today will be a hurry-up and wait kind of day.
hurry up to go pick up karen’s birthday cake at lunchtime, then wait until it’s time to go home. hurry up to get home, eat dinner, do the dishes, take out the garbage and then wait for karen to get here. hurry up to get karen and me back to my place before dad arrives to take us to the ferry, then wait for the ferry to get us to nanaimo. hurry up to get off the ferry and into mom’s car, then wait for her to get us to parksville.
honestly, the part of this long, long weekend i’m most excited about is getting to sleep in a real bed for four whole nights. i hope it’s just long enough for my back to forgive me and stop being such a cranky bitch. i really need to be painless so i can get back to exercising because, dammit, i gained this week due to the combination of pigging out and not moving at all.
my mid-term was last night. other than my teacher being a complete flake and telling us one thing, then doing something completely different, it was okay. a LOT of stuff to get done in two and a half hours, though. my group wanted to work a bit on our assignment afterwards, but we were all sitting there bug-eyed and little punchy so we decided to scrap it for this week. i’ve been designated “the cleaner” for the project, which is just fine by me.
the further into this course i get, the more i realize i am not a “big picture” kind of person. i’m much better at figuring out the sniggly details than sketching out the master plan. that’s what is making the course really challenging for me. it’s all about taking a problem and analyzing it to work out the plan for breaking it down into manageable tasks. i just kind of sit there and feel overwhelmed with it all. once it’s broken down, i feel much better and can tackle a specific task.
it’s also interesting to discover that i don’t want to be in charge of delegating or coordinating, but i still want to have contol over everything that’s being done. how the hell is that ever going to work? you’d think a perfectionist would relish being the boss. i’m not sure what it is, but i hate being the boss. fear of responsibility maybe? i don’t know. i’ll have to think on that some more. but not right now; i’m too busy hurrying up to wait.
The most insightful comment ever said to me by someone who was but a meaningless blip in my history would have to be along those lines. I want someone else to make all the decisions, but I also want to be able to be in control. It’s hard to find the right words, I wish Icould remember his right now, because they really did wrap up a big part of my personality I now struggle with (control freak who doesn’t want to decide anything!).
last weekend i said to him, “i’m not going to ask you to make dinner, but i’m assuming you will volunteer”. he thought that was funny.