Category Archives: Words

i missed mentioning my 1000th greymatter post. oh well. happy 1003rd post!

i can’t seem to get comfortable in my work chair this morning. i’ve adjusted the seat hight, the seat tilt, the arm height, the back angle, none of which has helped at all. this could prove to be today’s undoing if it doesn’t resolve itself.
last night’s dreams were all buffy related. after watching the newest episode earlier in the evening, it must have struck a chord (or stuck, period) because all night i was running around with willow and my back-from-the-dead mother. then i had to leave to save myself from some untold fate, which resulted in a tearful good-bye with much sobbing. how could i forget to mention the evil vampire-ish fellow who followed me around until i agreed to hold his stomach. with my bare hands. after he’d ripped it from his abdomen. yum.
my back’s been a little sore the last day and a bit. washing all the dishes i’d accumulated turned out to be a three-part endeavour because i just couldn’t stand there long enough. at least it’s done now and the kitchen is clean. i tend to wig out if my kitchen isn’t clean for long periods. i also accomplished just enough laundry to have clean jeans and underwear for the rest of the week. i’m hoping that i’m in good enough shape to want to go food shopping on the way home. i really want to make another batch of chicken chili this week, but i can’t unless i buy the ingredients.
today, it took me a long time to get out of bed. i knew i’d have a hard time adjusting to “normal” amounts of sleep after that week and a half of sleeping in and two naps per day; but, i didn’t realize just how hard it would be. *yawn* i’m very glad that i have another week off to look forward to. the last week of march is all about being lazy.
i started a food & exercise journal last night. a couple years back, when i was exercising regularily, eating well and losing weight, i found it kept me honest if i wrote down everything i ate and all the activities i pursued. i’m hoping it will be the same this time around. it’s a pain in the ass to stick to, but i’m determined. it’s all about getting healthy. quitting smoking, eating right & exercise. i’m determined girl!!
in that same vein, i want to thank everyone who left me nice comments the other day in response to my “call me fatso” post. you people don’t listen to instructions, but you’re all very, very sweet.
today, we’re going out for chinese food lunch and i already know what i’m having: gai-lan with rice. mmm. tomorrow, i think we’re going out for thai food lunch. what was that i was saying about eating healthy? *sigh*

i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m happy to be back at work.
i’m hoping that if i say it enough times, i’ll start to believe it.
(btw, 7 responses to my ad so far. weird.)

work flew by, even with that extra hour because i started early. everyone missed me and came by to make sure i knew it (even the president and human resources manager came to welcome me back!). i stopped by the doctor’s office to get the official all-clear. she was pleasantly surprised at how quickly i mended. “you’re a fast healer!” she proclaimed as i showed her how i could touch my toes again. upon arriving home, my mailbox was stuffed with envelopes. my compensation cheque for the seven days off work was in there! i think i could get to like receiving benefits this way! much to my delight, i discovered one of my credit cards has a seventy-dollar credit balance. yay! seventy free bucks i can spend! oh, and my friend jeremy said, after looking at the picture i posted yesterday, that it was “very, very cute”. i’m also going out for chinese food dinner with my dad & step-uncles tonight.
of course, all this good comes with a little bad… while waiting in the little examination room for the doctor, i made the mistake of stepping on the scale. it’s official: i’m fatter than i’ve ever been in my entire life! feel free to load the comments with lots “hey tub-o!”, “lardass” and “fatso” comments. no, i’m not kidding. the theory behind the request is that maybe, if my knowing how horribly obese i am isn’t enough to make me do what i need to do to slim down, having my friends & readers call me names will. i’m just really glad i had a super-healthful veggie lunch today to assuage some of my guilt.
i knew i shouldn’t have eaten those oreos.

i dreamed last night i was in my chemistry class writing a test i was wholly unprepared for because i had been off sick while the material had been covered. also, i had to leave for part of class to visit an ex-mayor who was now living in an old bus he’d bought for one million dollars after he retired. when i came back, the class was filled with people i’d gone to school with and they all wanted to talk to me so i didn’t finish the exam and i almost cried because the teacher wouldn’t give me an extension. bastard teacher.
so, i’m back at work. can i just tell you how much i hate flourescent lights?

