it started out as a normal thursday morning. as i folded up my blanket and returned the futon to an upright position i recalled some of the more vivid moments of my dreams. as i bent down and the blood rushed to my head i realized i had a headache. i mentally chided myself for sleeping so much, which was most likely the cause.
in twenty minutes i was dressed, my lunch was packed and i was all ready to head off into the wet and wonderful world to start my commute, but not without a pitstop at tim hortons for my extra large french vanilla cappuccino. i don’t often get one on the way to work, but it’s roll up the rim time and i really want to win that pontiac aztec.
after a rainy but uneventful commute, i pull into the guardhouse at work only to be confronted by five very large construction workers (you can tell them by their hard-hats, you know) blocking my path. marion, the security guard shooed them out of the way for me. she’s a very nice lady. i met marie in the parking lot and we walked in together, and everything seemed fine. i should have known, when i got to the elevator and saw the construction guy with his very large welding tanks, that all would not remain peaceful.
made small conversation with construction guy, waiting for the doors to open so i could get to my desk and drink my coffee. *ding* the doors open, i immediately turn and step out. the extra weight of the tanks in the elevator made it rise a little slower than normal. the doors were open. the bell had dinged, but the elevator was not yet flush with the floor. i took my step out, my toe gets caught on the second floor and then it was all in s-l-o-w-m-o-t-i-o-n…
as soon as my toe hit the ledge i knew what had happened. i took another step forward, hoping it would balance me, but it didn’t. i tried another step, i felt like the bionic woman when she would run really fast but they’d show it in slow motion with that twangy music in the background. by the third step i knew i wasn’t going to pull my balance far enough to remain upright. the second my brain knew that was when i went *splat* face-first onto the floor. the last special effects moment was watching my coffee erupt from the cup upon impact.
just as everything returned to normal speed, i hear footsteps and voices. “are you all right?” i look up. the one construction guy from the elevator has multiplied into five construction guys, including my father, all standing around looking at me sprawled out on the hallway floor. i bounce to my feet, grab my bag, assure them i’m fine, just embarrassed and tell them i’ll get someone to come clean up the mess i made. my father walked part of the way with me. i looked at him, he’s trying so very hard not to laugh, but failing. “good morning, honey,” he says. ugh.
fifteen minutes later, after my body temperature has returned to normal (why does that happen when you’re embarrassed?) and called plant about the mess, i was fetching a cup of crappy replacement coffee and kevin, the hottie, was there. “who let you down here?” i asked him. “hey, crash,” he replied. fuck. this building is just too small.
*points and laughs*
dammit. you’re supposed to console me!
I didn’t laugh really really hard while reading your entry while trying to keep quite so other employees around me couldn’t hear. Nope, I didn’t.
see, dan? now *that’s* friendship!
uh, yeah, i definitely didn’t laugh, either.
I just wanted to thank you for prolonging your humilation long enough to share it with the entire wired world. ;)
Heather (who merely smirked at the Bionic Woman comment)
i’m nothing if not generous, as you know.
*waiting for the next stumble*
i’m not sure i like you anymore.
aw, come on- he’s fun to have around and make fun of, isn’t he?
And here all this time I thought you were laughing with me.
no, no, dangerman- we’re laughing NEAR you.
Aaaarrrgh!
*tackles paige*
*gets up, laughing, brushes dust off* Nice try, dangerman.
** Points and laughs..
AAAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
:) sorry…
Ya kno we still love ya crash. ;)
a-heeeheee… a-hooo-hooo…. wheeeeewww.
that’s good stuff man.