yesterday was probably the worst day i’ve had in years. i was so fucking sad i just wanted to die. or explode. i couldn’t do anything but sit in my chair facing the corner and try not to break down in this horrible beige box full of people who couldn’t possibly comprehend how much walter meant to me.
thank you all so much for your kind words, it means a lot to me that you all cared enough to take some time to offer condolences and support.
part of me feels ridiculous to be so affected by the loss of a pet i haven’t lived with in almost seven years, but then i slap that part and remind myself that walter is, was, the closest thing i’ve ever had, or probably ever will have, to a child of my own. i love, loved, him so much it’s almost obscene. as the years went by of my only seeing him when i visited mom and his growing distance from me (he’d never been a social cat by any stretch of the imagination, but he and i were very close) saddened me, but i understood.
he was my baby. the little four-week old kitten who fit in the palm of my hand. the tiny, fuzzy tabby which was given to me as a birthday present, complete with ribbons tied around his neck. someone to love, to help fill the void left when my previous cat, spud, passed away. the kitten who would fetch, eat pineapple, fit under the door into the pantry, knew exactly what to do with the litter the first time, watch tv, hide from everyone but mom & i, roll up into a hedgehog ball when you picked him up to clip his claws, stoically put up with endless baths because he never really learned how to wash himself properly, and always come to bed with me at night and purr me to sleep.
all that being said, i’m feeling a little lighter of spirit and i’m ready to face the world again today. i know that walter would have wanted it that way. =)
of course we understand, honey. at least some of us do. and there’s nothing nothing nothing ridiculous about loving him so much it hurts. animals love you unconditionally. 99.9% of humans never do that.
and yes, he would want you to be happy. but take as much time as you need. *hug*
keep hanging in there…and talking about it. i loved hearing all the things he did. made me miss him too.
hugs
I think almost anyone who has lost a pet would understand how you could be crushed by this. Pets become a part of our families. Of course it’s going to hurt like hell when something happens to them.
*more hugs*
I hadn’t lived with our family cat for eight years–we brought her home when I was in junior high and she stayed at home when I permenantly moved out in the middle of college–and what you describe is similar to my situation: my kitty was my baby, and we sort of grew up together. As an only child, I also kinda feel like she was a sibling of mine.
Like you, my next day of work was hard. I didn’t understand it, either, and I felt sad and weird at the same time. People asked, I told them, for what it was worth. But things gradually became easier. Hang in there. You two had a wonderful relationship and you made his world better because of it.
here i am sliding in late! *big hugs* me, you, dinner, what do ya say?
I know of some jerks who don’t understand what it means to lose a pet (for example, the guy I soon dumped after I had to put my Samantha down 2 years ago). But in my experience, those who knew me best were incredibly supportive, and I see that you’ve got a good group of friends.
I’ve met quite a few people who have lost pets and mourned them, yet belittled themselves or their grief because they considered such feelings to be silly. My stepmother grieved for her cat Cordelia for a long time, and tried to make sense of why she was upset (i.e. “Am I projecting my grief about my brother dying a few years back?”) rather than just accept it as grief for a pet. I’m glad that you’re aware of your feelings towards Walter, because I think it’s healthier. Plus, you’re giving the kitty the respect he deserves for being an important part of your life.
I hope this doesn’t sound too preachy. Take care.