i was trying my hardest to make the day beyond perfect for jason’s birthday. i had it planned down to the nth degree. i wanted him to have a spectacular day. i wanted him to see how much he meant to me. i thought that if i got him the perfect presents and took him to the perfect places he’d suddenly look at me as the perfect girl.
i don’t think i’ve seen him since.
well, okay… maybe once. but, it’s been a long, time. it was a good day. i hope he remembers it fondly. i know i do.
i should be asleep right now, but i had one too many diet cokes with lemon and i really need this brain dump before i can rest. i’m finally going back to work tomorrow and i would like to get there early to assess any backlog which may have amassed during my absense. i hope it’s not too bad, i’d really hate to burn myself out trying to catch up. i know i will. that’s just how i operate. then again, if there is no backlog i will have to be upset that there wasn’t a horrible panic because i was away for seven days. they couldn’t possibly survive without me, could they?
as of seven o’clock this evening, i’m into my thirteenth smoke-free day. i had a wee puff of meghan’s cigarette yesterday at the pub, and it was horrible. i must have partially exhaled through my nose because it burned a little and when i sniffed it was all i could smell. ick. this week has been really bad for cravings, but they’re mostly situational. i think i’ve got it licked. now if i can only stop eating crap food as a placebo maybe i’ll still fit into my jeans.
i put up a personals ad tonight, along with a picture. i need to start meeting people. i’m also getting tired of people asking me why i’m single when i’m so obviously amazing they can’t imagine me being alone. we’ll see how being proactive about my love life goes. just between you and me, i’m not holding my breath. at the very least, jenabeans thinks i have kissable lips. that made my night!
by the way, i’m fully aware of the overall pathetic-ness of my content lately. i’m working on fixing that in the near future. thank you for your patience, i appreciate it.

He tried overclocking his toaster once too
She asks: did it work?
She says: i was amazed… for a two-slice toaster i can now toast an entire loaf in half the time.
He says: well, sorta
She says: all at once.
He exclaims: wow!
She nods.
She says: i was impressed with the improvement.
He wonders if your toaster had genuine Intel parts.
She says: yes. but it runs linux. =)
His ancient toaster runs DOS.
She says: ahh.
She says: you really should upgrade.
He says: whenever toast comes up burned it asks, “abort, retry, fail?”
She laughs.
He was thinking of getting a screensaver… y’know… the one where flying computers fly across your toaster case.
She says: that’d be really classy.
He says: there’s only so much you can do when your bus is only 2 slots wide though.
She nods.
He asks: what sorta peripherals do you have on yours?
She says: i hear those bagel toasters with the wider slots have better throughput.
He makes a note of that.
She says: well, the microwave is daisychained to it, so that my condiments are ready for application upon toasting completion.
He says: way cool.
She nods.
He says: i’m trying to decide whether it’s worth the few extra bucks to go for the true-color video card with 1600×1200 resolution, or just settle with 256 colors at 1024×768.
She says: i’m thinking of setting a crisco router to have all the toasters in the building running through mine.
He exclaims: a crisco 10-base-T port in your room! instant plug ‘n’ grease!
She says: when it comes to toast, you shouldn’t scrimp on resolution. the last thing you want is pale toast.
She says: actually, i was thinking of going 100-base-t.
He says: this is true. but then again, maybe i ought to spring for a DVD drive too. Games are getting so realistic these days.
He says: hayull. you tha man! so to speak.
She says: with a backbone of 1000-base-t.
She says: i mean, you can’t be waiting on toast ‘casue of network backlog. that’s just wrong.
He says: folks, this chick is a shortening bandwith monster. I mean *monster*.
She laughs.
She bows.
He says: think big, yeah, think big.

i tried to go to the doctor to get the all-clear to return to work on monday, but she’s not working today or this weekend. i could have gone to another doctor who was on duty today, but i’d rather go back to my doctor. so, i’ll be returning to work on monday without specific authorization. i’ll stop by on the way home and let her know how i’m doing and that i had returned to work and ask her to just go with my plan. i hope this doesn’t ruin my claim.
speaking of the claim, i got a letter from wcb today saying they’ve accepted it and let me know how much they’ll pay me for the days i was off. it’s three-quarters of my wage, but i don’t think they take any taxes off (and i hear it’s tax exempt), so it will be close to my regular take-home pay even at the discounted rate. phew. i just have to remember to save some cash in case i have to pay taxes on it when i file for 2002 next spring.
i also got a package in the mail from my secret cricket! chocolate truffle frogs, valentine berry soap and a mini astrology book. yay! presents always make my day. now i’m going to eat something (not chocolate) because i’m a little shakey and then read until y&r is on at three. have a pleasant day!

sometimes, there’s nothing i want more than a big, fluffy teddy bear to cuddle while i fall asleep. others, i want to put on my expensive, bouncy athletic shoes and go running through my neighbourhood, heedless of everything, just enjoying the rhythmic thump-thump-thump of my soles on the pavement. then there are the times i want to sink into my mattress and re-emerge into a completely changed world, hundreds or thousands of years hence.
right now, i want… i have no idea, but i felt the need to add another paragraph. there, that’s done. now i can go to bed.

i’m craving oreos.

if you’re bored, go check out my cafepress store (link to the right). they’re offering baseball jersey shirts for the month of march only, so i felt the need to make one for all my loyal *cough* readers. you don’t even have to feel bloo to wear it! quick! order one before it’s too late!

