have you ever felt like your world is about to fall apart? have you ever felt the pressure inside your chest and a buzzing in your ears which comes with heightened awareness of impending disaster? i don’t know yet if it is internal or external, but i feel as if things are going to go very wrong, very soon. i’m trying to take deep breaths, but my chest is tight and when even i merely contemplate relaxing, i get more tense.
my weekend was not wholly unpleasant. i had new experiences and repeats of old. i spent time with almost all of my most favourite of locals and partook of much laughter and conversation. yet, i still feel anxious and unrested this day. what will it take to cure this sensation?
sometimes, as i sit in front of the computer and i stop to think of what to type next my eyes lose focus and my hands resting on the keys become distorted, midget claws upon a chin-high mosaic table in my blurry view. i enjoy this experience and often seek to replicate it at will. it reminds me of how tenuous our grip on reality is. how quickly perception can shift and everything becomes something different, something new, something scary.
i need to breathe. i need to relax. i need to stop worrying about the things that don’t really have any importance in a universal context. i’m not upset, i’m unbalanced. i need to get grounded. everything will get done. my very long list of tasks will be accomplished. berating myself for my previous procrastination will serve no purpose. i will start fresh from this moment.
well, i think it’s a universe sort of thing, because i too feel like everything’s about to fall apart. maybe jupiter is in the seventh house or something.
aahhh, i feel good knowing i’m not the only one who feels this way lately. it must be something in the wind; maybe some cosmic dust from that meteor that penetrated the atmosphere over the island recently.