Category Archives: Words

have you ever felt like a foreigner in your own home? in your own office?
i’m trying hard not to feel excluded, paranoid and irritated by the fact that two of my co-workers who share space with me spend most of their days talking to each other in their native tongue. i think my irritation stems from the fact that they both speak perfect english and i find it somewhat rude of them to hold their personal conversations not in english. it’s almost like they’re using it as a code. a way to talk about everyone without their knowledge.
yes, i’m paranoid.
the weird truth is, they could be talking about anything in english i wouldn’t even pay them any attention other than to sub-consciously acknowledge the fact their conversation is making a noise i can hear. but, because it’s being spoken in something i don’t understand, i’m nervous and offended.
no, i’m not prejudiced.
when the irritation i feel starts to offend even myself, i take a step back and try to imagine what i would do. okay… i’m in, say, montreal. i grew up speaking english, but through necessity, i’ve learned french fluently to fit into francophone society (won’t happen, can’t stand french). i meet another anglophone in the office and we become friends. are we really going to have all our conversations in french? both of us native english speakers? can we honestly be expected to do so?
no. the answer is no.
so, what i’ve got to do is get used to the sound of tagalog being spoken three feet behind me and treat it as no more than routine background conversations i have no part of (won’t happen, i’m too nosy).

IT’S TOO FUCKING HOT IN THIS GODDAMNED BUILDING! GRR!

there’s an accident on the bridge (and it must be a bad one). it took me forty minutes to travel half a mile from where i got on the highway to the first available exit to get off. it would have taken me longer, but i drove the shoulder most of the way.
so, i’m staying at home until the traffic clears up. yay! another hour or two undressed and under the über-blankie. heaven.

dammit, dammit, dammit!
i was all worked up and excited about discovering i could order dum-dums online only to be greeted by the small print: “we are unable to ship outside the continental u.s. at this time”.
if you love me and want to make me happy, you may feel free to send me dum-dums! i mean, the 120-count box is only seven bucks… i’ll pay you back!

by the way, girls kissing rocks. [thank you, edge – you dirty old man]

hey! do you hear that? no? that’s the sound of my boss being away all week! yay! not that it will make any difference to my workload, but at least if i want to sneak out early there isn’t anyone to give me dirty looks. well, anyone whose opinion i worry about, anyway. the other bonus is that i get to park in his spot when he’s away. woo!
in other news, i’m bloody tired. someone kept me up too late on the phone. *grin*
i don’t think i have very much to say today. but, i have a question about something which came up in conversation the other day. peeing in the shower: yes or no?

i blew off dean to stay home, eat almonds and read my book. i’m such a lady of leisure…

so far this morning, i’ve drank a pot of coffee, watched two hours of coronation street, cooked a vegetable stir-fry, chicken fried rice & there’s some chicken baking in the oven. oh, and i’ve done all the assorted cooking dishes.
i’m thinking i may run out to the grocery store really quickly before dean’s football game ends. i think we’re going to see k-pax this afternoon, if he’s up for it. three football games in two days is hard on his thirty-something, beer-bellied body, you know. if not, i’ll happily stay home and read my book. it’s miserable out and i don’t think i’m up for company today. it was last night i was bored an anxious.

one year ago, almost to the minute, i was arriving in new york city’s jfk airport and meeting randy for the first time, face to face, after a stressful twenty minutes of thinking he’d forgotten me (until i realized i’d arrived at a different terminal than i’d told him i’d be at). oh, and being scared to get out on the traffic side of our cab in the middle of midtown.
i don’t know, i’m starting to think i should have gone to florida, at least for a couple of days. no, i can’t think that or i’ll get all sad. i’m just going to concentrate on planning to see massachusetts in the spring.
i can’t believe i’m going to miss rowan’s fourth birthday! this sucks so bad.

there are reams of things i should get done today. the unfortunate bit is that they’re all dependant on my having a shower. it’s eight o’clock. on a saturday. i’m asking myself: “self, would you rather lay about in your pj’s, drinking coffee and reading your book or would you prefer rush around, take the car to the mechanic and spend a lot of money on necessities?”
i think just answered my own question.

i just had a serious intersection flirtation.
you know, when you’re driving along and making a turn through an intersection and there’s someone your eyes fix on while you’re completing your arc. come on, i can’t be the only one this happens to.
anyway, it happened to me today. with a cute boy who would, by virtue of his location, work at the hydro building next door. he stared at me just as hard as i was staring at him. one of those weird moments you have with another human being in which time seems to have no meaning.
i’m babbling ’cause it’s a beautiful day, i had thai for lunch, the next book in the series i’m reading is ready to be picked up at the library, i have a cool new project to sink my brain into and revive some enjoyment in working, and it’s friday! yay!

