obligations

it took me a good fifteen minutes to decide if i was going to come into work today. i wrenched my back on monday morning and i’ve been kind of gimpy ever since. it’s not debilitating, but it is just ouchy enough so i’m not 100% confident i can do the more physical parts of my job without aggravating it. so, i spent the morning debating between staying home bed-resting or sitting my ass in my chair at work and getting paid. i opted for the latter, but every time it twinges i think i made the wrong decision.
christopher and jen came over last night to watch yojimbo after their afternoon wandering around in the heat and eating nachos & drinking beer. first, christopher fell asleep while jen and i were talking, then jen was doing that head-droopy thing during the movie. gee, thanks for making me feel like such a scintilating hostess, guys!
tonight, i’m going out to dinner with my papa. i think we’ll be discussing going to my aunt’s 70th birthday party in thunder bay, ontario (well, nearby in kakabeka falls, to be accurate) in july. i actually have that week off work for my birthday, so the only thing holding me back from going is paying for it. oh, and the idea of going away instead of relaxing at home hanging out with my friends and christopher during my time away from work.
i’m starting to become really resentful of all the going away on long weekends i do. i love my mom, i really do, but now that i have things to do and people to spend time with, i would like to enjoy my long weekends doing that, or even just bumming around doing nothing if i so chose. instead, i sit on mom’s green couch and think about all the stuff i could be doing if i were at home. then i feel guilty for rather being somewhere else when mom’s so happy to have me there for a couple days every month or so. it all serves to have me come home more stressed than when i left, which is no good at all.
i need to start buying more lottery tickets so i can win my way to enough financial freedom so i have more time for all the things i want to do which, hopefully, should make the things i need to do feel less onerous and soul-sucking.