i really wish i’d bought that leather computer chair when i had the money. if i had, i could at least spend time working on computer things rather than rush to email or write here in the maximum of ten minutes i get now before i have to go lie down to make the pain stop. fuck, i hate this chair.
it snowed for about half an hour this afternoon. i only mention it because the rest of the city was bathed in bright sunlight. ah, i love living in north vancouver. the snow didn’t stick. not that i care, i’m not going anywhere.
after feeling so much better yesterday, i pulled a “go directly to jail. do not pass go. do not collect $200” card from the chance pile. i’m in as much pain as i was on friday, so there goes my plan to return to work tomorrow. fuck. i don’t know how the hell i’m going to pay my bills this month. i better get reimbursed from wcb or i’m in trouble. at least i know i can eat for a month without having to go shopping. it may get dull eating nothing but rice and lentils, but i won’t starve. somehow, that reminds me i have to replace my brita filter because my water is starting to taste funny.
i’ve finally picked up a book and started reading while i’m laid up, instead of staring stupidly at the television like i’ve done so far. i should have stared atlas shrugged but i worried that my slightly blurry eyesight from the meds would inhibit my absorbtion, so i’m just reading the fourth wheel of time book. i wasn’t going to read past the third, but i’m easily sucked into series like these and i know i’ll be a sucker and read all nine bloody books, even though i know i’m going to be frustrated with them. i’m just pissed that i left the fiery cross at work.
the little cat wall calendar i got for xmas is still on january. if i remember after posting this, i’ll flip it to march. i probably won’t, though.
ooh, it’s almost three o’clock… time for y&r! yes, i’m pathetic. i know.

for the first time, i’m actually craving a cigarette. i’m glad i flushed the rest of the pack a couple days ago when i wasn’t jonesing. six days so far. according to a friend, i have another 15 days until the habit of non-smoking sticks. we’ll see about that…
my mom gave me $200. deposited it right into my bank account. why? ’cause i’m going to be seriously cash poor because of all this time i’ve been off work and i helped her out when i won that grand back in november. my mommy loves me!
pizza and once & again tonight. life is good.

after thinking about it, i’ve come to the conclusion that i could really get to like prescription muscle relaxants in a recreational capacity. whee!

still haven’t smoked. still haven’t had coffee, but i have been drinking diet coke. same difference, really. my uncle had a heart attack on friday, i just found out about it today. my back is much better, but after talking to mom, i’m going to listen to the doctor and take the full week off work.
i totally forgot it was the end of february, so i’ve neither uploaded the redesign nor switched to moveable type. none of which is a great loss. the layout was old before i’d even finished tweaking it and gm works fine for now. besides, i can’t seem to muster a lot of enthusiasm for blogging at the moment. i really don’t like spending much time at the computer. not that i’m doing anything else with my time, it just seems… dull. that being said, i’ve been having lots of ideas of things to write about. i just have to get up off the futon, grab some paper and a pen and write. probably won’t happen, but at least i know i’m still thinking of cool stuff even if it never sees the light of day.
it’s a beautiful day, but i don’t want to even open the blinds, let alone go outside. hermitgirl. maybe if i have a nap now, i’ll go shopping tonight. maybe i’ll just order pizza. maybe i should just eat some raw carrots and stop junking out in post-smoking food-fest. i really wish i weren’t in pain so i could at least go for a walk or something. bleh.

i haven’t had a cigarette in three days. i haven’t had coffee in two. i’ve been out of the house once. i’ve taken lots of pills. i’ve slept for most of the last two days. i’ve watched more maury than should be legal.
the doctor doesn’t want me going back to work for at least a week. i don’t know if i can do that, but i have the next two days to see how my healing goes. i can’t afford too much time off work and i can’t help but think of the mess which will be waiting for me when i return. no one is fully trained to replace me. it could be scary.
so, i now have two prescriptions keeping me mostly pain free, but sleepy, and my thoughts are very coherent. ugh, and this chair is not comfy. i’m going back to the futon.

i fell down some stairs, hurt my back and have been in bed for the last… 40 hours or so. sitting, standing, walking all hurt. hopefully, if i rest a little more today, i’ll be able to go to the doctor later. i hope.
be careful what you wish for. i wanted to be in bed, now i wish i could get out of bed.
at least being incapacitated has helped me not smoke and not eat too much. *twinge* back to bed. have a good weekend. *kiss*

today’s answer: “bad enough to want to be in bed, but not bad enough to stay there.”
more later about how fucking pathetic i am and the decisions i’ve made.

i could have gone back to work today, but i’m taking a mental/physical health day. if the weather keeps up, i’m going to go for a nice walk. i think i need more fresh air.