybe. you don’t even know where she lives. stupid girl. stupid, impulsive, repulsive, antagonistic, alluring girl! how can you save her if you don’t know where she lives? phone book! what’s her last name, sherlock? no, didn’t think so. anonymous. probably never really existed at all. just a fantastic illusion to keep your delusions company. fuck! you need to find her. you need to know she’s real and safe. you need her! what will you do, then? how will you bring her out? what can you possibly do to help her? this isn’t a tv show. you can’t get superpowers and telepathically communicate. you have to wait. you have to suffer the fear and ignorance. you have to feel as if you’re to blame for everything that you’re imagining happened to her. waiting. you’ve always hated the waiting.
bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh
i also need to become more css-positioning savvy.
i really need a re-design.
*sigh*