rick seems to think i’m down. i tried to convince him i wasn’t, but he wouldn’t be swayed. that got me to thinking whether i really am all right or not at this point in time.
the conclusion: no. i’m not.
the impending transit strike is looming large and freaking me out. i like stability. i like knowing that i have a job to go to, no matter how bored i may get with it, and that i will get a paycheque every other friday. we’re going to be affected in some manner, but no one knows to what extent or for how long. i think that is what bothers me most. no one knows if it will be for one day, one month or one year.
i’m also suffering from a bout of spring fever. i want to go somewhere and enjoy myself. i’d go away during the strike, but i have to save all the money i have squirrelled away in case it lasts overlong. right now i’m waiting for the last week of june which is when i will be going to seattle. only eighty-plus days to go. i wish my car was in half-decent mechanical shape… i’d just get in and take off somewhere.
then there are the personal issues. i’m afraid of leading one boy on, terrified of losing another boy, and wondering why a third is going to such great lengths to get me. i can’t even pretend not to care about it right now. i’m learning to deal with it all, but it’s right under the surface waiting for any chance to bleed into my thoughts and corrupt my denial that everything is fine.
STUPID BOYS. I throw rocks at them for you. Harrumph.
*arms crossed*
“…i’m on the outside
i’m looking in
i can see thorugh you
see the real you
cause inside you’re ugly
ugly like me…”
oh, man. that fucking song. i am so sorry i quoted it on my page, because now every THREE hits i get is someone typing in those lyrics: “inside you’re ugly ugly like me”. GRRRR! And I tried to remove the Archive but it WON’T GO AWAY!!!
*pant…pant*
personally, i love that song. it’s so totally appropriate to my life right now.
You’re pretty as a daisy!
aww! *beam*
i love that song, too. and goddess is right!