but i nearly burned down my apartment building last night.
i was out on my balcony last night having a smoke while i waited for win98 to install. when the phone rang, i put the lit cigarette on a stair while i went inside to answer the phone. it fell off the stair, onto the balcony, and down into a crack between the slats.
“shit!”
this is when i started to panic. the major contributing factor to my ensuing hysteria was the presence of a lot of dry, tinder-like, pine needles and other tree debris which i was sure was immediately going to catch and cause my entire building to burn down while i stood there gawking.
running inside, dodging my ill-placed futon, i filled the nearest available container with water. i ran outside, again dodging furniture, and poured it in the general area the cigarette would have landed, that being a total guess as i couldn’t see between to anything underneath.
“shit — there’s smoke!” i thought.
i went back for more water. i poured it. i went get yet more water. then, as i’m pouring the water, i would have sworn i could see even more smoke. ugh. until i realized i was pouring hot water and the air temperature was just cool enough to make it steam. it was about this time i started to relax a little. i made two more trips (this time with cold water) just to make absolutely sure everything was thoroughly doused.
of course, whenever i looked at that section of the porch, i could have sworn i saw smoke.
the real kicker was that the phone call that started it all was from a fucking telemarketer!

9 Thoughts on “don’t tell my landlady…

  1. paige on April 25, 2001 at 12:25 said:

    it figures – those jerks!

  2. chaos on April 25, 2001 at 13:12 said:

    forgive me..for…laughing.. sounds like something straight out of a comedy

  3. Telemarketers are devils….devils I say!

  4. nicolas on April 26, 2001 at 07:10 said:

    heehee.

  5. sc0tt on April 26, 2001 at 08:07 said:

    the downside of smoking…

  6. heather on April 26, 2001 at 08:17 said:

    at least it didn’t stop me from going out later that night and getting my nicotine fix. ;)
    i’m such a trooper.

  7. Shelagh on April 26, 2001 at 09:27 said:

    *whollops Heather with a box of Nicoderms* – Hessie I quit just before Xmas on them….and lookit me 4 months later!
    I’m sorry – I try not to be one of those self righteous ex smokers…but I guess my point is that if I had known how easy it is to quit on the patch, I would have long ago. Now I spend my smokes $$ on books (ok, martinis too, but hey – can’t give up ALL of the good life!!)
    xo

  8. I’m just impressed with all that frantic fire-fighting, you still had time to get to the phone to ascertain it was a telemarketer!)

  9. Goddess on April 26, 2001 at 10:59 said:

    Heather the firefighter!!! Cool!

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