i haven’t been this excited about a project in a long time.
guess who’s designing her work’s website? no, not that internal document centre from three years ago. the real, honest-to-goodness, internet-accessable, joe-blow’s-gonna-see-it web site! me! in the middle of the meeting i was doodling a layout which i think will be perfect. gah! excited!
now, if they’d get someone else to do all my other, boring, work so i could work on this 24/7, i’d be even happier. if that’s possible.

so, i spent half of last night with the left side of my face numb & puffy; and, i spent the other half of last night trying to forget i had a left side of my face because it hurt. honestly, i’m just really glad i didn’t manage to bite my tongue off while eating my medicinal tomato soup.
the nerves i was feeling about this dental visit were unfounded. i had a funky reaction to the freezing when i went to get a crown last year. i had weird chills down my left side and my heart was palpitating like mad. after talking with a friend in dental school, we sussed out a probable sensitivity to the epinephrine they put in the injection now. i had reported this to the dentist when i went back and it was written on my chart. i saw it there when i went for a cleaning last month!
anyway, i was chatting with the assistant (christine) and denis (my dentist) swoops in and before i can say anything, he’s given me the freezing. as i’m sitting there, i look at christine and casually inquired whether i got the stuff without epinephrine. her eyes bugged out. she looked at me with terror and said “no, we gave you the same stuff. are you okay?!” i took mental stock of my bodily processes and besides an increased heart rate due to anticipatory stress, i seemed to be fine. i grinned as best i could with a half-numb face and said “if not, at least we’re close to the hospital”. she laughed, but i could still tell she was concerned. she immediately went and highlighted the note on my chart. when denis had to give me more freezing there was this silent exchange where she pointed out the newly highlighted information, he read it and grunted assent. she later told me the non-epinephrine stuff was in the second shot.
[time passes]
the fillings are completed, i get a final rinse and i spit into the suction tube. denis is taking off his gloves and saying “that’s great! you can’t even tell. oh, just so you know, your insurance probably won’t cover all of these. they don’t like to pay for the white fillings. you know how insurance companies are.” i wanted to bust out laughing, but i was sure i’d just soil myself with slobber. i absolutely loved how he tells me this AFTER the fillings are in! not that it makes any difference, i’ll pay the bill regardless and it’s actually somewhat relieving to have two less mercury amalgam fillings out of my body. i was just amused at his timing. that denis, he’s one smart cookie.
today i’m a little sore where he did the injections, but my teeth feel great. i’d got so used to sticking my tongue in the cracks in that tooth, though. i don’t know what i’ll get to stick my tongue in now. *grin*

yay! now i’m getting private guestbook signers who make me smile! thanks, you made going to the dentist a little less painful.

oops, sorry guys. if it wasn’t for feserik, i’d completely have forgotten today’s thursday morning mpeg in the buzz of sugar and dentist forboding. i must say though that i’m really pleased that someone noticed it was missing.
“Harden My Heart” by Quarterflash
i don’t know, it just seemed like a retro day. i couldn’t find “take on me” by a-ha, so you guys get this. just so you know, if you weren’t alive when this was recorded, don’t tell me. i feel old enough already.

i know it’s wrong, but i miss his being here. i don’t necessarily miss him; i just miss him being around.

there’s a lot of candy floating around the office today and not a few squabbles over who will get the [insert treat there is only one of in the bowl]. these are the spoils of my co-worker’s children’s labours last night. i feel almost guilty sucking happily away on the raspberry tootsie pop i scavanged. i didn’t go out begging for this treat. i just sat at home and waited for authoritarian parents to say “you can have this” and “you cannot have that” to their glucose-laden offspring.
i hated it when my mom took my candy. she was an adult, she could have as much as she wanted, whenever she wanted it. why did she have to take mine? (she was a hypocrite, too. she’d eat my candy, but give out sunflower seeds to our trick-or-treaters. the kids got the hint after year three and didn’t come to our house anymore. i ate a lot of sunflower seeds that winter.)
that being said, i’m going to get myself hopped up on contraband candy and this afternoon i’m going to the dentist to have a filling replaced. in a cosmic sense, i think it’s all very appropriate.

i keep telling you people i’m a freak. honestly, this didn’t tell me anything i didn’t already know.

[thanks iain]

have you ever though about your past sexual partners and tried to “construct” the perfect lover out of them? i did. lying in bed the other night, on the cusp of sleep, i started picking apart the men i’ve been with, cataloging what i liked and disliked and tried to piece together the ultimate bedmate for my tastes. it was difficult!
and, no; you’re not getting anymore detail than that.

i hate my job.