i am a college dropout

i am a college drop-out.
i hate that sentence. i can’t begin to explain the feelings it evokes. the inadequacy i feel when i realize that i didn’t finish my post-secondary education. that i gave up a degree for an office manager’s position paying seven dollars an hour.
looking back, it all seemed so reasonable. i was working part time and going to school three-quarter time. school was thirty-seven kilometres away (one way), so i had to use mom’s car which left her stranded most of the week. i found someone to carpool with, so that helped. but i still chaffed at being poor and the fights over mobility were wearing very thin. i also hated my job at the crappy retail store.
when mom ran into tim at the bank and he asked her to help him set up the office for his new business, i thought that was great for her. she thought it was great for me. her plan was to get the ball rolling and then hand the job over to me. noble, maternal, protective… but, i can’t help but think it was premature. she must have known i couldn’t have kept going to school while working forty-hour weeks.
i don’t begrudge working for tim for one nanosecond. it was a phenomenal learning experience for a nineteen year old. where else could i have gained so much experience and had so much room to grow, make mistakes and learn from them, all the while being encouraged and respected by people who’s respect meant the world to me.
sometimes i just wish i’d finished university. gotten that fine arts degree in art history from ubc. it would be totally useless, but, in my mind, getting that piece of paper is an accomplishment in itself. it shows you have the gumption and perserverance to fight through and finish the race.
maybe that’s why i don’t fantasize about running away to europe so much anymore. why my dream life is to become a professional student. live the rest of my life going from university to university, acquiring degree after degree. one of my favourite places to be in the whole world is a classroom.
now if i could only learn to see the world as my classroom i should be content…