father heather?

i just received this “special offer email”:
Minister Charles Simpson has the power to make you a LEGALLY ORDAINED MINISTER within 48 hours!!!! 1st 16
BE ORDAINED NOW!
As a minister, you will be authorized to perform the rites and ceremonies of the church!!
WEDDINGS
MARRY your BROTHER, SISTER, or your BEST FRIEND!! <-- [uh...]
Don’t settle for being the BEST MAN OR BRIDES’ MAID
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
FUNERALS [yeah. funerals! now that’s something i want to participate in more often!]
A very hard time for you and your family
Don’t settle for a minister you don’t know!!
Most states require that you register your certificate (THAT WE SEND YOU) with the state prior to conducting the ceremony.
BAPTISMS [uncle heather?]
You can say “WELCOME TO THE WORLD!!!! I AM YOUR MINISTER AND YOUR UNCLE!!”
What a special way to welcome a child of God.
FORGIVENESS OF SINS [i have to be a minster to be forgiven?]
The Catholic Church has practiced the forgiveness of sins for centuries
**Forgiveness of Sins is granted to all who ask in sincerity and willingness to change for the better!!
VISIT CORRECTIONAL FACILITIES [oooooh!]
Since you will be a Certified Minister, you can visit others in need!!
Preach the Word of God to those who have strayed from the flock
WANT TO START YOUR OWN CHURCH?? [church of the almighty donut!]
After your LEGAL ORDINATION, you may start your own congregation!!
At this point you must be wondering how much the Certificate costs. Right? Well, let’s talk about how much the program is worth. Considering the value of becoming a CERTIFIED MINISTER I’d say the program is easily worth $100. Wouldn’t you agree? However, it won’t cost that much. Not even close! My goal is to make this life changing program affordable so average folks can benefit from the power of it.
Since I know how much you want to help others, you’re going to receive your Minister Certification for under $100.00… Not even $50.00… You are going to receive the entire life-changing course for only $29.95.
For only $29.95 you will receive:
1. 8-inch by 10-inch certificate IN COLOR, WITH GOLD SEAL.
(CERTIFICATE IS PROFESSIONALLY PRINTED BY AN INK PRESS)
2. Proof of Minister Certification in YOUR NAME!!
3. SHIPPING IS FREE!!! [thank god for small favours]